Pillars of Sand
by ThisIsMyGuise
Summary: I was just going to have to get used to the agonising pain and heartache. It was going to be constantly there. It would stalk me, pierce my heart and let my blood spurt out of its veins, every time I had to see him. Even a person as stubborn as I was, couldn't force him to love me like I loved him.
1. Chapter 1

**AN: Okay, so, where to begin? The start is probably the best idea. Well, I'm Nikki. I'm a 19 year old Creative Writing and English student, so I like to think my writing is pretty good, though this is my first attempt at writing a VA fanfic. It starts just after the **_**'love fades, mine has'**_** debacle, and well, you better read on to find out more...**

**Disclaimer: I DO NOT OWN VA!**

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His words had me cornered in the dark room; those four syllables were hounding me down, mocking my weak form as I sat huddled on the floor, attempting to control the violent shudders and shakes that had possessed my body. Tears streamed down my face as his words – so simple, yet so devastatingly destructive – haunted my mind, refusing to give me a minute's peace. _Love fades. Mine has._ If the situation had been different – if it hadn't been aimed at me – I probably would have laughed at him and his obscure, poetic words. But it had been aimed at me, and there was nothing I could do to soften the pain and agony that was heaving through my veins.

I had exited the church, not wanting to give him the satisfaction of seeing the pain that he was responsible for. The tears were threatening to fall, but I furiously blinked them back. Dimitri and the other guardians may have their stoic, expressionless masks, but I was Rose Hathaway. So instead of crumbling into a mess, and instead of wiping all feeling off of my face, I simply forced a bright smile, using the brazen facade that I was so well-known for and pretended like I just didn't care.

I wanted to call him a liar, a coward, a bastard. I wanted to hit him, make him hurt like he hurt me. But in the end, I just ran away instead, feeling the onslaught of overwhelming emotion nearing. I ran through Court, not caring about the curious glances being thrown my way.

I had hurtled into my room, making sure to lock my door in the process, not wanting anyone to disturb my complete and utter heartbreak. It felt like his words were wrapping themselves around my neck, strangling the life out of me.

I sighed, banging my head against the wall in frustration. For once, it would be nice if life gave me a break. For once, it would be nice if things went to plan. But apparently the world was out to get me, because once again, I was left hurt and heartbroken.

Gradually, as time seeped by, my tears started to dry; the only evidence of their existence was the trails of desiccated salt trailing down my face. My legs – tucked under the weight of my body – began to throb gently, protesting about their awkward position. In fact, my entire body ached; tension was coiled in my neck, in my shoulders, although I was unsure whether it was the emotional or physical pain that was to blame.

All I wanted to do was disappear into oblivion. All I wanted was for the pain to go away. All I wanted was for Dimitri to love me, like I loved him.

But I got none of my wishes. I was a Guardian; I couldn't just disappear because I had responsibilities, and therefore running away simply wasn't an option for me. I was just going to have to get used to the agonising pain and heartache. It was going to be constantly there. It would stalk me, pierce my heart and let my blood spurt out of its veins, every time I had to see him. Even a person as stubborn as I was, couldn't force him to love me like I loved him. And I would see him; it was inevitable if I was to be Lissa's Guardian.

_Lissa. _Through the bond I would feel that she was looking for me. And that she was pretty irritated at me for daring to talk to Dimitri. I sighed, slowly standing up as my bones creaked in objection at the sudden movement. I stretched, hearing my bones crack as I attempted to put life back into my broken body.

I couldn't deal with her, not at the moment. All I wanted was to crawl up in a pit of despair, but it seemed like Lissa was hell-bent on finding me. I could sense that she was already on her way over here to have it out with me, and I couldn't deal with any more abuse today. I was battered and broken, and all the fight had evaporated out of me.

I made my way out of my room. My safest bet in avoiding Lissa was to keep on moving. I quickly jogged out of the building, quickly checking in on Liss to make sure I didn't accidently run into her during my escape. Luckily for me, she was on the other side on Court, causing me to sigh in relief.

I loved Lissa like she was my sister, but recently I was beginning to see a side of her that I wasn't all that keen on. I did everything I could to make sure she was alright – even taking away the spirit that darkened her mood. I made sure that she wasn't just physically safe; I made sure that she was emotionally and mentally safe as well.

And sure, I was a dhampir and she was a moroi and it was my job, my responsibility, to protect her, but we were also supposed to be best friends. And best friends were supposed to look out for each other. I looked out for Lissa, but recently, she wasn't exactly looking out for me. In fact, it seemed like she was more interested in criticising me than being my friend.

It was drizzling outside, and a part of me thought about turning back and grabbing a jacket, but I didn't want to waste any more time and chance bumping into Lissa. Water droplets fell from the sky, soaking me instantly, but I barely batted an eyelid. Too much had happened today for me to care about something as mundane as being wet. And even I couldn't deny that the weather was fitting for my miserable mood.

Instead, I jogged to one of the many ornate buildings that littered the streets of Court, ducking into the door. Inside, the foyer was dark, with oil lamps giving off a soft glow. The air was thick and musty. I peered around curiously, wondering what building I had walked in to, and if I was even allowed to be in there. The vast books covering the walls hinted that I had stumbled into the library, and yet again, I found myself sighing in relief. There was no reason Lissa would look for me in here, mainly because there was no reason – other than hiding from my best friend – for me being it here.

I walked through the maze of books that towered over me, finding a nice, quiet corner where I could actually attempt to come to terms of what had happened.

Dimitri apparently no longer loved me. He didn't want anything to do with me. All he wanted was to protect Lissa. Protecting Lissa should have been my number one priority as well, but at this moment in time, that was the last thing on my mind. I wanted to make him love me. I wanted to force him to love me. But I couldn't do that. Even if I was a moroi, and could use compulsion like Lissa did, I couldn't make him. It would be a lie.

And I was sick of living a life of lies.

I had two options. I had to get over Dimitri, and fast. Or I could request a new moroi for me to guard. I couldn't see any other alternative. I couldn't pretend that I wasn't hurting inside. For the last few years, I had been pretending, and I was tired of saying "I'm fine", when I obviously wasn't. I was sick of pushing my own feelings aside for the sake of others. I couldn't repress my emotions anymore. They were so raw, rushing to the surface, about to burst through my battered and bruised skin.

"Rose?"

The sound of someone calling my name awoke me from my thoughts, and for one horrific moment, I thought Lissa had finally found me and was going to lecture me on pushing Dimitri too far. To me relief though, it was just Tasha Ozera. And for once, I was actually a little happy to see her.

"Hey," I said meekly, indicating her to take a seat in the armchair opposite the one I was currently crawled up in. She sat down, placing a couple of books on the table in front of her, her eyes cautious as she took in my appearance. A blush burned ferociously on my cheeks. I looked a mess. I knew I did. My hair was straggly, my clothes soaked. And my face had been stained with too many tears.

"Lissa's looking for you," Tasha told me, causing a wave of guilt to surge through my veins, though I quickly fought those feelings off. All I wanted was to suffer my agonising humiliation in my own company. What I didn't want was for Lissa to tell me how selfish I was being, approaching Dimitri. I couldn't deal with her stern telling off, not today.

"I know," I replied, tapping myself on the head. My voice was scratchy, sounding foreign to my own ears, forcing me to realise how incredibly thirsty I was. In my heartache, I had completely forgotten about dinner. The thought of food made my stomach churn violently, but I was really beginning to crave a drink to cool the dehydrated planes of my throat.

"You're hiding from her?" Tasha guessed, causing me to nod. Disapproval glinted in her eyes for a second, and I sat up straight, my posture stiff, ready to argue my side. I knew that Tasha and I would never be friends, but I needed people on my side. I needed someone to back me up for a change.

"Lissa wants to yell at me. And I'm not exactly in the mood to be yelled at," I explained slowly as exhaustion began to creep silently upon me. It wasn't just physical tiredness. I was so tired of it all. I was tired on Lissa. I was tired of Dimitri. I was oh so tired of this life and every blow it threw my way.

To my surprise, Tasha smiled. Her face, though mangled by scars, lightened up as she did so. "Fair enough," she told me, quickly glancing down at her watch. "Are you okay?" Tasha asked, her voice full of concern. Once again, I felt guilty. I had done nothing but judge this woman. I had done nothing but be horrible about her, and I hadn't exactly done that with subtlety. And here she was, being nice to me, even when my best friend wanted to rip me to shreds.

"I'm fine," I told her, wincing at my words. It was a lie; I was far from fine, but there was nothing that could be done to heal my wounds. Dimitri didn't want me. I had to deal with that if I was to be Lissa's guardian.

Tasha frowned, obviously not believing my weak lie. "Are you sure? I mean, I have a meeting to go to, but I can cancel if you want?"

"I'm fine," I repeated, this time my voice a little firmer, a little stronger. Maybe if I said it for long enough, I would start believing it. "Go to your meeting. I don't want to make you late."

"Only if you're positive," Tasha said, getting up as I nodded. She smiled and said goodbye, leaving me to watch her as she retreated to the outside world.

Even though I was so tired and exhausted, and even though it felt like someone had plunged their hand into my chest, their sharp nails clawing at my beating lungs, making it hard for me to breathe, I felt bad for hating her. Even when I thought she was the enemy, I couldn't deny she was pretty cool. I also couldn't deny that we were extremely similar. Both of us fought hard. Both of us would do anything for those we cared about. And now, both of us had been rejected by Dimitri Belikov.

I shot up out of the chair, my neck creaking at my sudden movement, and ran through the library, not caring about the annoyed looks being thrown my way by ancient moroi. I had to catch up with Tasha. I had to talk to her.

I found her on the steps outside the library, searching the depths of her bag for an umbrella as the downpour continued. I grabbed her arm, causing her to look up in surprise.

"Did you mean it?" I demanded, my voice a little louder than usual, trying to fight the noisy dripping of rain for priority. "Did you mean it when you said you wanted me to be your guardian?"

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**AN: And on that note, I am ending the first chapter there. So yeah, I hope you enjoyed reading this so far, because I'm having a blast writing it. Next update should be at the end of this week, if I have time. Otherwise, it's going to be a while because I'm away on holiday for the next two weeks, so yeah. Thanks for reading, and please, if you have time, review!**


	2. Chapter 2

Paranoia seeped in as soon as I left the Guardian Headquarters. It felt like everyone was looking at me, judging me. It felt like everyone knew what I had done. The rain had settled down, and now only puddles remained as I attempted to manoeuvre my way through Court without getting my uniform wet. After talking to Tasha, I had headed back to my room to change into my Guardian uniform, intent on getting the job done. I wanted the senior Guardians to know that I was serious about my request. I wanted to make sure that I got what I wanted, for once.

I quickly walked through Court, keeping my head down and refusing to look anyone in the eye. A part of me felt bad. A part of me felt worse than bad. I felt awful about what I had just done. I felt awful about what I was about to do. But I didn't have any other choice. I couldn't suffer any longer. I couldn't hide the pain and grief any longer. I just hoped Lissa would understand.

I checked in with her through the bond, trying to figure out where she was. I needed to talk to her; I needed to explain; I needed her to understand. She was in a coffee shop with Christian, not far from where I was, so I started to walk over there. I didn't exactly want to speak to her with an audience, but maybe it was for the best. At least Christian would be able to comfort her. At least she couldn't yell at me too much in front of a crowd. And at least Dimitri wasn't there; a silver lining in a stormy rain cloud.

My pace was slow, as I dragged my feet along, dreading having to break the dreadful news to her. All I wanted to do was to go back to my room and hold my very own pity party. The comfort of my duvet was trying to seduce me, but I couldn't be a coward. Not for the second time today, at least.

All too soon, I found myself standing outside the cafe, watching Lissa and Christian talking. I was happy that the two of them seemed to be back on track; though Christian annoyed me to no end, he and Lissa were meant to be. I smiled sadly, knowing that I would miss them both terribly. But there was nothing else to be done. I had to leave. It was the only way I would be able to keep my sanity.

I pushed the door open, the bell dinging as I did so, announcing my presence. I cringed as everybody in the coffee shop looked up at me, Lissa included. Her green eyes darkened ever so slightly as she spotted me, but that was the only outward sign of her annoyance. The swirl of violent emotion hurtling towards me through the bond told a different story. Lissa was ready to rip me to shreds.

I sighed heavily, attempting to calm the erratic beating of my heart, and walked towards my friends. Christian glared at me as I sat down, obviously not impressed with the effect I was having on his girlfriend, but I just ignored him and turned my attention to Lissa.

"Hey," I said, trying to be nonchalant about it, but my voice sounded cracked and hoarse as I forced a smile.

Lissa just raised her eyebrow, causing me to wince ever so slightly and remember the reason why I was doing this. Causing me to remember the person responsible for making me do this.

"I've been trying to find you," she replied, her voice terrifyingly serene as she took a sip from her coffee.

"Sorry," I apologised meekly, "I've been busy." Guilt surged through my body for lying to her, but I tried to reason with myself; it was only a white-lie. In fact, it wasn't a lie at all, not really. I was busy – busy avoiding her.

"I know. You've been busy talking to Dimitri, even though I told you not to," Lissa said, all polite pretences flying out of the door as her voice got harder and stronger. She placed her cup harshly on the table; the liquid splashing out and tainting the pristine table. "I can't believe you're that selfish, Rose. You know things have been hard for Dimitri, and yet you still have to go cause a scene. "

My body tensed as I listened to her accusations. My smile had long ceased to exist. Even though I knew this was coming, I still couldn't believe what I was hearing. Just because she was a princess didn't mean I had to do as she said. I wasn't her Guardian yet – and I wouldn't be for a long time – so she had no right to expect me to follow her senseless orders. I was supposed to be her friend, not her subject.

"I had to talk to him, Liss," I told her, my voice exasperated. Even though I had tried to explain my relationship with Dimitri to her, I doubted she properly understood. She just saw me as a reckless, fickle girl who liked to flirt. I doubted she even thought I was capable of love.

"No, you just wanted to cause a scene. And congratulations Rose, you managed it," Lissa harshly replied, her tone venomous. All I could do was stare at the girl who I used to call my best friend, my sister. The person in front of me wasn't the Lissa I knew; the old Lissa would have asked me if I was okay, asked me if I wanted to watch a chick flick with a tub of ice cream for company. The girl in front of me ... well, I was starting to think that she was as conceited as the other royals.

I quickly glanced at Christian, but he seemed more interested at staring at his coffee cup intently to get involved in our conversation. Though they had gotten back together, I knew things weren't completely perfect between the pair, and I knew that having Dimitri follow Lissa round like a lost puppy was hard for Christian, but it didn't look like he was going to voice his opinion on the matter.

"I had a right to talk to him. I went to Russia for him. I risked my life for him," I reminded her, balling my fists up in frustration. My voice was getting louder, and I knew the people around us were straining their ears, trying to listen in on our conversation, so I took a deep breath, trying to calm myself. "I just wanted to talk to him," I repeated, though my voice was a lot quieter and softer than before.

"This isn't about you though, Rose. It's about Guardian Belikov and his feelings," Lissa replied, still glaring at me as she ran her fingers through her hair in frustration.

"It is about me though," I shouted, slamming my fists down onto the table, causing a sharp stinging pain to shoot up my arm. I winced, though not from the pain. Silence had fallen on the room and everybody was looking at us, probably wondering why some lowly dhampir was shouting at their beloved Princess Vasilisa.

"No, it isn't. He's hurting, and he needs time," Lissa whispered slowly, aware of the audience we had gained. Though her voice was quieter, it was harder and harsher than I had ever heard it before.

"I'm hurting too. But no one seems to care about how I'm feeling," I admitted, my voice just as quiet as Lissa's, though considerably less harsh. I looked down at the table, my messy hair falling from my head and covering my face. How had we come to this? We were best friends, and here we were, arguing in public. I barely recognised the girl sat opposite me. And that hurt almost as much as Dimitri's revelation that he no longer loved me.

"God Rose, why do you have to be so selfish all the time?" Lissa asked, causing me to slowly lift my head and look her in the eyes. As I saw the hatred and the disgust flit through the emerald speckles, I knew I had made the right choice. I knew that if I stayed, things would only get worse. Things would only get messier.

During my time in Russia, we both had changed. There was now an undeniable crevasse between us, and I didn't know how to fill the gap. I didn't know if I wanted to fill the gap.

I took a deep breath, knowing full well that what I was about to say would be the final straw. My revelation was going to destroy the last remaining parts of my friendship with Lissa.

"I'm leaving," I said quickly, not breaking eye contact with her.

A blank canvas fell on Lissa's face as she comprehended my words whilst Christian shifted in his seat. "What?" he asked, speaking for the first time since I had entered the coffee shop. Lissa was still staring, so I turned to face him.

"I'm leaving," I repeated again, watching as Christian shook his head, as if that would convince me to change my mind. "Tasha asked me to be her Guardian, and I said yes," I explained.

"Tasha, as in my Aunt Tasha?" Christian asked. I nodded, too tired to talk as I started to begin to feel the effects of the long day.

"You don't even like Tasha." The sound of Lissa's accusation filled voice made me jump slightly, and I turned back to face her.

"I do like her. And I found out today that I actually have a lot in common with her," I offered, though the look of utter disbelief on Lissa's face suggested that nothing I said was going to convince her.

"You can't guard Tasha. You're my Guardian," she said defiantly, her bottom lip jutting out.

I shook my head again, "No, I'm not. I've already talked to the Guardians about it. It's official. I'm Tasha Ozera's Guardian."

"No. You can't do this," Lissa said, her voice firm as she looked me in the eye, willing me to do as she said. Willing me to become her Guardian. I looked at her. I looked at my best friend. Though we had drifted apart, her face was crumbling as she tried to hold herself together, and I started to doubt my decision. Maybe I was wrong. Maybe I should stay. Maybe I should guard Lissa.

"NO! Do not use compulsion on me, Lissa. I'm your friend. You can't just force me to do what you want," I spat out; annoyed that she would even think about using her magic on me. Did she seriously think it would work? Did she seriously think that forcing me against my wishes would make everything okay?

"Why can't I? I'm a royal Moroi. I can do what I want!" Lissa replied. I stared at her in shock, not believing what I had just heard her say. The look of horror on Lissa's face suggested that she couldn't believe what she had just said either. "Rose, please..." she begged, trying to start again as tears starting to well in her eyes. Her lip trembled as she tried to fight the onslaught of emotions.

I shook my head, before getting up. There was nothing she could say. There was nothing she could do to make me stay. The rift between us was too deep, too far. If we tried to jump across, we'd only fall and get hurt. There was nothing to do but let the chasm take over.

"I guess this is goodbye," I said, my voice breaking as the tears threatened to fall down my face, drowning me. Lissa shook her head, her tears freely falling.

Closing my eyes so I didn't have to see Lissa look so distraught and so broken, I turned around and walked out the door, breathing in the fresh air as soon as I got outside. I walked around the corner, sagging against the wall as soon as no one could see me, and let the tears take control of me once again.

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**AN: And that is the second chapter done and dusted. I hope I got the right tone across; I've never really written anything like this before, so I'm not sure if it has the right about of emotion in it, but I think it works. And I like to think I'm always right. Anywho, thanks for reading, and please, if you have time, review!**

**Disclaimer: I DO NOT OWN VA!**


	3. Chapter 3

As soon as I got to my room, I collapsed ungracefully into a heap on the bed, falling asleep almost instantly, though my slumber was quickly interrupted by an all too familiar face.

"Adrian, I'm not in the mood," I warned him, as soon as I felt my grey and gloomy dreams shift and change into a bright and colourful room. He was lounging on a sofa, a lazy smile appearing on his face as he took in my appearance. Grimacing, I looked down, hoping he hadn't decided to dress me in anything too revealing. I was too tired and too worn out to chastise him tonight.

To my relief though, I was wearing denim shorts and a red tank top; sure, the shorts were resting high on my thighs, and the top showed off quite a lot of cleavage, but it was better than a clingy dress or a bikini. Sighing, I walked over to where Adrian was sitting, knowing that I had to tell him my news before anyone else did; knowing that I was going to be responsible for destroying his trademark smile.

"Hey," Adrian said to me, ignoring my warning, grabbing my hand as I lowered myself onto the seat. "I haven't seen you around today. I missed you," he admitted, bringing my hand up to his lip and kissing it, causing me to roll my eyes at his cheesy romantic ways.

"Yeah, I've just been sorting some stuff out," I replied, gently removing my hand from his and resting it on my own lap. The gesture didn't go unnoticed by Adrian, who raised his eyebrow but said nothing more about it. I sighed, shifting uncomfortably in my seat. Was I the only person who was unable to raise their eyebrow?

"Yeah, like what?" he asked, genuinely interested in what I had been up to today. I grimaced, feeling like the worse person alive. I wished so badly that like Dimitri, my love had faded for him. Adrian was a great guy; I was so lucky that he wanted to be with me. I was so lucky that he wanted me. I was so lucky that he loved me. And maybe, maybe one day I could, possibly, feel the same way. But at the moment, I was a complete mess. I didn't know what I wanted. I didn't know who I wanted. And it wasn't fair on Adrian to pretend otherwise.

I gulped, trying to calm my nerves as I looked everywhere but Adrian's face. Bile started to rise as I cursed myself for having to ruin the hopes and dreams Adrian was desperately clinging to, forcing me to wonder if it was possible for me to physically be sick in my dream. "Not much," I lied, feeling awful about it but I needed to buy myself some time. I needed to think about how to word it. Whatever I said would hurt Adrian, I realised that, but I had to try to numb the pain as much as I possibly could.

"Okay," Adrian said, stretching the two syllables out, frowning slightly as he looked at me. "Are you okay Rose?"

"I'm fine," that all too familiar lie tumbled out of my mouth before I could even process what he had said. I cursed mentally, hating myself for lying. Lately it seemed all I did whilst talking to Adrian was revert to lying. "No, I'm not," I quickly said, quickly glancing at his worried face, "I'm not fine."

"What's the matter?" he asked, grabbing hold of my hand once again, giving it a light squeeze in reassurance.

I pursed my lips, trying to find the words that were currently failing me. There was no easy way to tell him I was leaving. I couldn't pretend otherwise. Dragging the matter out wouldn't help either. It would just prolong his suffering. I turned to face him, taking in his appearance. He looked the same as he always did; his green eyes shone brightly and his brown hair was styled to perfection. He was the same great guy he had always been, and it killed me that I couldn't reciprocate his feelings for me.

"I talked to Dimitri today," I admitted, looking down at the floor. His thumb, which had been rubbing comforting circles on the back of my hand, froze as he comprehended my words.

"Oh," was all he managed to say, but that one word me feel like I had just ripped out his heart and repeatedly stamped on it. "What did you guys talk about?" he asked after a couple of seconds ticked by. His voice was quiet, as if he was trying to hide the hurt that was evident in his voice. I winced, knowing that things were only going to get worse for him; knowing that it was my entire fault. I was entirely to blame for causing him this pain.

It was my turn to be silent. I didn't exactly want to relive the horrors of my conversation with Dimitri, but after everything I had put Adrian though, I owed him the truth. "He told me he no longer loved me," I admitted, looking up and meeting his eyes. A wave of emotions flitted through them; relief, happiness, sadness.

"Oh," he repeated again, trying to figure out what to do with this information. Trying to figure out what this information meant for us.

"Talking to him made me realise that everything has changed between us. We – me, you, Dimitri, Lissa, hell, even Christian – have gone through so much, and it's changed us all. We were stupid and naive to think that it wouldn't," I explained, getting up from the sofa to pace around the room.

I looked around at my surroundings; the room was light and colourful, and a cool sea breeze filtered in through the open window, causing the white linen curtains to dance to a gentle tune. Outside, I could see luscious, golden sand, illuminated by the sun, and the vivid, brilliantly blue ocean. I closed my eyes, a pang of despair entering my body. This house was beautiful. Everything it represented was beautiful. Everything is offered was beautiful. The house was Adrian. It was beautiful and open, and had possibilities of a great future.

But at this moment in time, I didn't know what I wanted, or what I needed, other than space and time. This house, no matter how beautiful, wouldn't manage to seduce me. It wouldn't get me to stay, no matter the vast amount of promises it offered.

I turned around to face Adrian, who was watching me expectantly. Even though I hadn't uttered the words yet, I felt like we both knew what I was about to say. We both knew what I was about to do; I was going to ruin this tranquil dream.

"I'm going away for a bit," I told him, my words were garbled and jumbled as I ejected them quickly from my mouth; their remnants left a bitter taste behind. I watched Adrian as he took in my words; watched as the penny slowly dropped; watched as a light went out and his face tumbled into darkness.

"I'm not sure what I'm supposed to say to that," he admitted after a moment of deliberation. He got up slowly, grabbing my hands once more, encasing them in his. "Why?" he asked, holding onto me tightly.

"I need to get away. I need to clear my head. Tasha asked me to be her Guardian, and I said yes," I tried to explain as excuse after excuse fell out of my mouth. "After everything that has happened, I think it's for the best. We've all changed so much. I barely recognise Lissa anymore. I barely even recognise myself. All I want is for things to go back to how they were, when everything was going so well, but it'll never be the same again. So what's the point of sticking around and fighting something that will inevitable end up getting so bad that we just don't talk anymore?"

Adrian stared at me – stared deep into me – and listened to my outburst. He sighed, his shoulders sagging, as he closed in the space between our bodies. He leaned in, resting his forehead against mine and placing a chaste kiss upon my lips.

"We both know that's a lie. You're going because you love Belikov; you always have and you probably always will do. And I respect that. I do. You said you'd give us a chance, and you have. You stuck by your word, Rose. You always do. I can't resent you for that. I can't hate you for that. It just sucks. All of this sucks," he said, taking a step back and running his hand through his hair, pulling at it slightly in frustration.

"I wish I could just turn off my feelings for him, Adrian. I wish I could be fully committed to you, because I care for you so much. But at the moment I don't know what I want. I don't know who I want, and it's not fair to string you along whilst I make up my mind," I replied, my eyes welling up. I didn't think it was possible to cry anymore. All I had done today was cry. First because of Dimitri, and then Lissa, and now because of Adrian. They were probably the three people I cared most about in the world, and I was running away. I was running away from them.

"You have made up your mind though. You care for me. You love Belikov; you didn't deny it," Adrian told me, taking yet another step back; the distance of us becoming greater and greater. I wanted him near to me; I wanted to feel his body pressed up to mine, but I couldn't be that selfish. I wouldn't be that selfish. "Crap happens, Rose. I get that. I do. And it looks like this time I've pulled the short straw."

"Adrian-" I started, but he quickly cut me off.

"No. No more excuses. I get it. I understand, kind of. You're my friend Rose. You're probably my best friend. And I know how hard it must have been to hear that _bastard_ tell you he didn't love you. He's an idiot. He doesn't deserve you or your love. I understand that you need to go away. I understand that you need to think. And I understand that you need to heal," he said, stepping towards me again and pulling me into a hug. His body heat was a comfort, and I sagged against his form, relieved that I hadn't completely destroyed our friendship. I knew things between us wouldn't be the same, but at least I could count on him. At least I could call him my friend.

"I'm going to miss you so much," I admitted, unable to control the stream of tears that fell from my eyes, trickling down my face.

"And I'm going to miss you, Little Dhampir," he replied, bringing his hand to my face and wiping the tears away with his thumb.

I smiled sadly, feeling the pull of darkness dragging me away from my dreams. Dragging me away from Adrian. The picture started to fade, and Adrian attempted to smile, though it looked more like a painful grimace, before kissing me lightly on the top of my head, before disappearing.

Everything went black as I was left alone in the isolation of my slumber.

**AN: And that is another chapter done and dusted! I am on fire; I mean, three chapters in four days...that's pretty impressive, even if I do say so myself. So, this chapter was actually supposed to go in a different direction, but the scene with Adrian just grew and grew, and so I changed my plans =] I'm pretty pleased with myself how this turned out, and even though I'm not a big Rose/Adrian fan, a part of me did feel like changing the coupling of this story after I wrote this...but then I came to my senses, so don't worry. Eventually it will be Rose/Dimitri. Anyway, I guess I really like the chemistry between Rose and Adrian, even if I do just see them as being friends. Anywho, I wanted to say a massive thank you for everyone who has reviewed so far; your comments inspire me to want to write more awesome chapters, so thank you!**

**Disclaimer: I DO NOT OWN VA!**


	4. Chapter 4

I walked through Court, just having finished having breakfast with my mom. She hadn't been too impressed, to say the least, when I told her I was leaving to guard Tasha, but there was nothing she could do, nothing she could say, to convince me otherwise. It was no secret that Janine didn't like Tasha Ozera. The whole thing with the dress back at the ski lodge, all those months ago, proved it, as well as the fact that Tasha was possibly as outspoken as I was, but eventually my mother, after a good half hour of trying to get me to change my mind, admitted defeat.

"It's your life; it's your mistake," she had said, just as we were settling the bill. She gave me an awkward, one armed hug, telling me to "keep safe," before quickly coming to her senses and straightening up, briskly walking off soon after. I wasn't expecting anything more than her. Sure, we were getting on better than we ever had, but at the end of the day, she was Janine Hathaway; her priority would always be her charge, not her daughter.

As I walked, I could feel myself being dragged into Lissa's head, her despair pulling at me, clawing at me. I quickly found a bench, knowing that I would lose my bearings in a matter of seconds, sitting down just in time to be completely hauled into Lissa's conscience.

She was sat in her room, accompanied by Christian and Dimitri, wondering what she could do to stop me from going. She was wondering what she had done to make me want to go in the first place. Biting her bottom lip, Lissa was lost in thought, trying to find a way to convince me to stay. She looked over at Dimitri, wondering if she should tell him to give her some space, just for a little bit, as she tried to salvage the remnants of her friendship with me, but she shook her head, knowing that it would only end badly for Guardian Belikov. It would seem like she was throwing him out. It would seem that she didn't trust him. And at this moment in time, she was the only one he had. She needed to be there for him. She needed to help him.

"Are you okay, Princess?" Dimitri asked, catching her looking at him; worry seizing control of his facial features. She nodded in response, wondering if she should tell him about my imminent departure.

Dimitri didn't look like he believed her, but before he could say any more on the matter; someone began knocking on the door, interrupting him.

Lissa smile apologetically, noting that Guardian Belikov was about to open his mouth, and went to answer the door.

"Hi, Adrian," she said, frowning as she took in the appearance of the older Moroi. Adrian's clothes were dishevelled and creased, and the dark rings, almost blue on his pallid, hollow face, indicated that he hadn't gotten much sleep. "Are you okay?" she asked, opening the door further and allowing him to enter the room, trying not to gag at the stench of alcohol that clung desperately to his form.

"No," he said bluntly, barging into the room. "No, I'm not. Rose is leaving, and it's all his fault," he spat, pointing furiously at Dimitri.

"Come on in," Christian muttered darkly, getting up and standing next to Lissa, wrapping a protective arm around her waist. She stared at Dimitri, trying to see through the Guardian mask that had locked itself into place on his face, trying to detect any sign of emotion, but seeing none. Maybe she had judged the situation wrongly, again. Maybe she should have stopped worrying and just told Dimitri what was happening as soon as she found out, instead of trying to think of a way to soften the blow.

Realising that he wasn't going to get a response from Dimitri, Adrian spun round, wobbling slightly as he turned on his heel, facing Lissa. "You're awfully quiet," he accused Lissa, steadying himself against the wall.

"What do you want me to say?" Lissa asked meekly, inching closer to Christian, wishing to hide behind his form. She couldn't deal with Adrian like this. She got that he was hurting, but there was no need to turn to alcohol. Drinking his problems away wouldn't solve anything.

"Maybe you should explain why you're spending time with him, when you should be with Rose," Adrian suggested, spitting out the words as if they were like venom.

Lissa closed her eyes, wishing all of this away. But when she opened them again, the scene had not changed. Christian was still looking at her with a worried expression, Adrian was full of hatred and accusations and Guardian Belikov was void of all emotion as he sat rigidly on the edge of his chair, ready to grab Adrian if he went too far. Ready to protect her. Ready to do anything for her.

"It's her life, Adrian. I don't have any control over it," Lissa replied, sagging gently as the truth of her words ripped her heart to shreds. There was nothing she could do. Using compulsion or using her royal status wouldn't help the matter. It would only make everything so much worse, and she realised now that it was a mistake for trying to think she could manipulate the situation; manipulate the outcome.

"And you; what do you have to say?" Adrian spun around once more to glare at Dimitri. His perfect face looked foreign with the anger he so passionately wore as he stared down at the dhampir. Dimitri was quiet for a moment, contemplating his answer.

"Maybe it's for the best," he offered slowly, his Russian accent lacing the words he uttered smoothly. He hung his head low, not looking Adrian in the eye, causing Lissa to note a twang of s_omething_ glinting in his eyes before completely disappearing.

"Maybe it's for the best?" Adrian repeated, tone incredulous, as if he couldn't quite believe Dimitri had dared to say such a thing. "Maybe it's for the best?" he asked again, before lunging at his opponent.

Lissa squealed in shock, watching Adrian punch Dimitri again and again; watching as the Guardian sat rigidly still, not even attempting to fight back. Not even attempting to defend himself.

"Christian, do something!" Lissa shouted, unable to cope with the violence playing out in front of her. She knew Adrian was bound to be upset over the matter, but using his fists? She couldn't comprehend such a thing. She couldn't condone such a thing.

Christian waited for Adrian to land a couple more blows before walking up to him with exaggerated slowness. He grabbed Adrian, prying him away from Dimitri, trying to keep the struggling Moroi as still as possible. As soon as there was enough safe distance between Adrian and Dimitri, Lissa rushed up to the latter, determined to see the damage caused by the attack. She was determined to cure the damage caused by the attack.

"Are you okay?" she asked worryingly, gently touching the fast-forming bruising appearing on the side of Guardian Belikov's head. He winced at her gentle touch, pulling back, away from her.

"I'm fine," he said, standing up. "I'm going to get some air."

"Let me heal you," Lissa begged, grabbing a hold of his arm, noting the blood swelling out of the broken skin just below his right eye. Other than a couple of cuts and bruises, he looked fine, but she knew Adrian, with his messy punches, must have caused some pain.

"I'm going to get some air," Dimitri repeated, yanking himself free from Lissa's grasp, before storming out of the room.

The cool breeze filtered through my lose hair, awakening me from Lissa's thoughts. I stayed sat down, not knowing if my shaky legs could cope with my body weight. I hated to admit it, but a part of me hoped, a part of me wished, that once Dimitri found out I was leaving, he would suddenly change his mind about not loving me. It made me feel cheap and it made me feel sick, but I would have probably happily agreed to stay if he asked me to.

But it didn't look like that was going to happen. "Maybe it's for the best," he had said, proving that he wasn't lying when he claimed his love for me had faded. He actually thought it was a good idea that I went. He actually wanted me to go. I nodded to myself, finally able to admit to myself that I had made the right decision. Leaving was the right decision. Staying around wasn't going to achieve anything. Dimitri didn't love me. I had to deal with that. I had to move on. And the only way I as going to achieve that was leaving.

I got up, my head spinning slightly, before walking over to Tasha's apartment. Though technically not her Guardian until we left Court, I wanted to see if there was anything she needed me to do.

It only took a few minutes to walk to her apartment. Like most royals not based at Court, she was currently being grudgingly housed near the centre of Court. I walked into the building, signed in, and then took the stairs two at a time, until I reached her third floor room.

I knocked on the door, hearing her shout "coming, coming," before revealing herself a few minutes later.

"Hey Rose, come on in," she said, ushering me inside her room. "Sorry for the mess, I'm just in the middle of packing," she smiled apologetically, indicating to the clothes currently strewn across the bed.

I laughed, instantly feeling a lot better in Tasha's company. "Trust me, I've seen worse. Usually in my own room," I admitted. Back at the Academy, I barely had any time to tidy in between classes and training, but seeing as I barely owned anything, my sparse belongings spent most of the time squashed in a corner. "Do you need any help?"

"That would be great, thanks. Could you put those clothes," she said, pointing to one particular pile, "in that box?" I nodded, getting straight to work. "I hate packing. No, that's a lie. I despise it. Have you gotten started on yours yet?" she asked, grabbing a suitcase and piling neatly folded shirts into it.

"Yeah, I got it done this morning," I replied. After my conversation with Adrian, sleep had evaded me, so I had decided to pack instead. We were due to leave tomorrow, and so I had wanted to get everything ready as quickly as possible. I didn't want to leave it to the last minute; if I wasn't ready, then I had an excuse to stay, and I wasn't sure if I would exploit that reasoning or not.

"I take it that you're all ready to go, then?" Tasha asked, zipping a full suitcase up and propping it up next to the door, with the rest of her bags. I nodded, not trusting my voice, and carried the box over to the door, taking initiative. "Thanks," she said, referring to the box. "That should be it," she said, looking around the now empty room. "I have a couple of meetings to attend in the morning, and then we can go home."

I paused, taking in her words. _Home_. Due to everything moving so fast, I had completely forgotten to ask where exactly Tasha lived. I knew she had a house outside of Court – hell, I knew she had her own business teaching defensive classes – but I had no idea where they were.

"This is probably a stupid question, but where exactly is 'home'?" I asked, feeling like the world's biggest idiot. Though I didn't care where I was going to live, it was important to know for my Guardian duties. I couldn't believe I hadn't bothered to ask earlier. I should have found out sooner. There were sanctions and protocols to put into place; if Tasha lived in the north, where the days were shorter and the nights were longer, then there was a higher risk of strigoi attacks. This was important, hey information, that as a Guardian, I should have already known.

"Portland, Maine," Tasha replied absentmindedly. "Hey, you want to grab some coffee?"

"Thanks, but I think I'm just going to go back to my room for a bit," I told her, the idea of leaving Court and moving all the way to Maine suddenly becoming daunting.

"If you change your mind about wanting to guard me – if you change your mind about leaving – I won't take it personally. I know it's a massive decision," Tasha said. I nodded, feeling numb, before making my excuses and leaving her apartment.

Changing my mind wasn't an option, I thought, stepping out into the night sky. Although leaving was going to be heartbreaking, for both me and my friends, I had to do it. I had to go. Staying here was only going to result in me slowly dying from heartache. If I wanted to survive, if I wanted to move on, I had to go. I had to go.

I started walking through Court, intent on getting to my room as quickly as possible, but the sound of an all too familiar voice calling my name, stopped me in my tracks.

* * *

**AN: Da da durh! And on that cliff hanger, I'm finishing the chapter there, mainly because I'm an evil person =] I know a lot of you guys were hoping for a scene between Rose and Dimitri, but I thought I'd prolong your suffering a little bit longer, just because I can =D Anywho, I hope you enjoyed this chapter. I feel that's it's a bit rushed, but I want to get as much written before I abandon you all for two weeks (hopefully I will have written the next chapter by Monday. If not, then you'll have to wait and see who the mystery voice is =D). Anyway, thank you to everybody who have reviewed, and thank you especially to Tatiana Belikova who is kindly beta-ing my chapters. **

**I think that is, so I shall leave you with this bombshell:**

**Disclaimer: I DO NOT OWN VA!**


	5. Chapter 5

"Rose, wait," a male voice called. My pace slowied, but didn't stop completely as I waited for the onslaught on insults and accusations to come flying my way.

"What do you want?" I asked in a bored tone, knowing what was to come. He was going to tell me that I was being childish; that I was being mean; that I was hurting Lissa.

He quickly caught up with me, breathing heavily from having to run across the courtyard to get to me, and I started to walk again, sighing in frustration and praying that he got the message that I didn't want to talk to him. Last time I had saw him, he wasn't exactly chatty, so I saw no reason why he had the sudden urge to talk to me.

"Lissa needs you; she needs her best friend," he said, grabbing hold of my arm to slow me as I tried to pull away. I looked at him, incredulous. This wasn't about Lissa and what she wanted and what she needed. This was about me; why didn't people seem to see that?

"Yeah, and I needed mine, but she wasn't there. I hate to break it to you, but we don't always get what we want," I told him, yanking my arm free from his grip and walking away. Why was everything always about Lissa? Why did everyone care so much about Lissa and her feelings? It was like I was completely irrelevant in all of this. It was like my feelings were completely irrelevant in all of this.

"Rose, don't go," he said, catching up with me once again as I rounded the corner, my building suddenly coming into sight. I couldn't wait to get inside and lock myself into my room. I couldn't wait to get in the shower and feel the hot steam loosening my stiff joints; feel the hot steam release my pent-up stress.

"Gee, Sparky, I think you may have managed to convince me to stay," I turned round to face Christian, my tone sarcastic and harsh. Did he really think that would work? Did he really think that no one had said that to me? That was all people were saying to me. And it wasn't going to work. I may be a lowly dhampir, but I did have a say in who I guarded. I did have a right to make my own decisions. "I'm leaving, and that's final," I told him, my voice firm, ending the conversation.

I got to my building, fishing my key out of my pocket and opened the door slightly, making sure that there wasn't enough room for him to follow me in, before slamming the door on his face. I sighed, breathing out the breath I had been desperately holding, and leant against the mahogany door, banging my head gently against the wood.

I walked up the stairs, too impatient to wait for the elevator. Tomorrow couldn't come quick enough for me. Tomorrow I'd be far away from all the drama that surrounded Court. Tomorrow I could start to slowly rebuild my life. Tomorrow, tomorrow, tomorrow.

Lost in thought, I didn't notice the person coming down the stairs until I walked into them. "Sorry," I apologised quickly, feeling like a complete idiot as our bodies collided. For someone who was supposed to be a Guardian, I wasn't exactly paying attention to by surroundings. I looked up, but instantly wished that I hadn't bothered, as I was met with the face belonging to the one person I wanted to see least.

Dimitri.

I closed my eyes, wishing for this terrible nightmare to be over, but there he was, standing right in front of me; towering right over me. He was looking at me intently, but didn't say anything, didn't acknowledge my apology. I looked up at him, trying to see any sign of emotion, but like always, his face was completely guarded.

Like always, his face was perfect. He was perfect. I mentally cursed; I shouldn't be allowing myself to think like this. I had to get over him, like he had gotten over me. I glanced at him quickly, relief seeping into my body as I noted that his eyes were chocolate brown, instead of the blood red they had been. In Russia, when he held me captive, it was those terribly cruel eyes that scared me the most. But now they were back to brown, and that was all that mattered. He was back, and that was all that mattered.

A part of me wondered why he was in here, in my building. Maybe he was looking for me, a more optimistic side of my psyche thought, but remembering his cutting words from earlier, quickly shot that thought down.

"Love fades. Mine has," he had said. "Maybe it's for the best," he had said.

He didn't want to see me. He didn't want to talk to me. It was just a coincidence that he was here, nothing more. I couldn't let myself read into the situation. If I did, then I was more likely to get my hopes up. If I did, then I was more likely to get hurt.

He opened his mouth, as if to say something, but I quickly cut him off. I couldn't deal with any more of his put downs or rejections. I couldn't deal any more with his cruel words.

"Excuse me," I muttered, pushing past him. Our bodies met again, but I ignored the tingle that ran up and down my spine, and carried on walking, not daring to look back.

I practically ran up the remaining flights of stairs, slamming my door shut and locking it. I didn't know what this was supposed to mean. I didn't think I wanted to know what this was supposed to mean. I sighed, cursing out loud. I shouted swear word after swear word, trying to release some of the anger that desperately clawed to me, trying to rid myself of the anger and the hatred and the hurt.

* * *

The radio buzzed gently as we sat in the car. Tasha was driving, her eyes focussed on the road, focussed on driving. I sat next to her, my eyes focussed on the road as well, looking out for possible threats. Looking out for possible strigoi attacks. There was no reason for me to be on edge; through the tinted windows, the sun shone brightly in the sky, and that should have relaxed me. The sun represented safety and comfort, as it cast a golden hue onto my bare arm.

But I was far from relaxed. I shifted in my seat, restless. This was my first job as a Guardian. I was no longer a novice hiding behind the gates and the safety of St Vladimir's. I was a fully fledged Guardian, out in the real world, with actual responsibilities. Tasha's life was my responsibility, and I would be nothing but vigilant in my attempt to keep her safe.

"Relax, Rose," Tasha said, breaking the silence that had fallen between us. We had left Court just as the sun was coming up, and had been on the road for at least a couple of hours. We hadn't really talked since we set off, but it was a more comfortable silence than an awkward one. I quickly looked at her, raising both of my eyebrows, surprised that she had noticed my discomfort.

I sagged a little in my seat, hoping to reassure her that I was fine. I should be fine. I would be fine. I had killed countless strigoi in the past. I had entered battle and I had won. I had been to hell and back in my attempts to save Dimitri. Guarding Tasha would be a piece of cake compared to everything I had been through.

It was half an hour before Tasha spoke again. "I don't want to seem rude," she started, instantly pushing my defences up. I had a feeling I knew where this conversation was going, and I doubted I would like it that much. "But I was wondering why you wanted to leave. Last time I checked, you were set on being Lissa's guardian."

I paused, trying to gather my thoughts. Tasha deserved an answer; after all, last time she had asked me about becoming her guardian, I had quickly shot her down. And then suddenly, pretty much out of the blue, I apparently changed my mind and basically begged her to have me.

"Plans change," I offered simply, shrugging. I knew it wouldn't be enough to satisfy her need to know why I changed my mind, but I really didn't feel like talking about it at the moment.

"Huh," she muttered, and for a moment I thought that she was going to drop the subject. My relief and happiness was destroyed as she opened her mouth to speak again. "It's because of Dimitri, isn't it?" she guessed, quickly glancing between me and the road in an attempt to gauge my reaction.

It felt like someone had punched me in the stomach. No, it felt like someone had thrust their hand intro my stomach and was currently pulling my intestines out. Was it blatantly that obvious? Was I blatantly that pathetic?

"Look," Tasha said, obviously realising that I wasn't about to spill my heart out to her, "contrary to popular belief, I am not the enemy here. Yes, I used have feelings for Dimitri. Yes, I used to think that we had a future together. But I don't anymore. I haven't for a long time. I've known Dimitri for a while now, and although he never promised me anything, he never said 'no'; he never told me I was completely and utterly wrong in thinking we could be together. He probably did it because he was too polite and too kind to hurt my feelings, but the longer it went on, the more it seemed like he was stringing me along.

Then I saw you two together. I saw how great you two are together. You make him happy; you make him complete. I guess I only realised that Dimitri and I had no future once I saw the pair of you together. And although I probably should be angry or hurt or something that he doesn't love me, that he has never loved me, Dimitri's still my friend, and I want him to be happy. And you, Rose, make him happy."

"Why are you telling me this?" I demanded, my tone harsh. I felt instantly bad for doing so, especially as Tasha's face dropped slightly. She had just opened her heart to me, and I was being a bitch about it.

"I guess I just wanted you to know that whatever happened between you and Dimitri, it's worth fighting for," she told me, reaching over to give my hand a gentle squeeze in reassurance. As soon as her cold skin touched me, I flinched, causing her to look startled at my reaction. It wasn't that I had anything against her touching me. It was because of her words. It wasn't worth fighting for, not when Dimitri had obviously already given up on me a long time ago.

"You're lucky, you know?" I said to her, feeling the tears threatening to fall from my eyes once again. It seemed like once the first tear fell, they had become a constant thing. All I seemed to do is cry, and then cry some more. Tasha looked at me, her brows furrowed together as she tried to decipher the meaning behind my words. "Dimitri cares for you more than he cares for me."

"What?" she asked, her tone incredulous as if she couldn't believe it to be true. I turned my body so I could face her completely.

"He didn't want to hurt your feelings. I wish he had been that considerate when I spoke to him last," I told her, my posture stiffening once more as I remembered the cold glint that flashed in his normally warm eyes as he uttered those dreadful words to me.

"What happened?" Tasha asked slowly and cautiously, as if afraid at what my answer will be. I laughed humourlessly, the sound bitter and twisted.

"He doesn't love me anymore. He told me himself," I spat the words out quickly, hoping that ejecting them from my mouth would also eject the pain from my body. It didn't. Instead, I felt sick. Not 'strigoi close by' type of sick, but my life is a complete mess type of sick. I sighed heavily, my legs starting to ache from sitting down for so long. I wanted to stretch my muscles. I wanted to be out of this metal prison. I wanted to run; run far away until I was out of breath.

"Oh," was all Tasha could say. She pursed her lips, her long, pale fingers tapping to a haphazard tune on the steering wheel, before quickly checking her rear-view mirror. She waited until the traffic had cleared, then pulled to the side of the road, killing the engine.

She didn't say anything as she leaned over to the passenger chair and wrapped her arms around me. "Oh Rose," she said, stroking my hair as I succumbed to the tears. I shifted closer to Tasha, letting her comfort me; letting her take some of my weight because I didn't think I could hold myself up anymore. "He's an idiot," she whispered into my hair, "and next time I see him, I'm going to hurt him. Hard."

A murmur of laughter escaped my lips. It wasn't what she had said that amused me, but the fact that six months ago – hell, even a week ago – I would never have thought Tasha and I would be that close. I never thought Tasha and I would be friends, but here we were, hugging each other and comforting each other as our hearts were broken by the same man.

* * *

**AN: You guys probably hate me now, but what can I say? I'm a sadist. And an ego-maniac, meaning I enjoy messing with all your minds...Mwahahaha. Moving on...You're very lucky that I even included a little bit of Dimitri here; when I first planned the chapter, he was going to be a no-show, but I thought that might be a little too cruel of me. So instead I'll leave you to wonder what he was doing at Rose's room, and what he was going to say to her. I'm away for the next two weeks, so I won't be updating until I come back from my holidays. **

**I want to say a massive thank you to everyone who has reviewed so far; you guys rock! And thank you to Tatiana Belikova who is my lovely beta =]**

**Disclaimer: I DO NOT OWN VA!**

**Ps: Just thought you guys would be interested to know that I've just finished planning this story. You're probably going; why is this important? But I'm really unorganised, so me planning something is a massive deal. I think it will be around 20-ish chapters long...it depends really on if I stick to the plan or not =]**


	6. Chapter 6

**AN: Just to warn you, this chapter contains some strong language.**

* * *

I stared blankly at the plain white room; feeling as if the four walls were slowly enclosing onto me; feeling as if the four walls were slowly trapping me. The room itself was beautiful, though it lacked any colour. It was large – breezy almost – with Beachwood furniture scattered tastefully around the room, with a double bed, adorned with white, crisp, satin sheets taking centre stage. It had everything I needed. It was everything I needed.

It was plain. It was simple. It was the fresh start I so badly craved. And yet, the room was daunting. It was too big, too empty. It lacked emotion. It lacked anything with sentimental feeling. I guessed it symbolised my status as a Guardian; it was functioning, and that was all that mattered.

Tasha had smiled apologetically at me, telling me that if the minimalistic style wasn't to my taste, I could redecorate. But I just shook my head in response. The room wasn't mine. Not really. I wasn't here to be Tasha's roommate. I was here to be her Guardian. There was no time to paint. No time to settle in. I had to start my duties. I had to make sure the perimeter was safe.

And yet, I couldn't force myself to get off of the chair that accompanied the desk that looked out onto the street below. I knew I should move. I knew I had to move. But I couldn't. Instead, I just stared, though not out of the window, where I could admire the sun filtering through the emerald green leave of the elm tree.

No. I had turned the chair around so I could look at the room. My room. My new home. I don't know what I was expecting; maybe I wanted to feel safe. Maybe I wanted to feel comfortable. But I didn't.

It was the bed. It was mocking me. The satin quilt seemed alluring. Seduction seeped from every thread. It was made for two people to love in. It was made for two people to hold each other in and whisper sweet things into one and other's ear. It was supposed to be a place for heat and passion, but instead I would spend cold, lonely nights staring at the ceiling, wishing that there was a certain somebody lying next to me, holding me tightly and promising to never let go.

But he had let go. He had pushed me down and stamped repeatedly on me, making it completely impossible for me to get back up. He didn't want me. He didn't need me.

I got up, kicking the chair away from me, hearing a satisfying thud of breaking wood as one of the legs splintered and shattered as it collided against the wall. A sickening sense of glee filled me as I inched forward to inspect the damage I had caused to Tasha's property. The chair was completely broken. The wall was dinted, the paint chipped and marked. I laughed, the sound escaping my lips harsh and hoarse as I celebrated my little victory. I stood back, admiring the damage and chaos I had created. Power surged through my veins, fuelling the anger that seemed to be spreading throughout me; the anger that seemed to be contaminating me.

Venom and poison seemed to flow through my veins instead of blood. Menacing and malicious thoughts bounced uncontrollably around my head. All I could think of was how everyone – Lissa, Dimitri and my mom – had wronged me in the past. All I could think of was how everyone had used me and walk over me. Lissa was a spoilt little bitch. My mom was incapable of caring. And Dimitri, well, Dimitri was a lot of things. A coward, a bastard, a fucking monster.

My body was rigid from all the hatred that fuelled me. I wanted to lash out. I wanted to break something. I wanted to break someone. I hadn't trained in a couple of days, and I needed to release my energy and annoyance and anger that was threatening to break out. I had to do something. Sitting and fretting and worrying wouldn't get me anywhere. Crying wouldn't get me anywhere.

This was supposed to be a fresh start, and I was damned if I was going to nothing but weep and hide away in my room. I had a job. I had responsibilities. I had to look after Tasha. Ever since I started training, I had always been told that _they come first_.

_They come first_.

My feelings didn't matter, not anymore. I wasn't Tasha's equal. I wasn't Tasha's friend. I was basically her guard dog. My needs were nothing compared to hers. I had to stop feeling emotional. I had to stop caring. If I was going to succeed at being a guardian, I couldn't let anything get in the way of the job. I had to stop feeling sorry for myself. I had to stop giving a damn. I had to lock everything up and throw away the key.

It was something I had learnt from the great man himself, I thought bitterly. Dimitri was a great guardian – probably one of the best – and I was quickly realising that it wasn't because of his fighting skills. No. It was because he didn't let personal feelings get in the way of his work. He probably didn't even have personal feelings. I highly doubted he cared for anyone. He was incapable of compassion.

The way he used me – they way he played me and screwed me and completely destroyed me – was proof of that.

I headed downstairs; the bedroom was beginning to feel too much like a prison cell. Securing the house – checking the perimeter to make sure there were no strigoi lurking in the shadows – should have been my first priority. No, checking that Tasha was still alive and breathing should have been my first priority. But instead of doing my job, I walked out of the house, not bothering to tell Tasha where I was going, or when I was coming back.

Not that I knew the answer to either of those two questions. I just needed some space. I needed to clear my head and blow off some steam. The joints in my hands ached due to the fact I had been clenching my fist the entire time. I needed to loosen my body up. I needed to lose some of the tension that was knotting up my muscles.

My pace accelerated at an astonishing rate. One moment I was walking briskly down the neatly paved sidewalk, and the next I was sprinting, feeling the wind tangle with my loose hair. The sun was still out, shining brightly, but paired with the gentle breeze, it was the perfect condition for running. It was the perfect condition for clearing my head.

The wind whistled in my ears, making it impossible to think clearly. Not that I wanted to think clearly. I had done enough thinking these past few days and I still hadn't come to a conclusion. I still didn't know what I was feeling. I had no idea if I loved Dimitri or if I absolutely loathed him. The line was too thin, too narrow. It was a hazy grey and impossible to make out.

But that didn't matter now. I was a guardian. I wasn't allowed to have my own emotions. I couldn't love. The decision had been made the moment I had asked to be assigned to Tasha. And so there was no point giving it a second thought anymore.

He had made his decision. And now I had made mine.

* * *

By the time I had gotten back to Tasha's, the light was starting to fade. I had cut it close, and guilt surged through me. Although the run had made me feel much better, I had been selfish. Anything could have happened to her. I had put her in danger, and that wasn't acceptable.

I opened to front door, praying that Tasha wasn't dead. To my relief, she wasn't. From the hallway, I could clearly see into the kitchen, giving me a clear view of Tasha hovering over the oven, cooking something that absolutely delicious as she sang gently along with the radio.

"Hey Rose!" Tasha called cheerfully, hearing the door click shut. I walked slowly to the kitchen, feeling angry at myself for putting her in danger. Though it was still daylight outside, anything could have happened. Strigoi's were manipulating human beings more and more, meaning that their evasion of the sun no longer stopped them. Anyone could have broken in and hurt her, or kidnapped her, or even killed her.

The last thought caused a cold chill, and I froze, eyes wide open as I realised the stupidity of my actions. Officially, I had only just become Tasha's guardian, and I had managed to put her life in danger the first day of my first job.

"Tasha, I'm so sorry. I shouldn't have left without telling you. No. I shouldn't have left at all. It was irresponsible of me," I told her as I leant against one of the counters, watching her quickly chop up some fresh herbs. Tasha put the knife down and looked directly at me, her face disbelieving as she gave me an _'are you being serious?'_ look.

"What are you on about?" Tasha asked, breaking her stare as she quickly checked on the pot that was gently simmering away on the stove.

"I put you in danger. I'm your guardian. I'm supposed to make sure you're safe. I'm-" I started, but stopped short as Tasha put her hand up, signalling for me to stop talking.

"Please tell me you're not going to follow me around twenty-four seven," she demanded, sounding slightly annoyed. I looked blankly at her, not quite believing what she was saying.

What did she expect from me? I was a guardian. I was her guardian. My job was to serve and protect; how could I do that if I wasn't close by at all times?

As if reading my thoughts, Tasha started speaking again, "Rose, I haven't had a guardian before and I'm still alive. I think I can manage to look after myself when you're not around."

"That's not the point," I argued, feeling frustrated. Since being a child, it had been drilled into me that _they come first_. My entire education and training was based on that mantra. It was one of the few rules of being a guardian. It was one of the few rules that the guardians swore on.

"Yes it is. I'm 28 years old. I'm quite capable of looking after myself. In fact, I think I've done a pretty good job of looking after myself. Not only that, but I've done a fine job of looking after Christian as well. If you haven't forgotten, you're not the only one in this house who has fought against strigoi," Tasha said, her voice getting louder and louder until it was practically a shout. She no longer bothered to check on her dinner which was starting to burn and sizzle to a crisp as she stared intently at me.

I instantly felt bad. Tasha was quite right; she was capable of looking after herself. She was capable of fighting. And she was capable of protecting herself. Trying to kill Dimitri when he had been turned was the worst thing I had ever had to do – I still woke up after nightmares feeling sick at the thought of stabbing him in the heart – but I couldn't imagine having to try to kill my own family.

Her fists were clenched, and even though her skin was pallid, her face was flushed gently from her anger. Her eyes were simmering darkly, and I had never seen Tasha so worked up before; she had always been so friendly, so open, so easy going. I backed away a few steps, not wanting to crowd her, watching her carefully.

I didn't think she would do anything terrible, but the turn in events proved that I didn't know her, not really. I hadn't thought she was capable of getting that angry, but thinking about it, I realised how badly I had judged the situation.

Of course she was going to get angry that I was trying to wrap her in cotton wool. Tasha was a grown woman who had probably gone through more tragedies than I had. And yet she still managed to keep on fighting. She still managed to keep on going. Unlike me, she didn't run away from her problems. Day after day she had to look in the mirror, seeing her scar and remember that fateful night. Day after day she had to listen to insults and rumours circulating about her, spread by stuck up royals who had nothing better to do than be malicious and snide.

But did Tasha ever lose her cool? No, she just carried on doing her thing. She carried on fighting for what she believed in.

Back at the Academy, I had wanted to be just like Dimitri. He was strong. He was fierce. He was deadly. But the more I thought about it, the more I realised that he was just a coward. He hid from his feelings. He didn't socialise with other people because he was scared. He was nothing but a coward.

I was wrong to have worshipped Dimitri. I was wrong in wanting to have been like him. It was Tasha who I should have been inspired by. Instead of hating her, I should have taken a leaf out of her book. I should have realised what an inspirational person she was. Although she was a moroi, she was still kickass. She fought, verbally and physically, in Court and out.

"Tasha, I'm sorry," I told her, sighing in relief as her clenched fists started to relax. "This is my first job as a Guardian. I guess I went a little over the top."

Tasha blinked a few times, before registering my apology. She nodded, taking a few deep breaths before smiling brightly. It was as if a switch had been turned; her sour mood disappearing completely.

"It's okay," she said, glancing down at the pan which was still on full heat. The contents were definitely unidentifiable now, and Tasha swore quietly, picking up a spatula and prodding the charred food. "Well, that's ruined," she said, smiling feebly, "I guess it's going to be pizza tonight."

I nodded, slightly perplexed by today's events. Although I had trained for this moment my entire life, I had no experience in being a guardian, not really. I didn't know whether or not I should be vocal, or just disappear into a wall, watching everything but saying nothing. Give me a strigoi to kill, and I was fine. But this intrusion into someone's life was something I wasn't prepared for. Though Tasha had basically welcomed me into her home, I was just a spare piece; awkward and not completely fitting in.

* * *

**AN: Guess whose back? That's right; ME! This chapter is probably not my best work, seeing as it's a filler and I kinda rushed it because I felt I had abandoned you for too long =] Plus, I basically made this up as I went along, seeing as I was planning on writing up loads of stuff while I was away, but in the end I wrote absolutely nothing, mainly because I was spending my time either eating, drinking or sight-seeing. Seriously, Croatia is a beautiful country, with a history as brilliant as it is tragic, and if you ever get the chance to visit, you should totally go. Anywho, I hope you enjoyed this chapter, and I shall update in the next week.**

**A massive thank you to everyone who has reviewed, and to Tatiana Belikova for beta-ing me work!**

**Disclaimer: I DO NOT OWN VA!**


	7. Chapter 7

The sound of Tasha typing furiously away at her computer echoed around the small, cramped office. She was sat opposite me, fully engrossed with her work, as per usual. It seemed like Tasha never stopped working. She had such as endless supply of energy that I was even struggling to keep up. When she wasn't teaching her martial arts classes, she was doing her accounts, and when she wasn't doing her accounts, she was going over proposals and letters for Court. Watching her work was starting to become exhausting.

I looked down at my own computer screen, sighing in frustration as I lost yet another game of solitaire. It had been a little over a month since I had become Tasha's guardian, and although I had started to settle down in the job, it wasn't what I was expecting. Most of my time was spent watching Tasha work. And although I admired her determination and work ethic, it was also kind of boring. In fact, I often daydreamed about gauging my own eyes out for fun during days stuck in the office. Sitting down and being still was just not my forte.

Sure, I got to work out in the adjoining gym when I started to become too fidgety. And sure, I helped to teach some of Tasha's classes, but it was still a new routine that I had yet to become familiar with. That said, the time away from Court – the time away from Lissa and Dimitri – was doing me good. Of course I missed my best friend like hell, and of course I had yet to recover fully from Dimitri's cruel words, but the distance between us was starting to lighten the weight that had been crushing down on me recently.

Being apart from Lissa was quite strange for me. For years I had gotten used having her always by my side. For years I had gotten used to always following her around. But being free from her grasp was a new experience. The week after I had left, I was constantly checking in on her through the bond, making sure she was safe and sound, but recently I had found myself doing it less and less. Of course Lissa was safe. Of course Lissa was happy. She had a multitude of guardians watching her every move. She had Christian, and although he annoyed the hell out of me, there was no denying that the boy loved her like crazy. And she had Dimitri. He might have completely destroyed my chances of loving again, but I knew that he wouldn't let anything bad happen to my best friend.

I loved Lissa like she was my sister and that would never change – our bond made it impossible – but the last time I spoke to her, she had sounded like a right little royal bitch. I hated judging her like that, but she was no longer the sweet, naive girl I had once known. She had changed, and so had I. And although there was no denying that we were the best of friends – and hopefully always would be – we badly needed the space between us to recover from everything that had happened to us.

Things were still tough; there was no denying that. Often I felt like everything was so bleak that the world lacked light, even during the bright, sunny days of summer. But I had other things to focus on. I had my responsibilities as a guardian and I had to help Tasha out at the gym. I couldn't dwell on the past. I couldn't dwell on my heartache. Not only didn't I have the time to do so, but it was also unhealthy for me.

The tightened fist that seemed to be clenching my heart had slowly begun to release me from its grasp, but I still woke up at some nights covered in sweat as Dimitri's words haunted my dreams. I doubted I would ever find complete solace ever again. I loved him with all my heart, and in return he cut me up into a million and one tiny pieces, making it completely impossible for me to put myself back together again.

"Rose?" Tasha's voice awoke me from my troubling thoughts, causing me to blink furiously as if trying to force my way back into reality.

"What?" I asked, blushing slightly due to my stupidity. It was obvious by the amused expression playing on her lips that I had been out of it for a while, and I cursed myself and my guarding abilities. Stan would be having a heart attack if he saw how bad my attention span was lately. Often, I found myself staring into space, completely zoning out as Tasha talked to me about her work. It wasn't that I found it particularly boring – though the business side of it made me want to bang my head repeatedly against a wall – it was just that I seemed to have so much on my mind that it hounded down on me until I was unable to focus on reality any more.

"I said we better set up soon; we've got a class in five minutes," Tasha told me, standing up and stretching her tall form. I stared at her, dumbfounded. Today was Sunday, and we the gym wasn't open on Sundays. Either I was being a complete idiot, or Tasha was.

"How long had I been out of it?" I asked, standing up also, "because I'm pretty sure today is Sunday. And we don't have any classes on Sundays."

"Oh, but we do today," Tasha said mysteriously, her eyes twinkling brightly as she beckoned me to follow her into the gym.

It was small and dingy, and it was nothing like we have at Saint Vladimir's, but it served its purpose well. The smell of stale sweat and dusty mats might be to everybody's taste, but to me, it was like home. Though Tasha's house was beautiful, I was more comfortable here at the gym. The gym was my safety blanket. It was the place I went when I was feeling sad, or frustrated, or angry. It was the place I went when I felted like the darkness and bleakness in the world was becoming too much. It was my little beacon of light.

"What are you talking about?" I demanded exasperatedly, not having a clue what was going on. The gym was open on most days, but not Sundays. Sunday was the day Tasha tended to catch up on her filing and her paperwork whilst I spent my time trying to beat the computer in a game of chess. Unsurprisingly, I always lost.

Tasha walked over to the supply room, dragging out a couple of mats. Seeing her struggle to drag them across the room, I jogged over to her and took them off of her. She smiled appreciatively, but refused to answer my question.

We quickly set up, working quietly and methodically. Before long, we had put the twenty mats on the floor and dragged out a couple of practice dummies. I tied my hair back, surveying the room. Even though it was five o'clock in the afternoon, daylight still filtered in through the opaque skylights, and so the threat of a strigoi attack was low, but that didn't give me an excuse not to be vigilant. But, as per usual, everything was fine, and I quickly found myself relaxing ever so slightly, though the curiosity of what was happening was almost too much for me to bear.

I made my way over to Tasha, narrowing my eyes playfully to show her my annoyance of being left out of the dark. Obviously something was up, but I had no clue what, and Tasha seemed to be enjoying my confusion. She laughed, "Rose, you are the most impatient person I have ever met. You have three minutes to wait, and you can't even manage that."

"I want to know what's going on!" I told her, my voice sounding rather whiny and high pitched. Tasha laughed even harder, doubling over as I glared at her. I hated being left out in the dark. I wanted to know what was going on, and I wanted to know now, and I didn't care how spoilt or cantankerous I was sounding.

"I'm going to need you to take control of the fighting aspect of today's session," Tasha said, regaining her gracefulness. I nodded, still utterly confused. Though I was as capable of fighter as Tasha, she tended to take control of sessions, mainly because she was much better at martial arts than me. Sure, I had a basic understanding of them, but my guardian training meant that I lacked certain elements of control. I was used to hitting as fast as I could and kicking as hard as I could. I tended to observe the sessions, offering pieces of advice here and there.

That said, I did teach a self defence class on Saturday afternoons. I think Tasha had started to realised that I was starting to become a little bored and restless, because she changed the schedule around and suddenly discovered that she didn't have time to teach the self defence class. I was grateful of her lie; not only did it ease my boredom, it also made me feel like I was doing some actual good in the world. Most of the people who turned up were girls my own age; girls who could easily fall prey to both humans and strigoi. Teaching them self defence made me feel like I was almost protecting them.

The door opened, and instincts took over I quickly looked up to see who had walked in, as if a strigoi would use the front door before launching a violent attack. Though as soon as I registered who had walked in, I wished that it had been a strigoi, mainly because that would have been so much easier to deal with. A strigoi, I could kill. I doubted that I would get away with killing the people who had just walked in though.

"What's going on?" I asked quietly, as the two moroi males and a dhampir – who I guessed was their guardian – walked further into gym, smiling brightly at Tasha. I wasn't sure what confused me more; seeing them, or seeing their pleasant reaction to Tasha. Apart from a select few, I thought most moroi had ostracized Tasha from society, but obviously I had been mistaken, because one of the moroi men pulled Tasha into a tight hug.

"Rose, this is Pytor and Akim Taros, and their guardian Diana, and this is Rose," Tasha said, introducing us. Pytor and Akim, who I guessed were brothers due to their similarity to each other, were older than me, but a little younger than Tasha. Their guardian was an older woman with cropped hair, reminding me a little bit of Alberta.

"This is the famous Rose Hathaway?" Akim asked, still smiling brightly, as if shocked that I was standing right in front of him. Admiration filled his face, and I blushed a little as I looked at the floor, before taking a deep breath and recovering.

"I think infamous is more accurate," I replied, smirking at the arrogant and cocky tone I was using. It was months since this side of me had made an appearance – the side of me that was confident and sarcastic – and I had missed her. She was fun. She could handle herself. She didn't spend her free time crying in her room. I just hoped that I could keep a tight grip on her to make sure she wouldn't disappear again.

I looked at Tasha again, raising both of my eyebrows questioningly. She had yet to answer my question, and I was dying to know what was going on. Though the brother's were obviously royal moroi, they didn't act like it – them being here in Tasha's gym was enough proof for that – and I wanted to know why they were here.

As if remembering that I could explode any moment due to my curiosity, Tasha smiled apologetically, before finally answering my question. "I'm not the only moroi who believes in fighting beside the dhampirs," she started, causing me to look at the brothers. They were both so smiley and so slim that I couldn't actually believe that they were capable of fighting, but I guessed they have been seeing that they were here. "Every month or so a group of us meet up and train here. We learn to fight both physically and with our magic. We have to keep it quiet though, because if Court ever found out, there would be trouble."

I nodded, taking in her words. I couldn't quite believe it; this was a massive step forward. The thought that there were Moroi out there willing to fight and willing to stand up to the strigoi was almost too much. I was speechless. This was such a massive thing. This was such a huge thing.

As if noticing my awe, Pytor spoke up. "Pretty cool, huh?" he asked me.

"Cool? This is fan-freaking-tastic!" I replied, smiling almost as brightly as the two brothers were.

Slowly, the room started to fill up with more and more moroi. Some had guardians with them, but most of them didn't. There were now about eleven Moroi in the gym, and four guardians. Instead of standing by the walls, silently observing, the dhampirs were mixing with their charges and the other moroi, catching up and gossiping between themselves.

"Most royals are against Moroi fighting, and seeing as most royals get all the guardians, we have to do without," Tasha explained, answering my silent question regarding the lack of guardians in the room. I nodded, feeling bitter about how unjust the system was. What made the royals so special that they needed protecting? They were so lazy that they didn't do anything. There wasn't anything they needed protecting from.

"Okay, I think nearly everybody is here, so shall we start?" Tasha said, addressing the small crowd in a loud voice that echoed around the room. There was a murmur of agreement as the energy and excitement buzzed. "If half of you want to come with me, we'll focus on fighting with our elements, and if the other half want to go with Rose, who will help you with some conditioning, that will be great."

Quickly and efficiently, the group split, half following Tasha to one side of the room, and half following me. I felt a little nervous; it sounded egomaniacal of me, but most of the moroi and dhampirs in the room had probably heard of me, and I had no idea whether they admired or hated me. After all, I had abandoned Princess Vasilisa, who was pretty much beloved by everybody. How would these people react to me telling them what to do?

Luckily, both of the Taros brothers had followed me, and their smiles gave me a little encouragement. Standing in front of the six Moroi and two guardians who had come to observe me, I took a deep breath before starting. "First of all, we're going to warm, so grab a mat and start doing twenty push-ups and then twenty sit-ups," I instructed, instantly feeling a sense of relief when everyone moved quickly to a mat without sounding a complaint.

I watched the moroi work out. At times, it was painful. At times, it was side splitting hilarious. Some were better than others, but the level of quality was low, there was no denying it. After a quick – and easy – warm up, a couple of moroi were out of breath, their usually pale faces burning red. That said, I had to admire them. At least they were trying. There were many moroi who sat around, doing nothing all day. And then there were certain moroi who were encouraged and congratulated for doing barely anything. At least these moroi tried. At least these moroi were putting in effort.

The door opened again, just after I had told my small group where was best to hit on the practice dummy and instructed them to try and knock the head off of it. I glanced over, weary that it was getting later and later, but all I saw was a blonde head as it hurtled full speed towards me.

"Rose!" A voice cried happily, as the body collided with me and pulled me into a big hug. I hugged back, happy to see the familiar blonde.

"What are you doing here?" I asked, though it was a pretty stupid question and the look of exasperation on her face suggested that she thought it was a pretty stupid question as well.

"I'm here to shop," she said, deadpanned, before taking a step back. "Why do you think I'm here? I'm here to kick some ass!"

I laughed at her response. I couldn't quite believe how much I had missed her. It was so strange to think only a few months ago I had hated her. It was strange to think that I had actually attacked her and broken her nose. "I've missed you Mia," I told her truthfully, still smiling.

"I've missed you too, Rose," she replied. I looked at her; she had barely changed and yet she was so different. She still looked doll-like, what with her big blue eye and wavy blonde hair, but she was tanner and I could definitely see some form of muscles on her arms. "How have you been?"

I quickly looked back at my group, grimacing slightly as one of the moroi made a fist; complete with thumb in the centre of her hand. I took a step forward, ready to correct her, when Diana spoke. "I'll take over," she told me, obviously having witnessed my reunion with Mia. I nodded, quickly looking over at Tasha who was watching us intently. She smiled, nodding at me before gesturing me to go into the office.

"Come on," I told Mia, leading her through the mass of moroi and into the office.

"So?" Mia asked, not bothering to repeat her question.

"I'm great," I told her, flopping down into the office chair. I didn't sound convincing at all, but I was hoping that if I said it for long enough, slowly it would start to become true.

"Liar," Mia replied. I shrugged, watching her watch me intently. There wasn't much I could say to that. She was right. I was lying. But I had moped around for too long and it hadn't gotten me anywhere. I had dwelled too long on the past and it hadn't gotten me anywhere. Talking about my feelings wasn't going to help. So now I was just taking one day at a time, trying to move on, no matter how slow and painful that process was.

"How's Lissa?" I said, feeling obliged to ask after my best friend. I hadn't checked in on her in five days and although I knew I probably should, I just couldn't seem to convince myself to do so.

"Last time I heard, she was doing fine. She's making a right splash in Court," Mia told me, pulling Tasha's chair closer to mine before sitting down.

"That's good," I murmured quietly, as silence took over the small office. Although there were several bodies sweating away in the room next to us, it felt like we were in complete isolation. I stared at Mia and she stared at me, as if trying to read my mind.

"You did the right thing," Mia said, breaking the quiet spell that had fallen onto us. I looked at her, frowning slightly, trying to decipher her words. "I don't blame you for leaving. I probably would have done the same thing if I were in your shoes. The Dragonmir's are as flawed as the rest of us. I for one should know."

I looked at her questioningly, before realising what she was on about. "Andre," I whispered quietly, as if for confirmation. Mia nodded sadly, and I realised that she was completely and utterly right. The Dragonmir's weren't perfect. It seemed like just because they were the smallest royal family, they could get away with their crimes – with their sins – and no one would bat an eyelid. "I'm sorry," I told her, though I wasn't quite sure what I was apologising for; it just seemed appropriate.

Mia got up, shaking herself as she did so, as if trying to rid the depressing mood that had filled the room. "Come on," she said, grabbing my hand and pulling me up, causing me to be surprised by her upper body strength, "let's go kick some ass!"

I let her drag me out of the room, nodding at her words once again. I needed to get my mojo back. I needed to get out of this funk. I needed to start kicking ass again and being the awesome person I once was. If I didn't do something soon, I wasn't sure if I would ever see my former self ever again.

* * *

**AN: And that is chapter seven over and done with! Thank you for reading, and thank you so much for all your lovely reviews. Seriously, they make me one heck of a happy bunny. Plus, we're over the half century mark! 50 + reviews! I can't believe it. You guys rock! I hope you enjoyed Mia's appearance in this chapter – she's actually one of my favourite characters in the whole series, so I had to include her somewhere. But be honest, who thought it was Lissa to start with? If all goes to plan, there should be two more chapters, and then we are back at Court. Which means...drum roll please...we get to see some more Dimitri. FINALLY! I do realise that this is a RXD story, and so far that's been pretty sparse, but I promise you, sometime, in the near (or not so near) future, there will be some interaction in between the two characters.**

**Anyway, THANKYOU so much for reviewing! I love you guys!**

**Disclaimer: I DO NOT OWN VA!**


	8. Chapter 8

Sunlight trickled through the lush leaves of the forest, creating patterns of shadows on the ground. Everything was so serene, so silent, so peaceful. I looked around me, enjoying the heat radiating from the sun onto my skin. There was no denying the beauty of the place. The tranquillity seeped into me, infecting me with its calmness. For the first time in months, I actually felt that things were starting to look up. Things were starting to get so much better. Here, everything and anything was possible. Here, there were no such things as sins. Here, there were no such things as violence. Here, there was nothing bad, nothing malicious.

Everything was full of love and life. There were birds tweeting happily in the trees. There were rabbits running free, having fun. There was a doe caring for its fawn. I felt so relaxed. All my doubts and worries and nightmares disappeared into the bright atmosphere, leaving me feeling free of the chains.

Everything felt right. And it was that that made me realise that this was as far away from reality as possible.

"Adrian," I called out, not seeing him in the peaceful landscape, but knowing he was responsible for creating such beauty. He hadn't visited me in my dreams since our goodbye. In fact, I hadn't talked to him since our goodbye, and there was no denying that I hadn't missed him. As I called out, my voice was full of optimism and cheerfulness. Stepping out from behind a tree, he smiled cautiously at me, guilt appearing on his face.

"Hey Rose," he replied, walking up to me, but still keeping some distance between our bodies. I frowned, unsure what I had done to offend him. Worry filled the pit in my stomach; maybe things weren't right between us. Maybe my goodbye – and my breaking up with him – had affected him more than I had realised.

I bit my lip, wanting everything to be okay between us. Since I had known him, Adrian had always been there looking out for me, and although I realised it was selfish of me, I still needed him to be there for me. I had cut ties with everyone else back at Court; I couldn't risk losing Adrian too. "What's the matter?" I asked, the nervousness evident in my voice.

Adrian blinked, looking confused. "Nothing's the matter," he replied, looking utterly bewildered. "Wait, you're not mad at me?" he asked, forcing me to mirror the expression he had worn seconds earlier.

"What are you on about? Why would I be mad at you?" I asked, having no idea of what was going on, but feeling completely relieved that our friendship seemed to be on the right track.

"I thought you would have known. I, er, kinda beat up Belikov," Adrian spat out quickly, making it hard for me to decipher his words. I frowned for a second, before smiling brightly and laughing, remembering Adrian's chaotic punches.

"I saw Dimitri afterwards, and let me tell you, you hit like a girl," I informed him, still laughing. A sense of euphoria overtook the worry, and I started to feel slightly giddy as I pulled Adrian onto the forest floor, before sitting down next to him.

Adrian smiled, looking as relieved as I was. "I must be pretty bad-ass then, seeing as you're a girl and you're pretty bad-ass" he told me, wrapping his right arm around my shoulder casually. I leaned into him, resting my head into the crook of his neck, feeling safe and secure for the first time in months. I hadn't felt like this since before Dimitri was turned, and I started to believe that things maybe, just maybe, were going to go my way for once. After all, I was at rock bottom. The only way was up from now on.

"Let me rephrase that; you hit like a twelve year old human girl," I replied, shoving him gently with my elbow. He laughed in response, though the cheerfulness quickly evaporated before being replaced by a look of seriousness.

"You saw Belikov?" Adrian asked, shifting slightly so he could look me directly in the face. I nodded, feeling the weight of the memory compressing against my chest. "And?" Adrian asked, pushing me to tell him what happened.

I shrugged. There was nothing really to tell. I had barely given him a glance before I pushed past him onto the way to my room. I was still smarming from Christian's comments to give him any proper thought. "And nothing. I didn't speak to him. He didn't speak to me."

"When was this?"

"Just before I left. I don't know if you know this, but Christian tried to convince me to stay. I bumped into Dimitri hovering in my building as I was trying to escape Fire-boy," I told him, stretching my arms behind me and leaning back, tilting my face up towards the sun so I could be blinded by the light.

"What was he even doing in your building?" Adrian asked again, causing me to become slightly irritated by his endless questions.

"I don't know. I didn't bother to ask him," I replied, my tone a little harsher than necessary. Adrian looked up at me, surprised by my angry tone and smiled apologetically. "Sorry," I told him, sitting back up again and feeling restless, "but can we talk about something other than Dimitri?"

Adrian nodded, watching me fidget as I broke a twig I had found on the floor into tiny little pieces. "So," he said, elongating the one syllable into three, "how have you been?"

"Actually, I've been alright," I admitted, and for the first time, it wasn't a lie. Time away from the hustle and bustle of Court had allowed me to get back on track. It had allowed me to become focussed on what really mattered; being a guardian. I no longer had to worry about the gossiping and the backstabbing that was constantly buzzing around Court. Guarding Tasha had allowed my hectic life to slow down, but it had also allowed me to start moving forward once again.

"Really?" Adrian asked, as if not quite believing I was okay, as he plucked a daisy out of the earth and stuck it in my hair.

"Yeah. Tasha's been great. I've been busy guarding her and helping her run her gym. Plus I got to catch up with Mia the other week. It's been nice," I told him, not having to force the smile; it was completely and utterly genuine.

"That's good. I'm so happy for you, Little Dhampir," Adrian said, reaching over and squeezing my hand lightly. He didn't let go afterwards, and so our hands lay entwined with each other.

"What have you been up to?" I asked, feeling selfish that our entire conversation so far had centred solely on me. To be completely honest, I had been one hell of an awful friend to Adrian. Not only had I basically broken his heart, I had abandoned him at Court. Everything seemed to revolve around me, and I felt like I had done nothing but ignore Adrian and his feelings. But I was going to try and change that. Adrian had always been there for me, and now I was going to be there for him, no matter what. It was the least I owed him for being an awesome friend to me.

"Nothing much," Adrian admitted, staring at the scenery he had created with his mind. Looking back, I shouldn't have been surprised when I found out he had studied Art at college; all his dreams were set in beautiful and wonderful places. "I've been doing my best to avoid Lissa."

Hearing this, I frowned. "Why?"

"Everywhere she goes, Belikov is trailing after her like a lost puppy. And we all know how I feel about him," he replied, smiling bitterly. I suppressed a sigh. It wasn't fair that Adrian had been caught in the middle of the drama that surrounded me, Lissa and Dimitri. Adrian hadn't done anything wrong, in fact, he barely had anything to do with it, and yet he was the one hiding away.

"I'm sorry," I told Adrian, feeling responsible for all of this. Spirit had been hard on both Lissa and him, and they needed each other; not only to learn more about the element they wielded, but to support each other through the side effects caused by their magic.

"It's not your fault, Little Dhampir," Adrian replied, but he was wrong. It was my fault. Sure, I wasn't the only one to blame – both Lissa and Dimitri had played their parts perfectly in the whole saga – but I wasn't innocent either. "Have you talked to Lissa since you left?" Adrian asked, attempting to shift the subject in a different direction, but as per usual, all roads led back to Princess Vasilisa.

"I check in on her every once in a while through the bond, but not for long," I said. In fact, I only entered her mind for a few seconds, to check that she was still alive and breathing, before making my hasty escape again. Like Adrian had said, everywhere Lissa was, there was Dimitri, and I hadn't exactly felt like listening to the two of them chatter away to each other. "Whilst she's at Court, she's safe, and even if something bad happens, I'll know straight away. Not that anything bad will happen, because although it pains me to say this, Guardian Belikov will protect her," I said, spitting out my former lover's name like it was poison.

Adrian raised his eyebrow at my referring to Dimitri by his proper title. Or, should I say, his old title. "I didn't ask if Lissa was safe. I asked if you had talked to her," Adrian commented, causing me to roll my eyes.

"No. And she hasn't talked to me either, but hey, at least I'm making the effort to make sure she's still alive," I replied sharply as I defended my actions. It had been the longest I had ever gone without seeing Lissa, let alone speak to her, and although we were going through a rough patch in our friendship, I still felt awful about basically ignoring her.

"I was just asking," Adrian muttered, and I instantly felt bad for snapping. Once again, Adrian was caught in the middle of our complicated triangle. Once again, I had taken my frustration out on him instead of the people my anger was fuelled at.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to snap," I apologised, inching closer to him so I could rest my head on his shoulder, hoping he would see my sincerity. He nodded, and once again wrapped his arm around me, as if protecting me from an invisible threat.

"When are you coming back to Court?" Adrian asked in a small voice after a moment of tranquillity,. as if afraid of what my answer might be.

My mind went blank. I had no idea if, or when, I would return. If it was down to me, I'd probably never go back. But it wasn't down to me. I didn't have any say, any choice in the matter. I knew at some point I would have to return; after all, Tasha was very involved in politics and would be going to Court sometime in the near future. But even though my return was pretty much inevitable, I wasn't looking forward to it.

"I'm not sure. Whenever Tasha wants to go back, I suppose," I replied, praying that it wouldn't be for a while.

"Don't you some time off though?" Adrian asked, causing me to curse silently as I realised the direction the conversation was heading in. He wanted me to visit Court, and although I understood his reasoning, I knew I wouldn't be able to promise him what he wanted to hear. Sure, I missed my friends. I missed Adrian like hell. I missed Mia and Eddie and Christian. And I even missed Lissa a little bit, but I wasn't ready to return to Court. Not just yet, at least. I couldn't risk bumping into Dimitri. I couldn't risk falling to pieces once again.

"You can always visit me here. And we'll talk every night," I replied, not even attempting to cover up the fact I hadn't bothered to answer his question.

"Talking to you in a dream isn't the same," Adrian said sulkily, sounding very much like a three year old who hadn't gotten his way. I smiled a little bit, unable to help my amusement at his little strop.

"This feels real to me," I told him, edging even closer to him; so close that I could feel his light breath against my neck.

"Rose, you can't let him win," Adrian said, grabbing my face and forcing me to look him straight in the eyes. I nodded, understanding what he was saying, but it wasn't that simple. I knew where Adrian was coming from; I couldn't let what happened with Dimitri dictate my life; I couldn't let it dictate where I went or whether or not I ever got to see my friends again. But I didn't want to see him. I couldn't see him.

At the moment, I was far from fixed. I was far from being better. I had managed to pick myself up from the floor, but Dimitri had successfully managed to destroy me into a million and one pieces. I was basically being held together by scotch tape and one small push would send me collapsing to the ground once again.

"I know that. I get that. But at the moment, I'm not sure whether or not I love or hate Dimitri. I don't know what I feel towards him. I've done nothing but think about it since he told me he didn't want me, and the only conclusion I've come to so far is that I'm better off not dwelling on it. I'm better off not thinking about him, because that way, I don't end up crying myself to sleep every night. So I'm just going to bury my head in the sand and ignore everything for as long as possible, because it's the only thing that I can do to stop myself from completely folding. It's the only thing I can do that allows me to actually carry on with my life. I've spent so much time worrying about him, so much time despairing about him, so much time loathing him, and I refuse to give him a second thought. I refuse to let him destroy my world once again."

Adrian sat silently, staring at me as he took in my speech. Slowly he nodded, and relief filled me that he understood my position, that he understood where I was coming from.

"I guess I get that. Just don't be a stranger, Little Dhampir," Adrian said, before vanishing from my dreams and leaving me alone once again.

* * *

**AN: And that is the third chapter this week! I hope it makes up for me abandoning you whilst I was on holiday =] So, Adrian makes yet another appearance; did you love it or did you hate it? Either way, I don't care, because I love Adrian =] From your reviews and messages, it seems like some of you want Dimitri to make an appearance ASAP, whilst others want it to happen in the not-so-near future...I'm not sure what the point of me telling you this is (mainly because he will simply appear when I want him to appear =D) but I guess I just found it interesting that people seem to responding to the story in such contrasting ways. Anyway, thank you so much for your support and kind words so far – it means the world to me. **

**And I will leave you with this little teaser from the next chapter; **_**The incessant knocking at the door was starting to get on my nerves. I glanced over to my alarm clock, trying to prise my eyelids open for long enough so I could see the time. The mocking red digits told me it was five to six in the morning, and I swore loudly. There was going to be hell to pay for whoever had dared to wake me up this early. Ungracefully, I tumbled out of my bed, crawled across the corridor and stormed downstairs. I opened the door, staring blankly at the person in front of. Recognition soon entered my cloudy mind, and I swore again, before slamming the door shut.**_

**I wonder who it was...feel free to guess =D**

**AN: I DO NOT OWN VA!**


	9. Chapter 9

After my conversation with Adrian, I was left to the blissful harmony of my empty dreams. For the first time since I had left Court, I wasn't plagued by the memory of Dimitri tearing my world apart when he told me his love had faded for me. I snuggled deeper into my duvet, feeling completely at peace with the world.

The tranquillity of sleep was quickly shattered by some idiot knocking on Tasha's front door. I groaned and rolled over, hoping that they would quickly get bored and go away. But to my utter despair, the person carried on, as if me ignoring them was enticing them to be as annoying as possible.

I didn't want to relent. I didn't want to get out of bed and answer the damn door, but the incessant knocking at the door was starting to get on my nerves. I glanced over to my alarm clock, trying to prise my eyelids open for long enough so I could see the time. The mocking red digits told me it was five to six in the morning, and I swore loudly. There was going to be hell to pay for whoever had dared to wake me up this early. Ungracefully, I tumbled out of my bed, crawled across the corridor and stormed downstairs. I opened the door, staring blankly at the person in front of. Recognition soon entered my cloudy mind, and I swore again, before slamming the door shut.

"Rose?" A voice called, and I spun on my heels, watching as Tasha dragged herself down the stairs, yawning as she went. "Who was at the door?"

I thought about lying. I thought about telling her that it was someone who simply had gotten the wrong address, but I knew I wouldn't get away with it. I was pretty sure that he would be able to hear my lie. I was pretty sure that due to my exhaustion, I wouldn't even be able to lie convincingly. So instead, I shrugged and walked into the kitchen, intent on making some strong coffee to shake the drowsiness from my tired form. "Go and see for yourself," I said over the shoulder, knowing that in a couple of minutes she would be squealing in delight.

As if on cue, she yelped happily. "Christian!" she said, the elation of seeing her favourite – and only – nephew clear in her voice. I sighed, running a hand through the knots of my hair, humming impatiently as I put the kettle on to boil. A part of me wished that this was just a terrible nightmare, but deep down, I knew that it was wishful thinking. Deep down, I knew I was in the torrid realms of reality.

I had no idea why Christian was here and to be completely honest, I didn't even care. The last conversation we had was still burnt into the back of my mind, and I was still pretty annoyed at him. It was blatantly obvious that he was going to side with Lissa, but did he really have to paint me as the antagonist in all of this? After all, it wasn't so long ago that he had dumped Lissa for acting like the spoilt little princess she was turning out to be. I thought at least he would be able to understand my reasoning and not pile all the blame onto me.

The pair of them wandered into the kitchen. Tasha was smiling so much that she resembled a kid on Christmas morning whilst Christian was wearing his trademark smirk. If it wasn't for their similarities in appearance, I wouldn't have even guessed they were related; sure, they both liked a good fight, and sure, they both stood up for what they believed in, but other than that, their personalities bore no resemblance.

"It's nice to see you too, _Rosie_," Christian sniped sarcastically, propping himself against the kitchen cabinet as he watched me fill my cup full of coffee and chug it efficiently down in one go. I stared at him, unimpressed with his choice of nickname, but said nothing. Christian, on the other hand, was obviously trying to bait me into speaking, because he carried on talking, much to my despair. "What, aren't you going to hug me and tell me how much you've missed me? I promise not to tell anyone that you are capable of sentiments."

I blinked a few minutes, counting to ten and silently wishing I hadn't drunk my coffee so quickly. Not only did it feel like my throat was laced in a torrid of hot fluid, but I was really feeling the need to chuck something extremely hot onto Christian in an attempt to wipe off that smug look that seemed to be permanently attached to his face. "Do not start with me, _Fire Boy_," I snapped at him, practically spitting out his name as I glared fiercely at him, "I am not in the mood."

As if just suddenly sensing the thick layer of tension in the room, Tasha piped up. "Hey, I know, why don't we all go out for an early breakfast?" she asked, her voice more cheerful than it needed to be, as if she was hoping her happiness would rub off onto us.

I was about to decline, stating that she should catch up with her nephew without me being present, when Christian opened up his stupid mouth of his. "That sounds like a great idea, Tasha," he said, copying her cheerful tone. He was either doing it to mock her or to annoy me, and I was ready to place my bets on the latter. "Doesn't that sound like a good plan, Rose?"

I cursed inwardly, glaring at Christian. He had pushed me into a corner, and there was no way I could escape. I had to go. I had no choice. If I said no now, I would be the one who looked like the bad guy. Grinding my teeth together, I nodded. "It sounds good to me," I said, clenching my fists. Christian may have won the battle, but I was certainly not prepared to let him win the war. "Let me just go and get ready," I told the pair of them, slipping out of the room and running up the stairs.

When I entered the living room thirty minutes later, washed and ready to go, Tasha was nowhere in sight. I thought about retreating back to my room – having purposefully dawdled whilst getting ready so I didn't have to deal with Christian on my own – but unfortunately, Christian had spotted me.

"Come sit down," he said, completely patronising me. Grimacing, I did as he said, but instead of sitting down next to him like he was gesturing me to do so, I sat at the other side of the room, as far away as I possibly could get. "Very mature, Rose," Christian said, rolling his eyes at my antics.

"What do you expect?" I exclaimed, wondering if he had a completely different memory of what happened last time we talked. "Last time I saw you, you practically called me a selfish bitch."

"I don't remember those exact words leaving my mouth," Christian muttered, though he didn't claim to think otherwise, thus proving my point. "Lissa needs you," he told me, suddenly becoming totally grave and serious.

Did he really think I hadn't heard all this before? I sighed, not quite believing we were having the exact same conversation as before. To be completely honest, it was starting to drag. To be completely honest, it was starting to get boring and I prayed that someone would change the record sooner rather than later.

"She doesn't need me. She has hundreds of dhampirs who would kill to get the chance to guard her. Lissa is one hundred per cent safe. Tasha, on the other hand, needs me. If I hadn't stepped in, she wouldn't have gotten a guardian," I told him, though as the words left my mouth I realised my argument was void. After all, like Tasha had said, she was quite capable of looking after herself. She didn't need me, not really.

But still, that wasn't the point. The point was that Lissa only needed me when she wanted something. She only needed me to use. She only needed me when things went wrong and she couldn't be bothered to pick up the pieces herself. It was cruel – and harsh – of me to criticise her like that, but it was true. I had run away from school with her, risked my own future for her, taken away the darkness created by the spirit she used for her. I did everything for her, and yet I never got anything back in return.

"You're supposed to be her best friend," he reminded me, as if I had forgotten during the chaos of the last few months.

"You don't think I know that?" I asked, pulling my phone out of my pocket and looking at the time. I looked towards the door, wishing Tasha would make her appearance soon and end this conversation, but like always, luck and good fortune wasn't in my favour.

"She hasn't done anything to deserve being treated like this," Christian said, causing a graceless snort to escape my lips. I did I double take, not quite believing I had hear him right. But the unimpressed look regarding my reaction told me that I had most definitely heard him right. I shook my head, wondering if he was on drugs. Had he completely forgotten what a spoilt little cow Lissa had been a few months ago when I had gone to Russia? Had he completely forgotten the reason he had broken up with her?

"You can't be serious? I hate to disappoint you, Christian, but you're girlfriend-" I started, but before I could even finish giving him a piece of my mind, he interrupted.

"Lissa isn't my girlfriend. I asked her to marry me and she said yes, hence this visit," he told me, his voice full of smugness and pride.

I blinked. I stared. I blinked some more. Lissa and Christian were getting married. My best friend had gotten engaged. And she hadn't even bothered to tell me. I shook my head, refusing to allow Christian to win this argument. "Fine," I said, pretending that the news didn't hurt me as much as it really had, "you're fiancée isn't as perfect as everyone seems to think."

Before Christian had chance to reply, the sound of Tasha's gentle footsteps coming down the stairs announced her presence, forcing our conversation to come to a standstill. I got up from the chair, grabbing my jacket along the way, before briskly walking out to the garage without bothering to wait for the other two.

I was well aware that my actions would seem rude, although I wasn't particularly that bothered about offending Christian. I just needed some time to think, by myself.

Lissa was getting married, and I had no clue. No phone call. No text. No nothing. But that wasn't what was bothering me the most. Sure, it hurt like hell knowing that Lissa basically didn't want me involved with her life anymore, but the worse thing was that I hadn't known. I hadn't been pulled into her head to watch the joyous occasion.

The bond hadn't worked.

"You okay Rose?" Tasha asked, pulling out her car keys. I nodded, dumbfounded, but didn't say anything as I crawled into the backseat of her car, not even bothering to steal the front seat from Christian.

For the duration of the journey, I sat quietly, lost in my confused thoughts. Every now and again Tasha would shoot me worried glances through the rear-view mirror, and I would attempt to smile reassuringly, but to no avail. We both knew it was a lie.

Christian and Tasha made small talk with each other. From their conversation, I quickly understood that Tasha had no idea about her nephew's engagement, which made me realise the reason behind Christian's out of the blue appearance.

The journey to the diner was short and quick, and the three of us quickly piled into a booth in the far corner – the Ozera's on one side and me sitting opposite to them – away from both annoying customers and the sun that was slowly making an appearance over the horizon. When the waitress came to take our orders, I pointed to the first thing on the menu, not exactly caring what I was about to eat.

When the waitress was done taking our orders, Tasha turned her attention to Christian. "Although it's a nice surprise to see you, Christian, do you mind telling me why you decided to turn up on my doorstep at six o'clock in the morning? Everything's alright, isn't it?" she asked, obviously concerned about his sudden arrival.

"Everything's fine. Everything's great. In fact, I kinda have some news," Christian told her, unable to keep the grin off of his face. I sighed, causing Christian to shoot me an irritated look of annoyance. I just scowled in response, not caring if I was ruining his moment.

Tasha looked intrigued and confused as she watched our silent exchange. "Don't keep me in suspense," she joked to Christian, switching tactics and pretending to be obvious to the tension that had yet again arisen between me and Fire-Boy.

He took a deep breath, suddenly looking very nervous and very young. "I wanted you to find out before everyone else – even the queen doesn't know yet. Lissa and I are engaged," he said quickly, the words tumbling out over each other.

It was Tasha's turn to stare. And blink. And stare some more as she took in the news. "Huh," she said, after a moment of silence. Christian frowned, faltering silently due to his aunt's lack of enthusiasm. As if sensing that "huh" wasn't the reaction Christian was looking for, Tasha changed tact. "That's great," she said, though the concern in her voice betrayed the cheerful facade she was forcing.

"That's great?" Christian questioned, mocking the lacklustre tone Tasha had used moments before. His face hardened, obviously not impressed.

"I didn't mean it like that," Tasha said, her voice full of reason as she tried to explain her actions. "It's just; the two of you are so young. You've only just turned eighteen. Marriage is a massive thing. It will alter your lives forever. Plus, you and Lissa have only just recently gotten back together. I'm happy for you, don't get me wrong, but I can't help but feel you're rushing into this."

I sat silently, listening to their exchange. It wasn't my place to voice my opinions, but I had to agree with Tasha. They were too young. They were rushing into things. And I wasn't just thinking that because I was upset because Lissa hadn't told me about her engagement. I was thinking that because it was true.

"You don't think I've thought about it? I love Lissa and I want to spend the rest of my life with her!" Christian exclaimed loudly. Unknown to the two moroi at the table, the waitress was just about to deliver our food, but hearing the sharp exchange between aunt and nephew, she made a hasty retreat. I guessed it was a good thing I wasn't hungry in the first place.

Tasha sighed, obviously realises that there was no climbing out of the hole she had dug and then thrown herself into. "Christian, I'm happy if you're happy. But I can't help but worry that you're moving too fast," she told him truthfully.

At that point, Christian got up, muttering "I can't believe this." He turned to face us, his face scowling darkly. "I'll see you back at the house," he said, walking out of the diner.

I stared after him, surprised that Tasha was even letting him leave. "Should I go after him?" I asked, watching his figure disappear down the side walk. Tasha shook her head, and I frowned, wondering who I should protect. Though it was daylight, anything could happen to either moroi, and I would be partially responsible for it. But the sun was up, meaning Christian couldn't go far, plus the diner we had chosen to eat at was on a busy road, with both taxis and buses clogging up the roads, so it wasn't like Christian couldn't get back to Tasha's place.

"Why didn't you tell me they were engaged?" Tasha asked suddenly, turning her attention to me and glaring at me accusingly. I shirked back slightly, suddenly uncomfortable. Tasha was obviously in a bad mood, and it was obvious that she was about to take her frustration out on me.

"I didn't know," I told her truthfully. Well, semi-truthfully. Tasha evidently thought I had known that Christian and Lissa were engaged long before today, and I hadn't. And even though I had found out before her, it hadn't really been my place to spill the beans.

"Of course you knew," she exclaimed, "you and Lissa are bonded. How can you not have known?"

Her question threw me. I couldn't answer it. Not properly at least. All I knew was that the bond, for some reason or other, wasn't functioning properly. Sure, I could force my way into Lissa's head still; I had made sure of that on the way over to breakfast. But I was apparently no longer being dragged in against my will. I couldn't even remember the last time I had lost control of my own mind and found myself looking at the world through Lissa's eyes.

"I don't know. Apparently the bond isn't working as it used to be. Maybe it's a distance thing," I offered, hoping that she would believe me. I knew it wasn't a distance thing; at least, not a physical distance thing. After all, the bond had worked fine in Russia.

Tasha nodded, letting the subject drop. She cradled her head in her hands for a moment, looking extremely pale and tired. I tried to remember the last time she fed, knowing that she got snappy when she hadn't had any fresh blood in her system for a few days.

"I handled that completely wrong, didn't I?" she said in a small voice, losing all the fight out of her form.

I shook my head at her, smiling sadly. "I would have done the same thing. You're right; they're too young," I told her, hoping that the sincerity in my voice would lift her spirits slightly.

"Thanks, Rose," Tasha replied, straightening herself up and trying to regain her graceful composure. "Do you mind if we skip breakfast and just go home?"

"Sure, let's go," I replied, trying to sound chirpy for Tasha's sake. We got up, paid for the food that had never reached us, let alone passed our lips, and drove home silently, both lost in our troubling and chaotic thoughts.

* * *

**AN: Good? Bad? To be honest, it's not the best chapter I've written. I feel like I've kind of rushed it a little bit, but hopefully that won't show. And if it does, I'm sorry =] Anyway, the mystery person at the door was CHRISTIAN! Were you surprised? I don't think anyone guessed him, although Secret-Haru did say him and then changed her mind, so I guess that's close enough =D **

**There's no teaser for the next chapter, mainly because I haven't written it yet =]**

**Again, thank you for your support, your messages and your reviews. They mean the world to me! I love hearing what you guys have to say, whether it's a question, a suggestion, or some good ol' praise. I try and reply to every review I get, but I'm sorry if I've accidently missed yours out along the way. It's kinda hard to keep track =] But THANK YOU so much! I love you guys!**

**Disclaimer: I DO NOT OWN VA!**

**And...I now have a fb page! You can find me by searching Thisismyguise Fanfiction. On there, I will post teasers as well as pictures regarding my stories, so I hope you go check me out!**


	10. Chapter 10

We found Christian walking the streets, a couple of blocks away from Tasha's house. Slowing the car to match his pace, Tasha wound the window down and leant over me so she could talk to her nephew.

"Christian, get in the car," she said, straight to the point, not bothering to beat around the bush. In response, Christian glared at the two of us, and carried on walking. I huffed heavily, not quite believing that he was acting like such a child, when twenty minutes earlier he was claiming to be old enough to marry. I knew I was stubborn, but this was pushing it. It was obvious the sun was irritating him, because his face wore a pained expression, but instead of acting like a sane, reasonable person, he ignored us and carried on walking.

"Stop being an idiot and get in the freaking car," I basically yelled, fed up with the bickering between Tasha and Christian. It probably wasn't my place to say anything, but I was tired, ratty and hungry. I wanted to get back to Tasha's as quickly as possible, stuff my mouth with some junk food and then go to bed and sleep for the rest of eternity.

Christian looked at me, shocked that I had spoken so loudly. I couldn't blame him really; after all, I had been pretty subdued since leaving Court. Though nothing could render me speechless, I had been a lot quieter recently, keeping my thoughts to myself, but slowly I was forcing my way back to normality. I was forcing myself to be the old Rose again. I was determined to get my old mojo back.

To my relief, he got into the car. I couldn't believe how stupid he had been. Anything could have happened because of his idiocy. He was already looking weak due to the strained effects of the sun and I guessed that was the real reason why he finally relented. Tasha started the car again, and whilst she focused on the road, I did nothing but glare at Christian through the rear view mirror.

He claimed to love Lissa, but then he went and did something so stupid and so reckless that it could have ended up with him dying. If he really loved her, he wouldn't have put himself into that position. If he really loved her, then he would have done everything in his power to make sure he stayed alive. But instead, he had risked his life. He had risked everything because he was stubborn and arrogant.

Maybe I was overreacting again, but I had quickly learnt that in this business, being a pessimist meant that you could never be disappointed. Being a pessimist meant that you were always prepared for the worst case scenario. The likelihood of Christian coming to any harm was low, I knew that, but it didn't mean it wouldn't have happened. It didn't mean that it couldn't have happened. Everything and anything was out to get you. The world was a crappy place to live in, unfortunately.

As soon as Tasha's townhouse came into view and she cut the engine to the car, the three of us climbed out of the vehicle solemnly and made our way indoors. Whilst Tasha walked ahead of us, Christian trailed behind, and I glanced over my shoulders to make sure he was okay. His body stumbled slightly, and I quickly grabbed his arm, steadying his form. The effect of the sun was obviously making it hard for Christian to balance, let alone concentrate where he was walking, and so it was up to me to guide – well, more like drag – him into the house.

I had assumed that Tasha was still reeling from the news of Christian and Lissa's engagement, which was why she wasn't helping her nephew in his hour of need, but as I walked into the kitchen, pulling Christian along with me, I realised that Tasha wasn't ignoring his needs. Instead, she was preparing some blood for him to drink. I had known that Tasha kept packets of blood in the house for emergencies, but I had never seen them, something I was glad about because the idea that she kept them in the fridge, next to my orange juice, made my slightly nauseous.

I paled slightly as I watched her gruesomely pour the red liquid into a cup, passing it to Christian. I made note of which cup she used, because there was no way in hell I was going to use it again, not even if it was cleaned in bleach. The thought of some extra flavouring of human blood to go with my morning coffee caused me to gag.

Christian took the drink, downing it swiftly as if it was a shot of alcohol. "Thanks," he offered, smiling a small smile before sitting down at the kitchen table. Tasha followed suit, and after a moment's hesitation, I sat down also.

"We need to talk about this," Tasha told her nephew, who nodded in return. The little colour Christian had was starting to return, and I let go of the breath I hadn't been aware I had been holding.

"I know. I'm sorry for the way I acted," Christian replied, reaching over to grab Tasha's hand. I suddenly felt extremely out of place – after all, this was a family matter and I wasn't family. No, I was basically a stranger intruding. I shifted in my chair, about to make my excuses to escape, but Tasha caught my eye and shook her head no. I frowned, but stayed where I was. The look of worry in her eyes suggested that she wasn't looking forward to the conversation the two of them were about to have, and I realised that she wanted me to play peacemaker if things got out of hand again. I nodded, showing her that I understood, but the uneasiness didn't leave the pit of my stomach.

"And I'm sorry for reacting the way I did," Tasha said, smiling sadly, "but you've got to understand where I'm coming for. You've got to understand my concern."

Christian nodded, "I do, but I love Lissa. I want to spend the rest of my life with Lissa," he said. I had no doubt that what he was saying was true, but something seemed off. Something didn't seem right. Christian wasn't the sort of guy who let things go easily, and yet here he was, apparently forgiving – and forgetting – everything Lissa had done whilst I had been in Russia. I knew her behaviour had hurt him; there was nothing Christian hated more than spoilt, egomaniacal royals, and there Lissa had been, playing the part perfectly.

"I get that. But why the rush?" Tasha asked.

There was a couple of minutes silence whilst Christian deliberated his answer. He frowned, pursing his lips slightly, deep in thought. "Because," he started, hesitating slightly, "because, I love her," he finally said, as if that was enough reason. And maybe it was. Maybe he had complete faith in his girlfriend. Maybe he trusted Lissa not to be dragged into all the drama that surrounded Court. Maybe he trusted her not to turn into a right little bitch.

I guessed I couldn't blame him for loving her so unconditionally. Only a few months ago, I had risked my life and my entire future for Dimitri. I would have done anything for Dimitri, because I had loved him. But I now knew that love wasn't enough. It was never enough, and that was the problem. People changed. Dimitri had loved me, and then he hadn't. I now realised how stupid I had been, chancing everything on a bet where the odds had never been in my favour.

Suddenly, I looked up, finally hearing Christian's words for what they were. I had been too focussed on my own frightful experience to fully listen to what he had said. I narrowed my eyes at him, speaking for the first time since we had gotten into the house. "You hesitated," I told him accusingly, causing him to look at me startled.

I wasn't the only one whose odds didn't look good. Christian's odds were probably as bad as mine, if not worse, and he knew it. He knew that Lissa had happily dived into the politics of Court. He knew that Lissa was changing. He knew that Lissa had changed. And he knew that there was no way the queen and the other royals would want him, an Ozera, to have a future the last Dragomir.

"What?" he asked.

"When you said you loved her, you hesitated," I pointed out. It was so clear now, even if Christian hadn't realised himself. He hadn't forgiven Lissa yet, not fully. I had no doubt that the two of them were on the road to recovery. I had no doubt that they would make it work. But it wasn't just up to them. Until Lissa started at Lehigh, the pair of them were living at Court, and therefore had to deal with the rumours and the matchmaking and the manipulation that regularly went on.

He was scared. Christian was scared. He knew that things weren't right between Lissa and him. He knew it, Lissa knew it and I bet the queen bitch herself knew it. It was no secret that Tatiana had tried to match Lissa with Adrian, and though that pairing was never going to happen, there were plenty of other single, royal moroi who were a more suitable match for the princess than Christian was.

"I didn't," Christian said, but his voice lacked its normal confidence.

I felt like laughing at how utterly pathetic this all was, although I just managed to restrain myself. "Yes you did," I replied, and before Christian had a chance to say otherwise, I started to speak again, finally on a roll, "You haven't forgiven Lissa for being a spoilt bitch, but instead of taking your relationship slowly with her to test the waters, you diving into the deep end because you're scared. You're scared that Lissa is going to turn into the darling royal everyone expects her to be. You're scared that she's going to go off to Lehigh and come back a totally different person. You're scared that she's going to leave you behind and find someone else. And so you're going to marry her, because that's the only way you can guarantee she's not going to leave you behind."

My impromptu speech had left Tasha and Christian wordless, and both of them stared at me as if I had suddenly grown an extra head. And a small part of me felt like I had. I realised that it wasn't exactly the right time to feel smug, but I couldn't help it. Lately I had found myself zoning out too easily, not able to concentrate on the simplest of tasks, but I had just successfully read into and analysed complex situation. I couldn't help but feel a little impressed and pleased with myself.

"Is she right?" Tasha asked Christian, who stared at me expressionless.

Maybe I had been too blunt. Maybe I should have eased off him a little. After all, I knew how it felt when someone – mainly Lissa – tried to dictate what I was feeling. But even though I rarely liked to admit it, Christian was my friend, and I didn't want him to make a mistake. I didn't want him to ruin the rest of his life.

"You have no idea how it's been," Christian said to me, ignoring his aunt's question. "You got it easy. You got to leave Court. If it wasn't for Lissa, I would have left that hellhole and never looked back. Instead, I get to stick around in a place where no one wants me. You think I'm oblivious to the looks and the snide remarks? But I stayed because that's where Lissa wants to be. Not that I actually get to see her anymore. All she seems to be interested in at the moment is the politics of Court. She spends her days having meetings with the other royals and having luncheons with other prominent moroi. She does nothing but try and please them. She does nothing but try and suck up to them. And I realise she has duties, but it would be nice to see my girlfriend once in a while. But even when we get time to ourselves, she's more focussed on Belikov, who's still feeling the need to follow her every move. And let me tell you; there's nothing that ruins a romantic moment than a six foot seven Russian brooding in the corner of the room."

"Then tell her how you're feeling," I exclaimed, as if it was the most obvious thing in the world – which it was. I couldn't believe the two of them. They were made for each other, but their own stupidity was causing their relationship to fall apart. Getting married wasn't going to fix anything. It was like covering a stab wound to the stomach with a band aid. It was only going to be a matter of time before the pressure got too much and they bled a painful death.

"Gee, I hadn't thought of that," Christian quipped sarcastically.

I rolled my eyes, wondering why I was even bothering. It wasn't like Christian wanted my help. It wasn't like Lissa would appreciate me help. "Have you talked to her?" I asked, already sensing what the answer would be.

"No," Christian replied glumly. Beside me, Tasha sighed heavily, and I knew how she was feeling. It was like pulling teeth out. How could we help Christian if he wasn't going to make the first move?

"You should talk to her," Tasha told him sagaciously, and all I could do was hope he would listen to his aunt. It was easy for him to ignore me, to mock me, but he couldn't do that to Tasha. Not only was she his only family, she was a lot older than us and a lot more experienced than us.

"Okay. I will. Thanks," Christian muttered, as if not happy with the fact that he had desperately needed relationship advice. He turned to me. "Thanks Rose. It pains me to admit it, but what you said was really helpful. And right. When did you become such an expert at relationships?"

I stared, slightly taken back. I hadn't though Christian was capable of thanking me. I hadn't thought he was capable of admitting I was right. I smiled, glad that we had buried the hatchet, at least momentarily. I mulled over his question, trying to pinpoint the moment I had turned from a reckless girl who liked to flirt into a person who took their responsibilities seriously and who gave sage, adult advice. "I guess that having the love of my life telling me he no longer wants or loves me – after he was turned into a strigoi, forcing me to try and kill him but ultimately resulting in me being held hostage by him – means that I have all bases covered when it comes to dishing out relationship advice," I replied chirpily, finally able to joke for the first time about the tragedy which was my broken heart.

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**AN: And that is chapter ten done and dusted! Woohoo. So...the reviews I got last chapter indicated that there was a lot of Christian hating going on...hopefully this will make you change your minds a little bit =D I love how protective you are of Rose though, coming to her defense when anybody says anything bad to her - I love how involved you all are with the story. **

**Thanks to everyone who has reviewed so far: I love hearing from you guys! And a special mention to Charboday for her lovely reviews and messages and calling me a genius (flattery will get you everywhere in life...well, it will get you a special mention at the bottom of my AN =D)**

**Tatiana Belikova: That sucks! I hope you get your computer back soon and don't worry about not beta-ing my work. I guess I'll just have to reread what I've actually written now =]**

**DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN VA!**


	11. Chapter 11

A week after Christian left us, Tasha received an invitation for the happy couple's engagement party. I, on the other hand, did not. Though I shouldn't have been surprised, it hurt like hell. After all, even if Lissa was still angry at me, I thought Christian would have wanted me to be there, seeing as I had been so helpful with my advice.

"Maybe it got lost in the post," Tasha offered as she ate her fruit salad. I snorted gracelessly; basically spurting out the coffee I had just taken a sip of onto the pristine invitation, not quite believing she could be that naive. It was obvious that I wasn't wanted. It was obvious that I wasn't needed.

I grabbed a napkin, wiping down the piece of paper that officially ended mine and Lissa's friendship. Sure, we hadn't talked in months. Sure, we weren't as close as we once were. But it was just spiteful of her not to invite me. I looked down at the invitation, studying it intently.

The paper was high quality. The calligraphy was spotless. Everything was so immaculate and so perfect and so fake. It held no resemblance to Lissa and Christian. It was a strange and foreign object that shared no insight into the so-called happy couple. It was void of all emotion.

"It didn't get lost in the post," I replied, pushing the invitation away. I grabbed my untouched bagel, taking a bite but regretting it almost instantly. Chewing it was hard work. Swallowing it was even worse. I sighed heavily, grabbing my coffee cup and gulping down the sweet nectar that I had become addicted to recently, hoping the caffeine would make me feel a little better. It didn't.

Tasha watched me, concern evident on her face. "You don't know that," she said, trying to reason with me.

"Yes I do," I replied, picking up my plate and throwing the rest of my bagel out. "They don't want me there."

"Maybe I should phone Christian," Tasha pondered, and although she was talking more to herself than she was to me, I felt obliged to put an end to her plan.

"Don't," I said, washing up my plate at the sink. It was one thing being overlooked, but it would be painstakingly embarrassing for me if Tasha had to go and beg her nephew to invite me. I turned to face her, "just leave it."

She nodded, though I could tell that she still wanted to get on the phone with Christian. I sighed. Tasha could do whatever she wanted. I didn't care. I didn't care about anything. If Lissa didn't want to be my friend anymore then that was fine by me. I wasn't going to force her to be friends with me. I wasn't going to force her to play with me. We were both adults. We were both capable of making our own decisions.

"I don't have to go," Tasha said, getting up and grabbing a towel to dry off the plates, helping me to clean up.

"Yes you do," I replied. She had to go. She had to be there for Christian. She had to support her nephew. There were going to be so many moroi who frowned upon his engagement with Lissa and Tasha had to be there to stand up for him.

After Christian returned to Court, he had talked to Lissa as promised. And then he had phoned Tasha – who told me. It seemed like the pair of them had worked things out. It seemed like Lissa was willing to spend more time with her boyfriend. And it seemed that after everything we had said, Christian had chosen to ignore the fact that he was too young to get married.

Maybe I was being a little too harsh on him. After all, according to Tasha, Christian and Lissa had decided to have a long engagement. A very long engagement. So maybe he had listened to our concerns and taking them into consideration.

"Well, you don't have to go to Court with me, if you don't want to that is," she said. I turned to face her, sighing slightly. Although I realised that she was trying to be considerate of my feelings, I wished she wouldn't be. She was treating me like I was about to break any minute. She was treating me like I was fragile. And maybe a few weeks ago I was weak. But I was sick of it. I wanted to get back up, brush myself down and start afresh, which meant that I no longer needed to be wrapped in cotton wool.

"Tasha, I'm your guardian. I'm going to go wherever you go," I reminded her, washing up the last dish. I looked around the kitchen, trying to find a towel to dry my hands, but seeing that Tasha was using the only one, I quickly dried my hands on my jeans. "End of conversation," I said, just as she was about to say something else. I was done with talking. I was done with feeling sorry for myself. I walked out of the kitchen and jogged upstairs to my room, closing the door behind me.

I sat down on the bed, closing my eyes and began to focus at the task at hand. Since Christian's revelation – since my realisation that the bond wasn't working as efficiently as it once did – I hadn't checked in on Lissa. I was scared; scared that the bond had disappeared and scared that I would get confirmation that Lissa no longer cared about me.

Clearing my head of my own chaotic thoughts, I searched for the mental connection that linked me and Lissa together. At first, I couldn't find it, and my heart beat erratically as I feared the worse. As I feared the bond had disappeared completely. But to my utter relief, I found it, hiding in the darkest cavities in my mind. Grasping it, I relaxed before thrusting myself into Lissa's head.

She was sat around a vast oak table, surrounded by other royal moroi, in one of the many ornate rooms at Court. Remembering what Christian had said, I figured that she was in yet another meeting. Instead of pulling straight out of her head like I had been doing recently, I stayed around for a bit. The fact that there was no Dimitri currently present made it an easy decision to make.

In all honesty, I had missed her. I had missed my best friend. I had missed talking to her. I had missed seeing her.

Lissa was angry. Though, for what seemed like the first time in ages, her anger wasn't aimed at me. No. Instead, it was aimed at the moroi who sat around the table. She couldn't believe them. She couldn't believe how arrogantly naive they all were. They claimed to care, but all they did was sit around a damn table debating over what they were going to do rather than actually doing it.

Dhampir numbers were low. So low that just giving guardians royal charges was no longer working. There were too many moroi who were left unprotected. There were too many guardians dying at a rapid place. The strigoi were getting stronger. There strigoi were winning the fight.

And instead of taking decisive action, the moroi had decided to talk it out. The moroi had decided to slowly mull over their options. It sickened Lissa. She couldn't quite believe how narcissistic they were being. They seemed to be more interested in securing that their own guardians stayed to protect them whilst they lived a lavish and luxurious lifestyle in Court than in sorting out the actual problem. Even now, there were seven guardians in the room, protecting them from a threat that didn't exist.

There had to be something. There had to be a solution.

But that was the problem. There wasn't one. There wasn't anything that she could think of. They were stuck in between a rock and a hard place, and it caused Lissa to well up slightly, knowing there was nothing that she could do to help. Everyone expected her to be a great leader and live up to her family name, but she was just eighteen. She had been thrown into the deep end and she had no idea what she could do to help.

And the worse thing was that things were going to get so much worse.

The sound of someone knocking on my door dragged me out of Lissa's head. I sat, blinking feverously as I tried to get a grip on my reality. I leapt off of the bed and across the room in a couple of strides, opening the door to reveal Tasha.

"Can I come in?" she asked. I nodded, opening the door further to allow her access before making myself comfortable on my bed. Tasha followed suit, but instead of lounging on the bed like I currently was, she perched gracefully on the end. "How are you?"

"I'm fine," I told her, staring at my ceiling. And I was. Sort of. Sure, not being invited to the engagement party seemed petty and hurtful, but I had more things to worry about, like the lack of sufficient dhampir numbers. I had known there had been an issue – after all, Tasha had been left to her own devices without any protection and she was a royal moroi in her own right. It was worrying that my own race seemed to be dying out, and there was nothing I could do to help. If I stopped being a guardian and had a family, I was being selfish by putting moroi at risk. If I carried on being a guardian, I was being selfish for not helping to continue the dhampir line.

It was a lose/lose situation. Like Lissa, there was nothing I could do. And that sucked. I sighed heavily, suddenly realising that Tasha was still in my room, peering down at me with worry and anxiety clear in her blue eyes. "I'm fine," I repeated, sitting up and leaning my head against the headboard.

Tasha didn't look convinced, but she dropped it, knowing that I could be stubborn when I wanted to be. "What have you been up to?"

"I was just checking in on Lissa," I admitted. I looked around the room, feeling uncomfortable. I knew Tasha was only being friendly, but it felt like she was intruding. It felt like she was being nosey. Maybe it was because I wasn't used to people actually caring what I had been up to, but I wasn't too sure that I liked all of her attention to be focused on me. Don't get me wrong, Tasha was great. She had taken me in when no one wanted me, but sometimes it felt like we were playing an endless game of twenty questions.

"Oh. How is she?" Tasha asked yet another question, causing me to stifle a groan.

I knew how this was going to go. Tasha wasn't going to leave me alone until she was satisfied that I was okay, so I plastered the most convincing smile I had onto my face. "She's good. Stuck in some meeting or other."

"So the bond's working alright?" After Christian had left, I had talked to Tasha about my worries concerning the bond. Although she was no expert when it came to being shadow-kissed, I had found her helpful. Tasha seemed to think that because the bond between me and Lissa was a mental bon, our emotions and feelings would somehow effect it due to the receptors in our brains. She had said that because there was both a physical and emotional gap between Lissa and I, the bond wasn't going to be as effective as it once was.

Her theory did make sense. Although I was no neurologist, it seemed likely that our emotions were linked to the bond. After all, spirit thrived on emotions and our bond was an affect of spirit.

"Yep," I answered, wishing for once that Tasha would stop being concerned. I realised she was only being a good friend, but I just wanted to be alone. And although the thought of telling her to leave me be had crossed my mind, I just couldn't do it. Sure, that would have been the old Rose's approach, but Tasha had done so much to me; I couldn't bring myself to be that rude to her.

"That's good then," Tasha said awkwardly, as if suddenly realising I wasn't up for the tête-à-tête she was attempting to initiate. She smiled, readying herself to get up and leave me to my lonesome, but I suddenly remembered I wanted to ask her something, and so grabbed hold of her arm.

"Did you know about the shortage of guardians?" I asked, intrigued to get her take on the situation. If there was anybody who could help sort the problem out, it was Tasha. After all, she was the one who wanted moroi to fight alongside dhampirs. "They were discussing the issue in the meeting Lissa was at."

"It's nice to know I wasn't invited," Tasha muttered, focusing more on the latter comment than my actual question.

"Maybe your invite got lost in the post," I quipped, mirroring her earlier words. The look of annoyance Tasha shot at me suggested that she was in no mood for joking. "Did you know about it then?"

"Yes. It's been a problem for a long time. But instead of doing anything about it, the moroi in charge seemed to think that if they ignored the situation it would go away. I've been trying to get involved, but no one seems to want to hear my suggestions. It's just getting worse and worse. Two years ago, it was just me and the Taros brothers practicing fighting with our magic. But now the moroi seem to be realizing that there just aren't enough guardians to go around, and so they're taking precautions and making sure they are able to protect themselves if anything bad were to happen," Tasha explained. What she was saying made sense. I had been completely taken by surprise at the sheer number of moroi taking Tasha's class. They obviously recognised the problem and were trying to do something to help rectify it. But were the moroi in power doing this? No, of course they weren't. Instead they were discussing it around a table with a free buffet lunch. It just didn't make sense.

"It's just...how could they let it get to this? How could they let it get so bad?" I asked Tasha, not able to wrap my head around it. My race was slowly dying out. Sure, there were probably a couple of thousand dhampirs left, but there were more moroi. And there were definitely a lot more strigoi.

"I don't know," Tasha replied, her tone subdued as she shrugged, defeated. She got up and silently walked out of the room. I stared at the space she had just departed. I felt hollow. I felt weak. There was nothing I could do. There was nothing anyone could do. The dhampirs were dying out, and that was final.

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**AN: Guess what? Only one more chapter to go and we're back at Court! I can't wait. Seriously, I'm already writing scenes and I haven't even started the next chapter yet. So, Rose hasn't been invited to the engagement party...thoughts? **

**Here's a massive thank you to everyone who has reviewed so far. I can't believe how supportive you guys have been; you're kind words mean the world to me. I'm one heck of a happy bunny because of you all!**

**We're nearly at 100 reviews, and when we hit that special number I'm going to write a one-shot to accompany this story about what's been going on at Court whilst Rose has been away. A one-shot with the one and only Dimitri Belikov in it, mainly because he's feeling a little left out. Intrigued? Well, carry on reviewing so that we get to the 100 mark sooner rather than later!**

**And now, because I'm feeling kind and caring, I'm going to share a teaser with you. This will be featuring in a chapter coming up some time in the near future, so enjoy!**

"_**Adrian, these are my boobs. Boobs, this is Adrian. Now that you've both been introduced to each other do you think that maybe you could focus on me?" I joked, snapping my fingers in Adrian's direction for added effect in an attempt to drag his attention back up to my face.**_

**Disclaimer: I DO NOT OWN VA!**


	12. Chapter 12

The big brown envelope was mocking me. It thought I was a wimp for not opening it. It thought I was a coward for not tearing it open and reading what was inside. I had recognised the neat handwriting on the front as soon as Tasha had passed it to me half an hour ago, and I still hadn't been able to read what she had written. Tasha had watched me carefully as I handled the envelope with shaky hands, obviously wanting to know who it was from and what was inside, but I couldn't deal with her many questions, and so I had escaped to the safety of my own room, making sure to block the door with the chair as to make it impossible for Tasha to intrude on this moment.

I had no idea why she had written. This was the first time we had communicated since I had left. This was either the first step to reconciliation or the final blow to our friendship.

It was make it or break it.

I swallowed heavily, trying to calm to beating of my heart. I gulped down the fresh air, wiping my slightly sweaty hands on my tee-shirt before grabbing hold of the envelope and staring it head on. "You don't scare me," I muttered to it, completely aware of how crazy I sounded, talking to a freaking envelope.

Slowly, I ripped it open, unravelling the neatly folded up piece of paper, crammed full of words. I placed her letter down onto the table, and began reading.

_Rose,_

_I'm not sure if this letter will find you. I'm not sure if you will even read this letter if it does get to you. I wouldn't blame you for tearing it up. But if you are reading this then thank you. Thank you for giving me the chance to explain._

_I'm sorry. I'm sorry for being a bitch. I'm sorry for not being there for you. I'm sorry for not inviting you to the engagement party. I don't know if you'll be able to forgive me, and I don't blame you if you never want to hear from me again. But I hope this letter will help to explain my actions, and maybe, just maybe, you will be able to understand why I did what I did._

_I was wrong to side with Dimitri. I thought that after everything he had been through, he needed someone to help him; to protect him; to wrap him up in bubble wrap and make sure nothing bad ever happens again to him. Yes, he needed someone to stand up for him, but I should never have started to dictate who got to see him and when. I should have never have started to tell you what you can and can't do. I was worried for him. After all, there are so many people at Court who are out to get him, but you weren't one of them. Like me, you were on his side, but I refused to see that._

_I was so focused on Dimitri that I neglected you. You needed me and I wasn't there. I feel so horrible about it. Not only are you my best friend, you're my sister, and I wasn't there supporting you when you needed me the most. Not only that, but I drove you out of Court. I'm wholly responsible for you leaving and I don't blame you. I would have left if I were in your shoes too because what I did, what I said, it wasn't nice. _

_And yet, you're still looking out for me, even though I've been the worst best friend in the entire world. Christian told me about the advice you gave him concerning the two of us and I can't thank you enough for helping us out. He explained to me how he was feeling, and I can't believe how far I let things get out of control; not just with Christian, but with you too. Instead of sorting things out, I just ignored the problem, hoping it would go away._

_I was so busy calling you selfish that I failed to recognise that I'm the selfish one out of the two of us. You've been there for me. You've helped me so much over the years, not only with the side effects of the spirit, but with everything that happened to my family as well. You were there for me when I was out of control. You were there for me when I was depressed. You were always there for me and I am so grateful for it. You are the most amazing person I have ever met, Rose Hathaway._

_I want you to be at the engagement party. I always wanted you to be there. But since finding out about Christian and me, Queen Tatiana has taken complete control over the planning and arrangements; I don't think she's too impressed with the idea of Christian and I getting married. She seems to think having you there will be 'inappropriate', but I don't see how having my family present is inappropriate. Because that is what you are to me; not only are you my best friend, you're the only family I have. _

_It would mean the world to me if you came, but I understand if you decide not to. I understand if you decide you can't forgive me. It's going to be like purgatory waiting to see if you come or not, but whatever happens, I will respect your decision. Whatever happens, I wish you all the best._

_Love, Lissa X_

Collapsing heavily onto the bed, I gripped Lissa's tightly in my hand, partially afraid that when I came to reread it, the words would have escaped and been replaced by more malicious ones.

A burst of laughter escaped from my lips; Lissa was sorry. Lissa wanted to me to be there. Lissa wanted me. I couldn't quite believe it. In one swift movement, I jumped off of the bed, feeling completely giddy and relaxed as I bounced around my room like an idiot.

I quickly scanned her letter again, making sure that I wasn't being delusional. Maybe I had finally lost it. But no, the words were the same. I laughed again before leaving my room and hurtling down the corridor to Tasha's office.

"I'm going to Court with you!" I exclaimed, bursting through the door at lightning speed. Tasha looked up, surprised at both my sudden appearance and the grin that was plastered on my face.

"Okay," Tasha said, smiling at my bizarre behaviour. "Mind explaining to me what's going on?"

"I got a letter from Lissa," I said, proudly showing her the said letter.

"May I?" she asked, and I nodded, passing her the letter to read. I watched her quickly scan it, praying that she was reading the same words I had read. It would just be my luck for her to tell me it didn't say what I had thought it had said. But to my relief, she started smiling, proving that I hadn't lost my last remaining marbles just yet. "I'm happy for you, Rose," Tasha told me, standing up and giving me a hug. "But," she started to say, causing me to take a step back and shaking my head maniacally. I didn't want to hear her but. I didn't want to know her but. I just wanted to be completely happy for the first time in months.

"No," I warned her, pointing my finger for added effect. "No buts."

Tasha laughed at my childish behaviour, but carried on speaking, much to my dismay. "But are you ready to return? Are you ready to see Dimitri?"

I watched her burst my bubble. In my sheer happiness, I had forgotten all about Dimitri. I had forgotten about what he had said. I had forgotten what Lissa had said. Sure, she was apologising for her actions now, but what was that saying? Actions speak louder than words. It was easy to say – or write – she was sorry. But did she mean it? Could I trust her? And more importantly, would I actually be able to deal with seeing Dimitri again?

"I'm not going to see Dimitri. I'm going to see Lissa," I told Tasha defiantly, but I knew seeing him would be inevitable. He was still worshipping Lissa. He was still following around Lissa. They came as a package now, and I would have to see him at some point during the trip. Despair ripped through my stomach due to the thought of seeing him again. I could feel myself already shrinking. I could feel my stitches coming undone. I could feel the heartache returning. "What am I going to do?"

Tasha pulled me into yet another warm and comforting embrace, before leading me to her chair and making me sit down. "If I were you, I'd just ignore him," she told me thoughtfully and truthfully as she leant against her desk. "You've spent too much time thinking about him. You've spent too much time mulling over what he has said. Dimitri doesn't deserve your time or your attention."

I nodded sadly, understanding what she was saying. But could I really simply ignore him? I was the type of person who had to poke the bear for curiosities sake. I couldn't let things be. I couldn't let things go. "Do you think that will be for the best?" I asked, needing Tasha's opinion. She was the only one who had an inkling of how I was feeling. She had been through something similar, and I needed her to help me though it. I needed her to guide me through it.

"I really do," she admitted, patting my hand. "Rose, you've only just picked yourself up from last time around. Do you really want to risk being turned into such a mess again?"

I nodded slowly, understanding where she was coming from. Maybe ignoring Dimitri was for the best. After all, that way he couldn't see how bad he had hurt me. That way, Lissa couldn't yell at me for daring to talk to him. That way, I could try and carry on with my life. "You're right, Tasha. Although I shouldn't be surprised; you're always right," I told her.

She laughed. "Aw, Rose, you're going to make me blush," she joked, straightening herself up. I laughed along with her, though I really wasn't in the mood for joking. I knew what I had to do; I had to bury all my feelings and pretend I just didn't care. I was going to have to lock my heart in an iron cage and through away the key. I couldn't allow myself to feel. I couldn't allow myself to be that vulnerable. I couldn't allow myself to get hurt by him again.

There was only one thing I could do to protect myself. Unlike Dimitri, I didn't have a guardian face. I spoke my mind and wore my feelings on my sleeve. But I didn't need a guardian face, because I had something so much better. I had the old Rose facade at my fingertips. The old Rose did what she wanted, when she wanted, and she didn't care about the consequences. She didn't care about anyone other than herself. And so, if I was going to survive this trip, I had to channel the old Rose. I had to be the girl I used to be.

* * *

**AN: I have to apologise; this chapter isn't as long as the others. But instead of painfully dragging it out, I decided to leave it like this, because I'm only a couple of hundred off my average word count. Plus I had to work on the one-shot I promised you all, which is entitled Lonely Strings and is dedicated to my wonderful readers, so go check it out! **

**And guess what?! We've hit the 100 review mark. You guys are so amazing. I love you all so much! Thank you for everything!**

**Disclaimer: I DO NOT OWN VA!**

**Ps...next chapter we're at Court! It's going to be amazing!**


	13. Chapter 13

The car journey back to Court seemed a lot more daunting than the one we took leaving it. I guess it was because last time around, I had been running away from my problems and now I was returning to face them. It was so much easier being a coward. It was so much simpler being a caitiff. But it had to be done; Lissa had made her move and now it was my turn.

All too quickly, Tasha was pulling up to the gates leading to Court, showing her documents to the guardians on duty. As they flicked through the paper work that declared the two of us were not threats, Tasha turned to me. "Are you alright?" she asked the all too familiar question. I nodded, tapping my fingers impatiently. I had to admit, a part of me was excited. I hadn't told anyone, including Lissa I was coming; partially because I wanted it to be a surprise and partially because she deserved to be on edge a little. But that wasn't what I was excited for. No, I was excited to be seeing Adrian. Over the past few months, he had filled in the role of my best friend. He was my rock. He was my everything. And I couldn't wait to see him again.

As soon as Tasha parked the car, I grabbed my bag from the backseat and shot out the car. "Where are our rooms?" I asked Tasha, sitting on the car bonnet as I watched her copy my actions, though at a much slower pace.

"I got us an apartment for the two weeks in the centre of Court. That way I'll know if there are any meetings going on that I haven't been invited to," she replied, still feeling touchy from not being asked to attend the last meeting concerned about the decreasing guardian numbers.

"Let's go then," I said, hopping off of the car.

"Oh no you don't," Tasha ordered, grabbing the strap of my bag to stop me from moving. "I'll take the bags to the room. You go and see your friends."

"But -," I started to say, but Tasha held her hand up, cutting me off before I could finish refusing her offer.

"No, I don't want to hear it. From now till the time we leave Court, you are officially off duty. So go and have fun. Oh, and tell Christian that I will meet him for dinner later," she told me, snatching my bag off of me and walking away before I had chance to answer. I stared at her retreating figure, until I could see her no more.

Sighing, I started walking. Although it was nice that Tasha was giving me the time off, it wasn't really that appreciated. I didn't need time off. I needed to work. I needed to focus on something else other than the shambles which my life had become. But obviously Tasha didn't see it like that. She saw it as me procrastinating. She saw it as me needing a push in the right direction.

This trip could be fun though, especially as soon as I found Adrian. A part of me wanted to seek him out first, but I knew I couldn't do that to Lissa. I had to go see her. I had to go talk to her. Slipping into her head in an attempt to find her current location, I found that she was in her room with Christian, Mia, Eddie, and, of course, Dimitri, who was sitting in the corner looking like the odd one out. To my disappointment, Adrian wasn't there, but it didn't take a genius to figure out that he would probably be in one of the many bars, drinking his life away.

I walked over to Lissa's, trying to figure out how I should play it. Although I was willing to forgive her, it would take a long time for our friendship to get back to where it used to be. It wasn't something that could be fixed overnight, and I wasn't going to pretend that everything was okay when it wasn't.

That said, I decided that the easiest thing to do was to play it cool. I was going to revert back to the old Rose persona. I would have a good time. I would have a laugh. I would be sarcastic and funny. After all, it was Lissa's engagement party and I didn't want to spoil the atmosphere by making the rift between us obvious.

Towards Dimitri though, I was going to act like nothing had happened between us. I would be polite and civil. If I had to, I would make conversation with him. I wasn't going to completely ignore him like Tasha had suggested, mainly because I was unable to let things go. I wanted to make him uncomfortable. I wanted to make him feel at unease. And I definitely wanted to make sure he didn't realise how badly he had hurt me. I didn't want to give him the satisfaction of seeing my pain and so I was going to act like I just didn't care about him or his cruel, malicious words.

I walked into Lissa's building and skipped up the stairs two at a time. Once I got to her door, I knocked sharply three times, before moving to the side and leaning nonchalantly against the adjacent wall, so that when she opened the door, she wouldn't see me straight away.

I could hear movement from inside her apartment, and counted to five, waiting for the door to open on cue. I couldn't see her from my position, nor could she see me as she hadn't stepped out into the corridor, but through the bond I could feel her confusion.

"I hear congratulations are in order," I told her, stepping out of my hiding place. She stared at me, mouth agape as she took in my appearance, before squealing.

"Oh Rose, I'm so glad you decided to come!" she yelled happily, lunging onto me and dragging me into a tight hug. I was just about to tell her that I had had little choice in the matter – wherever Tasha went, I went – but decided against it. Bringing that up wouldn't have gotten our reunion off to the best start.

I hugged her back, although I wasn't as giddy as she was. "I know I'm awesome and all, but jeez Lissa, calm down. You're making a fool out of yourself," I joked, taking a step back and prising myself out of her grip. She stared at me, her face falling slightly as she took in my tone. It was a tone she should have been used it, as I had frequently used it in the past, but it was never aimed at her. Sure, it was jokey, but I tended to be at my most sarcastic when I was uncomfortable, or annoyed, or around people I wasn't too keen on. With Lissa, I had always been sincere. I felt bad, although I didn't know what she was expecting. Did she really think everything would go back to the way it used to be because of one simple letter? "Come here," I muttered, pulling her into another hug.

After we had finished being soppy towards each other, Lissa proudly led me into her apartment, where I was met with more squeals and hugs.

Mia pounced on me as soon as I got into the room. "It's so good to see you again," she told me, causing Lissa to frown slightly. I ignored her though, and hugged Mia back, wincing slightly as she wrapped her arms around me a little hard. I glared at her, sure she had done it on purpose to show off her strength, but before I could speak to her, Eddie had pushed her out of the way.

"Hey there, stranger," I told him, smiling whilst silently praying that he wasn't still mad at me. Before I had left, I had managed to land him into so much trouble, and I hoped he had forgiven me.

Eddie tried to frown at me and I froze for a second, but the optimistic mood was catching, and he couldn't keep his straight face on as he said, "you're never leaving again, do you hear me?"

"Yes, sir," I replied, mock saluting him. I turned my attention to Christian, who was trying to not look impressed with my arrival, but even he was failing at looking absolutely miserable. "You can hug me if you want. I promise not to tell anyone that you're capable of being sentimental," I told him, repeating his greeting from a few weeks ago. I thought he'd just roll his eyes at me, but instead, he stepped forward and embraced me into a hug.

"I'm so glad you decided to come," he whispered in my ear, causing me to feel a twinge of gratitude for his kind words.

The only person who hadn't spoken was Dimitri. He was still sat in the corner of the room, looking almightily uncomfortable. A part of me felt like pitying him, but I had no time for sympathy, especially where he was involved. I could have ignored him and spared him, but I wanted to get some sort of revenge. I wanted my just deserts. And I knew how to get it.

I turned to face him, putting one hand on my hip. As I looked at him, I tried to think of anything other than how amazingly fantastic he looked. Although I had been away for only a couple of months – four at the most – my memory had done him no justice. "What? No hug for me?" I asked, wanting to get some sort of reaction from him. He ignored me though, completely locked away behind his guardian mask. "Come on, Comrade," I said, hoping the use of my nickname for him would push him over the edge, but he was having none of it.

"Rose," Lissa warned, causing me to sigh heavily. I had only been here five minutes, and she was already trying to tell me what to do. But then I realised how silent the room had become and the awkward tension that had just arisen. Everyone was looking at me uneasily. Maybe I had been out of line. Maybe I had been wrong. I didn't regret it though; I was determined to make him react; I was determined to make him crack.

I didn't know why it was so important to me. I was starting to think I was a masochist because it was inevitable that all of this would result in me getting hurt again. But I had to do something. Dimitri had hurt me, and I wanted to hurt him back. Only it wouldn't be as easy. I couldn't hurt him like he had hurt me. No, to hurt Dimitri, I had to make him lose control, because that was what he was scared of most.

"Whatever," I muttered, turning my attention back to the others. "Where's Adrian?" I asked suddenly. Although I was happy to see my friends, their uneasiness was making me uneasy. And the only way to solve that problem was to talk to Lissa and attempt to sort out our difference. But that would be impossible whilst they were here, and so I decided that coming back later on would be for the best.

Lissa looked hurt, obviously realising that I was ready to leave, but she had to realise that I wouldn't just suddenly go back to being her shadow. "I'm not sure, I haven't really seen him in a while," she admitted.

I felt like informing her that I already knew that, but once again I showed great restraint and said nothing, surprising myself. "Okay, well, I think I'm going to go and try and find him," I told the group, walking over to the door. I was ready to see Adrian. He was the deciding factor in my decision to come. I wanted to see my friend. No, I wanted to see my _real_ best friend. "I'll come and talk to you later," I told Lissa, before waltzing out of the room.

I had gotten halfway down the corridor when I remembered Tasha's message to Christian. I walked back to the room, not bothering to knock as I walked back in.

"She looks okay. Happy even," I heard Dimitri say, in that beautiful accent of his.

"Yeah, but are you?" Lissa asked him, her voice full of concern. In fact, it was so full of concern and kindness that a part of me felt like gagging.

"Sorry to interrupt," I said, announcing my presence, "but I forgot to tell you; Tasha wants to have dinner with you. Well, not all of you, just Christian. And maybe Lissa. Actually, I don't know if you're even invited, so yeah..." I trailed off, feeling like a rambling idiot, before making my second escape, not really bothering to wait for Christian to confirm whether or not he was going to make it.

Dimitri thought I was okay. Dimitri thought I was happy. Obviously being turned into a strigoi had done him more damage than anyone expected. Obviously being turned into a strigoi had also turned him into a complete idiot. Yes, I was pretending to be happy, but I had never been that much of a convincing actress. Did he really think that I would get over him trampling all over me that easily?

I huffed and puffed as I made my way across Court, deciding that the best place to find Adrian was in one of the bars. It took a couple of attempts, but I soon found him perched on a stool, sipping away at his vodka.

"Is this seat taken?" I asked him, causing him to spin in surprise. He looked at me and then did a double take, as if not quite believing I was stood in front of him.

"Rose!" he exclaimed happily, jumping of his seat ungracefully and pulling me into yet another hug. When did people start being so sentimental? But I hugged him back, putting more warmth into it than any of the others that I had been forced to participate in earlier today.

"Adrian!" I exclaimed back, copying his surprised tone.

"What are you doing here?" he asked, as if not quite believing I had made the journey to Court. I smiled; glad to be in Adrian's company once again. There was something about him, there was something about his mannerisms and his cheerful nature, that made all my problems disappear.

"I'm here for Lissa's engagement party, although I'm mainly here to hang out with the second awesome person I know," I informed him lightly, perching myself onto the barstool before ordering a water.

"Only the second most awesome person? I'm hurt," Adrian feigned sadness, following my actions, although instead of ordering water, he got himself another shot of vodka.

I frowned at him, wondering how much alcohol he had consumed, but decided not to say anything. I didn't want to ruin our reunion by nagging him. "Well yeah. I'm the most awesome person I know," I informed him, brushing my shoulders in a mock act of egoism.

Adrian laughed; sounding the most relaxed I had heard him in months. With me leaving, plus the fact he had been unable to talk to Lissa, had put an enormous amount of strain onto him. Although he seemed happy enough during our late night talks, I was aware that it was a front put up by him. These past few months hadn't been fair to him. Both Lissa and I hadn't been fair to him, but I was going to do everything and anything to make it up to him.

"Vain much?" Adrian asked jokingly. I shrugged, still enjoying the atmosphere that clung around the two of us. Everything with Adrian was so easy, so simple. My life would have been so easy, so simple, if I had chosen to stay with him. But I couldn't. It wouldn't have been far, because although I loved Adrian with all my heart, I wasn't in love with him. Instead, he was my best friend, my brother, my entire world.

"It's not vanity if it's true," I informed him lightly, reverting back to the good old Rose logic that I liked to use to prove that I was always right.

Adrian snorted at my response, spitting out his vodka and showering the bar with it. He wiped it down quickly, not really caring that he had just made a slight fool out of himself. "I'm glad you're back home, Little Dhampir," he told me, suddenly becoming serious.

I nodded. "So am I," I told him truthfully, feeling like everything was going to start getting better again. Because even if things between me and Lissa didn't work out, I knew that I had someone looking out for me. I knew that I had someone who was willing to be my best friend. I knew I had someone who cared for me. And he was sitting right next to.

* * *

**AN: I hate to sound like an egomaniac, but I think this chapter is one of the best I've written so far, but maybe that's because it's the first one not to be full of angst =] What do you guys think? Good? Bad? It doesn't really matter, because I had so much fun writing it. I love the way Rose is acting like her old self; it definitely makes it a lot more entertaining to write. I especially love writing the Rose/Adrian scenes...hopefully you guys enjoy reading them as much as I enjoy writing them...and if not, well, you better get used to them because there's going to be A LOT. Anyway, this story is slowly taking over my life (you might have been able to tell due to how quickly I update; as soon as I've finished one chapter, I'm writing the next) and it's slowly getting out of control. Seriously; I had a plan which I haven't glanced at in weeks, because I keep on coming up with new ideas. So although I am sticking to the original plot, this story is going to be a lot longer than I originally thought...so hopefully that will be good news for you all =]**

**Reviews + me = A happy bunny. And let me tell you...I am one hell of a happy bunny!**

**Disclaimer: I DO NOT OWN VA!**


	14. Chapter 14

The time had come. I had to go and talk to Lissa and try and salvage the remaining scraps of our friendship. Was I looking forward to it? No. But it had to be done. Something had to be done; otherwise we'd never get things back on track; otherwise we'd never be friends again.

Currently, I was sitting awkwardly in the apartment with Tasha, Christian and Lissa. Things were alright, don't get me wrong, but the polite chitchat between the four of us was obviously forced. A part of me wished that Tasha and Christian would just go and leave us to it, because their presence was only elongating the awkwardness. Their presence was only highlighting the fact that Lissa and I were no longer as close as we once were.

I shot a pleading look to Tasha, silently asking her to leave. I felt bad for shooing her away from her own apartment, but I needed to talk to Lissa. If I didn't do it now, I would only make my excuses and leave myself. If I didn't do it now, then I never look. Tasha nodded her head, answering my silent question, but she didn't move. Instead, she gave me a pointed look; a look I had become accustomed to since becoming her guardian. She was asking me, for the thousandth time, if I was alright. I nodded, giving her a small smile.

"Come on Christian," Tasha announced, breaking the painful silence that had fallen on to the room. She got up. "We better be off. We don't want to miss our reservation." Christian gave Lissa a chaste kiss on the cheek and said his goodbyes, before following Tasha out of the room.

As soon as we heard the door click shut, signalling that the two of them had actually gone, Lissa started talking to me, her pace so fast that I struggled to comprehend what she was actually saying. "Rose, I am so, so sorry. I know that I've been awful. No, I know I've been a bitch and the way I treated you wasn't nice. Nor was it fair. I was horrible, but you have to understand that I am so truly sorry. I should have been there for you. You needed me but I was so preoccupied. I've been a rubbish best friend, but I'm going to try harder. I'm going to put things right."

I watched her as she spieled off her speech. Although I had no doubt that she was sorry, it just wasn't that simple to forgive her. She had hurt me. She had practically abandoned me in my hour of need. I couldn't just flick a switch and make everything okay. Lissa and I were broken, and although I knew we could fix our friendship, we needed more than scotch tape to put the pieces back together again. We needed superglue and fairy dust and a hell of a lot of magic to make things okay again.

"You said all that in your letter," I reminded her, "and I believe you are sorry. But sorry doesn't change what happened. Sorry doesn't make everything magically go back to the way it was."

Lissa looked at me, her face for of pleading as she opened her mouth once again, but I held my hand up to stop her. I didn't want to hear how sorry she was. I didn't want to hear her excuses. Everything that had happened was in the past. We couldn't change it. We couldn't alter it. So there was no point talking about it. What was important was the present. What was important was the future we may or may not have together.

"Lissa, you're my friend. And what you did hurt me, I won't lie. You chose Dimitri over me. You chose Dimitri – who, let's be honest, was nothing to you other than your old guardian – over your best friend. And you did it because you're the kindest, most caring person I know. You have to help people. You can't help it because it makes you feel good about yourself. It makes you feel like you're doing something good. But all of that is in the past. We've both done things that we regret. We've both done things that have hurt the other. But nothing we do or say is going to change what happened, so can we just move on? Can we just start again and wipe the slate clean?"

Lissa stared at me, probably wondering when I got so mature. I bet she thought I was going to be a complete nightmare about it. After all, although everyone else gave the princess what she wanted, I hadn't always been that obliging in the past. But here I was, basically offering her a second chance on a silver plate.

I thought I was being extremely courteous. I was willing to forget what she had done. I was willing to move on and start afresh. But by the way Lissa started to frown at me, I suddenly realised that she wasn't too impressed with what I had to say.

"You didn't say you forgave me," she stated, pouting slightly. I gaped at her, unsure of how to handle this situation. A part of me just wanted to burst out laughing at how ridiculous she was being. Did she really expect me to come crawling back with open arms? Which, to be perfectly honest, was what I was currently doing. It was like she wanted everything from it. It was like nothing I ever did was ever enough.

"Do you blame me?" I asked, my voice getting high pitched as I stared at her incredulous. "You haven't forgiven me for going to Russia." And it was true; she hadn't. Lissa had always assumed that she was the most important person in my life, and before I had met Dimitri that had been the case. She wasn't mad at me for leaving, per say, she was mad at me for not focusing all of my attention on her. She couldn't deal with the fact that she wasn't number one.

"You left me behind," she accused, crossing her arms over her head.

I couldn't believe how quickly our conversation had escalated into a game of accusations and finger pointing. "And you stopped being my best friend," I said, unable to stop myself being dragged into this sick game.

Lissa froze, her eyes becoming wide as she took in my words. Her eyes started to well with tears as she realised that I no longer classed her as my best friend. She took a couple of deep breaths, trying to calm herself down and gain back her composure. "Rose, I'm sorry. You're right. This," she said, gesturing wildly around the room, "isn't right. We should just wipe the slate clean."

I nodded, feeling awful at how badly the two of us had handled the situation. We were both supposed to be adults, and yet we had turned into children with our name-calling and finger-pointing. "Truce?" I asked, sticking out my pinkie finger for her to shake.

Lissa smiled at my more innocent childish antics. "Truce," she said, taking my finger and pinkie swearing on it.

"So," I said, attempting to think of a safe topic for us to talk about, "how's the wedding planning going?" Lissa sighed, screwing her face up. I raised my eyebrows at her. I would have thought that she would have loved planning the wedding. I would have thought she would have turned into a right proper bridezilla. "That bad?"

"No, it's good, it's just..." she started to say, before trailing off. She gulped in the fresh air, combing her hands through her hair; a nervous habit. "It would be a lot better if I was the one doing the planning," she finally admitted.

"What do you mean?" I asked, getting up and walking over to the kitchen. I was starting to feel peckish, plus, it was kind of awkward sitting opposite to Lissa, completely aware of what I was saying. Although we had moved onto a much lighter comment, it was still forced. I had to think about what I was saying. I didn't want our conversation to spiral into yet another argument.

I rummaged through the kitchen drawers as Lissa answered, trying to find us some food to eat. "Like I said in my letter, Queen Tatiana isn't too impressed with Christian and me. She's taken complete control over the event, hence the reason you weren't invited. I think she thinks that if she gives us the wedding from hell, we'll change our minds about getting married," Lissa explained sadly.

"Yes!" I exclaimed, causing Lissa to frown. I had just found a bar of chocolate – a must have for a girly talk – and had let my excitement take control. I walked back over to Lissa, deciding to sit next to her on the sofa rather than opposite her, and broke her off a piece of chocolate. "Sorry, I got excited about the thought of chocolate," I admitted, causing her to smile at my love of food, "that sucks though. Tatiana's a bitch."

Lissa's smile disappeared and a look of shock took its place. "Rose!" she exclaimed, looking around the empty room as if to make sure no one had heard me curse the queen, "you can't say that!"

"I just did," I replied cheekily, popping some chocolate in my mouth. "And anyway, it's true."

"That isn't the point," Lissa muttered, causing me to smile at the fact she hadn't disagreed with me over the fact the queen was a bitch. "She's just concerned, that's all," she carried on saying, making up an excuse for the queen.

I rolled my eyes. It was so typical of Lissa. She could never see the bad in anyone. She could never see the faults or the flaws in anyone other than me, it seemed. "She's hijacking your wedding; that isn't being concerned. It's called being crazy."

Lissa nodded her head slowly and pursed her lips together, as if deep in thought. She looked me right in the eye, her bottom lip quivering as she took in a deep breath. "Rose, can I ask you a question?" she said, her voice wobbling slightly.

I nodded, unsure of what had set Lissa off this time. For once, I was pretty sure it had nothing to do with me, but then again, I could have easily pissed her off without realising it. "Go ahead," I told her, wondering silently what had made her get so worked up.

"Does Tasha like me?" she asked shyly, as if she wasn't sure she wanted to know.

"Of course Tasha likes you," I told her, not quite believing my ears. "Lissa, everyone likes you," I reminded her.

"Well, Christian happened to mention that Tasha wasn't too impressed with the idea of him marrying me. And I wasn't invited to eat with them tonight," Lissa said, explaining her worry.

I shook my head, unable to comprehend how stupid she was being. Lissa's life would be a hell of a lot easier if she didn't spend most of her time worrying over things she didn't need to worry about. Of course Tasha liked her. "She's just concerned, that's all," I explained. "She wants the best for Christian."

"So she doesn't see me as the best?" Lissa asked in a quiet voice, taking my words in completely the wrong way.

"I didn't mean that. Look, Tasha just thinks that things are moving a little too fast between you and Christian. But at the end of the day, she's happy if Christian's happy. And believe me, Lissa, you make him happy," I told her firmly, giving her shoulder a little shake in an attempt to rid her of her worries as I pulled my friend into a tight hug.

I wasn't sure when I had become Tasha's spokesperson, nor was I sure when I had suddenly become able to read her mind, but somewhere along the line it had just happened. After Adrian, Tasha was the person I was closest to. After Adrian, Tasha was the person I was most comfortable confiding in. Tasha was the person I now wanted to be most like. She was strong, she was fierce, she was ultimately amazing and I couldn't help but want to be like her.

"Do you think we're rushing things?" Lissa asked in a small voice, dragging me out of my silent praising of Tasha. I bit my lip, not knowing if my total honesty would be appreciated. After all, I didn't want to offend Lissa. I didn't want to upset her. I didn't want to ruin things between us before they had even started.

"I think you should stop worrying what other people think. You're happiness is what matters the most," I answered diplomatically, avoiding answering her question, but the way Lissa slowly nodded her head at my answer suggested that she realised what I was up to. It suggested that she knew what my real answer was, even if I had chosen not to voice it.

Instead of pulling back from our embrace in anger, she just sighed, sounding content as she leant on my shoulder. "I've got another question," she stated, pulling away from me slightly so she could look me in the eyes once again, as if ready to analyse my reaction.

"Yeah?" I mumbled, wondering which crazy direction the conversation was going to take now.

"Will you be my maid of honour?" Lissa asked quickly, rushing and tumbling over her words. I blinked at her, unable to think, unable to talk. Taking my silence as a no, Lissa started to backtrack, "I realise I'm way out of order asking you. And you don't have to do it. I won't blame you for saying no."

"Lissa, shut up," I told her, laughing at how on edge she was. "Of course I'll be your maid of honour," I told her, trying to sound upbeat and happy about it. And a part of me was. But there was also a part of me wondering what the hell I had gotten myself into. Not only was there bound to be a hell of a lot of drama involved, what with the fact the queen, who wasn't my number one fan, was basically running the show, but I wasn't sure if being Lissa's maid of honour would be the quick fix to our friendship that she obviously thought it would be.

But nonetheless, I would do it, because I had to make an effort to save the remnants of our friendship.

"Thank you Rose!" Lissa exclaimed, pulling me into yet another hug. "Do you want to hang out tomorrow, maybe go shopping?" she asked, buzzing from happiness. I repressed a sigh. Obviously Lissa thought things were going to work out. Obviously she thought that everything was fine now, but it wasn't. It was so far from being fine.

Yes, I was willing to be her maid of honour. Yes, I was willing to make an effort. But I didn't know what the end result would be. I didn't know if our friendship could actually be saved.

"Sorry, Liss," I said, pulling out of her arms. As soon as I said that, her face crumbled. "Tasha has a meeting tomorrow and I'm going to tag along," I explained.

Lissa nodded, but carried on pouting slightly. "I thought Tasha said that you weren't working?"

"I'm not working," I informed her, starting to feel slightly annoyed. I knew where Lissa was coming from. I understood where Lissa was coming from. She thought that the best way to repair our friendship was to spend every minute of every day in each other's presence. And maybe she was right. Maybe that was the way to do things. But I couldn't do it. I just couldn't. If I spent all of my time with Lissa I'd go insane. I'd probably blow my fuse and ruin everything by murdering her. And although she had hurt me, I knew murdering her would probably be a tad bit of an overreaction.

"So come and hang out with me," she said, as if it was the most obvious thing in the world.

"Lissa, don't take this the wrong way, but I kind of want to go to the meeting," I admitted. And it was true. Tasha had found out that there was going to be a meeting concerning the lack of guardian numbers. I wanted to be there. I wanted to be involved. I couldn't just sit back and do nothing as my race slowly died out. There had to be something we could do to help. There had to be something we could do to solve the problem.

"Since when have you been interested in Court politics?" Lissa quizzed, a little snottily for my liking. I couldn't help but laugh at how ridiculous the entire situation was. Lissa thought that she could just magically make things better between the two of us, and then she had to come out with a statement like that, using a voice much more suited to a stuck up royal.

"I guess I've changed in the time I've been away," I replied bitingly, making it perfectly clear that there was still a massive gap between us. Making it perfectly clear that we had a hell of a long way until things got back to how they used to be.

* * *

**AN: The other day I got asked whether or not I actually liked Lissa, and funnily enough I do, although she isn't my favourite character in the series (in fact, she isn't even in the top 5). The reason I'm sharing this with you is because most of you seem to hate her, although I don't know whether or not that's just becuase no one likes her in general or whether it has anything to do with how I'm portraying her. Either way, the amount of abuse she recieves in the reviews amuses me to no end, and I'm guessing there's going to be even more after this chapter is put online =D **

**Anyway, I just wanted to clear something up from last chapter. I'm not sure whether it was obvious or not (mainly because I seem to think everyone is on the same wave length as me and therefore must know what I'm on about even when I don't) but Rose wasn't actually being polite to Dimitri. She's being polite in an insincere way (if that makes sense?) to wind him up. She definately isn't taking the moral highground. Anyway, I just thought I'd get that out there =]**

**Also, I couldn't help but notice we're nearing the 150 review stage and I've decided something. For every 50 reviews I get, I will post a one-shot/outtake from this story, because I know some of you guys want to hear from characters other than Rose. I can't promise they'll be works of art, but it means I get to right things that Rose, as the protagonist of this story, won't have actually seen/heard.**

**I realise this AN is going on for ever, so all I have to say is thank you to everyone who reviews! You guys are awesome!**

**Disclaimer: I DO NOT OWN VA!**


	15. Chapter 15

A string of curses escaped out of my mouth as I tumbled around the room, trying to get ready. I couldn't believe I had overslept. I couldn't believe that I was running late. Today was probably going to be the most important day in history concerning Dhampirs, and I had slept right through my alarm.

I grabbed my crisp, white shirt and put it on. I had no idea where the black trousers which accompanied it were, and I didn't have the time to stop and search, so I decided to team it with a pair of faded jeans. I barely ever wore my guardian uniform, so it was really no surprise that I had misplaced it.

I ran out of me room, practically running right into Tasha who was stood outside my door, just about to knock.

"Sorry!" we both exclaimed in unison, causing us to laugh.

Tasha took in my appearance, smirking slightly as she realised my guardian uniform wasn't quite up to the high standards usually worn by the guardians who stood guard during the many meetings that took place in Court. Apparently there was an etiquette to follow, and I was failing miserably. But did it really matter what I was wearing? After all, my job was to stand quietly in the room, observing anything and everything.

"Ready to go?" Tasha asked. I bit my lip, on the verge of shaking my head and asking if I could grab something to eat, but I thought better of it. It was one thing making myself look bad, but Tasha already had to face a ton of prejudice from the other royal moroi. I didn't want to make her look bad by making the both of us late.

As if reading my mind, Tasha smiled broadly, producing a bag and a steaming cup of coffee from behind her back. I jumped up and down, clapping excitedly as I smelt the luscious caffeine. "Thanks!" I said, taking a sip of the coffee before peering into the bag. I smiled again. Sometimes it felt like Tasha knew me better than I did, I thought as I produced a donut from the bag.

"It's no problem," Tasha replied, grabbing her keys and bag before dragging me out of the room.

As we walked, I quickly stuffed my mouth full of delicious donut. It was probably the best I had ever eaten. It was like heaven with a hole in it. It was amazing.

After I had finished, I dusted myself off, trying to make myself look acceptable. "Do I look okay?" I asked Tasha. Seeing as I had never attended these meetings, I had no idea what to expect, but from what Tasha had told me, they could be pretty brutal. The place was apparently full of personal vendettas. If something was said that someone didn't like the sound of, then they would use insults and slurs in an attempt to get their way. Basically the royal Court was ruled through bullying. It wasn't just Tasha who found herself in the firing line; it seemed like no one got on. And seeing as it was Court and there was so much drama, there was plenty of ammunition for the ruling moroi to use in their attempt to get what they wanted.

It sounded horrendous and I was really starting to question Tasha's sanity for willingly putting herself through that kind of abuse.

"You look fine," she muttered, pulling me along. We had reached one of the many palaces that was scattered around Court. Apparently this was where all the decisions were made. Apparently this was the heart of Court.

Everything was ornate and gold. The tiled floors were polished to perfection and huge chandeliers hung from the tall ceilings. I gaped, unable to control myself. Tasha just laughed, before linking her arm through mine and dragged me down the corridor, until we had reached the meeting room.

"You know what to do?" Tasha asked me, stopping outside the door.

I nodded, "I'm just going to stand in the corner and look pretty," I replied, knowing that my participation in any discussion wasn't needed, nor was it probably wanted. Tasha nodded, happy with my answer, and with that, we entered the lion's pit.

The room was already full of royal moroi, some of who I recognised, and some of whom I had never seen in my entire life. In the centre of the room was an elaborate table, spreading the entire length. Some of the moroi were sat down at their places, ready to get started, but most of them milled around the room, having a right old gossip.

It seemed like most of the moroi had decided to bring their guardians with them, as the entire wall was decorated with them standing silently like statues. Near enough all of the moroi ignored the dhampirs in the room, which caused a surge of annoyance to run violently through my veins. This meeting was supposed to be about the dhampirs, and instead of asking us what we thought about the situation, we were just ignored, as if we didn't have the right to voice our opinion of the fact that our own race was slowly dying out.

"Ah, Natasha! It's so nice to see you," an older moroi said, walking up to Tasha. Although his words sounded nice enough, the tone in which he spat them out indicated that he wasn't impressed to see her. Plus, there was the fact that he hadn't called her by her royal title, and everyone knew how the royals loved to remind each other of their high status.

"Lord Svelsky," Tasha said graciously, although if it were me, I would have just punched the dude just to wipe off the sneer on his face.

"I don't mean to sound rude, but your presence isn't really needed. We all know where you stand on the matter," Lord Svelsky replied, and yet again Tasha showed great self control by smiling at him, even though it was looking more and more like a grimace.

"Even so, I thought I'd sit down and listen to your ideas," Tasha said, before walking over to her chair. I gave her a small smile of encouragement, and although I knew she saw me, she didn't smile back. I sighed as I took my spot next to the wall, realising that it was going to be a long, long day.

And I was right. It was a long day. Three and a half hours later and no one had said anything of any worth. Every time Tasha tried to open her mouth, Lord Svelsky – who just so happened to be the chairman of the meeting – moved on quickly, making it impossible for her to speak.

Not only that, but my legs were starting to ache from standing up and I was becoming fidgety. I was a dhampir. I was a guardian. I was trained to fight, not stand still in a corner of a room listening to increasingly ridiculous ideas.

At the moment they were discussing artificial insemination. Apparently they thought it was a good idea for male moroi to donate some of their precious sperm so it could be inserted into a female dhampir, who had no say in the matter. Not only was it ridiculous, but it was seriously perverted. It was practically a fancy word for rape. There was no way in hell I was going to be forced to get pregnant.

It was complete and utter bullshit.

Suddenly the room was engulfed by sounds of gasping, and I wondered what I had missed whilst lost in my thinking. But everyone was looking at me disgusted, apart from Tasha who was wearing a broad smile, as if something very entertaining had happened. As if I had just spoken my thoughts allowed.

I shut my still open mouth, not sure what I was supposed to do. By the way everyone was glaring me, it seemed like they knew it was me who had dared to speak in the dear presence, so I couldn't try and pretend it wasn't me.

"How dare you use that sort of language in a royal palace?" Lord Svelsky exclaimed in outrage.

Unable to help myself, I blurted out, "well, it's true."

I had truly had enough of the charades. The decrease in guardian numbers was a real problem and something had to be done. I had to do something. I had to say something. "Everything you've said has been complete rubbish. You have no idea of the severity of the situation. The dhampirs are dying out, but you seem to be more interested in what sort of wine is on the table," I shouted, pointing to said bottle of wine, which one royal moroi was currently reading the label of. Realising what I had just said, she put it down, having the decency to blush at being called out.

"Miss Hathaway," the stupid, stuck up Lord Svelsky started to say, glaring at me as I interrupted.

"It's Guardian Hathaway, actually," I told him scathingly, not liking the way he was attempting to undermine me.

"Well, Guardian Hathaway," he began again, the patronisation clear in his voice, "although we appreciate your opinions, they aren't needed," he informed me, talking to me as if I were a five year old child, playing pretend games. I stared at him, my mouth hanging open, not quite believing how he was daring to talk to me. Sure, he was a royal, but he didn't have to be such a dickhead about it. "You see, we," he carried on, gesturing to the other moroi sat around the table, "are in charge. We make the decisions. We are the ones running Court."

"Well, let me tell you," I replied mockingly, copying his patronising tone, "you're doing an awesome job at that," I said mockingly, spitting out the words as if they were poison.

"Guardian Hathaway, we are royal moroi," Lord Svelsky started to say, but yet again I interrupted him before he could finish his sentence.

"And we," I said, gesturing to my fellow guardians. I had no idea if they were on my side or not, but I figured that the fact they hadn't deemed me a threat and attacked me was a good sign. "We are guardians. But let me tell you the difference between you and us. Whilst you did nothing to get your title other than being born, we worked for it. We earned it. We dedicated our entire childhood for it. And it's because of that that we deserve the right to say what happens to us. We deserve the right to say what happens to our future."

"Out. Get out!" Lord Svelsky replied, obviously not as impressed with my speech as I was. I couldn't help but feel a sense of pride. Words had never been my strong point, but I thought I had done a good job. Hell, I had done an amazing job.

"Don't worry, I'm going," I told him, and not able to stop myself, I muttered "dickhead," just as I was leaving the room.

As soon as the door shut, I sprinted out of the palace. I doubted Lord Svelsky would have appreciated my last comment, and I could imagine him sending the guardians after me. Only, they would have to find me first.

I carried on running till I was at the opposite side of the Court. It was more commercial based, and so I walked into the first cafe I found. After ordering myself a coffee, I sat down at a table and waited for Tasha to find me.

I wasn't alone for long though, because suddenly Eddie was sitting down next to me. "Hey," I said to him, smiling as I took in his appearance. I had barely had chance to speak to him since I arrived, but I guessed him willingly sitting with me was a good sign that I hadn't ruined our friendship with all of my crazy antics. "How are you?"

"I'm good, thanks. What about you? I thought you were going with Tasha to some meeting?" he asked, causing me to sign heavily. The only way he would have found that out was if Lissa had told him, so it was obviously she had been talking – or more possibly, complaining – about me behind my back.

"I was, but something came up," I told him, not wanting to go into details about how I had been kicked out. "Anyway, I don't want to talk about me," I said, quickly changing the subject. "What have you been up to? I must say, I'm kinda surprised you're still at Court. I would have thought you'd have gotten yourself a charge by now."

"I have got a charge," he informed me, watching me intently as I poured three packets of sugar into my cup of coffee.

I nodded absentmindedly as I stirred in the sugar, sighing in content as I took a sip from the cup. "Yeah? Anyone I know?"

"Actually, yeah," he told me, shifting in his seat. I looked over at him, raising both of my eyebrows as I waited for him to tell me. But he stayed silent, and I started to wonder if he had gotten lumped with some awful moroi, like Lord Svelsky.

"Don't leave me hanging," I told him impatiently. If his charge was treating him badly, then I was going to march over the guardian headquarters and lodge a complaint. Eddie was a great guy. He was a great guardian and he didn't deserve to be treated like crap.

"It's Lissa," he finally said, causing me to drop my coffee cup a little too hard against the tabletop, causing some of the liquid to spill over the edge.

"Oh wow," I muttered, more to myself than anything. My mind went blank as I took in his words. I should have seen it coming. I wasn't Lissa's guardian. I wasn't going to be Lissa's guardian, so I had no idea why I was surprised to hear that she had been assigned to someone else. "That's great," I said, suddenly coming to my senses. If anyone was capable of looking out for Lissa, it was Eddie. He was a brilliant guardian. He was a brilliant friend. Lissa was lucky to have him.

"Really?" he asked in a small voice, as if he didn't quite believe me.

I nodded wholeheartedly. "You're the best guardian I know," I told him honestly. Eddie had his head screwed tightly on. He was dedicated to his duties. He realised how much of a threat the strigoi were, and so he did everything in his power to protect people from them.

"That's debatable," he muttered, causing me to frown.

"What do you mean?"

"There are some guardians who don't think I'm suitable for the job," he admitted glumly, not looking me in the eye. I stared at him softly as I clenched my fists. Whoever thought Eddie wasn't suitable needed their heads tested.

"What do you mean?" I asked again, realising I would have to force the story out of my fellow dhampir.

"They think I haven't proven myself to be a worthy guardian because I don't have any molnija marks," he said, consciously rubbing his hand against his neck which was empty except for his promise mark.

I shook my head at him. Although I understood where he was coming from, the amount of kills a dhampir had didn't make them a good guardian. It was about keeping your moroi alive and trusting your instincts. That was what made a good guardian, not killing countless strigoi. "That's stupid. The whole point of being a guardian is keeping your moroi out of trouble, not drag them into a middle of a strigoi den just so you can get a kill."

"I know, but..." Eddie said, trailing off when he realised that my point was solid. He couldn't argue with it and he knew it. I did feel sorry for his though. There was just too much drama, too much abuse and back-stabbing at Court, and it didn't just stop at the moroi. Guarding the last Dragomir princess was an honour, and I bet some guardians would do anything to get the chance to guard her, even if that meant planting a seed of doubt into Eddie's head.

"Next time I find myself in trouble and surrounded by strigoi, I'll make sure to give you a call. Does that sound like a plan?" I joked, but it suddenly fell flat. Killing strigoi was no laughing matter. Sure they were our natural enemy, but at one point they had been human, or dhampir or moroi. What we did...it was practically murder. As soon as Eddie made his first kill he'd realise that killing strigoi wasn't fun, nor was it a pleasant experience. Sure, it was something that had to be done, but that didn't make it enjoyable, especially with the knowledge that strigoi could be turned back to their original form. Especially with the knowledge that we could save them and give them a chance at redemption, like we had done with Dimitri. Yes, it had been hard. Yes, it had been a struggle. But even so, even considering the fact that he no longer loved me, it had been worth it. It had been completely worth it.

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**AN: And that is yet another chapter! I hope you guys liked it, although it had nothing to do with Dimitri (I promise at some point he will feature in this story, although it may be a few chapters until I actually make him appear). It was fun to write Rose getting passionate about the lack of guardians and her argument with Lord Svelsky =] And can we get some sympathy for Eddie? Poor thing, not being badass and all =] To be honest, I can't actually remember if he killed any strigoi (I got forced to throw my VA books out) but for the purpose of this story he hasn't. Anyway, thanks for all the amazing reviews; you guys are awesome!**

**Disclaimer: I DO NOT OWN VA!**


	16. Chapter 16

As soon as I heard the sound of the door shutting, I pounced on Tasha. The meeting should have been finished two hours ago, and I was worried she was mad about my little outburst. She looked surprised as I leapt around the corner, but didn't say anything, causing my concern to grow. I eyed her wearily as she took off her coat and walked into the lounge, still not speaking to me.

I was about to burst when a massive smile broke out on her face. "That was brilliant Rose! Seriously, it was the best thing I've ever seen," she exclaimed gleefully. Relief washed over me. I had no doubt that once I had left, Tasha would have received an endless amount of abuse because of my behaviour. After all, I was her guardian and she should have been able to have kept better control over me.

"Really?" I asked, dumbfounded, as I leant against the wall, resting my head against the plaster. She nodded eagerly, unable to control a burst of laughter from escaping her mouth.

"Yeah. It was awesome," she giggled, throwing her head back. I nodded, her happiness infectious and I was already beginning to feel a lot better.

"Were they mad?" I asked, hoping I wouldn't get into too much trouble. I already had too many black marks against my name and I didn't want to ruin my chances of being able to guard Lissa because of my own stupidity. At the moment though, I couldn't see myself guarding her. We still had a long way to go before everything was completely alright between us. And anyway, I was happy with the idea of guarding Tasha for the rest of my life.

"Stop worrying," she told me firmly. "They have bigger things to worry about than an entertainingly unruly dhampir." Tasha's confidence made me confident, and so I flopped down next to her, making myself comfy on the sofa.

"Where have you been?" I asked, unable to help my curiosity. Tasha should have been back hours ago, and not to sound mean or anything, but it wasn't like she had any friends who she could accidentally bump in to and spend the afternoon with. Sure, there were a couple of moroi who agreed with her policies, but would they dare be seen with her at Court and risk their reputation? I doubted it. Plus, the moroi who went to her classes tended to not associate with Tasha in public. It wasn't that they were ashamed with their friendship with Tasha. It was more to do with the fact that everybody was worried about making the royal moroi suspicious of our activities.

The smile on Tasha's face faltered, and I saw her eyes flash darkly. She paused, as if trying to figure out whether or not to tell me the truth. I eyed her up, silently praying that she would talk to me. If someone had said anything to her about my little stunt earlier, I was going to hit the roof. Moroi could be so petty sometimes. Tasha had nothing to do with what I did, but she was the one receiving all the flack for it. It just wasn't right. It just wasn't fair.

"I actually ran into Dimitri," she admitted, wringing her hands together as she stared at me, waiting for my incoming meltdown.

I just stared right back at her. I didn't really know what to say to that, but even so, my mind was completely chaotic as thoughts hurtled around my head. Paranoia seeped into me. I wanted to demand what she had said about me, but I didn't, I stayed quiet, because it really wasn't my place to ask. Tasha and Dimitri were friends. They had a right to speak to each other. They had a right to hang out with each other. And anyway, it was pretty egotistic of me to assume they had even talked about me. I probably didn't even feature in their conversation. After all, I doubted Dimitri wanted to talk about me. Why would he? I was obviously nothing to him.

"Oh," I said, not able to come up with a better reply. "That's nice," I added lamely, feeling like a right idiot. Why did I even care that Tasha had met up with Dimitri? I mean, sure, I knew she used to be madly in love with him and all, but she had told me she was over that. And anyway, I had no claim to Dimitri. He could do whatever, or whoever, he wanted.

"I told him he was a dick," Tasha said, pulling me back into reality. I gaped at her. Although Tasha wasn't like the other moroi, I didn't expect her to use that sort of language and it kind of shocked me that she had said it. But my shock quickly turned into admiration. "I hope you don't mind," she added quickly, obviously seeing the surprise written on my face.

"No, no. It's fine. Thanks for doing that," I said, feeling flattered that Tasha was there fighting my corner. I instantly felt back for suspecting her of going behind my back. Tasha wasn't like that. Tasha wasn't like Lissa. No, instead she stuck up for me. Instead, she was there when I needed her to be. She hadn't needed of said anything, but she had. And that meant a lot to me.

Lissa would have never had said that to him. Lissa would have never had said that word to anyone, not even to someone who had completely broken me. She was too kind. She was too nice. So nice, in fact, that it was a fault in her character. To people she loved, Lissa was nice. To people she liked, Lissa was nice. To people she absolutely loathed, Lissa was nice. It made it hard to know what she was actually thinking. It made it hard to know where her loyalties lied, because she treated everyone the same.

But with Tasha, I knew. With Tasha, I knew I could trust her to stand up for me, even though I hadn't asked her to. With Tasha, what you saw was what you got. With Lissa, everything was so prim and proper that it made it difficult to see the real her.

I was so much better off hanging around with Tasha. I was so much better off guarding Tasha. I was so much better of calling Tasha my friend.

"So, I was thinking," Tasha said, dragging me out of my comparisons. I blinked, slightly startled. Throughout my time at the academy, I was lectured that being vigilant all the time was one of the key things, and yet since I graduated, my attention span seemed to be shrinking and shrinking. But then again, things were so easy back at the academy. I had other things to think about. I had problems to think about. It was really no wonder I kept on spacing out.

"What?" I asked, realising that I had yet again zoned out and missed what Tasha had been saying. I smiled bashfully at Tasha, but by now she was used to my short attention span.

She laughed, before repeating what she had said just minutes earlier. "I said that 'tomorrow, I might go shopping for a dress for the engagement party. Do you want to go? We can make a day out of it and leave Court for a bit.'"

It was on the tip of my tongue to say yes, but I just couldn't. Not only did it mean leaving Court in a couple of hours – meaning I would only get an hour and a half sleep before we went – but I already had a dress, although I was in two minds whether or not to wear it.

I had thrown it into my suitcase by impulse. I had barely looked at it since that fateful night and I hadn't even realised that I had packed it and taken it to Tasha's. But there it was, in my wardrobe, looking extremely wistful. Memories flooded back to me as soon as I saw it, but instead of being tinged with sadness, it brought me a sense of twisted relief. It didn't make me feel better, not in that sense. It made me hopeful. It made me feel that I could easily extract revenge on Dimitri for what he did to me.

I couldn't let it go. I couldn't let his words go. I had to do something as hurtful back to him. Maybe it was me being childish and immature, but it was something I had been trained to do from an early age. If someone hit you, you hit them back harder. It was my favourite lesson, even more so because Dimitri discouraged it. I wanted revenge. I needed revenge.

And my little black dress would help me to extract it.

"Thanks for the offer, but I think I'm going to give it a miss," I told Tasha, hoping that she wouldn't ask for an explanation to why I was declining. Although it made perfect sense in my twisted mind, I doubt she would understand or approve of what I was planning on doing. It was pretty extreme, even for me.

But he had hurt me. And now it was my turn to hurt him back.

"Okay," she said happily, as if my absence didn't bother her in the slightest. I frowned, suddenly realising that even though I wasn't up to shopping, I'd still have to go. After all, Tasha was leaving Court. She needed her guardian, even if she was travelling in daylight.

"Actually," I said, knowing exactly what her answer would be. She would tell me that she didn't need me to shadow her around the shops. She would tell me that she was old enough to look after herself. But it was my duty. I had to do it. It was my job. "I think I should go."

She shook her head. "Rose, you just said no. And unfortunately, I'm taking that as your final answer," she said sternly, obviously aware what I was talking about. I frowned, about to argue, but she shot me down by raising her eyebrow, silently daring me to take her on.

"But-" I said, gladly to accept her challenge.

"ROSE!" Tasha practically yelled in annoyance, obviously not impressed with the fact I had chosen to ignore her silent warning. "I am quite capable of going to the shops on my own. I've done it before and I'll do it again. Okay?"

"Fine," I muttered darkly, admitting defeat. It was an argument we had had many times in the past, and I was sure we would have it again in the near future. Sometimes I gave up easily – like today – but sometimes I didn't back down at all. It really depended on where Tasha wanted to go. The mall was a safe enough place, due to the amount of people that would be there, and she as going during the day which meant no strigoi would be lurking in the shadows. "But there was no need to yell," I informed her, sticking my tongue out childishly, which she gladly returned. Even during our many arguments, Tasha and I still made up pretty quickly afterwards.

"Well, maybe if you didn't fret all the time. I swear, you're worse than my mother," she muttered to herself, but the way she was smiling brightly suggested that she was joking.

"Well, maybe if you weren't reckless all the time. I swear, you're worse than me," I mocked, copying her annoyed tone. She spluttered and laughed at my comment. It was nice that someone appreciated my humour like she did. "Are you going to be alright shopping on your own?" I asked, as soon as she had calmed down a little.

"I said I would be fine," she reminded me, arching her eyebrow perfectly.

I shook my head at her. I hadn't meant it like that. "I didn't mean it like that. I meant, wouldn't you get lonely dress shopping on your own?"

"Who else am I supposed to invite. I don't have many girl friends, in case you haven't noticed."

"Well," I said, hedging slightly, "maybe you could invite Lissa?"

Tasha looked at me, her eyes wide at my suggestion. To be completely honest, I wasn't entirely too sure why I had even said anything. It was Lissa's problem if Tasha didn't like her, not mine. I had nothing to do with it, but it was hard to rid a habit of a lifetime. My entire life I had done my best to make sure Lissa was happy and content. As her best friend, it had been my job. But now I was free of the chains that shackled me to her shadow. I was free, but I still seemed to linger around the edges, unable to rid myself of her problems entirely.

"I could," Tasha said unsurely, as if she wasn't too impressed with my suggestion.

"Lissa seems to think you don't like her," I explained, feeling like I was overstepping my mark. Not only did it have nothing to do with me, but it wasn't my place to tell Tasha who she had to be friends with.

"I like Lissa. She's nice..." Tasha argued, but trailed off; making it obviously that she didn't really like my former best friend. And to be honest, I couldn't blame her. Tasha had always looked out for Christian and she was protective of her nephew.

"But she broke Christian's heart," I finished for her. "She said she was sorry," I tried to explain on Lissa's behalf, although I wasn't too sure why. Sue, she was capable of saying sorry. After all, she had had enough practice in the past, but that didn't mean she was truly sorry.

"Sorry doesn't change anything," Tasha replied, as if reading my thoughts. I nodded, agreeing with her, but I couldn't let this go. Yes, Lissa had hurt me. Yes, Lissa had hurt Christian. But he had forgiven her. He loved her. And he would want her to get on with Tasha. The two of them were his only family. He needed them to be friends. "Do you think I should invite her?" Tasha asked after a moment of deliberation.

I nodded. "Yeah, I do. You might not completely approve of her, but she makes Christian happy. And that's what is important," I told her, feeling rather wise and sagely as I said it.

"Fine, I'll invite her. Though it means my entire day will be completely ruined by the fact that we'll be surrounded by guardians all the time, watching our every movement," Tasha muttered sulkily, causing me to smile at her childish behaviour.

"Stop being a drama queen," I told her, nudging her with my elbow. She smiled, but carried on pouting. I shook my head, but my smile slowly fell off of my face. Yes, I had managed to sort out Tasha's relationship with Lissa, but I was a far way from sorting out my own relationship with her. We had so many problems – so many issues – that our friendship simply wasn't going to be mended with a shopping trip. No, it was going to take a lot of hard work and determination, and I was unsure whether or not I wanted to put the effort in.

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**AN: I admit, this chapter (and the next one) are pretty much fillers and I apologise for that. They contain some things that needed to be said (or written, should I say) which is why I've included them. But after that, the fun really begins =] I'm currently working on an out-take which should be up in a couple of days and then I will write the next chapter. So until then, I hope you enjoy reading this chapter.**

**Thanks for the reviews!**

**Dislaimer: I DO NOT OWN VA!**

**(Ps. This is pretty much a short and sweet AN. I'm so tired right now that I just tried to spell _right_ as _write_...so yeah, hence the shortness of this)**


	17. Chapter 17

"Drink," Adrian ordered, pushing the shot glass across the bar towards me. I shook my head, refusing to touch the vodka. He stared at me, raising his eyebrow as if silently daring me to drink it. Again, I shook my head, wondering how our nice morning out walking around Court had turned into a game of 'get Rose drunk'.

In the end, Tasha had decided to invite Lissa to go shopping with her, which meant Christian, Eddie and Dimitri also accompanied them, leaving me to hang out with Adrian. Not that I minded. I wanted to hang out with Adrian. I wanted to catch up with Adrian. I did not, though, want to get drunk with Adrian. Yes, I was off duty, but a guardian drinking during the day didn't look good. Not only that, but I was trying my hardest to stay out of trouble, which was hard considering all I had to do was open my mouth and I found myself deep in trouble.

"I'm not drinking it," I told him firmly, pushing the offending item away from me before crossing my arms.

"Drink," Adrian repeated, slurring his words slightly. He had been nicely buzzed when I had called on him earlier in the morning, and now, several shots of vodka later, he was completely wasted. Well, as wasted as Adrian could be. Sure, his mind was a dishevelled mess, but he still looked like perfection. "Drink it or I will," he threatened; apparently aware of the cautious glances I was throwing his way.

I sighed deeply as I stared at the little glass sat in front of me. It wasn't like I could get completely drunk from it. It wasn't like I had to be on duty today. It wasn't like I had any responsibilities. And anyway, if I got caught – if I got into trouble – I could always claim the weight of peer pressure had gotten to me in a moment of weakness.

But I wasn't weak. And I wasn't going to bow down to peer pressure. I grabbed the shot, causing Adrian to clap his hands in glee, thinking that he had succeeded in wearing me down. But instead of drinking it, I jumped off of the stool and walked behind the bar, throwing the vodka down the sink. Adrian watched in horror as I wasted a perfectly good drink.

"What has the vodka ever done to you?" Adrian asked, his mouth hanging open, as if I had just done some atrocious act – like kill a kitten – in front of him. I rolled my eyes at him, and walked back behind the bar. The deathly glare I was receiving from the barmaid suggested she wasn't too impressed with me invading her personal space, but then again, it could have been more to do with the fact I was hanging out with Adrian. After all, she had been given him the eyes since we walked in, not that Adrian had even noticed her presence.

I grabbed Adrian by the arm and pulled him off of his seat. "Let's go," I ordered, ignoring his bleating protests. He might have been happy enough wasting away his day sat in a bar, but I wasn't. I wanted to do something fun. I wanted to do something productive. And I especially didn't want to be glared at by some blonde bitch.

"What?" Adrian asked, slurring and stumbling, looking like he was about to crumble, as if I had just destroyed his entire world.

"You cannot keep on wasting away your days by sitting in a bar, drinking your worries away," I told him firmly. Maybe I was being a little bit too mean, but it had to be said. Since I had left Court, all Adrian had seemed to do was spend his time in the bar, consuming way too much alcohol, even for him. He had cut himself off from his friends. He had become an isolated island. I had to do something. I had to try and help him get better.

"Ahh, Rose. I love it when you get angry," he quickly replied, my concern for his wellbeing going straight over his head. Or maybe he was aware of how worried I was, but chose to ignore it. Either way, I stared at him, not impressed with his reply. He was going to have to do a lot more to get me off of his back.

I knew Adrian had had it tough. And I knew I was partially to blame. But the guy was 21, for god's sake. He had to take some responsibility. He had to take control of his life. He couldn't let the spirit win. He couldn't let the alcohol take over.

Unlike Lissa, he didn't have anyone to take away the side effects of Spirit. Unlike Lissa, he was dealing with his powers all by himself. He had no one. His only friends were cigarettes and alcohol. It wasn't right and it wasn't fair.

I ignored his comment, refusing to let the conversation go. "You need to drink less," I told him straight, getting to the point. There was no point try to be subtle. There was no point trying to hedge around the situation. If things were going to improve then I had to be blunt. I had to get my point across and make him understand.

He stared at me and I stared at him. I was completely intent on winning this one, as I silently willed him to agree with me. I needed him to agree with me. I needed him to realise he needed help.

Adrian looked at me blankly, as if he had no clue what I was on about. As if he was completely unaware of how much alcohol he was actually consuming.

Every minute of every day seemed to revolve around alcohol for Adrian. If he wasn't at the bar, he was either going to the bar or leaving it. And it simply had to stop. It wasn't healthy and it wasn't helping him.

"Little Dhampir-" he began to say, but I interrupted him crossly.

"No. Don't 'Little Dhampir' me. I'm being serious Adrian; I'm really worried," I told him, staring him in the eyes and forcing all my sincerity into my admission. Adrian looked back at me and begun to slowly nod, as if realising that I wasn't just making it up. He looked glum as he did so, as if he didn't really want to admit he had a problem, but at least he was nodding. At least he was agreeing with me.

"I know," he said, staring at anything other than me. I got that it was hard for him, and I probably hadn't gone around this little intervention in the right way, but I had to get it off my chest. I had to say something. "You're right. I do need to drink less."

And although he had finally admitted he had a problem, I knew it wouldn't be that easy. It never was. But this was the first step towards the long road to recovery. And although it would probably be full of pain and agony, I had faith in Adrian. I knew he could do it. I knew he could beat this. He was the kind of guy who put his all into everything he cared about. He was so focused and determined. I knew that from firsthand experience – after all, he had managed to persuade me to date him. He could do it. I knew he could.

"Come on," I said, grabbing hold of his hand once again and dragging him along beside me. I was determined to help him however I could, and taking his mind off of drinking was my first aim which I hoped could easily be achieved. I mean, not to sound egotistical or anything, but I was a fun person to hang around with.

"Please tell me your not taking me back to your room to seduce me, Little Dhampir," Adrian said to me, sounding nearly like his old self. His tone was laced with arrogance and sarcasm, and if I didn't know him better, I would have said he was fine. But he wasn't. He was so not fine. He looked paler than usually and he seemed shaky. Obviously what I had said to him had really affected him.

But I knew he didn't want to dwell on it, hence the facade of being fine, and so I played along. "You wish," I replied, nudging him gently in the ribs with my elbow. "I've been there, done that and got the tee-shirt."

"Yeah, but I wouldn't blame you for wanting seconds. Who could resist this?" he asked, gesturing wildly towards him. I laughed, but it quickly fell short. A part of me felt that it wasn't right, pretending that everything was okay when it obviously wasn't, but what else could I do. Adrian had admitted he had a problem. I couldn't force anything else onto him today; it just wouldn't have been far of me.

We walked for a little bit further before I halted, noticing a familiar group of people sat in one of the many cafes that littered the sidewalks of Court. Adrian frowned, obviously not paying as much attention to his surroundings as I was. "Lissa," I simply stated, nodding my head in the direction where she, Christian, Eddie and Dimitri were sat.

"Do you want to go in?" Adrian asked me.

"Do you?" I shot back just as quickly, knowing that things between him and Lissa weren't great.

He frowned and shrugged, as if silently deliberating with himself. He looked at our old group of friends, staring at them hard. I had no idea when was the last time he had spoken to any of them, but I guessed it was just before I left, three and a half months ago. He stared and he stared, focussing his attention on Dimitri in particular. He started to smirk slightly, causing me to wonder what he was up to. "Come one," he finally muttered, pulling me into the coffee shop, holding my hand tightly as he led me through the myriad of tables towards our friends.

"Hey," I said, realising that Adrian wasn't going to speak as he came to an awkward stop in front of them. "Where's Tasha?"

Lissa looked up in surprise, probably not expecting the two of us to seek her out, although Dimitri had been coolly watching our approach as soon as we had walked into the cafe. "Hey Rose. Tasha went back to her room," Lissa explained, gesturing for the two of us to sit down. "Hey Adrian," she said, turning her attention away from me, "I haven't seen you in a long time."

Adrian just nodded back to her, not bothering to comment as he walked towards the counter, probably intending on buying some seriously strong coffee. "Get me a muffin," I told his retreating back, suddenly feeling very hungry.

"How was your shopping trip?" I asked, deciding to be polite. I turned my attention to Lissa, moving my chair slightly so that my back faced Dimitri. I was starting to feel tired and I really couldn't be bothered to wind him up today.

"It was good. I got my dress for the party," Lissa replied, smiling proudly, although I guessed it was more to do with the fact I had willingly started a conversation with her than actually buying a dress.

"You'll have to show me later," I told her, smiling. She smiled brightly back in reply, looking up as Adrian took his seat next to be, placing down two cups of coffee and a chocolate muffin in front of us. "Thanks, you're the best," I told him, taking a bite from my muffin.

"I know," he replied cockily, grabbing my hand again and running his thumb soothingly across the back of my palm. I raised my eyebrows at him, silently questioning what he was doing, but he was too busy staring at the wall just left of Dimitri's head to actually answer me. I shrugged, and turned my attention back to Lissa, although not before I noticed Dimitri frowning slightly at me and Adrian.

I wanted to laugh at the absurdity of it. Not only had he broke my heart, but now he was judging me. He probably thought I was some blood whore or something, shacking up with a moroi. It was unbelievable. He was unbelievable.

"How's the party planning going?" I asked Lissa, trying to repress the anger surging around my veins. Dutifully, Lissa started to prattle on about the engagement party which was taking place in a couple of days and everything she still had to get sorted, allowing me to take my mind off of the urge to dismember my former lover. I couldn't believe him. I couldn't believe he thought he had the right to judge me. If anyone had the right to judge, it was me. After everything he had done, I should be calling him numerous names, namely _monster._ I felt nothing but hate when I looked at him. He disgusted me.

"Are you okay, Little Dhampir?" Adrian suddenly whispered in my ear. I hadn't noticed him approach me, too focussed on the anger that was slowly consuming me. I nodded, feeling the red haze slowly start to clear.

I sat forward, taking a gentle sip out of my drink. As I leaned back into my chair, Adrian wrapped his arm around me, pulling me into a comforting hug. I smiled sadly, and mouthed _thank you_ at him. That was the thing that made me and Adrian work so well together. He helped me and I helped him. It wasn't one-sided like it was with Lissa. We had a mutual understanding. We had a mutual respect for each other.

Adrian's presence made me feel better, but there was still some anger that clung to me desperately. There was darkness in my mind and the worrying thing was I didn't think it was from Lissa. This was a different type of darkness. It was my darkness. It was maleficent and malicious and I didn't think I could control it. It was a tumour, growing slowly but dangerously. The darkness was my shadow, constantly stalking me around and I wasn't sure if I could outrun it.

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**AN: And that is chapter 17 done and dusted? Good? Bad? Yet again, it's kinda another filler, so I apologise for that, but I promise, next chapter will definately make up for it. Seriously, I had so much fun writing it and hopefully you guys will have so much fun reading it. It should be up in a few days, although it may take a little longer because I have to do boring stuff like sort out electricity and water for my flat, which unfortunately takes priority at the moment, because otherwise I'll just be sitting in a dark room, with no electricity, meaning I can't write this story! Anywho, thanks to everyone who has reviewed! You guys are fan-freaking-tastic! I love you all! **

**Disclaimer: I DO NOT OWN VA!**


	18. Chapter 18

**AN: There's an incy bit of swearing in this chapter...just to warn you =]**

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I had just finished putting on my final layer of lip gloss when someone knocked on the door. Thinking it was Tasha, I yelled, "come in," mainly because I was currently attached to my curling iron and mainly because we had planned to walk over to the ballroom together. The night of the engagement party had finally arrived, and even though I didn't want to admit it out loud, I was kind of looking forward to it. To my surprise, it was Adrian, not Tasha, who walked into my room.

He froze when he saw me. I was standing in front of a full size mirror, allowing him to admire me from all angles. He gaped, taking in my appearance. "Wow, Rose, you look..." he trailed of, licking his lips as he thought of an adjective to describe my appearance.

Releasing my hair from the curling iron, allowing it to flow freely and loosely, I spun around to face Adrian, smiling brightly. "Great? Hot? Completely inappropriate?" I offered, supplying him some adjectives that I thought were suitable.

He laughed, "Yes. Yes. And most definitely yes," he replied, still staring at me. I laughed with him, but rolled my eyes. Sure, I knew I looked hot, but the guy was practically drooling on me. Not that he could actually see me roll my eyes, mainly because his eyes were glued a little further down my body.

"Adrian, these are my boobs. Boobs, this is Adrian. Now that you've both been introduced to each other do you think that maybe you could focus on me?" I joked, snapping my fingers in Adrian's face for added effect in an attempt to drag his attention back up to my face.

"Sorry," Adrian apologised, but from the way he was still grinning like an idiot, plus the hungry, lustful glint in his eyes, I could tell that he wasn't really sorry. "Anyway, before you so rudely distracted me, I wanted to ask you something," he said playfully, as if I had deliberately gotten my breasts out to get that sort of reaction. Which, to be completely honest, had been my aim all along, although I was hoping that a certain other _someone_ was going to react in a similar fashion.

I grabbed my bag, stuffing my purse and lip gloss into it before straightening my dress. My black dress. The one that Lissa had brought me when we first got back to the academy. "Ask away," I replied absentmindedly as I checked my appearance in the mirror.

"Will you be my date this evening?" Adrian asked, causing me to wobble slightly in my heels as I turned around to face him.

"Adrian," I said slowly, as if he was an idiot, "we broke up," I reminded him. Discreetly, I tried to sniff him, because at this moment of time he was acting like was completely drunk. It was probably harsh of me to assume he had fallen at the first hurdle, but how could he have forgotten we weren't together? Although I couldn't even smell any alcohol on him – hell, I couldn't even smell the stale stench of cigarettes that seemed to follow him around everywhere – I was sure he must be on something.

"Yeah, I know," he replied, matching my slow tone as if I was the one being stupid. "But I just thought you'd want some company tonight. And maybe some protection. After all, turning up alone, in that dress, will end up with you having to fend the guys off every second."

I stared at him for a moment, and then nodded. There was no denying tonight was going to be difficult and in between the queen not wanting me present, my still shaky relationship with Lissa and the fact that Dimitri was also going to be there, I needed all the support I could get. "Sounds like a plan," I told him, slipping my arm through his so we could walk to the party together.

"So, what's with the dress?" Adrian asked as we stepped outside into the brisk night sky.

"Your aunt didn't think it would be suitable having me, a lowly dhampir at the engagement party. So I decided to dress as unsuitable as possible. Do you think I succeeded?" I asked him, stepping in front of him so I could twirl around and give him a full 360 degree view of my dress.

He looked me up and down and nodded vigorously, "Hell yeah. You look great, Rose." I smirked with pride at his comment. By now, we had arrived at the grand ballroom, and I began to rummage through my clutch bag, trying to find the invitation Lissa had personally written and given to me yesterday.

There was a long line of desperate moroi waiting to get into the party, but Adrian gently led me to the front of the queue. I guess there were some perks to being friends with the queen's nephew. The guardians checking the invites gave me a stern look – obviously they, like Tatiana, didn't think it was suitable that a lowly dhampir girl was diluting the high standard of the evening. But there was nothing they could do to stop me; after all, I had a signed, handwritten, invitation from Princess Vasilisa herself. Everyone else, on the other hand, had generic invitations. I was special, and they were not.

Reluctantly, the guardians on duty opened the door, and Adrian and I walked down the opulent staircase which oozed class and money with its plush, red carpet and its gilded banister. Crystal chandeliers hung gracefully from the spectacularly painted ceiling, depicting pictures of great moroi and dhampir heroes.

I stared, mouth slightly gaping as I took in my surroundings. It was what I had expected and yet it was so much more. "Wow," I breathed, causing Adrian to chuckle besides me.

We slowly began to descend down the stairs into the mass of people, my arm linked to Adrian's. As we reached the final step, I quickly realised that the crowd towered over me in their elegant getup; I was the only dhampir present, it seemed. I scanned the room, noticing that the guardians were neatly decorating the edge of the room, looking stony faced and completely disinterested as the party atmosphere thrived around them. I didn't know whether to be happy or angry that I was the only dhampir invited to take part in the actual festivities. Even Eddie was being forced to stand next to the wall. Even Dimitri, who was easy to spot due to his stature, was floating around the edge, not too far from Lissa as he suspiciously eyed up the room. Or should I say, eyed me up. As I was staring at him, unable to deny how god-like he looked in his fitted black shirt and tie, I realised that he was staring right at me and my dress.

I smirked, feeling pleased with myself as I watched him become a little flush in the face before he noticed I had seen him. In a record amount of time, his face became blank and emotionless. I smiled brightly at him, winking, before turning my attention away from him.

Being completely surrounded by beautiful moroi women in elegant floor length gowns made me completely aware of how much flesh I was revealing in my skimpy dress. Compared to them, I looked like a right slut. But none of that mattered, because I had managed to force a reaction from Dimitri. I had managed to make him uncomfortable. I had managed to nearly break him, and that was all that mattered.

I scanned the crowd, looking for Lissa. She wasn't exactly hard to find, mainly because she was completely engulfed by a crowd of moroi, all queuing up to congratulate her on her engagement. Although Christian was dutifully standing next to her, none of them seemed interested in him. All they had eyes for was Princess Vasilisa. Not that I could really blame them; after all, she looked amazing. She was wearing a strapless, royal blue gown that fell effortlessly down her slim body. It was clenched at the waist, giving her slim figure some curves. Her hair was neatly tied back in an elegant bun and she looked absolutely stunning.

She looked up and noticed me staring at her. I smiled and waved, but didn't make any attempt to move. At the moment, there was no point even bothering. I had no chance in getting close to her, let alone actually speaking to her, so instead I mouthed '_you look great_' at her. She smiled back and mouthed '_thanks_', before rolling her eyes slightly at the moroi who were begging her for her attention. Through the bond I could sense her slight annoyance at not being able to do what she wanted tonight. I couldn't help but laugh at her predicament. I had to feel sorry for her; this was supposed to be her night but it didn't seem like she would be getting the chance to spend it with the people she wanted to spend it with.

I grabbed back hold of Adrian and dragged him through the throng of people, heading directly to the open bar. As soon as a space appeared, I lunged forward, grabbing a couple of glasses of Champaign off of the tray for me and Adrian. As I tried to pass him one, he shook his head. "I'm not drinking tonight," he told me.

I blinked in surprise, partially I felt awful that I had just paraded alcohol in front of him, but also because I couldn't help but wonder if I had heard him right. "Really"

"I'm staying sober," he informed me, looking really proud of himself and I couldn't blame him. This was a massive step forward. "But you go ahead and get drunk. It'll be fun watching you make a fool of yourself," he informed me as I quickly downed one of the glasses, with the other one following not short after.

A couple of hours later and I was buzzing ever so slightly. I had lost Adrian to the crowd of people, and was currently standing awkwardly at the side of the room, not knowing exactly what to do. But I was content; after all, I had a drink in one hand to keep me company.

A couple of meters away from where I was standing was Dimitri, doing everything he could to try and ignore me, but I knew he had seen me. I knew he was sneaking looks at me when he thought I wasn't paying attention.

I couldn't help myself. Maybe I was a masochist. Maybe I was a little bit drunk. Maybe it was a bit of both. But whatever my reasoning was, I soon found myself walking up to Dimitri.

"Hey Dimitri," I said, swaying a little. I tried to convince myself that I was moving in time with the music, but the truth was that I was slowly becoming a lightweight. I couldn't handle the amount of alcohol in my system.

Like I suspected, he ignored me. I sighed, impatiently, deciding to go down a different route. I was going to get a reaction from him. And I knew how. I saw how he looked at me when I walked in, wearing my black dress. I saw him remember the night of Victor's lust charm. I knew he wanted me. "What's up, Dimka?" I asked innocently, but I knew that my choice of nickname would affect him.

"Don't call me that," he replied sharply, taking my bait.

I smiled viciously at him. "What would you prefer me to call you? Dimitri? Comrade? Guardian Belikov? Oh wait, you're not a guardian anymore, are you?" There was malicious glee laced in my tone as I said this, reminding him of his current status. He could stand there looking all high and mighty – pretending that he was better than me – but he wasn't. He knew it and I knew it. He was nothing but a pathetic, little monster.

"I think you've had too much to drink," he told me firmly, looking down at me.

I scoffed at his comment, not quite believing he was daring to chastise me. What right did he have to lecture me? What right did he have to judge me? "Believe me, I haven't had enough," I informed him, glaring at him. Once again, I stumbled, and before he could help himself, Dimitri's instincts took over as he grabbed my arm to balance me. I looked down in horror, feeling my skin burning from his touch. I took a step back, freeing myself from his grasp.

"You should go," Dimitri said, also taking a step back as if he could not stand being in my presence. I shook my head at him and sneered. If he thought it would be that easy to get rid of me, then he was mistaken. I was going to taunt him. I was going to ridicule him. I was going to make him snap in front of the hundred or so crowd. I wanted him to feel pain. I wanted him to hurt. I wanted to bring back all those memories of his days as a strigoi and make him suffer.

I swept my hair to the side, baring my neck to him. The marks were he had fed off of me had gradually faded, but if you looked hard enough the scars were still there, like pin pricks. "Do you like my dress?" I asked him seductively, giving him a little twirl.

"Rose," he gulped, taking another step back. He shouldn't have done that though, because he was now completely pressed against the wall, with nowhere to run and nowhere to hide. I smirked and took a step closer to him, leaning my arm against the wall and completely trapping him in a cage formed by my body pressing against his.

I leant in further, standing on my tiptoes so I could reach his face. I heard his deep breathing. I hard his gasps for breath as he grasp on control slowly slipped away. Edging closer to his ear and feeling the soft brown hair that had fallen out of its leather band brush against my cheek; I took a deep breath before whispering. "Let me guess. This is the part where you run to Lissa and tell her I'm being mean. This is the part where you get her to fight your battles for you. This is the part where you carry on being a coward. You're pathetic. You're fucking pathetic."

Dimitri stared at me, shell-shocked, as he took in my toxic words. He obviously hadn't expected me to be so malevolent. He obviously thought I was going to try and seduce him or something, which was comical really. After all, he didn't love me and I didn't love him. I hated him. I despised him.

I took a step back, releasing him from my hold and stared at him in complete horror and disgust. "I hate you. I really, really hate you," I whispered, but even though the room was heaving I knew he heard me loud and clear.

Again, I took another step back, before being swept away into the crowd and lost. My head was spinning and I was losing my grip on reality. I was losing my grip on my self control. I had to find Adrian. I had to get out of there. I had to get away from Dimitri before I did something that I would well and truly regret in the morning. Once again, I just had to disappear.

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**AN: It's only taken 18 chapters for us to get here, but Rose and Dimitri have finally had a conversation with each other! Yay! I admit, when I first started to write this I didn't think it would take so long, but I guess this is no longer just a RXD story. It's more than that. Sure, the romance in it will be RXD, don't get me wrong, but its got Tasha and Adrian and Lissa in as well, and they are just as important as Rose and Dimitri are. But I promise, after this chapter, things should be moving a little bit more swiftly. I want to say a MASSIVE thank you to everyone who has taken the time to review. You guys are awesome. And I also want to say a special thank you to Samwysesr because your comments never fail to make me smile =] **

**So, some of you may have realised that this chapter included a line I used as a teaser a few weeks ago, and so I thought I'd give you another sneak-peak of what's in store for Rose next chapter: ****_Next to me, a body shifted. I froze, my body becoming stiff as I tried to remember last night. As I tried to remember if I had accidentally, in a moment of drunken madness, invited someone back to my room._**

**Ooh, I wonder who the mystery person is... **

**=D**

**Disclaimer: I DO NOT OWN VA!**


	19. Chapter 19

A million and one bombs were exploding in my skull, shrapnel colliding with the side of my mind. I groaned and rolled over, feeling the contents of my stomach churn at the movement. I felt like heaving, but that would have taken too much energy and the way I was currently feeling, I couldn't even be bothered to open my eyes, let alone be sick. I burrowed myself further into my duvet, trying to escape the burning sun that was attempting to prise its way through my shut eyelids.

In other words, I felt completely and utterly crap.

I groaned, the sound muffled due to the fact I was trying to bury my head into my pillow. Next to me, a body shifted. I froze, my body becoming stiff as I tried to remember last night. As I tried to remember if I had accidentally, in a moment of drunken madness, invited someone back to my room. But my mind was blank. I couldn't remember a thing other than gulping down several glasses of champagne. After that, everything was one massive blur.

All I wanted to do was stay curled up in my bed forever. I didn't want to move. I didn't want to get up. I certainly didn't want to find out who was currently lying next to me, snoring softly. But I couldn't stay in the confines of my bed. I had to get up and face the music. I had to get up and face the consequences of whatever stupid thing I might have done last night.

I sat up slowly, the left side of my head feeling heavy, as if my brain had been dislodged in my skull and was now unbalanced, sliding to one side of my head. I lolled slightly to the side; my skull feeling like it had been attacked by a sledge hammer and my eyes, dry and tired, felt like tiny fragments of bone from my skull were penetrating the iris. Again, I grunted and groaned, the low sound reverberating around the room.

The duvet slipped down my body, and I breathed a sigh of relief as I caught sight of the crumpled black material of my dress. At least I was still clothed. At least I hadn't done something that I would well and truly regret.

From my position, I couldn't actually see the person lying next to me; the duvet obstructed my view. I would have to inch closer and peel back the bed linen if I wanted to reveal who my mystery guest was. A part of me didn't want to know though. A part of me wanted to run out of the room and wait in some nearby cafe, before returning to my room after a good few hours had passed by. By that time, the person would have left and I would never have to know. I would never have to face them or my shame.

But I couldn't do that. I couldn't live with myself if I did that. I had to know. I had to find out who it was. Gingerly, I shifted to my right, careful not to disturb the person sleeping soundly in my bed. Although I still couldn't see his face, I could see his body. And it was a he. I felt like crying. I felt like screaming and swearing and burying myself into a grave. The body was definitely masculine, and I hoped he was fully dressed like I was.

A pair of feet which didn't belong to me protruded from the end of the bed. They were covered in what looked like expensive, Italian leather shoes, which meant that it was definitely not a dhampir in my bed. No guardian would be able to afford something as extravagant like that, which meant one thing; I had slept with a moroi.

Believing that this situation was somewhat similar to taking off a band aid and that it was better to get it over with quickly, I whipped the covers back, revealing the identity of my mystery guest. As soon as I realised who it was, I was unsure whether I was supposed to be happy, sad, or angry. I was feeling a mixture of all three. I was happy that it was only him and I hadn't made a massive mistake. I was sad that in my drunken stupor, he had decided to take advantage of my inebriated state. And I was angry that I had gotten myself so worked up over him.

"ADRIAN!" I yelled loudly, causing myself to flinch at the volume I had used. He stirred, but did not wake, and so I kicked him hard in the shin. That worked, because he cursed, rolled over so he was facing me, and opened his eyes.

"Ah, Sleeping Beauty awakes," he said drowsily, shifting slightly so he was sitting up.

I was tired. I felt crap. I had no time for his stupid, sarcastic remarks. "What the hell are you doing in my bed?" I hissed at him.

Instead of looking bashful and instead of looking ashamed, he smirked. "You invited me here, Little Dhampir."

"No, I didn't," I replied firmly, though I had no idea if I had or hadn't. I couldn't remember a thing from last night. It was just a hazy mess. I remembered the first half an hour or so, but after that there was just a big, empty void mocking me.

"Okay, you didn't," Adrian admitted, yawning lazily. "But by the time I found you, you were one hell of a mess. A hot mess, I admit, but you were in no fit state to walk back to your room. And being the gentleman I am, I decided to look after you. And then I decided to stick around and make sure you didn't choke on your own vomit and die in the middle of the night, because that's just the kind of awesome friend I am," he told me.

Although the last comment was said in a sarcastic manner, he was definitely being sincere. I nodded, suddenly speechless. "Thanks," I said, feeling touched that Adrian had looked after me.

"You're welcome, but you owe me. You so definitely owe me. I barely slept last night in between your futile attempts to grope me and the fact you snore loudly. Seriously Rose, you may be beautiful, but you sound like a pig," Adrian informed me, getting out of the bed. He was still wearing his suit from last night, much to my relief, though now it was crumpled and creased. I didn't think I had seen Adrian look so much like a mess before, which made me wonder what the hell I looked liked.

I followed his lead and also climbed out of the bed, though my movements weren't as graceful as his. I thudded to the ground and nearly lost my balance, causing me to grab hold of the wall in an attempt to support my weight. After I had regained my balance, and after the fuzzy feeling in my head had subsided slightly, I once again turned to face Adrian. "What happened last night?" I asked in a small voice, cautious of what his response may be.

I couldn't remember a single thing, but I had a horrible feeling I had done something bad. I had an awful feeling I had done something that I would really regret.

Adrian eyed me carefully, but shrugged. "You disappeared for a bit. By the time I found you, you were mumbling incoherently," he admitted, causing a sinking feeling in my stomach.

I sighed, banging my head against the wall in frustration. The movement caused echoes of pain to shift through my body, and I couldn't help but let out a whimper of discomfort. "Ow."

Adrian laughed at me. I glared at him, wondering silently why I had never seen him suffer from a hangover in the past. "Rose," he instructed me, walking over to my bed and grabbing hold of my woozy form, "go get a shower. You look awful. And you smell awful."

I wanted to bark a snide response back at him, but had no energy to do so. Instead, I let him guide me to the bathroom, were I dutifully peeled off my dress and stepped into the comforting spray of the shower.

When I reappeared twenty minutes later, washed and clean, Adrian was waiting for me in the living room, dutifully holding a cup of coffee and a couple of painkillers for my headache. I grabbed the pills and dry swallowed them, repressing the urge to retch as they slid down my scratchy throat. Next, I gulped down the coffee, not caring that it was scalding hot. I needed all the energy I could get from the caffeine and I needed it now. "Thanks," I told Adrian, running my hands through my still wet hair.

"It's okay. We've all been there," Adrian replied. After a moment of silence, which Adrian used to stare at me, as if checking I was alright, he spoke again. "What do you want to do today?"

I was about to answer his question when I realised that I couldn't see or hear Tasha. I tried to jog my memory, trying to remember the last time I saw her, but I came up blank. I knew I was supposed to walk with her to Lissa's engagement party, but then Adrian came along and distracted me. I instantly felt bad for leaving her behind, but I knew she'd understand. After all, she had told me too many times that I was supposed to be enjoying my time at Court. "Do you know where Tasha is?"

Adrian shook his head. "Nope. But I did see her talking to some guy last night. They looked awfully chummy, in fact."

"Huh," I said intellectually, trying to figure out who Adrian was talking about, but I had nothing. I shrugged. Like Tasha said, she was a grown woman. If she wanted to stay out all night then she could. I had no say in that, and I really doubted she was in trouble. Plus, I was too tired to be a guardian today.

"Well, what do you want to do?" Adrian asked again.

"I think I'm going to find Lissa," I told him, feeling awful due to the fact that he had kindly taken care of me last night and this morning, and now I was just going to abandon him for Lissa. But I had to go find her. I had to go see her. I had to go and apologise for whatever stupid thing I did last night. Sure, things weren't great between us, but that didn't justify ruining her night. If I had done something stupid and reckless, then I was going to hold my hands up and admit responsibility.

"I'll walk with you," Adrian said, and so we took off towards Lissa's quarters. It didn't take long to get there as Court was basically deserted, probably because people were recovering from their exploits last night. Soon, her building was looming over us, and I noticed Adrian's pace slow down.

"Thanks Adrian," I said, partially referring to the fact he had walked me over here, even though I knew he didn't particularly want to see Lissa, and partially referring to the fact that he had taken good care of my last night. I pulled him into an embrace and hugged him tightly.

I didn't know what I'd do without him. I didn't know where I'd be without him. He was my rock. He was my world. He was my best friend. "Its okay, Little Dhampir," he said, nonchalantly, as if it were nothing. But it wasn't nothing. It was everything.

We parted, and slowly I walked into Lissa's building, knocking gently on the door. Inside, I could hear her frantically fumbling around the room, before she appeared at the doorway, looking immaculately brilliant.

"Rose!" she said surprised, as if she still couldn't believe I was here at Court. I smiled and gave her a hug,

"Hey you," I said softly, not wanting to talk too loudly due to the banging in my head. Even Lissa's gentle, soothing tones were grating my sore skull. "Have fun last night?"

Lissa stepped aside and ushered me into the room. I peered around, half expecting her usual shadows – Christian, Eddie and Dimitri – to be lurking in the corner, but for once, she was alone. I sat down, feeling much more comfortable in her presence. "It was good. It was nice catching up with people, although I barely got to see any of my friends. I'm sorry I didn't get to speak to you," she said sadly.

I couldn't help but laugh. She looked so utterly pathetic. "It's fine," I told her, "it's probably a good thing anyway," I added on. Lissa frowned and look perplexed, so I continued. "I may have gotten a bit drunk last night. And by 'bit' I mean I got so plastered that I can't even remember most of the night. So I'm really sorry if I did something stupid or made a fool of myself or ruined your party."

It was Lissa's turn to laugh at me now. She giggled a little, before bursting out into a full blown chuckle. "You didn't do anything wrong. Not to my knowledge anyway. So relax and stop fretting," she replied, looking completely calm about it. I stared at her, wondering if she too had had a little bit too much to drink last night and was still struggling with the effects of alcohol. "Rose, we all get completely drunk at some point. I know I have. I'd be a hypocrite if I said anything other than 'don't worry about it'."

I nodded slowly. She was right, of course. Lissa had done some pretty stupid things because of alcohol. And Lissa was the sensible, responsible one out of us. It was meant to be comforting, of course, but instead it sent shivers up my spine, because it meant that if Lissa had succumbed and done something she had truly regretted – like kissing Aaron – then whatever I had done was going to be so much worse.

"Are you hanging out with Tasha today?" Lissa asked. I gulped, trying to repress the urge to be sick over Lissa's plush, expensive carpet.

I felt clammy and I felt hot and I felt completely awful. I gulped in the fresh air, trying to regain some composure, but my hangover was starting to win its battle to control me. "No, I don't fancy being stuck in meetings whilst in this state," I managed to say, choosing to leave out the fact that I had no idea where Tasha currently was.

Lissa nodded and looked thoughtful. She opened her mouth to speak, and then closed it again, reminding me of a goldfish. I wanted to tell her to spit it out, but I just couldn't get the words out. Opening my mouth seemed like too much hard work. "Do you maybe want to hang out with me today?" Lissa asked slowly, as if frightful of my response. I nodded, still unable to open my mouth. If I opened my mouth, then I had an awful feeling that I would puke my guts up. "We can go to the spa if you want?"

Again, I nodded. Lissa eyed me up carefully, before disappearing into the kitchen. A few moments later, she came back with a bottle of water which she unscrewed and passed to me. "Drink," she ordered, and I was happy to comply. I gulped down the liquid, sighing in relief as it cooled my aching throat. "Unfortunately, I can't heal hangovers," Lissa joked, giving me a reassuring pat on the shoulder.

"Thanks. And I guess I deserve to suffer. I really shouldn't have drunk so much," I admitted, standing up. "But a trip to the spa sounds like one hell of a good idea," I told her, causing a spark of delight to burn in her jade eyes.

I needed to do something to take my mind off of the fact that my head was exploding from the inside out. I needed to do something which would help relax my sore and aching body. A trip to the spa with Lissa was what I needed. It would help with my hangover. I doubted, though, that it would help with the awful feeling I had that I would soon find out what I had done. I doubted it would help with the awful feeling that everything I had worked on would soon unravel into chaos once again.

* * *

**AN: Oops! I forgot to post this when I first uploaded this chapter. Anywho, this is yet again slightly filler-y but I promise next chapter will make up for it, hopefully, as there are a lot of revalations. But then again, it may just be yet another filler chapter, but this time a lot longer... =] But after that things will get moving at a quicker pace, I promise. So the hangover experienced here is from personal experience, although I feel the need to add that I've never woken up next to a person and had** **no idea how they got there =] And yeah, it was Adrian in her bed. Who else would it be? Seriously, it's taken me 18 chapters to get to the point where Rose talks to Dimitri. They're not just going to suddenly hop into bed with each other...although, you never know, that may be happening in the future =D **

**Erm, last chapter I recieved a review from someone anonymous who claimed that I'm deceiving my readers and because I can't message you personally I just want to clear that up. When I said that this was no longer a Rose and Dimitri story you mistook me. I meant that it wasn't *just* that anymore. Yes, they are both central characters in this and believe me, they will end up together, but Adrian and Tasha are also central characters and I'm likely to give them their own plots. That is all I meant by that comment. But thank you to TheHappyCynic who gallantly came to my defence =D**

**Thank you to everyone who has reviewed so far! You guys rock!**

**Disclaimer: I DO NOT OWN VA**


	20. Chapter 20

The engagement party was slowly disappearing into the past. A few days had passed, and although my hangover was now a distant memory, I couldn't shake that awful feeling that I had done something extremely stupid. That said, I couldn't exactly waste my days dwelling on something I wasn't sure about, so my time had been split between hanging out with Adrian and Lissa. Things between us were good. I couldn't say things were great between Lissa and me, because that would be a lie, but we were definitely making progress. The conversation ran freely and no longer felt forced. It felt like I was getting my best friend back, slowly but surely.

It helped that most of the time it was just Lissa and me. Dimitri had barely been present, which surprised me because I had assumed he was still in his 'going to follow Lissa around like a lost puppy' faze, but I wasn't going to complain. Him being there made it easier to talk to Lissa. It made me feel like I wasn't being constantly being judged by him. And even when he was there, he was usually skulking in the corner, far away from me to be an actually problem.

I had barely seen Tasha though. Since the engagement party she had been keeping a low profile. I knew most of her time was spent being in meeting after meeting, but I barely saw her anymore. She flitted here and she flitted there, but she hardly ever seemed to be at the apartment. When I did see her, it was only for a few moments, and I barely got chance to utter a greeting, let alone ask her where she was going or what she was doing.

From the rumours I heard being whispered around Court, the whole lack of guardian numbers debacle was coming to an end. Apparently a decision on the matter had been made and an announcement was going to take place any day soon. My mind had twisted and twirled itself into knots trying to figure out what the solution to the issue would be, but every time I came up blank. There was no simply solution. Things couldn't be solved that easily.

I wanted to find Tasha and quiz her over the matter, but she was being elusive. I couldn't find her everywhere. I had been out looking for her the past few hours and even though I had resorted to asking random moroi if they had seen her – because everyone knew the infamous Tasha Ozera – no one had seen her. Or, if they had, they weren't going to tell her equally infamous guardian.

I wrapped my arms around my chest, the brisk autumn wind causing the leaves that had fallen from the aging trees to dance to a sad tune. It was cold and I was beginning to regret my decision not to wear a coat, but I wanted to know what was going to happen to the dhampirs. I needed to know.

No one would tell me though. I had even tried to ask Lord Svelsky's guardians, but they had remained stony faced and informed me that I had no right to no. But I had every right to know and so did they. But they, like the other guardians, had been brainwashed into thinking they weren't important.

My frustration was growing at such an extent that I was about to give up with my search. A rational part of my brain informed me that I was better off heading back to the apartment anyway, because I could wait for Tasha there and corner her as soon as she got in.

Deciding to give up on the search, I turned around and headed back to my room, but a voice calling my name stopped me in my tracks. I stalled, not recognising the voice straight away, but as he bounded up to me, I couldn't help but smile.

"Hey you," Pytor Taros said, falling into step with me.

"Hey you, too," I replied, happy to see him again. Although there had been a couple more training sessions, it felt like I hadn't seen either of the Taros brothers in a long time. But then again, I had only been at Court for a week, and yet it felt like it had been months and months. "What are you doing here?"

"Why else? We came for the engagement party," he informed me. I nodded, feeling like an idiot. Of course he was here for Lissa and Christian, even though highly doubted he had ever met them. But they were royals after all, and the engagement party was possibly the biggest thing in the moroi calendar.

"Ah," I said, coming to a stop as our apartment building came into view in an attempt to find the key. As soon as I found it, I ushered Pytor in. "Talking of 'we', where's your brother?" I asked him as we climbed the steps.

"Actually, I was going to ask you the same thing," Pytor said, looking at me expectantly, as if I would know where Akim was.

I shrugged and frowned. The last time I had seen him was a month ago. Why would I know where he was? "Huh?" I asked unintelligently, feeling completely and utterly confused. By now we had reached the apartment, and as I expected, there was no sign of Tasha.

"I'm assuming Akim is with Tasha," he explained, sitting down on the sofa. Although I guessed he thought this was a good enough explanation, the confused fog in my head still hadn't cleared. I had no idea what he was on about.

"I don't even know where Tasha is, so I haven't got a clue where Akim is," I replied, sitting on the chair opposite him. "Why would Akim even be with Tasha?" I asked, trying to fight the confusion I was currently feeling.

Pytor just gave me a look; a look that suggested that I was being a complete idiot. I just stared back. I probably was being an idiot, but I still had no idea what he was silently hinting at. And if needing him to spell it out for me made me stupid, then I would just have to deal with the fact that I was as thick as a plank of wood.

"Does someone need to explain the birds and the bees to you, Rose?" Pytor asked me. Again, I stared for a second longer as the penny started to drop. As it collided with the floor, my mouth began to gape and my eyes became wide open as realisation hit me like a ton of bricks.

"What? Tasha? And Akim? Together?" I asked, unable to string a full sentence together in my disbelief.

"Well done," Pytor stated, chuckling slightly at my incredulity. I just scowled, still trying to wrap my slow mind around this recent revelation. I could honestly say I hadn't seen it coming. I just didn't think Tasha was looking for a relationship, let alone already be in one. I had assumed that after the thing with Dimitri, she had just given up on men, but I guess I had been completely wrong in my assumption.

"I thought she was just busy going to meetings and doing political stuff. I didn't think she was busy doing your brother," I muttered, feeling a little put out that Tasha hadn't cared to share this information with me. I mean, I knew it was her life and all, but we were friends. And friends gossiped about these sorts of things.

"Has anyone ever mentioned how poetic you are with your words?" Pytor replied, causing me to roll my eyes. Sure, it might have been a little crude of me, but it was true. "And anyway, I think they have been going to the meetings as well."

"How long has this been going on for?" I asked, praying that it I hadn't been completely oblivious to Tasha's budding romance with Akim.

"Not long; it's only been official for a few days. I think it started when Akim finally decided to grow some balls and attend one of the meetings to show his support of Tasha and her policies," he explained. That was one of the things that annoyed me most. Don't get me wrong, the small group of moroi who supported Tasha and attended her classes were great people, but they never voiced their support publically. Instead they hid away and let Tasha take control of things by herself, mainly because they were too scared what people would think; mainly because they were too scared that they would be cast out for it.

It seemed now though, that the Taros brothers were willing to stand up for Tasha. It seemed that they were willing to stand next to Tasha and fight for what they all believed in and that made me feel like Tasha could actually make a difference. It made me feel like there was hope.

"When was the last time you worked out?" I asked Pytor, changing the subject abruptly. I had no idea how long Tasha – and Akim – would be, so I thought we might as well use our time wisely. We might as well do something productive, like have an impromptu work out session.

"A couple of weeks ago. Why? You offering to give me a private lesson?" Pytor asked, suddenly looking excited, as if he were a child on Christmas morning. I stifled a laugh, unable to get my head around the fact that both he and Akim had a slight hero worship thing going about me. Yes, I had a reputation, but that mainly stemmed from me doing things that I shouldn't have been doing. I wasn't a hero. I was just a stupid girl who found herself in quite a bit of trouble.

I got up and pushed my chair to the side of the room to give us more space. Pytor followed suit and tried to push the sofa away, but he could only move one half of it. Laughing, I walked over and helped him to clear the room. "Only if you want me to kick your ass," I told him, stretching my arms out to flex my muscles.

He looked at me in awe and then nodded eagerly, causing me to laugh even more. The fact that there were some moroi willing to learn to fight beside the guardians helped to make the world seem slightly less crappy.

After we had stretched and warmed-up, we stood opposite each other, bodies tense and ready to attack. I eyed him up, silently critiquing him. Pytor was stood with his left leg in front of his right, slightly off balance, making it easy for me to side kick him and hook my foot around his knee, causing him to fall to the ground in one swift movement. But I didn't do it. This exercise wasn't for my benefit, it was for his. And so I ignored the fact that there were several ways for me to force him to become a lump on the ground and instructed him to "hit me".

And he did. Well, he tried to at least. His movement was sloppy and slow, and by the way he was closely studying the side of my face, it was easy to guess where he was trying to aim. The second his clenched fist started to move upwards, I simply stepped to the side, dodging the punch with a slight duck and a smirk on my face. "Try and be a little less obvious next time," I instructed him, unable to hide my amusement. Pytor didn't seem to mind though; even though he looked perplexed at how easily I had judged his punch, he was still wearing his signature cheerful smile.

He tried attacking me again and again, and although he was gradually improving, he still hadn't managed to actually make much contact with me. Every move he made I quickly mirrored, and more often than not, he ended up in a heap on the floor. I tried to be restrained and not use my full strength, but I knew that by tomorrow morning, he would be black and blue. Pytor was now breathing heavily, his brow heaving with a thin layer of sweat and I realised that it was probably a good idea to stop and have a rest. "Do you want a drink?" I asked, walking to the kitchen and opening the fridge to get us a couple of bottles of water before he could even answer.

Pytor was probably one of the strongest moroi I had ever met – mainly because he worked out whilst the others were lazy and did nothing but order their guardians around like slaves – but I knew our little session had worn him out. He looked paler than usually, and I wondered if I had worked him too hard.

"Thanks," he managed to say between breathes, gulping down his drink. He collapsed ungracefully onto the sofa, and I smiled, sitting next to him, feeling a little warm myself. The living room was small and cramped with no air con, and so heat radiated around the room.

I started fanning myself with a stray magazine I had found down the side of the cushion, in an attempt to cool down, but it was to no avail. I sighed, dropping my makeshift fan to the floor and leant back on the sofa, closing my eyes momentarily.

Although working out with Pytor had been fun, my mind wandered back to my many sessions with Dimitri. I wondered if he silently critiqued my every mistake like I had with Pytor. Thinking back to my days at the Academy gave me a mixed sense of emotions. Everything back them seemed so simple, so easy, and yet they weren't. It had still been a mess. Falling in love with Dimitri – falling in love with my mentor – had been a mistake. It had been nothing but a facade. Maybe he had loved me at some point. Maybe he hadn't. I didn't know and I didn't particularly want to find out either. It was too much for me to take.

All I wanted to do was to move on. All I wanted to do was bury my head in the sand. All I wanted to do was get my revenge on Dimitri and then never see him again.

A cool breeze filtered through the room, causing me to open one of my eyes. Pytor was staring at me, smiling as my hair danced in the breeze. I frowned, trying to figure out where the cool air was coming from. I hadn't felt Pytor shift beside me, so I knew he hadn't got up and opened a window. He was giving me that look again though; that look that suggested I was being an idiot.

And then I remembered. Pytor was an air user. He had created the breeze. I smiled back at him. "Thanks," I told him, sitting back up again. "You're improving with your hits."

"I barely touched you," he muttered sourly, as if he had really wanted to punch me. I smiled at his juvenile behaviour.

"In a real fight, you'd be using your element and that would be an advantage," I reminded him. It was true as well. Pytor was quite skilled with his magic, and I could imagine him using gusts of air in an attempt to get his opponent off balance, making it easier for him to overpower them.

Before I could say this though, we were interrupted by the front door opening. Tasha walked in, followed by Akim. "Hey," I said pointedly to Tasha, raising my eyebrows at her and smiling like an idiot.

She had the decency to blush slightly as she sat down on the arm of the chair. "Hey Rose," she replied. I looked at her, then to Akim, and then back to Tasha, silently informing her that we were going to have a gossip tonight. I wanted to know everything from when she first realised he liked her to when they actually got together. Understanding my message, she nodded slightly, before looking quizzically around the room. "What's been going on here?"

"Rose was just teaching me a few guardian tricks," Pytor explained. "She wasn't too impressed when I had her sprawling on the floor," he jokingly lied.

"You wish," I muttered, nudging him with my elbow. He cringed back slightly and mouthed '_ow' _and although I was pretty sure he was just messing around, I wouldn't have been surprised if he was actually sore.

I turned my attention to Akim, who was standing up awkwardly. Due to the way Pytor and I had rearranged the furniture, the only place for him to sit was on the chair Tasha was perching on the side of and although it was pretty obvious that the two of us knew about their blooming relationship – after all, we were both grinning like Cheshire cats at them – I doubted he wanted to openly show his affection and confirm our suspicions. Plus there was the fact that they had only been an item a few days. Out of the two Taros brothers Pytor was definitely the more outgoing of the pair, whilst Akim – being the eldest – was a little bit more restrained and therefore probably didn't want to make a fuss of his newfound relationship. "Long time no see," I told him, getting up from my seat and offering it to him as I plopped beside Tasha.

He smiled appreciatively and sat down next to his brother. "I actually say you at the engagement party," he informed me.

I frowned, not remembering seeing him, but then again, I couldn't remember most of that night. "Really? I didn't see you," I replied, not even attempting to pretend I had seen him too.

"Yeah. You looked like you were deep in conversation with this really tall guy, so I didn't want to interrupt," he said. As soon as he said 'really tall guy', my heart sank. Even though the description was vague, there was only one person I knew who fit it. The colour drained from my face as I felt physically sick, wondering what I had done; wondering what I had said to Dimitri.

I felt like screaming. I felt like crying. I felt like dying. My heart began to race as I tried to force myself to remember what on earth I had said to him, but it was to no avail. My memory of that night was a blank canvas filled with dreadful thoughts of possible things I could have said to him.

Obviously Tasha knew who Akim was referring to, because she turned to face me. "I thought you were going to ignore Dimitri," she stated, more like a fact than a question. She looked angry at me, surprised that I had gone against my word, shocked that I had dared to talk to Dimitri. "What did you talk about?" she demanded.

"I don't know," I admitted fearfully, running my hands through my hair, pulling at it slightly. I chewed at my lip, feeling completely wretched. Whatever I had said to Dimitri couldn't have been good, I knew that for a fact.

I cradled my head in my hands, slowly counting down the days until we could leave Court. Maybe I convince Tasha to return early. Maybe I could go ahead without her. Maybe I had been so drunk that whatever I had said to him was just plain garble that he couldn't understand. Maybe, maybe, maybe.

Someone was knocking on the door, but I was in no fit state to move, Tasha was still staring at me accusingly and Akim was staring at Tasha with adoration, so Pytor got up to answer the door. I began hitting myself on the head, muttering "stupid, stupid, stupid," to myself with every blow. Maybe if I hit myself hard enough then I could knock out the memory of Akim informing me of my conversation with Dimitri, and I could carry on living my life in oblivion.

"Rose? Are you alright?" Lissa asked, her voice full of concern and worry as she walked into the lounge. Through the bond I could sense something was up, something was wrong, but at the moment she was completely focussed on me as I let out a cry of frustration.

"I'm fine," I muttered quietly, lifting my head to look at Lissa. Behind her stood Christian, and behind him stood the man himself. Dimitri. Again, I let out a cry of frustration as I silently prayed for the earth to open me up and swallow me whole, but as I expected, nothing happened. It seemed like the entire world was just simply against me.

I stared at him, trying to gage a reaction, but there was nothing. He wouldn't even meet my eye, which caused me to stifle another cry of anguish because I had a sneaky suspicion that whatever I had done or said to him, it was bad. No, it was terrible.

"Why are you here?" Tasha asked flatly as out three guests stood awkwardly in the middle of the room. I snuck a look at her, but like Dimitri, she seemed to be ignoring me. I sighed, feeling like all the progress I had made was slipping through my fingers. Since becoming Tasha's guardians I had slowly improved. Since becoming Tasha's guardian, I had started to right my wrongs. I had started to sort out all the mistakes and all the problems in my life. But in one stupid mistake I had made yet another mess.

"We have bad news," Lissa started, her voice sounding grave. I looked at her, wondering how much worse my day was going to get. I couldn't deal with yet another blow. I couldn't deal with any more negativity. But by the serious look Lissa wore, I knew that was exactly what I was going to receive. I braced myself, knowing that whatever it was, it would be bad. Real bad. "They've made a decision on the guardian issue. They're going to make the novices graduate early. They're going to send 16 year olds to fight against the strigoi."

* * *

**AN: Da da durh...Sorry, I just thought that would add a bit of drama to the chapter =] Some of you may realise that I'm currently churning out chapters on a daily basis and that's mainly because a) I have no life and 2) I go back to unversity in a couple of weeks, so I probably won't be updating as frequently. Anyway, I just thought I'd tell you this now so you don't get worried when I don't update as quickly as I have done in the past (in fact, when I move into my new flat, I don't think I have the internet for the first week or so, so NO updates then =/).**

**Anywho, the pace of the story is finally speeding up, and a lot has happened in this chapter. In fact, there's probably going to be a few chapters where EVERYTHING happens at once, so hopefully it won't get too confusing. But if it does, just drop me a message and I will try to explain =]**

**This chapter is especially for Chelsea Castile, who hopefully will be happy with the reappearence of the Taros brothers =D**

**Thanks to everyone who reviewed...we're nearing onto 200, which is amazing! I know I said that I'd get a one-shot out for the 150 reviews, and believe me, I have been working on it. It's just I'm so engrossed in the actual story that I've barely got time to write missing scenes as well, but at some point, I will finish it =]**

**Disclaimer: I DO NOT OWN VA!**


	21. Chapter 21

Her horrific revelation caused my heart to sink to the bottom of my chest with a deep _thud_.It felt like I couldn't properly breathe. It felt like someone had their hands tightly wrapped around my throat like harsh, metal chains, choking me. I stared and I stared, her words hitting me hard. It wasn't right. It wasn't fair. It was insanity. It was nothing but plain, cruel murder.

They would die. They would die in the most macabre way possible. They would end up being a mangled mess on the floor, their crimson blood tainting the earth as it dripped painfully out of their lifeless bodies. I could easily imagine it; a vivid painting full of red and blue and black and death. In one blur – in one simple, swift movement – their young lives would be ended. They would be ended.

I shuddered, trying to rid myself of the awful mental pictures taunting my mind. "They can't do that," Tasha replied harshly, being the first one out of our small group to recover. I snuck a look at her, glad that her anger was now aimed at the repulsive moroi who had come up with this inane idea rather than it being aimed at me. I could understand her disappointed in me, don't get me wrong; she probably thought that I had told Dimitri that I loved him or something along those lines. She probably thought that after everything I had overcome I had rather foolishly screwed everything up in one stupid act of stupidity. And maybe she was right. Maybe that was exactly what I had done, but that didn't mean that Tasha's wrath didn't scare me. Her glower was enough to make even me, a kick-ass guardian, to cower in the corner with fright.

Lissa shrugged, her shoulders sagging as if it were a massive defeat to her. And maybe it was. After all, the thought of sixteen year olds being forced to fight – being forced to die – was sickening to anyone with morals. But Lissa's sadness and Tasha's anger meant nothing to me because it had nothing to do with them, not really. They were safe. This ruling didn't affect them. This ruling didn't mean anything to them. It wasn't about moroi. It was about dhampirs.

It was about Dimitri and me. We were the only two people in the room who should have been affected by this news because it was our race in danger. We were the ones who should be sad. We should be the ones who were angry. And by the dark look Dimitri currently wore, he was most definitely angry. It was the first time in a long time that I had actually seen any sort of emotion outline his usually stony face.

"Well, they are," he muttered harshly in reply to Tasha's comment, speaking for the first time in my presence. I quirked my head towards him, surprised that he had dared to speak. I had figured that since the whole strigoi fiasco, he was choosing to keep a low profile, not that he actually voiced his opinions before he was turned.

His voice was cold and callous, and I stared at him, not expecting him to take that tone with Tasha. Sure, he could speak that way to me seeing as I was nothing to him, but Tasha was his friend and she deserved to be treated better. "There's no need to take it out on Tasha," I told him crossly, "it's not her fault."

"Really? Because I thought she was supposed to be on the committee that made the decision," he snapped back, entering into his first conversation with me – well, the first I could actually remember – since he told me he no longer loved me.

I was about to open my mouth and defend Tasha a bit more, but she beat me to it. "I was. But, I didn't know about this," she admitted, clenching her fists and muttering something about wanting to strangle Lord Svelsky for not including her on this major decision.

"Then maybe you should get your priorities sorted out," Dimitri said, giving Akim a pointed look. Throughout the exchange, both Taros brothers sat silently and sullenly. Again, I was about to defend Tasha and tell Dimitri to mind his own business – because after all, it had nothing to do with him what Tasha did with her time or who she dated – but Lissa, ever the peace-maker, decided to speak and try to restore some calm.

"There's going to be a debate about it tomorrow," she said calmly, quickly changing the subject.

"Can anyone go?" I asked quickly. She nodded and I sighed in relief. If anyone could go, that meant so could I. It meant that I could go and voice my opinions and inform the moroi in charge how stupid and callous they were being. They were murderers. They were sick and perverted and someone – mainly me – had to tell them that.

But me calling them names, no matter how true they were, wasn't going to help matters. To the moroi in charge, I was a stupid, reckless girl who wasn't important. They wouldn't listen to me. Yes, I had a reputation – some of it good, some of it bad – but I wasn't a respected guardian. Not like Dimitri was. I stared at him. Sure, he wasn't as respected as he used to be. And sure, he wasn't technically a guardian anymore. But it had been a couple of months since he had been turned back into a dhampir and he hadn't gone all crazy insane. He hadn't turned into an evil monster. So maybe it was possible that people would listen to what he had to say. After all, they used to trust him. They used to believe in him.

"Can I talk to you?" I asked him directly. Noticing who I was aiming my question at, everyone stopped whatever they had been discussing quietly between themselves and stared at the scene that was unfolding. "In private," I added as an afterthought, fully aware of our audience straining their ears.

He frowned, obviously not expecting me to want a quiet word with me, but nodded nonetheless. I stood up and walked out of the room, not bothering to wait for him as I headed outside, though with his long strides it didn't take him long to catch up with me.

His body was tense and terse, his face stoic and lacking expression. Obviously, the idea of having to spend his precious time in my company did not agree with him. To be completely honest, spending my time with him wasn't to my taste either. But we needed to have this conversation. It was probably the most important conversation we were ever going to have, because the future of our race depended on it, and so we were just going to have to swallow our pride and get on with it, because there were bigger things to worry about.

"You need to go to the debate tomorrow," I informed him, getting straight to the point. The night was chilly, and the wind was howling. I shuddered and wrapped my arms around me, trying to generate some sort of heat to keep me warm. Yet again I had foolishly thought I could outwit the weather by not wearing a jacket and now I was suffering.

Dimitri stared at me, his jaw set and his teeth grinding together as he took in my words. "Why should I?" he asked. Dimitri wasn't stupid; he knew exactly what I was asking without having to say it. I was asking him to voice his opinions tomorrow. I was asking him to speak out against the moroi. I was asking him to risk his entire future; he would be risking his chances of being a guardian again and his chances of leading a normal life.

"Because if you don't, sixteen year old dhampirs will end up dying," I told him bluntly. Again, I shivered, this time partially to do with the cold weather and partially to do with the fact that dhampir children would end up dying because of this inane decree. And that's what they were; children. Dimitri must have noticed how cold I was, because he shrugged off his duster and passed it to me.

I stared at it, unsure whether to take it or not, but as another gust of wind blew furiously around me, tangling my hair into knots, I reluctantly took it from his hands, careful not to actually touch him. "Thanks," I muttered awkwardly, slowly putting it on. A part of me wanted to wrap it around my body to keep the cold out, but I knew if I did that, then I wouldn't get any sleep tonight. Instead, I would be haunting by Dimitri's delicious scent that clung to his coat.

Dimitri nodded, but sighed. "They won't listen to anything I have to say. I'm nothing. I'm no one."

What he said wasn't true, though. He was someone. He was Dimitri freaking Belikov. He was practically a god. Apparently I said the last bit out loud, because Dimitri shook his head sadly. "Precisely, the key word in that statement being _was_."

I stared at him in disbelief. Sure, what happened to him sucked, but this wasn't the guy I used to know. This wasn't the guy I had stupidly fallen in love with once upon a time. He was being pathetic. He was being pitiable and he needed to stop. He needed to get over what had happened and move on, because if he carried on moping around like this then no one was going to give him the second chance he deserved because they simply wouldn't think he was capable of being a guardian anymore.

"Get over yourself, Dimitri," I shrieked in frustration, clenching my fists together. This wasn't about him. This wasn't about me. It was about the sixteen year olds who were about to be sent onto the frontline without proper training. This was about sixteen year olds being forced to kill. This was about sixteen year olds dying brutal deaths themselves. "This isn't about you or me. This is about the fact that innocent novices are going to end up dead. And you may think of yourself as an evil monster, but you're not. I know you, Dimitri. I know that you aren't going to let sixteen year old dhampirs become guardians without a fight. So you are going to turn up tomorrow. You are going to speak up against the moroi. You're going to call up all you're guardian friends – Alberta, Emil, hell, even Stan – and get them to come to the debate. Okay?"

Dimitri studied me cautiously, before sighing in defeat. "Okay," he stated dutifully, and although I was pretty sure he was doing all he could to fight the emotion; he actually looked quite impressed with me. Not that I cared, or anything, seeing as Dimitri was nothing to me. Sure, back at the academy I would have done anything to get him to look at me with admiration, but that was in the past. I was a different person. I didn't need his seal of approval anymore, although, and it pained me to admit it, it did feel good.

An awkward silence wrapped itself tightly around us. I shuffled slightly, not sure what to do or say now. Dimitri looked ready to walk off, but before I could stop myself, I started to address him again. "Can I ask you a question? Well, two questions?"

He nodded, but said nothing, waiting for me to continue. I didn't know why I had even bothered. I didn't want to know, not really. But there was a sick urge of curiosity that I couldn't control. I decided to start with the easier of the two. I decided to start with the less painful of the two. "When you found out about me leaving Court..." I trailed, off, unsure how to word my question. I looked down at the ground, concentrating profoundly, refusing to meet Dimitri's eye. I didn't want to sound conceited, but I knew that was how my question was going to come out as because of my assumptions. "Why were you in my apartment building?"

I dared to look up at Dimitri as I waited for his answer. Without missing a beat he answered without falter. "I was going to congratulate you on your first assignment," he said smoothly. I nodded, but eyed him suspiciously. His answer didn't ring true. It sounded faultless. It sounded well rehearsed. It sounded like a lie, but I nodded and said no more on the matter.

"Okay," I said, shifting slightly towards the door up to Tasha's apartment. During our earlier conversation we had somehow huddled together, but now I was aware of the space – or lack of space – between us and it was making me uncomfortable. I took another step back. "This one isn't quite a question," I admitted, procrastinating slightly. I brushed my hand through my hair, silently noting to myself that I seemed to do this every time I was nervous or unsure.

"Okay," Dimitri said slowly, also taking a step backwards so that there was a massive gap between the two of us. Again, he waited patiently whilst I tried to figure out how to string my sentence together.

A part of me felt like telling him that it was nothing. That it didn't matter. That I didn't want to know. But I was a sucker for causing myself pain. I was a masochist. I enjoyed to humiliation. I enjoyed the heartache. And I did need to know. I needed to know what I had said to him on the night of the engagement party, because it would haunt me and taunt me if I didn't find out. "At the engagement party, I was pretty drunk," I started off. Dimitri nodded, as if to confirm what I already knew. "We talked..."

Again, I trailed off, and again Dimitri nodded in affirmation. If I hadn't been watching him carefully, I wouldn't have seen it. I wouldn't have seen his guardian mask slip onto his face. Before, he had been pretty expressionless, but now his eyes had a hard glint to them. And although I hadn't actually asked the question, his response was the answer I needed. It was the answer that I didn't want. It was the answer I had dreaded.

Whatever I had said to him, it was bad, and not just 'Rose said something stupid' bad. Although my actual words were still a complete mystery to me, I knew I had messed up. Big time. "What I said, I didn't mean it. I didn't mean any of it," I told him earnestly. I hoped he realised that I was being sincere. I was being truthful. I had been a drunken mess. I had been off my head. I wasn't in my right mind so there was no way I would have been making any sense. There was no one that I could have actually been telling the truth, whatever I had apparently said.

"It was nothing," Dimitri stated simply. But yet again, something was off. Something wasn't right. His words were said with a forced nonchalance, that I had never heard him use before. I frowned, but what could I do? What could I say? I had asked him if I could ask him two questions. I hadn't asked him to answer them truthfully.

I just wished he had lied to me a little bit more convincingly because that way I could pretend to be ignorant of the fact he wasn't telling me the truth. But he hadn't and I couldn't make myself oblivious to the fact that I had well and truly screwed up, whatever I said. "Okay, thanks," I muttered, looking back at the apartment building that was currently looking very inviting. I shrugged of his duster, feeling cold the moment it left contact with my skin, and passed it back to him. "I guess I'll see you tomorrow," I mumbled awkwardly, and without waiting for a reply, I headed back in, forcing my way through the arctic-like weather battling down onto Court.

The wind howled furiously, echoing around. I opened the door and stepped into the warmth of the building, but before the door had shut completely, I heard Dimitri speak. His words were mangled in the wind but it sounded like "everything you said was true." I turned to face him, opening my mouth to ask him to repeat what he had said. But as I turned around, I noticed Dimitri was already heading in the opposite direction and out of my sight. I sagged against the wall, feeling completely exhausted, having forgotten how stifling and how suffocating it was being in Dimitri's company.

* * *

**AN: So...good? Bad? Hopefully you guys enjoyed the Rose/Dimitri interaction, although I do apologise for the fact that there was no speckle of romance in there. But there will be...at some point in the not so near future =] This story is well and truly getting out of control though. Usually my average word count per chapter is 2,500 words. This one's nearly 3000. The next chapter is over 4000 words long and counting. As you can tell, other than the who Rose/Dimitri story line, the lack of guardian issue is an important part of the story. In fact, without giving too much away, it is the entire story. Everything that happens will revolve around that issue, so I hope you guys like what I'm planning to do with it. Erm, there's not much else to say, other than there's only a couple more chapters based at Court and then we're switching back to Tasha's house. But believe me, Rose and co. (ie. Tasha and the Taros brothers) will be arriving back at Court in a pretty explosive manner =]**

**Thanks to all the support, the messages and the reviews! We're over 200 now, so all I can say is THANK YOU and I love you...I may even want to marry you all =D**

**Disclaimer: I DO NOT OWN VA!**


	22. Chapter 22

The room was crowded; a furious energy buzzed around the mass of people. Both moroi and dhampirs alike had pushed and shoved their way into the debate, intent of getting their views across. I was standing near the front, having begged Tasha to skip her quiet breakfast with Akim and head over to the debate a good half an hour before it was planned to start. Luckily, she had agreed, although not without a little reluctance and a lot of huffing and puffing.

The crowd heaved slightly as more and more people tried to get into the already full room. It felt like we were slowly drowning in a vast sea of people. All I could hope was that the majority of people present were against the new ruling, otherwise we were screwed. Otherwise the sixteen year old dhampirs were screwed.

Some of the people – mainly guardians who I had seen around Court – I knew. But a good majority of the crowd I had never seen before, which worried me slightly. I had no idea whose side they were on. I had no idea who they were supported; us or them. And that worried me to no extent.

And then there was the fact that dotted around the outskirts of the room were a good couple of dozen or so guardians, dressed immaculately in their uniforms and looking nothing but official. They were working, that was for sure, but I didn't know whose side they supported. I wanted to think that, as dhampirs themselves, they were on our side. But I couldn't help but wonder. I couldn't help but doubt their position. Because there they were, acting like furniture, not speaking to anyone, not looking at anyone. They were acting like the moroi wanted them to act. It was obvious from their stiff postures that they were entirely focused on their duties. They looked more like zombies than actual people. I doubted that they actually had opinions. I doubted that they actually had morals. All they cared about was pleasing the moroi. All they cared about was pleasing their masters, and I seriously doubted they would step out of line and dare to disagree with them.

That said, there were a high number of familiar faces flitting around the crowd. I had already seen Alberta and Stan and many more guardians from my days at the Academy. I hated to admit it, but Dimitri had done a good job. No, he had done a great job. I knew I had given him a hard, almost impossible, task last night, but he had excelled. To be perfectly honest, I hadn't expected many dhampirs to listen to him. I hadn't expected many dhampirs to actually turn out. I had assumed most had cut all ties with Dimitri. I had assumed that they would have just blatantly ignored his phone calls.

But they hadn't. They had listened to his pleas and his argument and they had come to show their support for our cause. They had decided to finally stand up to the ruthless regime of the moroi. And that made me optimistic. It made me believe that we could overrule the decree. It made me believe even more in the dhampirs.

"It's a big crowd," Tasha commented, as if reading my thoughts. I nodded in agreement, turning to face her.

"Whose side do you think they're on?" I asked her, sure Tasha would have some sort of idea. Although she wasn't popular with the other moroi, she knew most of them. She knew who they supported. She'd know if they were for or against the decree, and I dreaded her answer. Her answer would either make or break me and my faith.

Diplomatically, she said, "I think it's a pretty even split. 50/50." Again, I nodded, but I couldn't help but wonder if she was telling the truth or not. Tasha was well aware of how passionately I felt about the situation, and she also knew how likely I would blow my lid if I thought the decree was going to be passed. I couldn't help but doubt her answer, wondering if she was trying to protect me from an inevitable blow.

I wasn't the only one having a slight panic. Tasha was chewing at her lip, frowning and looking completely worried. I nudged her slightly, trying to get her attention that had wandered slightly as she looked around the room. "What's the matter?" I asked her, concerned that she wasn't feeling well. Since finding out about the decree, Tasha had been unusually quiet, which wasn't like her at all.

"I'm fine," she replied quickly, but I just looked at her, my disbelief obvious on my face. She sighed and started again, "this is my entire fault," she admitted sadly.

My look of disbelief didn't disappear, even though I was certain she was now telling the truth. How could she think this was her fault? She wasn't the one who came up with the stupid idea in the first place. She wasn't responsible for this. "No, it's not."

"Yes, it is," she shot back with ease. She closed her eyes, looking completely torn with herself. "Dimitri was right the other day. I did get my priorities wrong. Instead of attending the meetings I was with Akim. I was just getting so annoyed with the fact that no one was listening to a thing I said so I thought it was pointless me being there. But I don't turn up for one day and all this happens. I should have been there. I should have stopped this happening."

My first reaction was to be furious. My second reaction was to yell at her. My third reaction was to try and slap some sense into her. But I did none of those things, proving that since I had graduated, I had become a lot more restrained. Maybe she was right, maybe it was her fault. After all, she was a part of the committee and she had decided to not turn up. She had decided to give up and give in and that made me sad.

I saw Tasha as this great hero, fighting for what she believed in and not caring who said what about her. I had admired her. I had wanted to be just like her. And now she had turned out to be a fake. I just looked at her, pitying her. Pitying myself for believing in her facade.

But even though she had given up, this wasn't her fault. She said it herself; no one ever listened to her. No one listened to anything she had to say. So the likelihood was that even if she had been present at the meeting, her protests would have fallen on deaf ears. She would have simply been ignored, like she always was.

"Tasha, this would have happened even if you were there. I've seen firsthand how they treat you in those meetings and they would have just ignored you. It's not your fault. You're not the one who came up with the idea, are you?"

"No, but-" Tasha started to argue but I just glared at her.

"No 'buts' Tasha," I warned her, ending our conversation. I turned away from her, studying the crowd. Maybe I was being mean, but I couldn't deal with her pity herself at the moment. There were bigger things to worry about. There were bigger things to deal with and sadly Tasha would simply have to wait for my attention.

By now the doors had been closed, and the debate was minutes away from beginning. I scoured the crowd, trying to find Lissa. She was easy to find, mainly because as per usual, Dimitri was with her. And seeing as he was the tallest person in the room, they were easy to find. With them were the usual shadows of Christian, Eddie and Mia.

Their group of five were huddled together at the opposite side of the room, and so it was impossible for me to meander my way through the heaving crowd to stand with them. I was about to turn my attention away, aware of the fact that some of the senior royals involved in making the decree – including Queen Tatiana herself – were making their way to the front of the room where a stage had been set up, heightening their superior nature over the rest of us.

But before I could look away, I noticed Dimitri looking straight at me. I refused to over think his reasoning for staring at me. I had to be completely focussed today. I couldn't let my personal feelings – whatever they may be – get in the way of today.

So instead I mentally shook myself and returned his steady gaze. I mouthed '_thank you'_ at him, knowing he was partially – if not completely – for the good turnout. He nodded briefly, then turned his attention away from me to the stage at the front of the room, and I quickly followed suit.

To my utter dismay, it looked like Lord Svelsky was in charge of the debate. Sitting to the right of him, in the centre of the stage, was Queen Tatiana, looking bored to death even before the debate actually started. It must be hard for her, I thought darkly to myself, to pretend to care what others – mainly the dhampirs – thought. If she had her way she's enforce slave labour onto the dhampirs and make it impossible for us to have lives outside our guardian duties.

"Can I have your attention?" Lord Svelsky said, standing up. In a matter of seconds, the crowd hushes and stared at him, expectantly. I took this opportunity to have another look around the room, trying to figure out what side everybody was on. The majority of moroi present looked up at him with adoration which caused me to feel sickened.

It was obvious they thought it was fine sending mere children – because that was what the novices were – to fight. They thought there was nothing wrong with that. They thought their murders were excusable. Tasha was right though; there did seem to be a fifty/fifty split. There were numerous guardians present, much more than what I expected, and I couldn't see any of them agreeing to such a disturbing decree. I couldn't see them carrying on being wallflowers whilst sixteen year olds were being forced to fight; being forced to die.

"We are here to discuss a proposed decree. Everyone in this room is well aware of the fact that guardian numbers are dwindling. Everyone in this room is well aware of the fact that there aren't enough guardians to protect our families and our friends. Something has to be done. Something has to be done to help save our treasured races. And that is why I, and the rest of the committee, have decided that the only way to ensure our futures is to change the age of graduation for dhampirs. Instead of leaving school at the age of eighteen, they will graduate at sixteen. The aim of today's debate is to iron out any underlying issues there may be with the decree," Lord Svelsky explained, peering down at the crowd.

I had the urge to start arguing straight away. I wanted to tell them that there were issues with his stupid decree, mainly the fact that it constituted murder. But instead, I clenched my jaw tightly shut. Me yelling and shouting wouldn't achieve anything other than being thrown out, and I knew Lord Svelsky would use any opportunity to embarrass and humiliate Tasha and me. He would do it just to spite us. After all, we weren't exactly his favourite people.

Pretty soon, the debate was in full swing, though it was obvious that Lord Svelsky was favouring those who agreed with his ideas. Barely anyone who opposed to the decree got a chance to voice their opinions.

Instead, we were told about how the moroi were suffering. We were told how many moroi had died due to the lack of guardian numbers. We were told how sacred the moroi were, and how important it was that they were protected.

It was sickening to hear people speak like that. I couldn't quite believe that they were being that selfish. They seemed ignorant of the fact that this had nothing to do with the moroi. It was about the dhampirs and nothing else. Slowly I was becoming more agitated. Slowly I was becoming more infuriated. Slowly I was becoming more and more furious.

My frustration and my anger grew and grew, slowly getting more unbearable. How could these people claim that sending sixteen year old to fight was a good thing? How could they justify their inevitable deaths? They claimed that it was a sacrifice that had to be made for the good of our races, but it just wasn't the case. They weren't sacrificing anything. The dhampirs were.

"This is completely insane," I yelled, interrupted some royal moroi mid speech. She looked at me, disgusted that I had dared speak, but it didn't stop me. No, instead it fuelled me on. "How can you stand there and justify the murder of sixteen year olds? Because that is exactly what will happen if this decree is passed."

I was well aware of the hundred or so people staring at me. I was well aware of the hundred or so people silently judging me. But I didn't care. Someone had to say it, and if they were too scared to speak up, then that was their problem, not mine.

"Guardian Hathaway," Lord Svelsky warned, using his usual belittling tone of voice, "this is a formal meeting and your outbursts will not be tolerated."

I was about to roll my eyes and give him my piece of mind, but the queen beat me to it. It was the first time she had uttered a word since entering the room, and I was so surprised to hear her speak that it took me a few minutes to realise what she was saying. "Let Miss Hathaway have her say," Tatiana stated formally, looking threw me rather at me as she directed her comment at me.

I stared in disbelief at her, wondering what she was doing. She had to be doing something. She had to be up to something. There was no way the queen would be against the decree. There was no way the queen would be agreeing with me.

I thought hard, trying to figure out her angle. But I couldn't see one. I couldn't figure out what she was up to, and that worried me. But she had given me permission to speak – to voice my opinions and let everybody in the room what I thought about the decree – and I wasn't going to let that opportunity pass.

Taking a deep breath, I tried to clear my head. There were lots of things I wanted to say, many curses and insults, but I knew that wouldn't achieve anything. I needed to be level-headed. I needed to be calm and collected. Basically, I needed to be everything I wasn't.

"The decree is ludicrous. You can't make sixteen year old dhampirs graduate early. You can't make them be guardians. They won't be ready. They won't have had the right amount of training. All you will achieve is lowering the numbers of guardians even more, because they will end up dead," I told them, getting straight to the point. There was no reason the hedge around the subject. There was no reason to bind my comment in cotton wool. Because what I said was true. And the sooner the moroi realised that, the better.

Tatiana sat still, not commenting. I wondered if she had even bothered to listen to what I had to say. She had either ignored me, or thought I was too unimportant to bother giving an answer to. Lord Svelsky, on the other hand, was quick to comment. "You don't seem to have much faith in the novices," he commented, looking smug that he was able to counter argue my argument.

I felt like growling. I felt like leaping onto the stage and beating him to a pulp. I loathed that man. He was just so smarmy, so slimy. It made me shudder slightly. "That's not what I meant," I shot back, trying my hardest to keep control over the situation. I couldn't have him twisting my words. I couldn't have him ruining my chances at stopping the decree from being passed.

"So what did you mean?" he asked me in a slowly voice, as if to ridicule and mock me. I restrained a sigh of frustration, not wanting him to realise how much he was grating on me. I didn't want to give him the satisfaction of seeing me blow my cool because of him.

"All I meant was that at the age of sixteen, they won't be ready to fight. They won't have had sufficient training. I have faith in them; faith that at the age of sixteen, they should be hanging out with their friends and not killing strigoi," I explained, clenching my fists. There was a murmur of agreement that ran through the crowd, though no one dared speak up. No one dared to back me up.

It was pathetic that everyone was so scared of the royal moroi. They weren't anything special, not really. They couldn't do any real damage. Although their power came from years of bullying, it was only superficial. There was no substance behind it. They wouldn't be able to stop anything, like an uprising, from happening.

The only power they had came from people allowing them to boss them around. It came from the other moroi and dhampirs allowing the ruling class to walk right over them and treat them like mud. And it needed to stop. All of it needed to stop before the royals went too far.

Tatiana was still studying me, and I patiently waited for the blow. I wasn't claiming to be psychic or anything, but I knew it was coming. It was inevitable. She hated me with a passion. She would use any platform to humiliate me and to dirty my name and my reputations.

"Remind me again, Rosemarie, what age you were when you made your first kill?" she asked, her tone superior and full of pomp. I clenched my fists even more, feeling my nails dig into the palm of my hand. I wouldn't have been surprised if I unclenched my fist to find the sight of blood.

But that wasn't my main priority. My focus was on the queen bitch herself. I shook my head at her, feeling angrier and angrier. "That's different," I stated firmly, scowling. And it was different. Just because I had killed strigoi at an early age didn't mean that everyone else should follow suit. Back at the Academy, I was forever being told that I was a bad example. I was reckless and stupid. No one should act like that. No one should risk their life like I risked mine.

"How so?" the queen asked, sounding smug. I sighed and bit my lip, feeling completely desperate. Everything was unravelling. Everything was falling apart. I was supposed to be trying to make things better, but here I was making it all so much worse.

I looked around the crowd, trying to find some sign of support, but there was nothing. Everyone was just staring at me; some with disgust, some with pity, some with frantic hope. But no one spoke up. No one made a sound.

Like everyone else in the room, Dimitri was watching me carefully. But he didn't look disgusted. He didn't look pitiful. He didn't even look hopeful. No, he was looking at me with belief. He was looking at me as if he knew I could turn the situation around and back to my advantage.

I didn't know if that made things better or worse. I was pleased that he thought I could do this, but also petrified of disappointing him. I was teetering on a dangerous knife edge and I could fall either way.

But then I remembered that I didn't care about Dimitri. It was like a mantra entering into my head. _I don't care. I don't care. I don't care_. It didn't matter if I disappointed him or not. He was nothing to me. I was nothing to him. We were two acquaintances who had nothing in common other than wanting to best for our race.

I also remembered that I wasn't supposed to be focussing on Dimitri. My aim was to convince everyone else in the room that the decree was a bad idea. I looked away, mentally cursing myself for getting so distracted.

I turned my attention back to the queen and Lord Svelsky, who looked extremely pleased with himself. Obviously he thought that my silence was a sign of defeat. He was wrong though. He was so wrong.

"I'm an exception," I explained, trying to make my voice ring out throughout the room. I wanted to sound strong. I wanted to sound confident. I wanted to sound as if I wasn't making my speech up on the spot, which was exactly what I was doing. "I wasn't your typical student. I was stupid. I was reckless. I wasn't even supposed to be there when I made my first kill. I'm everything a good guardian shouldn't be. I don't take orders. I don't listen to my superiors. I pretty much do what I feel like doing. And that makes me a bad guardian. So don't try and make out that I'm an example that everyone should be like. Because I'm not."

"And yet, somehow, you've ended up being one of the most successful guardians there is. You've made numerous kills and you're still only eighteen," Lord Svelsky commented. I grimaced, not liking the fact that they were basically ignoring everything I was saying.

I knew for a fact that the queen didn't like me. I knew for a fact that she hated everything about me. She had told me that herself in the past. And yet know here she was, pretending that I was an example; pretending that I was someone to admire; someone to be like. It would have been hilarious if it wasn't so frustrating.

"Maybe so, but that doesn't mean the other novices will be as successful. I don't want egotistical, but I was in a league of my own. I had so much crap to deal with, that I had to learn to fight harder and better than everyone else. It was the only way I was going to survive. Not only that, but I had one hell of an advantage over them. I was taught by one of the best guardians out there," I yelled, getting memento as I got more and more worked up. I pointed to Dimitri, highlighting my point.

As if on cue, the entire crowd looked towards him. A part of me felt bad for forcing all of this attention on him – after all, I knew he wanted to keep a low profile – but I had no idea what else to do. I was basically grasping on straws.

The queen opened her mouth to speak, but I cut her off, intent on getting my point across. Nothing could stop me from finishing my speech. I was on a roll; a roll down a steep hill with no chance on stopping other than crashing at the bottom. "Which brings me to my next point; how the hell can you justify making sixteen year olds graduate early when you have perfectly fine guardians here at Court aren't allowed any duties?"

Another murmur ran through the crowd, but this one was a hell of a lot more negative than the other one. It was more of a growl of disapproval at me daring to interrupt their beloved queen. But I had no time for pomp and circumstance. Yes, I realised I was extremely close to crossing the line – in fact, I was pretty sure I had slightly edged over the line with my foot – but I couldn't stop. I just couldn't reel myself back in.

"Rosemarie-" the queen warned, but yet again I ignored her. Yet again I interrupted her.

"Listen to me, you sanctimonious bitch," I hissed dangerously, but as soon as I realised what I had said, the rest of my sentence died a sudden death. I froze, knowing that I had well and truly crossed the line. The entire crowd hushed to a deadly silence. There was a slight shift in the room, and it felt like everyone had taken a step back, as if they didn't want to be close to me.

I was left to wonder what my fate would be. The queen was staring down at me coldly. Next to her, Lord Svelsky was grinning triumphantly. I silently wondered if jumping onto the stage and attacking him would get me into any more trouble. What I had said was bad, almost treacherous, and I doubted if me trying to wipe his smug smile off of his face would make the situation any worse.

As if reading my mind, Tasha grabbed onto my wrist, making it impossible for me to move. The silence in the room was getting to me. It was mocking me. It was putting me on edge. I was waiting for the blow. I was waiting for my punishment.

"Guards," the queen hissed quietly, "get her out of here."

It was as if they were puppets on strings. As soon as Tatiana opened her mouth to speak, they advanced towards me. I thought about putting up a slight fight, but I knew I was already in big trouble, so I allowed myself to be dragged out of the room.

Most of the crowd looked at me with disgust. They looked at me with hatred and with repulsion. But there were a few faces that looked at me with admiration. There were a few faces that looked at me with respect, and that somewhat made me feel better. Sure, I was in trouble. Sure, I had probably ruined any chance of ever becoming Lissa's guardian. Sure, I had probably ruined my entire career. But when it came down to it, I had done what so many people in that room wanted to do, but ultimately couldn't.

I had come out on top because I wasn't afraid. I had come out on top because I was willing to speak my mind. I was willing to voice my opinions and criticise the royal moroi. I was willing to go places where others were afraid to step.

My elation quickly vanished when the guardians through me roughly out of the building and slammed the door shut on my face. Although it seemed like I was going to get away with what I had said, I was still being punished. I was being punished with not knowing what was going on inside. I was being punished by not knowing what their decision would be. I was being punished by not knowing the future of my race.

* * *

**AN: And so that is chapter 22 finished. It took a while to write, mainly because it's 4500+ words, which I think is a new record for me. It wasn't initially going to be that long, but I've been stressed and writing is a relief for me. At the moment I'd much rather focus on a fantasy world than real life. Seriously, being a grown up sucks and stresses you out so much that you feel like screaming. Take my advice; never grow up. (And if you're interested, the reason why I'm so stressed is because next week I'm moving to my new flat, which at the moment has no electrcity, no gas and no internet because some idiot - ie. me - forgot to sort it out. It's all very tedious and boring and things are so much easier when your a kid) Anyway, rant over. This chapter is supposed to be similar to the debate scene in the book, but I had to throw my copy out so I couldn't refer to the original. Plus I didn't want to copy the exact scene which is why it's a bit different. Hopefully you guys will like what I've done with it though.**

**Thank you to everybody who has made the time to review, especially those who review every chapter. I would go and write down all your names as a special mention, but at the moment I can't be bothered to find all your names. Hopefully you know who you are and hopefully you know how much I love you...which sounds creepy now I've written it. But I'm having a rather lazy day so I'm not going to delete that comment.**

**Disclaimer: I DO OWN VA!**

**Also, anyone notice my new picture thing for the story? It's not the best out there, but it'll do. And I made it myself! But if some kind reader wants to make me one (I'm not sure what they're even called...) then I'm not going to stop you =D**


	23. Chapter 23

The decree was passed without much argument. It seemed that people thought it was absolutely fine for sixteen year olds to guard. It seemed that people though it was absolutely fine for sixteen year olds to fight. It seemed that people thought it was absolutely fine for sixteen year olds to die.

It was actually sickening. I was so disgusted, so disgraced. I didn't want anything to do with this life. I didn't want to be part of this world anymore, especially not when the people were so selfish that they no longer cared about anyone. They were only concerned about themselves. They were only concerned about their wellbeing. I couldn't quite believe that they were that selfish. I couldn't quite believe that they didn't care about the fact that this decree forced children to fight. It forced children to die.

I just wanted out. But I couldn't. I couldn't pack my bags and leave, never to be seen again. Because if I went, that meant there was one less guardian. If I went, some poor sixteen year old would be forced to take my place. And I wouldn't let that happen. I wouldn't let some poor kid end up dying because I hated the people that swarmed like flies around Court. They were evil. They were malicious. They were revolting. But I would have to stay put. I would have to deal with my issues because there was no way in hell I was going to be responsible for a child's death. I just wouldn't let it happen.

Even after being thrown out, I was hopeful. I was optimistic. I was naive. I thought that someone would be inspired by my outburst and carry on my argument; carry on my fight. But there was nothing but silence. It seemed like no one dared to speak. No one dared to voice their true opinions on the matter.

And I couldn't blame them, not really. Sure, they were cowards. Sure, they were partly responsible for allowing the decree to be passed. But they had futures. They had jobs. They had responsibilities that they just couldn't risk. Everyone knew I was reckless. Everyone knew I didn't give a damn. I could yell and scream and shout all I like, because when it came down to it, there was nothing left for me to lose. I had nothing left. I had nothing to care about; nothing to stop me from speaking my mind.

People like Eddie had their entire futures ahead of them. He couldn't speak up. He couldn't yell and shout and follow my lead, because he wanted to go places. He wanted to be the best guardian he could possibly be. His position as Lissa's guardian was already fragile and one step out of place would mean he would lose it. He would lose it all.

And then there was Dimitri. Like me, he had nothing to lose, not really. He was already at rock bottom. He couldn't get any lower. He had nothing left; no job, no life, no future. And yet, he did have things to lose. He had everything to risk. He had everything to lose. Speaking up wouldn't have done him any favours. Speaking up wouldn't have made it any easier to get his responsibilities back. It wouldn't have gotten his job back. It wouldn't have gotten his life back.

And I knew that's what he wanted, more than anything else. So why would he risk it all? Why would he try to argue? Why would he try to fight a losing battle? Because although I had remained hopeful, it was ignorant of me to think the decree wouldn't be passed. It was stupid of me. In fact, it was so unlike me. So much had happened to me that I was pretty cynical. So much had happened to me that I expected the worse.

But, for the first time in a long time, I had tried to be positive. I had tried to be optimistic. But I guess it was a waste of effort, because in the end there was no point. In the end, the worst happened and I should have expected it. I should have expected the damaging blow.

I couldn't blame Eddie. I couldn't blame Dimitri. I couldn't blame anyone in the room, other than Lord Svelsky and Queen Tatiana, because they were the masterminds behind the entire thing. They were the ones who came up with the idea. They were the ones who I was furious at. They were the ones I wanted to hurt.

But I couldn't hurt them. They were unreachable. They were untouchable. Physically attacking them would only lead me to a prison cell. The idea of being locked up didn't deter me though. It was a price I was willing to pay.

The thing that stopped me was the fact that I could do a hell of a lot more damage from outside a cell. I didn't need to resort to physical violence to hurt them. There were so many things that I could do. There were so many things that I could say. The possibilities were endless. I just had to come up with a few ideas first. I just had to come up with the perfect way to hurt them – to cause them pain – and I would get my revenge.

But before that, I had the urge to hit something. I had to urge to hit something hard. I got up from the bench I had been sitting at whilst I watched the rest of the debate through Lissa's mind and headed towards the gym. I knew it would be empty. I knew it would be completely deserted because every guardian who wasn't on duty had been at the debate. I knew I would have the entire gym to myself to let out my pain and my anguish and my frustration.

It didn't take me long to jog over to the gym. As soon as I stepped through the threshold, I felt myself becoming slightly more relaxed. There was something about a gym that made me feel at ease. It was like a second home to me. It was where I felt most comfortable.

I found the nearest punch bag and began hitting it, again and again. I didn't bother with gloves. I wanted to feel the energy leave my clenched fists as it made contact with the bad. I wanted to feel the raw pain. I wanted to feel something other than hatred.

I imagined Lord Svelsky's smug little face. I imagined beating him repeatedly, until he was black and blue. I wanted to burst his nose open. I wanted his blood to run freely like a crimson river down his face. I wanted him to splutter and choke. I wanted him to beg for mercy. I wanted him to beg for forgiveness. And I wanted to see his whole world fall apart when I refused to let him be free. When I refused to let him live.

My vivid little daydream helped to calm me down slightly. My breathing was hectic. My blood was pumping. But my head was no longer a chaotic mess. It was clearer. I was clearer. I was thinking straight; well, as straight as I could be.

My pace slowed and I collapsed into the punching bad, trying to get my breath back. I gulped down the stale air, trying to cool myself down. I took a step back, intent on finding a drink, but when I turned around, I froze.

I had no idea how long he had been watching me. I had no idea how long I had been releasing my stress. I faltered a little, staring at him as he watched me intently. "Hey," I muttered quietly, and although he was standing at the far side of the room, I knew he heard me.

I started walking again towards the water cooler, trying to seem nonchalant; trying to seem like his presence didn't bother me; trying to seem like his presence didn't stifle me. I grabbed a paper cup and filled it to the top, swallowing the water hard.

"I thought you'd be in here," Dimitri said, stepping forward into the gym. I nodded, not sure what to say to that comment; not sure why he was here. Suddenly feeling extremely awkward, I grabbed another drink, just for something to do. "The decree was passed," he commented, now only standing a few feet away from me.

I looked up at him and stared him in the eye. "I know," I informed him, sighing with defeat. I leant against the wall, feeling completely worn out.

"You did the best you could," he told me earnestly. I felt like laughing at his comment. Of course I had done my best. Of course it wasn't my fault. I wasn't disappointed in myself. I was disappointed in everyone else.

"I know," I muttered again, a little bit more forceful than necessary. I knew I shouldn't blame him. He had fulfilled half of my demands. He had been the force behind the great turn out at the debate. He had probably spent all of last night begging and persuading guardians from all around the country to drop what they were doing and attend the meeting. And yes, I had asked him to speak up. I had asked him to openly disagree with the royal moroi. And he hadn't done it, but I knew it was a lot for me to ask. It was a lot for me to expect.

Dimitri and me, we were so different and yet so similar. He had nothing – no job, no life, no future – but had everything to lose. I had everything – a job, a life, a future – but had nothing to lose. We were basically the same, and yet we were complete opposites. He was careful and reserved with his emotions. I was reckless and expressive with my emotions.

I took a step closer to him and then another. "Thanks for today," I told him, standing right in front of him.

He looked down at me and frowned. "I didn't do anything. I let you down," he replied. For the first time since he was turned, I felt he was being completely honest with me. I felt like he was the old Dimitri I once new. The old Dimitri I once loved.

I shook my head at him. "No, you didn't. I asked too much of you."

"No, you didn't," he said, echoing the words I had uttered only moments earlier. His tone was hushed, as if he didn't want to empty room to hear our conversation. "I should have spoken up. I should have done more."

"It wouldn't have helped. It wouldn't have achieved anything. The debate was pointless. They were always going to pass the decree," I replied. And it was true. There had been no point trying to fight it, because we were always going to lose. The debate was just a meaningless pointless. The royals didn't care what we thought. All they cared about was themselves. We were always going to lose the fight. We were always going to lose.

"Still, I should have –" Dimitri started to say, but trailed off, obviously realising there was no point arguing. He knew I was right. Whatever he was going to say was a mute point.

"Should have what? Waved your magic wand?" I finished for him. He sighed, obviously knowing I was right but not wanting to admit it. I watched him carefully, wondering why he had even bothered to seek me out. This conversation was pointless. The entire day was pointless. "Why are you here?"

My blunt question must have shocked him slightly, because he faltered, frowning slightly as if he, too, was confused as to why he was here, talking to me. I raised both my eyebrows at him, waiting impatiently for his answer. I knew he had it tough. I knew things weren't great for him. I knew I probably seemed rude. But I was tired. I was fed up. I just wanted to get out of Court and never look back.

He took a deep breath, looking unsure whether he should speak. I looked at him wearily. "Just spit it out, Dimitri," I told him. Whatever he had to say he should just say it. It wasn't like anything he could say would make things any worse. Things were so bad that I highly doubted it could go further downhill. It wasn't like he could hurt me anymore, because he had already achieved that goal. And although I had started to heal, I refused to let him cause me any pain. I refused to let him effect me like he once had.

"I just wanted to say thank you," he said quietly, breaking eye contact for the first time and looking down at the floor. I just stared at him. Of all the things I expected him to say, that wasn't it. My mind went blank as I tried to figure out what he was thankful for. I had been pretty awful to him. Sure, he had deserved everything I had thrown at him, but I knew some of my comments had been cutting. Some of my comments, even for me, had been a little too extreme.

"What for?" I asked.

"Before I left the debate, Hans Croft cornered me. He informed me that he was going to review my case," Dimitri explained, a small smile appearing at the tips of his mouth. A hopeful glow burned in his eyes.

I nodded and forced a smile on my face. Although I was happy for him, I was still confused to why he was thanking me. I had nothing to do with it. The last time I had seen Hans, let alone talked to him, was when I asked to be assigned to Tasha. Since them I had successfully avoided him. "That's great," I told Dimitri, "but what has it got to do with me?"

"At the debate, you pointed out that I don't have any duties," he reminded me. Although he was right about that, I still didn't believe I was solely responsible for Hans seeking him out. And even if my throwaway comment had reminded Hans that he still needed to sort out the issue concerning Dimitri, I hadn't done it one purpose. I hadn't planned to say it. It was a comment I made in the heat of the moment. It meant nothing.

"It had nothing to do with me," I muttered quietly. Dimitri was about to speak – probably to disagree with me – but the door to the gym opened and a random dhampir wandered in. I stared at him expectantly, silently demanding him to leave Dimitri and me alone. Although our conversation was awkward we needed to talk. We needed to get over everything that had happened between us. We might never be friends, but we had to clear the air. It was impossible for us to avoid each other. We ran in the same circles so we might as well make an effort to be civil towards each other.

The dhampir looked at us, surprised that we were in the gym. Obviously, like me, he had assumed everybody was still getting over the events of the day. I placed my hands on my hips and took a defensive stance, making it obvious that we were having a private conversation that he wasn't part of. The dhampir obviously recognised the two of us and backed up slightly. "I'll leave you to it," he muttered awkwardly.

I nodded and called to his retreating back. "You do that."

Dimitri cast me a look of disapproval but I just ignored it. It wasn't like there were several other gyms to work out at. Plus, we were there first. Why should we move just because someone wanted to lift a few weights? The conversation Dimitri and I were currently having was way more important that some random guardian letting off some steam on a treadmill.

I sighed and leant back against the wall, studying Dimitri. He looked so much like the person I used to know. He acted like the person I used to know. And yet everything was different. Everything had changed and everything had shifted. I doubted things would ever be the same again.

"Do you think we'll ever be friends?" I asked him, breaking his eye contact and staring at the wall behind his head. I had no idea why I had even bothered to ask that question. I didn't want to be his friend. I didn't want anything to do with him.

We were nothing. We were always nothing. Yes, I used to dream and hope about a future with him, but it was never going to happen. We were never going to be together. Dimitri proved that when he severed all ties with me. So why was I grasping at straws? Why was I grasping at something that was never going to happen?

I was supposed to hate Dimitri for what he did to me. I was supposed to loath him. My whole aim had been to wind him up. My whole aim was to snipe at him and swipe at him until he reacted and latched out. But for the past few days I had been pretty nice to him. The past few days I had been acting like he hadn't torn me to shreds. And I didn't know why.

I was being pathetic. I was basically forgiving him for what he had done. And although I knew I should let the past remain in the past, I didn't want him to get away that easily. He didn't deserve to get away that easily.

"Roza-" Dimitri said, but as soon as I heard him say that name, I covered the space between us in one leap and slapped him across the face in one graceful movement.

"Don't call me that," I hissed at him dangerously. I was already feeling fragile. I was already feeling frustrated at myself for letting Dimitri hurt me and walk over me and get away with it. I couldn't deal with him calling me that. I couldn't deal with any more knocks and blows.

Dimitri placed his hand to his cheek, looking surprised that I had physically lashed out at him. I wasn't sorry though. I had wanted to hurt someone. I had wanted to hit someone. And now I had.

"I guess I answered my own question," I laughed darkly to myself. "We can't be friends, not now. Not ever."

I pushed past him, intent on leaving. I was done here. I was done with his conversation. I was done with him. I strode across the gym, just wanting to get out of there. I just wanted to leave. I just wanted to leave Court and go back to Tasha's.

"Rose," Dimitri called, catching up with me and grabbing hold of my arm, locking me in place and making it difficult to move.

"What?" I demanded, turning around to face him "What else is there to say?" I asked, feeling like there was no point to this. There was no point to anything. Everything was crap. Everything was awful. And nothing could change it. There was no point in pretending otherwise.

Dimitri let go of my arm, but his gaze kept my locked in my spot, unable to move, unable to escape. I looked up at him, straining my neck so that I could look him in the eye. He looked worried. "Just be careful. Don't let Tasha manipulate your frustration at the world. Don't let her use your hatred to fuel her agenda."

His words mystified me, but I nodded dumbly. I looked at him for another minute, wishing that things were different; wishing that things could be good again. But then I remembered, things had never actually been good between us. They had been messed up. They had been screwed up. But they had never been good. It had all been a facade that we blindly believed in.

And so, knowing that there was nothing left between us to salvage, I turned around and walked out, leaving him behind.

* * *

**AN: Dur...dur...durhhh! As you can see, I'm back to writing angsty scenes, which you guys are probably are sick of by now, but this should be the last one...hopefully =] Anyway, this is the last chapter set in Court for a while, so I thought I'd cram it full of RxD goodness =] Not only that, but it's probably going to be the last update for a week and a bit. I'm moving into my flat on Sunday, so I'm spending the next few days packing (which I haven't even thought about starting yet). And then there's the fact that I don't think I'll have any internet access for a week. So yeah...if I have time in between packing/sorting out bills/sorting out moving in I will try and write another chapter, but don't hold your breath =]**

**Thank you to everyone who has taken the tome to read my story, review my story and message me about my story! I love you guys to bits!**

**Disclaimer: I DO NOT OWN VA!**


	24. Chapter 24

After everything that had happened over the past two weeks, I was extremely content to collapse onto Tasha's sofa in a graceless heap. We were finally back at her place, and I hoped that the events that happened during our visit to Court would soon become a distant memory. Maybe that was wishful thinking, though. I highly doubted I could forget about the fact that the novices were being forced to graduate early. But at this moment in time I didn't have to worry about that. All I had to focus on was my job. All I had to focus on was guarding Tasha.

It wasn't even my responsibility to worry about the decree in the first place. It had nothing to do with me. It didn't affect me. I didn't even know any of the novices who were in the years below me, so there was really no reason for me to stress out over it. But that didn't mean I wouldn't. It didn't mean that I wouldn't worry. It didn't mean that I wouldn't care. How could anyone with a conscious switch off? How could anyone with a conscious think about anything other than that?

But I had to. I had to focus entirely on my job and my responsibilities. I had to let it go, because there was nothing I could do to change things. There wasn't anything I could do or say that would make things better.

"Hey," Tasha said, coming into the lounge holding two mugs of tea. She placed them on the mahogany coffee table before sitting down next to me. A lot had happened whilst we were at Court, and we had barely gotten time to see each other, let alone talk to each other. It was going to be nice to catch up with Tasha. It was going to be nice to make things between us.

I wasn't mad at her, not really. Yes, she missed the final meeting before the decree was announced, but even if she had been there, nothing would have changed. It would have been no different. It wasn't her fault and I knew that.

I was just mad at everybody else. I was mad at the ruling moroi for coming up with the decree. I was mad at the guardians for not speaking up; for not standing up for themselves. And I was mad at myself. I should've been in more control. I shouldn't have lost my cool like that. I should have done more. I could have done more.

But I didn't because yet again I had messed up.

"Hey," I replied, picking up one of the mugs and taking a long sip from it.

"What are you up to?" Tasha asked. Since we came back home a day ago, I hadn't really done much. In fact, I had done nothing but mope around the house. I didn't have the energy to do anything else. I couldn't be bothered about anything else.

I placed the cup down again and shrugged. "I was just thinking about the decree," I told her honestly. It had been bugging me for the past few days. I just couldn't wrap my head around the fact that the moroi were that selfish. I knew they were conceited. I knew they were up themselves. But I didn't think they were capable of sending sixteen year olds out to fight their battles. I didn't think they were capable of murder.

"Rose, you need to let it go," Tasha told me firmly, looking me straight in the eye. _If only it was that easy_, I mentally scoffed. It was alright saying that, but I couldn't just let it go. I couldn't just get over it. It wasn't that easy. It was never that easy.

"I wish I could," I replied morosely. "It's just so...crap," I said, unable to think of a better word to describe the situation.

She patted me on the shoulder and sighed. "I know, but at the moment there's not much we can do about it."

"I suppose your right," I muttered quietly. Of course she was right; there was no doubt about it. Moping around wasn't going to solve anything anyway. It wasn't going to make anything better. It wasn't even making me feel any better. It was pointless.

"I'm always right," she quipped happily, taking a dainty sip from her own tea. I smiled and laughed with her, but it wasn't natural. It was forced. I couldn't just switch moods. I just couldn't switch my brain off or think about something else.

I needed something to distract me. I needed something to make me feel better. Then I remembered something that I had been dying to ask Tasha for the past few days, but due to everything that had happened, I didn't get time. I looked at her, smiling mischievously at her. She saw this change in my demeanour and looked worried about my sudden glee.

"So when exactly are you going to share all the gory details about yours and Akim's relationship?" I asked her, nudging her with my elbow and wagging both of my eyebrows at her. She laughed, but turned away, as if trying to physically dodge my question. "I will beat the answers out of you if I have to," I warned her, smiling at her reaction.

"Rose, I'm nearing thirty. Do we really have act like schoolgirls and gossip over the fact that I have a boyfriend?" she asked, desperately trying to squirm herself out of the situation.

I laughed and nodded. "Hell yeah we do," I told her, as if it were the most obvious thing, which it was. I needed to take my mind of the whole fiasco with the decree. I needed to have some fun. I needed to have a catch up with my friend.

"Fine," she replied stubbornly, glaring at me. I laughed again at her, loving the fact that she was basically stropping like a three year old girl. "Where do you want me to start?"

I looked at her again, giving her a look that basically said '_are you being serious?'_

"The beginning would be an awesome place to start," I replied sarcastically. She sighed and bit her lip, obviously not wanting to share the details of her blossoming relationship with me. But she wasn't going to get away that easily. We were friends. And friends shared vital information about their boyfriends with each other.

And if she thought I wasn't serious about using physical violence to get the answers I so desperately sought, then she was wrong. She was oh so very wrong.

"There's not much to tell, not really," Tasha told me. I just stared at her. That wasn't the information I was looking for. I wanted to know the ins and outs of her romance with Akim. I wanted to know who asked who out. I didn't want her to downplay it and pretend it was nothing.

"Tasha, you have to give me something. Just something. One small bit of information is all I'm asking for," I said, practically begging her to share something. The more she played it coyly, the more I wanted to know. I hated being left out in the dark, and although her relationship with Akim had nothing to do with me, it didn't mean I didn't want to know. I wanted to know. I wanted to be happy for her, but at the moment that as kind of impossible because the two of them had just sprung up from nowhere.

I hadn't seen it coming. I hadn't guessed there was an underlying sizzle to their relationship. I guess I was just having a hard time believing the two of them were actually an item because their relationship just happened out of the blue.

Tasha smiled coyly, but obviously wasn't going to play this game with me. "Just drop it. I'm not telling you anything," she said, causing me to pout and sulk. I was about to argue back, hoping that if I annoyed her for long enough, she'd just give in and tell me what I wanted to know. But then a saw a dark glint in her eyes and I shut up. It was a glint that I had come accustomed to. Although we got on most of the times, we fought and we bickered quite a bit. And when our fights turned into full blown arguments, there was always that glint in her eye present.

So although she was smiling and messing around with me, I knew she was also being deadly serious. I knew that she didn't want to talk about her and Akim. I knew that she wasn't going to give me the information I so badly craved.

That should have been enough to extinguish the flame of curiosity that burned furiously inside me. But it didn't. Instead it was as if that warning glint had poured petrol over my inquisitiveness, to make it burn brighter and better.

I wanted to know. I needed to know. And I would definitely find out what was going on. All I had to do was bide my time. All I had to do was wait patiently for Tasha to slip up and spill all the details concerning her and Akim.

"Talking about conversations we don't particularly want," Tasha said, regaining my attention. I frowned at her peculiar words. She was trying to skirt around the subject. She was trying to be subtle and tactful, but she as failing miserable. I knew exactly what she was going to say. I knew exactly what she wanted to know.

"Do we really have to have this conversation now?" I asked, although it was a rather pointless question. I knew exactly what her answer would be. I knew she was going to tell me it was vital we had this talk. I knew that she was going to make me have this talk.

But that didn't mean I was going to make it easy for her. I could be as coy as her. I could try and dodge her endless questions. I was going to procrastinate and stall as much as I could, because I really wasn't in the mood to talk about Dimitri.

"Yes. I'm concerned about you, Rose," she told me, getting straight to the point. "You were going to ignore him. You were going to move on from him. But instead you spent most of the time having cosy, little conversations with him."

Her words hit me hard and they hit me deep. She was right, sort of. Although I wholeheartedly disagreed that our talks had been 'cosy' – in actuality they had been nothing but awkward – she was right. I had said told her I was going to ignore him. I was going to move on from him. I was going to get on my life.

But I hadn't achieved any of those goals. I had failed. I had messed up, yet again. I couldn't help but want to make things right between us. I knew we'd never be lovers again. I knew we'd never have a future together. But I thought we could try and be friends. I thought we could try and get along. Although a lot of things had happened between us, although a lot of things had changed, the fundamentals were still the same. He was Dimitri and I was Rose and that would never change. That would never alter.

With Dimitri it was one step forward, two steps back. As soon as I thought we were making progress, one of us would say something and make everything go backwards again. It was inevitable. It was unavoidable.

Tasha was watching me expectantly, obviously wanting me to try and explain my actions. I just shrugged. "Most of the time we were discussing the decree," I told her. And it was true. That had been our main topic of discussion. It was the only thing we seemed to agree on. It was the only thing that seemed to link the two of us together.

"And here was I thinking it was pretty difficult to have a discussion with someone your apparently ignoring," Tasha muttered to herself. I looked up at her quickly, not liking her tone. Yes, she was disappointed in me. I was disappointed in me. I knew I had messed up, but did she really think I was going to ignore him the entire trip? Not only had he been present most of the time, making it hard to pretend he wasn't there, I was Rose Hathaway. It was near impossible for me to keep my mouth shut.

"That's not fair, Tasha," I told her. She had the decency to look apologetic, but she didn't bother to say she was actually sorry. "The main reason why I talked to him was to try and put things right. I'm not forgiving him for what he did. I'm not excusing what he did. But unfortunately I'm friends with Lissa and Lissa is friends with him. We're going to see each other at some point. We're going to have to be in the room at some point. So instead of leaving things extremely awkward between the two of us, I thought I'd try and clear the air. I thought I'd be the grown up and make the first move."

Tasha listened to my speech intently, looking guiltier and guiltier. "I'm sorry, Rose." she said after a minute of silence, "I guess I jumped to the wrong conclusion. I keep on forgetting how much you've changed; how much you've matured."

"It's okay," I told her. I couldn't really blame her for getting to wrong idea. After all, I used to be that kid. Back at the Academy, I used to try and manipulate my time with Dimitri. I tried everything I could to get his attention. So I couldn't really blame her for assuming that was what I had been doing during my talks with him.

Thinking about my last chat with him, I remembered his bizarre words of parting. I hadn't really given it much thought. I had so much on my mind that I pushed his words away without dissecting what he had meant by them.

'_Don't let Tasha manipulate your frustration at the world. Don't let her use your hatred to fuel her agenda.'_

What was that even supposed to mean? I had no idea, but I guessed the only way I would find out what his cryptic message meant was to ask Tasha. "Talking of Dimitri, how are things between you guys?" I asked, although I thought I knew the answer myself. Things between Dimitri and me were bad. Things between Dimitri and Tasha were worse. It was obvious something had happened between them. They used to be good friends, but last time they had been in the same room Dimitri had been nothing but awful towards Tasha.

I hoped that it had nothing to do with me. I hoped they hadn't fallen out over me. Maybe it was egotistical of me to assume the tension that had suddenly appeared between the two former friends had something to do with me. But Tasha had told me she had called Dimitri a dick. And she called him a dick because of me. So maybe I was responsible.

"Alright, I guess. We're not best friends, but to be honest, we never were," Tasha said. Her answer confused me some more, because I knew the two of them had been tight. I had seen them together. I knew Dimitri had been close to taking up her offer at the ski lodge. The fact that Tasha was pretending none of that had happened confirmed my suspicions that they had one hell of a major falling out. "Why?"

I wondered if I should mention his comment. I wondered if I should stir things even more. I didn't know if I should tell Tasha or not what he had said about her. I wondered if I should inform her that Dimitri had basically warned me against her. Anything I said would make matters worse. If I told her the truth then that would basically be it for their friendship and it would be my fault. I would be entirely responsible.

"Oh, no reason," I replied, shifting slightly in my seat. I wasn't going to tell her. I wasn't going to ask her about it. It wasn't that I particularly cared whether or not they were friends; they were both adults and that meant they could fall out with each other if they wanted to. It had nothing to do with me, not really.

I didn't tell her because there were really only two ways for me to understand the comment. There were only two reasons why he would say something like that, and I wasn't sure which one I preferred. Both were bad. Both were awful.

Either Dimitri wanted to cause trouble by creating tension in the friendship Tasha and I shared, or there was a hidden agenda Tasha wasn't telling me; an agenda, by the sounds of it, that I should be extremely worried about.

* * *

**AN: And I'm back! I know I said I was going to be away for a week, but I decided not to fully move into my flat just yet, so yeah...Erm, there's not much for me to say, although I wanna clear a couple of things up. I'm not sure if anyone took any notice of this last chapter, but Dimitri's warning about Tasha is quite important to the plot (as you can probably tell from this chapter =]) Also, quite a few people have begged me to keep Tasha nice. Don't worry, Tasha will always be nice, or at least semi-nice. In the next few chapters, she may seem quite an antagonistic character, but that's because she has some ideas and views that are quite out there... but you'll see what I mean in the chapter after next =]**

**I was going to include a teaser this chapter, but I haven't written it yet, so I thought I'd leave you with this tidbit of information that you may or may not find interesting; this story is loosely based on the song Viva La Vida by Coldplay. Some of you might have always realised that (the title is a line from the song, plus I sometimes sneak lyrics into my writing) but if not, I just thought I'd tell you. If you haven't listened to it, go check it out. And if you have listened to it, go check it out again, because it's an awesome song.**

**Thank you to everyone who has reviewed, and thank you especially to my lovely beta, Tatiana Belikova!**

**Disclaimer: I DO NOT OWN VA!**


	25. Chapter 25

Something wasn't right. Something was definitely up. I didn't know what, but I was determined to find out. I was determined to discover the truth. Since we had returned from Court, Tasha had been slightly off with me. There was a distance between us which I just couldn't ignore. I had no idea what had caused it, but it was visibly there and I needed to know what the problem was so I could fix it.

Maybe Tasha was still mad at me for talking to Dimitri. I thought we had sorted everything out after our little catch up, but it had made things were now worse, not better. Things were awkward between us. Things were strange between us. I often found her blankly staring at me, but when I gave her a quizzical look she just turned away and pretended like she hadn't been looking at me intently seconds earlier.

It was weird. It was strange. And it was starting to unnerve me because all I could think of was Dimitri's mysterious warning. He obviously thought Tasha was up to something and because of her bizarre behaviour I was starting to think he might actually have a point.

She was having hushed conversations on the phone that obviously she didn't want me to know about. As soon as I walked into the room, she would hang up. As soon as I walked into the room, she would hide whatever she had been doing from me.

That was what was getting to me the most; the fact that she was hiding the fact that something was up. We were supposed to be friends but she was acting like she couldn't trust me. She was acting like she didn't trust me. If she was in trouble then I wanted to help. After all, she had helped me in my time of need. I wanted to repay the favour. I needed to repay the favour. But her weird behaviour was making it hard for me to do so.

And then there was the fact that she was apparently in a relationship with Akim Taros, and yet they hadn't spent any time together since we left Court. I hadn't exactly expected Tasha to move her boyfriend in straight away, but I assumed they would want to spend some time with each other, but apparently that wasn't the case. I didn't even think it was Akim who she was speaking to on the phone, because why would she be so secretive about it? I knew they were apparently dating, so why would she try and hide the fact she was talking to her boyfriend from me?

To say I was confused was an understatement. I had no idea what was going on. I had no clue what was happening. All I knew was that something was up and Tasha was refusing to tell me. I had asked her numerous times what was up, but every time she snapped and shot me down. It was getting repetitive and tedious and frankly, I was getting bored by her behaviour.

The only way I was going to get to the bottom of it all was to phone Dimitri up and ask him what he had meant when he claimed Tasha had an agenda. But I couldn't. If I did that, I was basically admitting to the fact that I no longer trusted Tasha. I would be taking his word over Tasha's and I didn't want to do that. I didn't want to be the sort of girl who believed everything her ex boyfriend said, despite the fact that he had completely destroyed her.

I didn't even know if Dimitri was telling the truth. For all I knew, he was trying to cause trouble. For all I knew, he was trying to cause tension. And if that was the case then he had been successful. There was no denying that there was tension between Tasha and me.

But I couldn't see Dimitri doing something as childish like that. It just wasn't like him. It was malicious. It was a low blow. And although he obviously wasn't the same man I used to know, I didn't think he had it in him to do something like that.

That said, I could be completely wrong. I wouldn't have described Dimitri as being cruel, but he was. He was cruel. He was heartless. He was a bastard. Maybe his motive was to destroy every good thing in my life. Maybe he hated me that much that he didn't want me to have friends. Maybe he hated the fact that once he had two girls who would do anything for his attention and his affection. Maybe he hated the fact that those two girls were now friends and wanted nothing to do with him. Maybe he just really hated me.

It was all speculative, though. I had no proof. I had no evidence. I had no idea who I should believe. I had no idea if I should be defending Tasha or accusing her of something. All I had was my suspicions, and at the moment I was having trouble trusting myself, let alone other people.

I sighed, listening intently for the sound of the front door opening. Tasha had disappeared to god knows where and I was left sat at the kitchen table, waiting for her to return. I felt like screaming. I was just so frustrated at everything. First there was the debacle with Dimitri. Then there was the decree. And now Tasha was acting all weird and disappearing.

I just wanted everything to go back to normal, but I knew it wouldn't because the world apparently hated me with a passion. Plus there was the fact that my idea of 'normal' wasn't the same as everybody else's. Nothing was normal in my life. Nothing was ever simple. It was just a huge mess waiting for more crap to be piled on top.

I picked up my phone and scrolled through the contact list. My finger hovered over Dimitri's number, and I bit my lip, wondering if I should just give in and call him. I could deal with Tasha acting strange and not talking to me. I could even deal with Tasha being secretive. What I couldn't deal with was her disappearing like this.

I had no idea where she as. I had no idea if she was even alive. Anything could have happened. She could have gotten attacked. She could have gotten kidnapped. She could have gotten herself killed. She knew how much it frustrated me when she wouldn't allow me to do my job properly. I was a guardian. I was supposed to protect her. But I couldn't do that if she disappeared without telling me where she was going.

I threw my phone back onto the table with a cry of irritation. I had no idea what to do. I had no idea what I was supposed to do. I hated not being in control of a situation. I just felt completely out of my depth.

There was something else I could do to try and find out what was going on. I could always snoop. I could always sneak around Tasha's personal belongings and see what she was actually up to. But could I do that? It seemed like an awfully overdramatic response to the situation. Snooping on her would definitely cross a line in our friendship. I shouldn't snoop. I couldn't snoop.

But I was her guardian. I was supposed to keep her safe. I couldn't do that if I didn't know where she was and so it was my responsibility to find out where she was and what she was doing. It was my job to look out for her. It was my job to look after her. Looking through her stuff wouldn't be a violation of trust if I had reasons. And I definitely had reasons.

I got up out of my seat and walked up the stairs, drumming my fingers loudly against the handrail and humming softly to myself. My mind was a chaotic minefield as I tried to figure out what I should do. Searching through Tasha's stuff would basically be admitting I no longer trusted her. Searching through Tasha's stuff would basically be admitting that her friendship meant nothing to me. But it did. Tasha meant everything to me. She had helped me out when I needed her the most.

But what if she was in trouble? There was no denying that something wasn't up. There most definitely was something up with her. If she was in trouble – is she needed help – then I wanted to be there for her. But did that make it okay to snoop through her things? Did my concern make it okay for me to go behind her back and violate her trust in me?

I wanted to scream and I wanted to shout and I wanted to pretend like I was oblivious to everything going on around me. But I couldn't do any of those. Instead, I edged closer and closer to Tasha's office, feeling sicker and sicker as I stepped nearer to the door. I felt horrible for doing this. I felt as if I was the worst person alive. I even had an excuse ready if I happened to be caught in the act. I was going to tell Tasha that I needed a stapler. It was a rubbish excuse really, but why else would I be rooting around in her office?

I edged closer to the office, coming to a stop right outside the door. This was it. I could either turn back and be frustrated by the fact I had no idea what was going on or I could open the door and find the truth.

I had no idea what to do, so I searched through the pocket of my jeans and produced a coin. I couldn't decide, and so it would simply come down to one toss of a coin. If it landed on heads then I would go back downstairs. If it landed on tails I would go into the office.

Taking a deep breath, I flipped the coin and covered the outcome with my hand. Slowly, I had a peek at what it said. Tails. I sighed and looked suspiciously around the room, as if someone was watching me. But I was alone. I was completely alone and so no one would ever know what I was up to.

Putting my hand onto the door handle, I prised the office open and stepped inside. The walls were covered in bookcases. The bookcases were covered in folders full of a myriad of paper. I shut the door closed behind me and sat down at the desk. I had no idea where I to look, and so I opened the drawers to the desk and began rummaging through them.

I wasn't too sure what exactly I was looking for; maybe a threat written by one of the royal moroi who really hated her. It wouldn't surprise me if someone like Lord Svelsky had done something like that. They were so obsessed with power that they would do anything to keep in control of things. They would do anything to get rid of any threat. And Tasha was certainly a threat.

But there was nothing in the drawers other than stationary and receipts. I growled in frustration, shoving all the paper I had sifted through back to where I had originally found it. I spun around furiously in the chair, taking in the room.

A small part of me had wanted to open the top drawer and find the truth, but I realised that was probably very naive and optimistic of me. Things were never easy, especially for me, so why would things be any different now? I bit my lip and got up, making my way over to the bookcase and picked up the first of many folders crammed full of documents.

It was going to be an extremely long task. It was probably going to be very boring and very tiresome, but I had to do it. I had to figure out what was going on with Tasha. I was more than likely overreacting. I was more than likely overstepping out friendship. I knew what I was doing was probably wrong of me, but it would be worse if I simply ignored my suspicions. What sort of friend would I be if I didn't try and help Tasha even though I knew something was wrong? And something was most definitely up; I could feel it.

I thumbed through folder after folder, getting an endless amount of paper cuts in the process. I had no idea how long I had been holed up in Tasha's office, but so far I had found absolutely nothing. I had gone through most of files in front of me, and there was nothing.

I banged my head against the desk, getting more and more frustrated as I went. I was starting to wonder why I had bothered to do this in the first place. It was pointless. There probably wasn't anything going on. I was probably just reading too much into the situation. All I had was a feeling. And although my entire survival was based on my feelings and my instincts, maybe this time I had made a mistake. Maybe I had gotten it entirely wrong.

This was stupid. I wasn't going to find anything, and so there was little point with carrying on. I picked up some of the many files that were surrounding me and began putting them back onto the shelf, taking my time to put them back in the right order.

Although I had finally come to my senses, I doubt Tasha would be impressed if she came back home and found that not only had I violated her trust, I had also messed up her extremely organised office. Luckily, it didn't take me too long to put everything back in the right place and to straighten the room up.

I only had one more folder to put back, and as I crossed the room to put it back in its rightful place, I heard the front door click open and shut. I froze, mid step. Tasha was back from wherever she had been. Panicking wouldn't get me anywhere – and it certainly wouldn't help me get out of the situation I had found myself stuck in – but I couldn't help it. I cursed quietly and began panicking like a crazy person.

I tried to rush over to the bookshelf, but my hurried movement caused me to jolt forward and I lost my balance, falling to the floor with a loud band. The folder I had been holding spilled onto the floor; the paper contained within it drowning the carpet. I cursed again, much louder this time as I tried to gather everything together before Tasha came into the room. And she would come in; I had made such a racket that she was bound to come upstairs and see what I was up to.

My movements were hectic as I crawled around on my hands and knees, gathering the multitude of paper in my hands. I was just about to put them back into the folder when I froze, my eyes scanning over some of the words on the top sheet. _Revolution. Rebellion. Coup d'état. Assassination._

I blinked, not quite believing what I was reading; not quite believing the poison I was reading_._ The door opened, and Tasha walked in, looking down at me on the floor, surrounded by her papers and her documents, but I didn't care. I didn't care that I might have violated her trust. I didn't care I might have violated our friendship.

I felt numb as I stared at the paper in front of me. I couldn't believe that things had escalated that much. I couldn't believe that Tasha was planning something like _this_. I shuddered and threw the paper down onto the floor, as if it were toxic.

Slowly, I looked up at Tasha. All I felt was anger. All I felt was disgust. All I felt was disbelief.

I knew things were bad. I knew things were probably going to get a lot worse as well, but the things she had written – the things that she were planning – they were extreme. I just looked up at her, silently asking her _why? _

All she did was shrug and walk out of the room, leaving me on the floor surrounded by her poisonous words and my own utter despair.

* * *

**AN: ARGHGH! I just realised that this is the 25th chapter. Isn't that like a silver anniversary? I feel like we should party =] In fact, I've just started on another story (I know, I haven't finished this one, and I haven't touched Sticks and Stones in months (I'm going to work on that one after I've finished POS) but I'm feeling...I don't know...kinda angsty myself lately. I'm in a rut and I need to write something chirpy and fluffy, hence Anchors in the Sky - go check it out!) I'm still going to be completely focused on this story, I assure you, it's my main priority. It's just this story has gotten very heavy recently, what with all the politics and whatnot. I just wanted to write something hopelessly romantic for a change, which is what Anchors in the Sky will be.**

**Anyway, I hoped you enjoyed this chapter. Basically Tasha is planning a rebellion...just to clear that up if it wasn't obvious =] Any guesses on what Rose is going to do? In fact, send me your ideas because I'm not too sure myself at the moment =D**

**Thanks to everyone who has reviewed, and thanks to Tatiana Belikova for beta-ing my story!**

**Disclaimer: I DO NOT OWN VA!**


	26. Chapter 26

"Don't judge me," Tasha muttered hostilely when I finally decided to make an appearance downstairs. I had no idea how long I had spent sitting on the floor in her office, trying to figure out what she was up to, but by the time I had finally gotten up, my joints were aching, protesting and slowly turning to dust.

I didn't bother to answer her. I didn't bother to even look at her. The way I was currently feeling, I didn't want anything to do with her. What she was planning to do...it was treason. It was treachery. It was insanity. She would be sent to prison just for writing those words and ideas down on a piece of paper.

I walked into the kitchen and got myself a bottle of water, gulping down the contents as Tasha stared at me intently, obviously trying to figure out how disgusted I was with her; obviously trying to figure out if I was going to report her and her plans for a revolution.

"And don't pretend like you haven't thought about something like this either. Everyone knows you hate Tatiana as much as I do," Tasha said, obviously thinking that there was nothing she could say that would make the situation worse.

I spun around on my heel so I could face her. My fists were clenched and I was scowling, my back teeth grinding against each other in frustration and annoyance. I couldn't actually believe she was trying to justify this. I couldn't believe she was trying to justify it by claiming that we were similar. We weren't similar. Tasha was most definitely in a league of her own for all the wrong reasons.

"I never wanted Tatiana dead. I've never planned a revolution," I practically spat at her. I shook my head, wondering how things had escalated so quickly; wondering why I had failed to realise that this was going on underneath my nose.

Tasha was planning a revolution. Tasha was planning on killing the queen and taking the power away from the royal moroi. I felt obliged to pinch myself hard, just to make sure this wasn't some messed up dream because if this was reality, I really wanted out. But to my utter despair, I didn't end up awake in my bed. Instead, I ended up participating in a staring match with Tasha.

We just stared at each other, not speaking. All I could think of was how wrong the situation was. Things were bad. Things were really bad. Tearing my gaze away from her penetrating one, I looked to the ground, feeling completely sick and completely lost.

I had no idea what to do. I had no idea how I was supposed to respond to this. We were never told what to do if your charge was planning a revolution back at the Academy. Obviously this was a situation which was rare, and it was just my luck that it had to be me. It had to be me to deal with this shit.

"All you found was a piece of paper. It doesn't mean anything. It's not like we-" Tasha said, still trying to justify what she was up to, but as soon as I heard her mutter the words _'we'_ I looked up and silenced her.

"What?" I shrieked, unable to believe that it wasn't just Tasha who was planning this. Other people were involved. Other people wanted a revolution. Other people wanted the queen dead. I knew she was a bitch, and yeah, I hated her, but I never thought about killing her. I never thought about murdering her. That was a step too far, even for me. "There are other people involved?" I asked in a small voice, not really wanting to know.

I wish I could go back in time. I wish I hadn't decided to be nosey. I wish I had just left things the way they were, because then I wouldn't find myself in this hole, surrounded by this mess. But no. I had to go and find out the truth. I couldn't just let things be, and once again I had found myself in trouble. I had found myself so much trouble and I had no idea how to get myself out of this one.

Tasha nodded, sitting down at the kitchen table. She gestured for me to do the same, but I shook my head. I wasn't going to sit down and have a civilised conversation. I had no idea why I was still here, talking to her about it. I should be on the phone and reporting her. I should be reporting what I had found.

But could I really send Tasha to prison? All I had found was a piece of paper. Was that enough reason for me to get her into trouble? Maybe it was, but then again, maybe it wasn't.

I had no idea what I was going to do, but I should at least let Tasha explain her actions. She deserved the right to explain herself. It wasn't like anything bad had happened because of what she had done. Nothing had happened yet, and maybe nothing would happen.

"Of course there are other people involved in this. You don't think people would seriously sit around and do nothing whilst the royal moroi ruin everything? We're sick of being treated like rubbish. We're sick of watching the royals destroy everything. We want things to be better. We want change. Is that such a bad thing?" Tasha asked me, her voice getting louder and louder as she got more passionate with what she was saying.

"No, but that doesn't make it right," I shot back, but I knew my argument was weak. I realised things couldn't simply be categorized into being black and white. Everything had to be a shade of grey. Everything had to be slightly murky.

Things were bad, I knew that. As long as Tatiana and her followers were in power, things would carry on being bad. They did whatever they wanted. They didn't care about the consequences. All they cared about were themselves. But that didn't make revolting against them right. They weren't going to let go of their power easily. They weren't just going to hand the reigns over because Tasha told them to. There would be bloodshed, and a lot of it. There would be violence and blood and death.

If Tasha wanted her revolution to succeed, then she would have to kill all of her opponents. I hadn't exactly paid much attention to my history class back at the Academy, but I knew how revolutions worked. I knew they included a lot of fighting. I knew they included a lot of deaths on both sides.

"Oh, but making sixteen year old dhampirs fight is right? You know their regime is flawed and corrupt. We need to take control of our lives. We need to take control of our society, and if using force is the only way to do it, then so be it," Tasha replied, as if stating the obvious. I just stared at her, unable to speak; unable to think. The way she was talking suggested that she saw no issues with revolting. The way she was talking suggested that she had no problems with killing the many people who would inevitably stand in her way. "All we want is a democracy, Rose. All we want is for our voices to be heard. All we want is equal opportunities for all. And unfortunately, the only way we're going to get that is to fight back. It's not the best solution, I know that. But we need change. We need to take back control and start again. Are you really going to say that we're the ones in the wrong?"

I shook my head, trying to physically shake out the chaotic thoughts buzzing hectically around my head. "I guess I understand you're reasoning, but seriously? A revolution? Is that the only option?" I practically begged. I was just so confused. I was just so tired. I just wanted to crawl into a hole and never resurface, because that way I wouldn't have to deal with all the crap that seemed to be constantly aimed at me.

"Yes it is," Tasha answered solemnly. She looked at me, an optimistic and opportunistic look glowing in her eyes. She knew she had me cornered. She knew I couldn't disagree with her argument. And I couldn't. How could I claim that wanting a democracy was such a bad thing? Tasha knew she had me just where she wanted. "Rose, I really want you on side. I really want you next to me, fighting for what we both believe in. We could change the world. We could make things okay again. Please, Rose, will you join me? Will you join the revolution?"

She waited for me to respond, but I just couldn't form any words. I just couldn't think. In some ways I had to agree with what she was saying, although it pained me to admit it. The moroi and dhampir society did need to change drastically. Court needed to change drastically. But did I think there needed to be a revolution? I wasn't entirely sure.

"I...I...I need to get out of here," I told her, unable to give her the answer she so desperately craved. Instead, I walked out of the kitchen and out of the house. She didn't try to stop me, for which I was glad of. I just needed time. I just needed space. I just needed to clear my head so I could think about what I was going to do.

It was raining outside, but I didn't care. The light drizzle was refreshing against my burning skin. I was just so angry. I was just so furious. I kept on clenching and then unclenching my fists as I walked down the sidewalk, glaring at anyone who dared look at me.

Was I angry at Tasha? Of course I was. But that wasn't the main reason for my frustration and my fury. That stemmed from the fact that there was a small part of me that thought that maybe, just maybe, she was right. I hated myself for thinking that. I hated myself for even contemplating helping her revolt. But maybe it was for the best. Maybe it would change things for the better.

I believed in what Tasha believed in. I believed that the moroi should fight beside the dhampirs. I believed that they should use their magic as a weapon to help against the fight against the strigoi. I believed that Tatiana and her many minions were wrong about so many things, especially about sending sixteen year old novices to fight their battles for them.

I hated most of the royal moroi. I wanted nothing to do with them. They were despicable. They were pathetic. They really shouldn't be in power. They didn't deserve to be in power. All they had was a title and some money. They lacked leadership skills. They lacked common sense. They lacked morals. They were evil. They were possibly worse than the strigoi, and that was saying something.

I froze mid-step, disgusted at myself for even contemplating joining Tasha's revolution. I would be committing treason. I would be a traitor. But then again, I would be fighting for what I believed in. And I did believe in change. I did believe in Tasha.

Was I seriously considering revolting? The truthful answer was yes. I was considering revolting against Tatiana. I was considering revolting against everything I knew. My pace slowed until I came to a complete stop, leaning against a brick wall as I blankly watched the real world pass by. Humans had it easy. They had it so easy. I wished I was fully human. I wished I was as ignorant and as oblivious as the people passing me on the street. If I was human then I would be completely blind about moroi and dhampirs and strigoi.

But I wasn't human so there was little point pretending otherwise. I cursed under my breath, hitting my head against the brickwork. It hurt like hell, but it also helped me focus on something other than politics and revolutions. But the pain didn't last long. It quickly subsided, and yet again was I left thinking about Tasha's plan to revolt.

I had no idea what to do, and it wasn't like I could turn to anyone and ask for help. Doing so would only lead to Tasha – and possibly me – getting into trouble. And I didn't want anyone to get into trouble. I didn't want to be responsible for sending my friend to prison. There wasn't anyone who could help me. There wasn't anyone who knew what was going on.

Dimitri knew though. I was sure he knew, otherwise why would he be warning me against Tasha? He obviously thought it was a bad idea. He obviously thought Tasha was crazy. But what did he know? Dimitri wasn't willing to do anything to jeopardize his chances of becoming a guardian once again. He would never open up and tell people what he actually thought of the system and of the regime. He would never revolt. He wouldn't dare to revolt.

A few months ago, back at the Academy when everything was okay between us, I would have asked his opinion. I would've probably done what he said because I valued what he had to say. I trusted him. But that was then. Things had changed. I now saw him for what he was; a coward.

Things desperately needed to change. Someone needed to step up and call the moroi out on their bullshit. Someone needed to tell them they were wrong. Someone needed to do something. Someone needed to do anything.

I closed my eyes and grinded my teeth together. There was no point trying to argue with myself. I had obviously made up my mind and although I hated the decision, I knew it had to be done. I knew it was for the best. I started walking again, this time to the nearest payphone.

I felt around for some loose change in the pocket of my jeans, sighing in relief as the cool metal touched my clammy hands. I put the coins into the metre and picked up the phone, dialling an all too familiar number. As soon as the person on the other end picked up, I started to speak. "Hey, it's me. I need you to come pick me up."

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**AN: Cue dramatic music...so, who do you think it is that Rose is talking to? To be perfectly honest, I don't know either, which you know, is troubling seeing as I'm supposed to be the author and all. It's just I have so many ideas and I'm not too sure which route to take because I'm really indecisive, which is why I've come up with a plan: You're all going to decide for me =] Just leave a review with who you want her to be talking to, and whoever has the most votes wins. Unless I decide I don't want to write the story that way, in which case I will squash this democracy and become a dictator and do my own thing =D**

**Thanks to all the reviews I got last chapter. They really helped me. I'm feeling a little, I don't know, blue(?) at the moment, but your continuous support means the world to me, so thank you =D**

**I (finally) start my lectures on Monday, so I won't be able to update as much as I want (even if I had the time, I couldn't update because I still don't have internet in my flat) so I shall probably be seeing you all again in a couple of weeks =D**

**Disclaimer: I DO NOT OWN VA! **


	27. Chapter 27

**AN: Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. I'm really, really sorry. Seriously, I know I haven't updated in around two months (maybe even more. It's been so long that I've lost count) and I feel awful. It's just my university work is so demanding that I barely get any time to sit down and write things I want to write. All my time seems to be spent on reading essays on psychoanalysis and writing pieces for my portfolio and unfortunately this story kinda got dropped to the bottom of the huge pile of things I've got to do before the semester is over. And what's worse is that I don't think I'm going to be able to update again until Christmas. Hopefully you'll admire my honesty; I'm not going to give false promises and claim to have the next chapter out by next week because I know for a fact it just won't happen. Anyway, I'm going to stop babbling on now, and hopefully you awesome guys will forgive me enough and actually take the time to read this chapter, but I don't blame you if you don't.**

**Disclaimer: I DO NOT OWN VA!**

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As soon as the car appeared, I jumped off of the bench that I had been sitting at for the last few hours and hurtled towards the vehicle, opening the front seat door in one swift movement. Only, I couldn't sit down there, because there was a certain blonde in the way. I leant over her, not bothering to say hi and frowned at Eddie. "What is she doing here?" I asked, not caring if I sounded rude or not. I just wasn't in the mood. I just couldn't deal with anything at the moment. I was stressed. I was annoyed. I was well and truly pissed.

"Hey Rose," Mia muttered quietly, as I carried on glaring at Eddie who just shrugged at me pathetically.

"What?" he asked, his voice laced in innocence. I just growled in frustration and headed to the back seat, intent on glaring at them both for the entire journey. I couldn't believe this. I just couldn't believe it. I mean, it wasn't that I had anything against Mia – I liked the girl – but I just wanted things to go my way for once. But as per usual, nothing went the way I wanted it to. No, instead everything was messed up.

I had phoned Eddie up. I needed to do something to get my mind of politics and assassinations and revolutions. I needed to do my job for once. And my job was to kill strigoi. So I had phoned Eddie to see if he wanted to come strigoi hunting with me. But somehow Mia had also turned up with him. It wasn't that I doubted her ability to kill strigoi. I had seen her fight and man, she was a vicious creature when it came to kicking some butt.

But I didn't want to have to look out for her. I didn't want to look after her. And I would have to do that, because I was a dhampir and she was a moroi and it was my responsibility to keep her safe. I shook my head, unable to believe Eddie was that stupid to invite a moroi to come strigoi hunting with us. What was he thinking? It was insanity. Our job was to protect the moroi – keep them away from strigoi – not

Not only that, but I was fully aware that Mia was probably one of Tasha's many minions. I knew that like Tasha, Mia was annoyed at the system; she hated the pretentious royals as much as I did, which worried me. If I had considered joining whatever Tasha had planned, then there was a high chance that Mia too had considered it. And maybe she had said yes. The way she was staring at me through the rear view mirror with a worried expression painted onto her face suggested that she had, in fact, said yes.

Scowling, I avoided eye contact with her. I had phoned Eddie to get away from all this crap, and instead of helping me escape, he had thrust me right into the centre of it all. I sighed, collapsing further into the car seat in hopes that I could just get swallowed up into a hole and never appear again. Eddie pulled onto the highway, his eyes still silently questioning my rude greeting. I shrugged and pouted, not caring if I seemed like a spoilt brat. I just couldn't believe he had done something so stupid; so reckless. "You're an idiot," I informed him glumly, part of me wishing I had never phoned him in the first place.

Again, he asked "What?"

I raised both of my eyebrows in disbelief, not quite believing that he was trying to play the part of the innocent in all of this. Was he really that stupid? I glared at him, shaking my head slowly as I turned my hands into a fist; my short nails pressing into the flesh of my hands. "What do you mean 'what'?" I asked, my tone incredulous whilst my voice got higher and louder. Maybe I was overreacting slightly; I knew Mia could handle herself in a fight.

But I just couldn't deal with any more crap. Everything seemed to get screwed up when I needed things to be stable. I needed things to be nice and easy for once; else I didn't think my already fragile sanity would cope for much longer. I could already feel the cracks from where Dimitri had completely destroyed me resurfacing. Tasha's revelation about her revolution had thrown me to the ground, and now I had to deal with Mia and whatever she may or may not have agreed to.

"We're going strigoi hunting, and you bought a freaking moroi along with you for the ride," I exploded. Only, I didn't say 'freaking'. If I had been at Court, I would have probably been locked up in a cell for my profanity, but at the moment, that was what I felt towards the moroi. It seemed that every problem I ever encountered was due to some stupid mistake a moroi had made. Dimitri had been turned because scumbags like Jesse and Ralph, whose use of dark magic forced the wards to weaken and fail. They should have been the ones to come face to face with the strigoi, face to face with the consequences of their actions. They should have been the ones who died. But no, instead the guardians were forced to look after them; protect them.

And did they ever thank us? No. They either ignored us, treated us like crap, or, like Mia, walked into mortal danger, making the whole point of protecting them in the first place futile. What was the point of it all? The blood in my vein's started to simmer gently away, as I silently cursed the moroi. Every problem I ever had could easily be blamed on them, but instead of getting what they deserved, I had to suffer in silence and clean up their mess. And after I had cleaned up after them, I had to protect them.

But I didn't have to protect them anymore. I didn't have to stay silent any longer. If I wanted to, I could put a stop to it. I could change it. I could join Tasha's fight and make a difference. I could make a change. I could make things better.

Eddie glanced at me through the rear-view mirror as he indicated his way off of the highway. "Mia can look after herself," he informed me, as if I wasn't already well aware of how much chaos the small blonde could create. I knew exactly what she was capable of. After all, I was pretty sure that she was planning on bringing down the entire Moroi society with Tasha's help.

"I know. It's still a stupid idea though," I replied, not wanting to talk about it anymore. I was sick of it all. I just wanted out. I just wanted things to be simple and normal so I didn't have to think about things anymore. For someone who wasn't particularly studious, I seemed to spend most of my time thinking about things, and believe me, it was driving me insane. Being left alone with my messed up mind, trying to keep things to myself and trying to figure things out wasn't helping me cope. I had no idea what to do. I had no idea what I was supposed to do.

An awkward silence engulfed the car. Mia nervously looked at me, probably hoping that I wouldn't spill my knowledge of what she was up to, whilst Eddie was looking at the two of us, watching us with concern as he tried to figure out what was going on between the pair of us. I just ignored the pair of them, glumly staring out of the window and counting down the minutes until I could get out of the damned car.

The car slowed as we approached a set of traffic lights. Using this as a chance to fully turn around in his seat, Eddie faced me. "Are you okay?" he asked, with voice laced with worry.

The words were out of my mouth as soon as he asked the question. I didn't even have to think about what he had said; my lines were well rehearsed. "I'm fine," I informed him, using my well used lie. I was beginning to wonder why people asked me that stupid question, because every time my answer was the same. Every time my answer was a complete and utter lie.

"Right," Eddie said, drawing the word out slowly, as if he didn't believe me. I couldn't really blame him either, seeing as I hadn't even managed to convince myself that I was fine. I wasn't fine. I hadn't been fine for a long, long time. In fact, as I tried to cast my mind back to a time where everything was simple, I couldn't think of anything. My mind was a blank sheet of paper, completely empty. The last time I had been truly happy, without anything bothering me or playing on my mind was before the car crash that had killed Lissa's family and left me shadowkissed. I was starting to think that maybe, instead of saving me, she should have let me die. Things would have been a hell of a lot simple if I was dead.

"Where exactly are we going?" Eddie asked me, pulling me out of my desperately depressing thoughts. I shook my head slightly, more as a way to convince myself that I didn't really think that. If I ever said that out loud, I knew that I wouldn't be able to escape the constant stares of concern. People barely let me be now. I didn't know how I would cope with their concern – fake or not – if they knew how bad things had gotten.

I repeated the address Sydney had given me. Whilst I had been waiting for Eddie, I had phone the alchemist up, hoping that she would be able to give me an address for some strigoi. Luckily for me, she was back in the States, and knew where a few of them were hanging out. It was only fifty odd miles away, and so the journey shouldn't be too long, which suited me fine. I urgently needed to get out of the confines of the car. The metal cage was slowly edging closer and closer to me, entrapping me and making it harder for me to breathe properly. It felt like I was slowly suffocating.

Closing my eyes, I took a few deep breaths, trying to calm myself down. But no matter how many gulps of air I swallowed frantically, I couldn't relax. Everything was on my mind. It felt like my skull was about to explode with the amount of worry and uncertainty cramped inside my head. I could feel the bone creak and groan as it contorted itself into awkward shapes in an attempt to keep all the dark crap inside my head. It felt as if my brain was being grabbed at, pulled and pushed, twisted and turned. I just could stop thinking. I couldn't switch off.

The rest of the journey was spent in silence, for which I was glad for. Or, at least I think the rest of the journey was spent in silence. If Mia or Eddie spoke to me, I wasn't aware of it. I just couldn't concentrate. I just couldn't keep myself firmly in reality. Every time I blinked to clear my blurry vision, I was dragged back into the dark confines of my mind, where thoughts of rebellions haunted me. Everywhere I looked, I saw Tasha, her ice blue eyes silently compelling me to join her cause. And the more I mulled it over in my mind, the more I was starting to think that maybe, just maybe, she had a point.

It sickened me to admit it, but I couldn't lie to myself. Tasha was right. Things seriously needed to be changed before things got a hell of a lot worse. And things were bound to get worse. Tatiana was already planning on sending out sixteen year old dhampirs to do her dirty work for her. If she was willing to kill kids to keep her own kind alive and well, then who knew where she would draw the line? Maybe she just wouldn't draw the line at all. Maybe she would end up having every dhampir murdered in their futile attempt to protect the moroi before she realised that it was too late.

The car came to a slow as Eddie pulled up. As he braked, the car jolted forward slightly, awakening me from my traitorous thoughts. I looked up and out of the window, trying to figure out where we were. We had pulled up outside a four storey building, the brickwork dated and slightly crumbling. Seeing my confusion, Mia turned around. "We thought we'd stay in a motel so we can plan our attack," she explained.

I nodded slightly, but didn't speak. I wasn't ready to talk to her yet. My priority had to be killing the strigoi. I had to be completely focused on the task at hand; otherwise I would end up dead. And although death meant peace and quiet and not having a load of crap on my mind anymore, it was the easy way out. It was the coward's way out. I couldn't just run away. It wasn't an option. I either had to fight Tasha, or fight beside's Tasha. I either had to save the moroi society or destroy it. They were my only options. And I had to decide which stance I was going to take soon.

But before that, there were a group of strigoi I had to kill. Before that, I had to go kick some butt. So, wiping away all my worry and anxiety and confusion, I straightened myself up and got out of the car. I couldn't mope. I couldn't wither in the backseat any longer. I had to take control of the situation. I had to be the leader. I had to keep Mia and Eddie safe.

I walked through the brisk evening air, before coming to a stop as I realised the other two were in the vehicle. Gracefully, I swivelled on my heel so I could look at the pair. Perching my hand on my hip and oozing confidence, I asked, "Are you coming or not? Because I'm quite happy to go kick some strigoi ass without you."

Not needing any more of an invitation, Eddie got out of the car and headed inside the motel to book us a room. Mia was slower with her movements, but I waited for her nonetheless. She tried to shrug past me and follow Eddie inside, but I grabbed hold of her arm, my fingers biting into her flesh. "You and me are going to have a little chat later," I informed her, not needing to explain any further. Shakily, she nodded, rubbing her arm gently as I let go of her.

She gave me one last look, before going inside. I stared after her, the cold air seeping into me. I wanted to go inside and join my friends, but I couldn't move. I wasn't even sure if they were my friends. Maybe Mia was my enemy now. Her silence proved what I suspected. She knew what Tasha was up to. Not only that, but she hadn't tried to argue. She hadn't tried to claim that she had said no to Tasha, which could only mean one thing; Tasha had gotten to her; Mia had said yes.

My heart dropped, sinking with a thud. It felt like it had torn through my major internal organs as realisation dawned on me. Whichever option I decided to take, some of my friends would end up hurt. If I decided to go to the other guardians about Tasha's plan then she would get arrested. She would probably end up in jail for the rest of her life and be branded as a traitor. Could I really do that to her, after everything that she had done for me? Tasha was the person who helped me after everything Dimitri did to me. Tasha was the person who had stood loyally by my side. And it wasn't just Tasha who would get punished. Pytor and Akim and Mia would also get into trouble. But if I did nothing – said nothing – or worse, decided to join them in their rebellion, then my other friends would get hurt. Lissa would get hurt.

I was in an impossible situation. I didn't even know what I should do. I didn't even know what was expected of me to do. Maybe Tasha was right in wanting change, but was she going around it in the right way? I just didn't know.

But for the time being, I had other things to worry about, namely a group of strigoi who were causing serious damage. I tried to focus and remember every scrap of information Sydney had given me about them. She had estimated that there were a group of five to seven of them, although she couldn't be completely certain. She was absolutely sure that they were responsible for several deaths – twenty-three was the latest figure.

They had to be stopped, and we were going to stop them. Sighing, I finally walked inside, and figuring Mia and Eddie hadn't bothered to wait for me before going up to the room, seeing as the lobby was completely empty, I asked the guy at the desk for their room number.

It only took me a couple of minutes to job up the four flights of stairs – Eddie had very rightly gotten us a room at the top of the motel, proving that he wasn't that much of an idiot – but it took me much longer to find the room. There was a myriad of corridors, making it hard for me to locate the right door. Finally, I found it though, and not bothering to knock, I waltzed straight in.

Using my best nonchalant tone, I asked "Who's ready to kick some strigoi butt?", but my question fell on deaf ears. The two of them obviously hadn't expected me to walk straight in – although I didn't understand why seeing as Rose Hathaway wasn't exactly well known for her manners – and froze as they realised I had, in fact, entered the room. I froze as well, staring wide eyed as I looked at my two friends. "What the hell is going on here?" I asked, my tone curious and confused as I demanded some answers.


	28. Chapter 28

I couldn't help but scoff as I took in the old, derelict factory. Most of the windows were cracked, bordered up or missing completely. Vines grew in mass over the old brickwork, and weeds seeped out of the cracks in the cement. The sky was overcast, grey and cloudy and a light layer of drizzle fell from the sky, instantly soaking the three of us. I ran my hand through my hair, tugging it away from my face as I looked up at the building. The place was a ramshackle mess. One whoosh of wind and the whole building would have probably tumbled to the ground like brittle bones, instantly turning to ash in the atmosphere.

The whole situation was slightly too clichéd for my liking. It was as if we had walked onto a movie set; the strigoi layer was so typical of that of a monster's in a horror film. I was half expecting Dracula in his cape to crawl down one of the walls at any moment. The strigoi in Russia seemed to have a lot more taste than this lot. The strigoi in Russia obviously were a more material bunch compared to their American cousins, seeing as they lived in a nice, big house with its manicured gardens.

But maybe these strigoi were smarter. Maybe the whole haunted house thing was working for them. When I had phoned Sydney up, demanding that she give me an address of some strigoi, she had mentioned that some of their victims had actually walked into the property just to have a look around. Places like these intrigued people. They liked the idea of ghosts and haunting and things that they couldn't fully understand. The strigoi hadn't even needed to go hunting; their prey had been stupid enough to walk into their layer and offer themselves as meals. Maybe calling them stupid was a little harsh though. Not only were they dead, but if I had been a normal teenager – human, not dhampir – then I'd have probably been the type of person to go into one of these houses. It was an adventure; a fun risk. The skewed sign stating _'No Trespassing'_ was more of a lure than a deterrent.

Stepping over the fallen fence that was supposed to stand tall and stop people like us from entering, I accidently kicked a small rock, causing to trundle across the long, thick grass. It hit one of the metal poles that were supposed to be keeping the fence up, and Eddie shot me an annoyed look. He raised one his fingers to his lips, signalling me to be quiet. I rolled my eyes and gestured towards the house. "They probably know we're out here," I informed him, but I hushed my voice, nonetheless.

"What about the plan?" Eddie asked, probably hoping that I wasn't planning on going all ninja on them and running straight into the building and killing as many of those sons of bitches I could find. Although I was known for my reckless behaviour, I felt kind of disappointed that he didn't trust me. After all, I had killed quite a few strigoi. I knew what I was doing. And my main priority was keeping him and Mia safe. I wasn't going to do anything stupid which might get them into trouble or worse – get them hurt.

"I'm sticking to the plan," I mocked whispered back to him, grinding my teeth together. Personally, I thought the plan was a stupid idea. The idea of planning a plan was a stupid idea. We didn't particularly need it. Once we got in there, the plan would be meaningless. The strigoi wouldn't wait around for us to arrange ourselves. Once we got in there, then we would have to kill whatever we could get our hands onto.

But Eddie needed a plan. He needed something which he could think about; something he could get his head around. Eddie loved his rules and guidelines, and he needed a sense of structure in what could only be described as a massive mess. And so, after Mia and Eddie had stopped blushing like two little twelve year olds, we had gotten a plan together. Well, Eddie had put a plan together. I, on the other hand, had figured out an excuse as to why we were hunting strigoi. The guardians were bound to frown upon our actions, and so we needed an excuse, and who better to come up with an excuse than Rose Hathaway? I practically had an answer for anything and everything, and this situation was no different. When we phoned the guardians back at Court to report the attack, we would claim that the three of us had been hanging out – shopping – when we stumbled across the strigoi layer. It wasn't the most spectacular lie, but it was believable. Sort of.

The plan was quite simple, to be honest. Being able to detect where the strigoi were, I was going to stay close to Mia, making sure that sure wasn't in too much danger. That said, Mia was going to be in danger; possibly mortal danger. We were using her as bait. Or, I was going to use her as bait. Eddie had tried to argue that my idea was stupid and reckless and dangerous, but he quickly shut up once I reminded him that he was the one to bring her with us in the first place. I think he was starting to realise what a mistake it had been, especially as he watched in concern as the small blonde clutched at her stake, a fierce glint burning in her eyes.

To be fair to her, Mia barely seemed fazed by the whole thing. But that made me even more cautious. Ever since her mother had been killed, Mia had been thirsty for blood, and that thirst made me worry that she was going to do something stupid. But I couldn't give it too much thought. Thinking over things would slow me down, and being slow would get me killed. I needed to wipe everything away from my mind. I needed to focus and I needed to let instinct take over.

Slowly, we had been edging ourselves closer and closer to the factory, until the building loomed over us, casting a shadow over our forms. "Ready?" I breathed silently into the air. Next to me, Eddie and Mia nodded, and, taking that as my queue, I took a deep breath, tried to relax and before grabbing hold of my stake that had been previously tucked neatly away in the inside pocket of my jacket.

And that's when I kicked down the door, grinning in satisfaction as the wood shattered and splintered, falling to the floor with a hard _thud._

There was really no point in trying to be quiet about it. It was impossible to kill a bunch of strigoi quietly. As soon as we attacked, the strigoi would know we were there and devise their own plan in an attempt to kill us all. Being quiet was pointless. It was still daylight outside, so it wasn't like they could run away and hide. They had to stay put. They had to fight us. They probably weren't even expecting it. They wouldn't expect us to go in hard and fast; hell, they probably didn't even expect us to attack them at all. After all, most guardians didn't exactly go purposely looking for a fight. Most guardians tried to keep their distance away from the strigoi. But we weren't most guardians.

"Hey bitches!" I shouted loudly, announcing our presence to the empty corridor as I stepped over the threshold, carefully keeping an eye on the darkness that loomed from every corner. Beside my Eddie rolled his eyes at my antics whilst Mia just smirked, dutifully following me into the dilapidated ruins.

Cautiously we walked further and further into the factory, listening to the sounds around us. The nausea in my stomach felt like I was being hit repeatedly, so I guessed that there were strigoi nearby. And my guess was right, because the next thing I knew, a figure hurtled towards me, causing me to go flying across the room. The strigoi – a red-headed woman who reminded me a little of my mother with her petite features – landed on top of me, it's hands wrapping hold of my neck, about to squeeze the life out of me.

But I wasn't going to let the bitch kill me that easily. I thrust my knee up into her stomach, causing her to stiffen. Her breath was momentarily knocked out of her, and using her distraction to my advantage, I managed to roll on top of her, straddling her tiny form. I curved my hand into a tight fist and punched her face repeatedly, watching the blood bubble and form at the corner of her taut lips and she gurgled and screamed in protest. All the anger and worry and darkness that I had bundled inside of me was now gushing out with every punch I landed on her face. All the knots that had tied my muscles together were becoming looser and looser as I let everything I had previously locked up fuel my attack. I leant down onto her, using one arm to pin her to the ground whilst the other hand grabbed hold of my stake, before penetrating her chest in one swift movement.

The kill was pretty straight forward, and as soon as the strigoi had stopped struggling and I knew for sure that my aim had been accurate, I was back onto my feet. Both Eddie and Mia were busy dealing with their own strigoi and hadn't noticed the next one advancing towards them. I leapt across the room towards it. My movements were graceless though, and the strigoi saw me coming, rising its arm high above its head before slapping me round the cheek hard, grabbing me in a headlock and throwing me into a heap on the floor. The sharp movement caused my head to jolt to the left, my neck straining as my teeth clamped down into the inside of my gums, my incisors piercing the flesh. The taste of blood instantly filled my mouth, and I couldn't help but spit a clump of blood out as I struggled not to drown in my own blood. I struggled to get up, gagging slightly as I watched the strigoi like his lips where a trial of my blood had landed on him, hearing him sigh gently in ecstasy as he tasted me blood.

Watching that strigoi – that monster – get so much enjoyment from my injury only fuelled me on. I kicked him in the stomach, watching him quickly regain his balance. He stepped forward, as if to hit me, but I ducked and swiftly moved to the side, thinking that I had outsmarted him. But my movement only led me into the path of another strigoi, thirsty for my blood. I swore loudly, hoping that Eddie and Mia had already killed their strigoi and would come and help me, but as I desperately dodged more hits, I realised that I had to deal with the pair of them on my own.

I managed to land a couple of punches, and as one of the strigoi stumbled forward, I nimbly stuck out my foot, tripping him over towards the ground. The problem was that I couldn't get a clean shot at his chest whilst the other strigoi was tearing at my hair, trying to claw my face off. I turned to face the second strigoi, cursing loudly as it landed yet another punch, this time to the side of my stomach. I groaned, but managed to stand up straight, deftly ducking as he tried to repeatedly punch my guts out.

But then he too, fell to the ground, a stake jutting out of his back. I watched, dumbfounded, before realising that Mia had been standing behind him, waiting for the perfect opportunity to kill the strigoi. "Thanks," I spluttered, before taking care of the other strigoi who was just about to get up from the floor before he met the sharp end of my stake.

Eddie came up to us, looking a bit battered and bruised, but then again, so was I. I could the side of my lip swelling with an ominous amount of blood, and I had a nice, large bump forming on the side of my forehead. The only one who looked like she hadn't been involved in a fight was Mia, with her perfectly coiffed hair. In fact, if it wasn't due to the fact that she was stained with the blood of several strigoi, I wouldn't have guessed she had even been present during the chaotic fight.

Eddie was studying the ground, counting the bodies that lay strewn across the floor. "That's four," he stated simply, not needing to say anymore. There were more strigoi in the building; I could feel it. Sydney had guessed maybe five or six, or even seven, but she couldn't be sure. For all we knew, the place was packed full of strigoi. Nodding to the others, I pointed towards a door in the corner. The only way to find the other strigoi was to play a game of hide and seek.

I walked ahead, my stake poised and ready to strike, Mia following me dutifully and Eddie walking cautiously behind her, making sure that the young moroi didn't come to any harm. We couldn't let anything happen to her. Even though she was strong enough to look after herself, she was still a target and we – I – couldn't let anything happen to her.

We tiptoed quietly through the derelict building, carefully listening out for the missing strigoi. But I couldn't hear anything other than Mia's shallow, heavy breaths. Obviously the fight had taken its toll on her – as well as the fact that she had been out during the day – and so I stopped abruptly, turning to face my two companions. She wasn't going to like what I had to say, but it had to be said. Someone had to stop this crazy situation turning into complete lunacy. "Take Mia back to the car," I told Eddie, praying that the pair of them wouldn't put up too much of a fight.

But fight, they did. Mia's blue eyes grew in horror. "No!" she cried, causing me to wince as the sound echoed through the empty building. The blonde crossed her arms protectively over her chest, glaring at me as her bottom lip jutted out in frustration. Eddie too, looked annoyed, but stayed silent. Neither of them moved.

Sighing, I shook my head. "I mean it. Go back to the car. You're weak, Mia. Seriously, you're pale and you're out of breath and you're going to get yourself killed. And although that's fine by me, your boyfriend," I said, gesturing wildly towards Eddie, "might not enjoy it too much."

"I helped you. I killed that strigoi. You would have died if it wasn't for me," she argued. I nodded at her statement, mainly because I couldn't deny it. She had saved me.

"And now I'm helping you by telling you to go back to the car. Hell, I'm not telling you. I'm demanding you. And if you don't go willingly, I will force you into that car myself. Got it?" I warned, hissing at her, cautious of the fact that there could be strigoi listening into our conversation. The feeling of nausea had subsided in my stomach though, so I was pretty sure we were alone. That said, I wasn't going to let my guard down.

Mia turned to face Eddie, her eyes wide and pleading. Eddie frowned, torn between Mia and myself. He bit his lip, sighed, his eyes jolting between the pair of us. "Maybe Rose is right," he muttered quietly, possibly hoping the blonde wouldn't hear him.

But she heard him alright. "What?!" she exclaimed.

"Rose is right. You're weak. You did a great job Mia, but you need to stop. You need to rest," Eddie said, taking hold of her arm and gently dragging her back down the corridor. "Are you going to be alright on your own, Rose?"

"Yes."

"Maybe you should come with us?" Eddie said, hesitantly.

I rolled my eyes and waved my stake around. "I'll be fine. Go. And make sure she stays in the car. Lock her in the trunk if you have to," I informed him, only half joking. I watched the two of them disappear, before slowly surveying my surroundings. I shuddered, running a hand through a piece of hair that had escaped my ponytail and was now hanging limply down my face. I tucked the strand behind my ear as I squinted my eyes together, trying to find the invisible strigoi.

I knew they were here, somewhere, hiding and lurking in the darkness, trying to become a shadow. They were watching me. I was sure of it. Lowering my stake in an attempt to look relaxed and off guard, I tried to prise them out. They were there. And I was here. And we had to fight. We were going to fight. And I was going to kick their butts and kill them. It was that simple.

"I know you're here," I stated into the darkness, carefully watching out for a sign of life. "I know you can see me. Hear me. I know you can smell my blood," I said, watching a drop of my blood trickled down from my broken and bruised face onto the floor. "Don't you want to taste me?" I called out, hoping that the promise of my blood would lure out the missing strigoi.

Then I saw it; a shadow moving in the corner. I laughed out how predictably these monsters were, tightening my grip on my stake and tensing myself up, ready for the attack. The shadow jumped through the air, knocking me yet again the ground. The strigoi snarled and growled; its spittle landing on my face. I tried to wrestle a hand free from its iron grasp, tried to punch it, tried to loosen its grip on me, but I was trapped. I struggled, manically kicking my legs out blindly, praying I could land a shot, but every kick missed.

It was lying on top of me, both hands strangling my wrists as it tried to sink its teeth – tainted with crimson blood – into my neck. But my struggles, my jolted movements, were stopping it from achieving its goal.

I inwardly cursed myself. I should have gone with the others. I should have kept my mouth shut and wait for Eddie to return. But no, I had try and be the hero. I had to go and get myself into trouble and get myself killed.

Contorting my body against its complaints, I managed to line my elbow up towards the strigoi's face. I slammed my arm up into its nose, hearing a satisfying crunch as bone connected with bone, the strigoi letting go with one arm in an attempt to protect its face. That was all I needed. I lurched forward, punching the creature repeatedly with my free arm. The strigoi stumbled and staggered, failing to regain its balance. Unfortunately, I was still attached to it with one hand, and so I was dragged with the monster, dancing to some terribly violent tune.

I tried to wrench my hand from the strigoi's grasp, but the bone was becoming strained and warped and it felt like it was cracking under the pressure. I winced and cursed, trying to free myself, but I just couldn't get loose. I couldn't even get my stake near the strigoi's chest.

It felt like I was being torn in two. The more I was being dragged around by the strigoi, the more I was trying to pull away from him and release myself. But it was to no use. I just couldn't get free. The strigoi, realising my predicament, slammed me into a wall.

It felt like I had become instantly numb. As soon as I hit to wall, everything stopped. Everything became anaesthetized. I felt nothing, not even the feeling of my skull crumbling to ashes. I was frozen to the spot, my bones becoming concrete as the strigoi edged closer to be, bearing his fangs. I watched him – my vision blurred and hazy – as he floated closer and closer to my face, unable to fight, unable to scream, unable to run away.

He stroked my cheek, gently moving my face so he had better access to my neck. He licked his lips, as if anticipating the richness of my blood. And then he bit me, my skin burning sharply as my flesh was pierces. And then there was nothing but bliss and content.

I sighed in ecstasy, my body relaxed and leaning into the strigoi's for support. I felt weightless. I felt happy. I felt all the darkness and the crap evaporating into nothing. I felt nothing. I cared about nothing. But the satisfaction of emptiness didn't last for long. The strigoi was ripped away, his teeth shredding part of my neck, causing me to wake from my peaceful delirium. I stared in horror as two figures fought quickly and deftly, until there was only one left, looming over me. Tiredness and sleepiness haunted me; stalked me; tried to possess me. All I could do was silently stare at the eyes that were no longer red. Instead, they were warm. They were brown. But they still belonged to another type of monster.

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**AN: Okay. I lied. I said the next update would be at Christmas, but obviously it's not. I don't think you guys will complain too much though =D Anyway, writing the last chapter reminded me how much fun I have writing this story in general, so I'm really going to try and update as much as I can and not let myself get compltely swamped with uni work.**

**I'm not too sure about this chapter. It works in my head, but I'm not too sure how it works on paper (or screen). I've never written a fight scene before and I wasn't sure how to describe it, so any tips would be great.**

**There's nothign else to say really, other than I wasn't actually going to write the last paragraph of this chapter. But then I found myself unable to stop typing and when I read through what I had written, I realised that I finally know where I'm taking this story. And it definately isn't going in the direction I originally intended. In fact, I was planning on doing something entirely different before I wrote that paragraph. But it doesn't matter now, because I think you guys will prefer my new idea much, much more. And on that note, I'm off.**

**Thanks to everyone who has reviewed so far. I love you all, and if it was legal, I'd marry all of you. But it's not legal. So I can't =]**

**Disclaimer: I DO NOT OWN VA!**


	29. Chapter 29

"What? How did you – ? What are you doing here – ?" I babbled, my thoughts incoherent as he prised me away from the wall, watching him drag his eyes up and down my body as he assessed my injuries. I winced as he gently grabbed hold of my hand, my wrist feeling as if had been completely shattered. He muttered a quick, quiet apology before grabbing hold of my face, the anxiety clear in his face.

"Are you okay?" Dimitri asked, completely ignoring my question. I nodded, unable to answer as my mind whirled around hectically, trying to figure out what exactly he was doing here. I found it highly unlikely that he just happened to be passing through the neighbourhood. "Are you sure?" he asked again, my earlier nod apparently not a good enough answer.

"I'm fine," I told him through gritted teeth, but as soon as I tried to move, my body lurched forward and I couldn't manage to suppress the moan that tumbled out of my mouth. I fingered my face, the skin damp with blood that poured out of my busted lip. My left eye felt swollen. Blood was practically raining from my mangled neck. And I was pretty sure that damned strigoi had broken my wrist. But, seeing as I had just fought four strigoi and won, I couldn't really complain about the damage. "I'll be fine," I said, correcting myself as a shot of pain engulfed my entire being. I glared up at Dimitri, "Now, would you like to tell me what you're doing here?"

"Your friend – the alchemist – phoned me," he stated simply, causing me to near enough foam at the mouth.

"I'm going to kill Sydney," I exclaimed, not quite believing that she would do something like this. How dare she phone Dimitri? How dare she undermine me like that? It was as if she didn't trust me to take care of the situation. And sure, I had nearly died twice if Mia and Dimitri hadn't intervened, but that wasn't the point. I just couldn't believe that she would go behind my back and phone Dimitri of all people.

He watched my outburst with a look of serenity etched onto his face; a haunting of the person he used to be before the attack, before he was turned. "She was worried," he stated simply, but that was no excuse for what she did. I couldn't believe Sydney would do that. We weren't exactly super close best friends of anything, but I thought she trusted me. I thought she respected me and my abilities. After all, I had basically kept her in business during my time in Russia.

"That's not the point," I replied sulkily. Dimitri shook his head at me, but said nothing. I looked around the empty warehouse, trying to figure out if there were anymore strigoi present, but the nausea jolting around in my stomach had ceased completely. Once again, I tried to stand by myself, but my body had been abused so much that I just couldn't stay balanced. It felt like I had been repeatedly kicked in the ribs. And then I remembered; I had been repeatedly kicked in the ribs.

Silently, Dimitri offered me his arm to lean on. I glared at him, not quite trusting him, but I knew it was highly unlikely that he was going to push me to the ground. Begrudgingly, I leant on him, not enjoying our close proximity, but there was no other option. I was in a pretty messed up state, and unfortunately for me, he was the only one present to look after me.

We walked through the factory, everything silent bar the sound of our feet gently hitting the concrete floor. "Did the others see you?"

"The others?" Dimitri asked, quizzical.

I nodded. "Yeah, Mia and Eddie. I'm not so stupid, you know. I came with backup," I informed him, trying not to wince as I rested my battered skull against Dimitri's chest. In any other situation, I would have wanted to be as far away from Dimitri as possible, but it just wasn't an option. My skull felt like it had been split into several little fragments, and those fragments felt like they were penetrating my flesh. I sighed, trying to fight against the pain that was attempting to overcome me. But I didn't want to seem weak, especially not in front of Dimitri.

"I didn't say you were stupid, Rose. Reckless, yes, but not stupid," Dimitri replied, his voice full of concern. But then he stopped, registering what I had just said. "Mia, as in Mia Rinaldi? The moroi girl?"

I rolled my eyes at him, praying that he wouldn't lecture me on the dangers of bringing a moroi along to hunt strigoi. I knew the dangers. I knew it had been an awful idea. "You just said I wasn't stupid," I reminded him, trying to divert his attention.

"Rose, you endangered a moroi," he exclaimed, turning to face me. "What were you thinking?"

I tried to frown at him, but my face hurt too much. "Believe me, it wasn't my idea. If it had been up to me then she would have stayed behind. And anyway, do you see her here? No, you don't. Because I sent her back to the car because it was too dangerous," I growled, annoyed about the fact that I seemed to be blamed for everything, even when I was the one trying to clear up other people's messes.

Dimitri looked down at me, his facial expression softening. "I'm sorry Rose, I jumped to the wrong conclusion."

"Yeah, you did," I muttered, closing my eyes in an attempt to calm down. "Anyway, it doesn't matter. From this lengthy and unnecessary conversation I gather you didn't see them. Which means they probably didn't see you, which is a good thing because they can't know your here. Mia can't know you're here," I muttered to myself, trying to figure out my next move.

Dimitri looked confused, not following my hectic train of thought, but I didn't care. I wasn't exactly speaking to him. I was speaking to myself, which was further proof that I had turned completely and utterly insane. A part of me even wanted to be crazy. If I was crazy then I could pass all of this – everything from the car crash, to Dimitri being turned, to Tasha's revolution – as being a deluded dream. I could pass it off as being in my head, instead of being my reality. But even I couldn't lie that good. I knew it was real. All of it was real, and somehow I had to find a way to cope with it all.

I went to grab my cell, intent on phoning Eddie and telling him to go straight to the motel, but as soon as I moved my hand I remembered that my wrist was broken. I whimpered, causing Dimitri to look down at me suddenly, his mouth opening. I didn't need to be a mind reader to know what he was going to say. He was going to ask me if I was alright, even though it was pretty obvious I was in a lot of pain. I shook my head at him, wondering how I was going to get my phone out of my pocket. My other hand desperately clung onto Dimitri for support.

I cursed quietly to myself, before glancing up at Dimitri. "I need you to get my cell," I told him through clenched teeth.

"Where is it?"

I closed my eyes and tried to breathe calmly, but my nerves were rattled. I was rattled. "In my pocket. My jean pocket."

Opening one of my eyes, I saw Dimitri colour ever so slightly at having to be that close to me, but then his ever so stoic guardian face reappeared. He nodded, as if to reassure himself, before sliding him hand into my pocket – startling me ever so slightly even though I had asked him to do so – before producing my phone. "Dial Eddie," I ordered, waiting for him to do so. He held the phone up to my ear, and as soon as I heard my friend pick up, I started to speak. "Take Mia back to the hotel. I'm fine. Everything's sorted. I'll see you there in a while."

Eddie tried to respond, but as the words floated through the cell, I signalled Dimitri to hang up. Dimitri looked down at me, expectantly, waiting for my next order. "You drove here?" I asked. He nodded. "Good, you can take me to the hospital. We can talk on the way."

I don't know what surprised him more; the fact that I wanted to talk to him or the fact that I had admitted I needed medical attention. It took him a few minutes to fully comprehend what I had said, but after a slight pause, he basically dragged me out of the factory and to his car. "I have a first aid kit in the back," he said, ducking into the trunk to retrieve it.

I couldn't help but snigger. "Yeah, because a couple of band aids are going to completely heal me," I muttered to myself. But I didn't protest as Dimitri quickly and efficiently started to clean up my cut, wiping away the blood that was staining my skin. I winced, and he apologised several times, causing me to roll my eyes and get annoyed.

After he had finished cleaning me up and helped me into the car, he got in himself and started the engine. He had told me to hold a bandage to my neck, but I couldn't help but look. Peering into the rear view mirror, I took the bandage away to have a sneak peak. As soon as I saw the mangled, red and raw skin, I felt instantly sick. I pulled a face, and quickly covered my injury up again. "Great," I muttered darkly, "the last scar was only starting to heal up."

Next to me, Dimitri froze, his hands tight on the wheel. I turned to face him, wondering what had offended him now. And then I remembered that it was his fault I had a scar there in the first place. "Rose," he began, looking sadly down at me, his eyes pleading, "I really am sorry-"

"Shut up, Dimitri," I growled, not in the mood to pity him. His apologise meant nothing to me. I had forgiven him for everything he had done as a strigoi. He hadn't been himself when he had been turned. Yes, I had a problem with him. Yes, I hated him. But that was because of he did to me after he had been saved. Everything before that I could forgive. "It's no big deal. It's not like you were the first to drink my blood," I reminded him. And it was true. Both Lissa and Adrian had drunk from me. I was quite the little blood whore. "Anyway, we have bigger things to worry about. Like Tasha, for instance."

"Tasha," Dimitri repeated, his voice grave as I confirmed his suspicions that his friend – or former friend, I wasn't quite sure – was up to something.

I stared at the road ahead. "She's got quite the little army behind her; supporting her," I told him, not exactly sure why I was sharing this information with him. A part of me wanted to be part of the rebellion. The reckless, angry side of me wanted to join her. I wanted to fight with her. But the coherent, sensible side – a side of me that was extremely small and insignificant – knew it was wrong. What she was up to was wrong. But that didn't stop me feeling like I was betraying Tasha, talking about her behind her back, to Dimitri of all people.

Silence engulfed the tiny space between Dimitri and me. As he changed gear, his hand gently grazed across my thigh, causing the pair of us to freeze. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw his mouth twitch, as if to apologise yet again, but no apology came. He probably figured out that it was best to ignore it. He probably figured out it was best to pretend it didn't happen, like he pretended that nothing ever happened between us back at the Academy.

Cautiously, Dimitri turned to face me. "And are you part of this army?" he asked quietly and hesitantly, as if he didn't want to know the answer.

I couldn't blame him, not really, for doubting me and thinking that I would join Tasha. It was obvious to everyone that I was frustrated and annoyed. I wanted change. I needed change. "Honestly, I thought about it. I've done nothing but think about it," I admitted, glad that the light was quickly fading and that I didn't have to see his reaction. The darkness made my confession easier. "Maybe Tasha's right. Maybe a rebellion is what we need."

"You don't mean that, Rose," Dimitri said, his voice full of confidence; confidence in me. I shook my head, sadly. The fact that Dimitri thought that I was better than this made me feel empty inside. It made me feel useless. And it made me angry that his words could still have such an effect on me. I didn't need his confidence. I didn't need him to tell me what I meant and didn't mean. I had my own mind. I could think for myself. And yet, I still felt like I needed his approval. I needed his guidance, even after everything he did to me.

"Yeah, I do mean it. I hate everything Tatiana has put us through. I hate the moroi for everything they've put us through," I clenched my fist – the good one – together, banging my head against the headrest roughly.

"If you join Tasha, then you'll lose everything," Dimitri said, though his tone was soft and gentle. It wasn't a warning. It wasn't even a fact. It was a statement that I couldn't argue with.

"So? I have nothing left to fight for. I have no one left to fight for," I murmured quietly, not really wanting him to hear my admission.

But there was nothing to drown out my voice. Dimitri turned his head sharply, the pity clear in his eyes as he watched me carefully. "You have Lissa."

I shook my head at his statement. In any other situation, it would have made me angry that everything had to revolve around her. But I was tired. I was sore. I couldn't feel anything. "No, I don't. We can pretend all we want, but the two of us aren't best friends anymore. We're just people clinging to frayed strings."

He didn't argue with me, for which I was glad for. I thought he might lecture me for abandoning Lissa, for abandoning the treasured princess, but he said nothing. He was silent for a moment, deep in thought, before a pained expression, somewhat mirroring a look of anguish, appeared on his face. "You have Adrian," he stated, his voice strained. On his neck, a vein throbbed erratically. "The last time I saw you two together you looked ... cosy."

I couldn't help but laugh. The drowsiness caused by my injuries had numbed all my senses, and I was barely keeping my eyes open. It was hard to concentrate, but as soon as Dimitri uttered the last sentence, I lost it. The thought of him thinking that me and Adrian was a couple was too much to bear. I burst into giggles, holding my stomach as jerks of agony shrieked through my body. Breathing heavily, and speaking in between my barks of laughter, I said "Adrian and I aren't a couple. He just likes to pretend we are to wind you up."

Through my delirium, it looked like Dimitri was relieved. "Why?"

"Because he doesn't like you," I replied, my short lived amusement evaporating quickly as I remembered the reason why Adrian didn't like Dimitri.

Once again, silence engulfed the car, suffocating us. Neither of us spoke until Dimitri had pulled up outside the hospital. Instead of moving, we both sat there, quietly. "You... you have me," Dimitri whispered, his voice a tender whisper, thick with emotion. I turned to face him, not realising how close our bodies were. His face was inches away from mine. His lips were inches away from mine.

And then we were kissing.

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**AN: Durh...durh...durhhh! Oh, the drama =D Hope you enjoyed this chapter!**

**Thanks to everyone who has reviewed so far! You all rock my socks off!**

**Disclaimer: I DO NOT VA!**


	30. Chapter 30

**AN: I'm going to apologise now. Seriously, you're all going to hate me for this chapter...**

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And then we were kissing. His lips felt like needles against mine, pricking the skin and making me feel awake and alive. The kiss deepened, and with it came searing heat and searing tenderness. At first, I melted towards him, but then the tenderness turned to pain and the pain turned to agony and although it made the haze in my mind disappear, I could no longer take it.

I ripped my lips from his, resting my forehead against his as I tried to catch my breath. I closed my eyes and counted to ten, trying to calm the burning fire fuelling my veins. "Do you really care for me, or do you just want me to think you care for me?" I asked, trying to keep my voice void of emotion. But as I asked the question – as I silently asked if the kiss was just a ploy to make sure I didn't join Tasha's rebellion – my voice cracked.

Dimitri was silent, yet again. My heartbeat slowed, but the prickling pain in my lips didn't disappear. I could still feel him on me. I could still taste him in me. "I-" Dimitri started, but faltered. He paused, trying to figure out what to say, but he needn't have bothered. His silence answered my question.

Dragging myself away, I opened my eyes and stared him straight in the face. And even though he had yet again tried to ruin me, I felt fine with it. I felt nothing. Maybe it was because I was so battered and bruised that I couldn't be hurt anymore. Maybe I had finally hit rock bottom and nothing he could say or do could do me further harm. "Precisely," I said, my tone only carrying a remnant of bitterness.

Using my good arm, I undid my seatbelt, but instead of getting out of the car, I turned to face Dimitri. "Do you believe the crap you preach? About moroi coming first?"

Dimitri looked at me, the confusion clearly etched on his face. My flitting mind was hard for him to keep up with, but I couldn't slow down my hectic thoughts. I couldn't even leave the car, not until we had figured out what to do about the Tasha problem. "Yes. Yes, I do," he stated.

"Really?" I asked, unable to believe it, "they do nothing for us other than treat us like dirt. They see as us servants. They see us as slaves. They constantly look down at us. You could go tell them about what Tasha is planning and they wouldn't believe you. No one trusts you. You're worthless. You're nothing. And it's their entire fault. We should stand up for ourselves. We should fight. You have nothing to lose. You could join the rebellion," I said, not quite sure why I was trying to convince Dimitri. I knew he wouldn't agree. It went against everything he believed it. But a part of me wanted him to say yes. A part of me needed him to agree to it so I could agree to it as well. Dimitri always knew what to do. He always knew what was right, and I needed his guidance. I needed him to agree to it so I could justify it to myself.

Dimitri shook his head. "I can't Rose. The moroi might not see us as equals, but they come first. It's just the way things are. It's just the way things have always been and things will continually be that way."

I sighed, deflated and defeated. But he was right. And I knew he was right. That was why it had taken me so long to come to a decision. I couldn't just say yes to Tasha. It just wasn't that simple. I had responsibilities and loyalties and although I didn't like it, I had to stick by my principles. "I know. I know. You're right. I want change. I want to join Tasha. I wish I could join Tasha. But I can't. I just can't," I said, my tone dejected.

Dimitri smiled sadly at me. "You're doing the right thing," he said, his hand reaching over towards me to pat me on the shoulder.

"Yeah," I muttered. Even if it was the right thing to do, it didn't make me feel good. It didn't make me feel happy. But then again, I doubted that I could ever be happy again. If I did join Tasha's crusade, then I would be constantly worrying about the consequences. I would worry about my friends; Lissa and Adrian and Christian. What would come of them?

"We should go to the guardians," Dimitri said, pulling out his phone. Through heavy, lazy eyes, I watched him dial the phone, my head feeling like it was about to split at the seams and that my brain was going to pour out of the fragmented cracks.

Then I comprehended what Dimitri was about to do. "NO!" I shouted, lurching towards him and knocking his cell to the ground. "Don't. Tasha's my friend and I don't want her to get into trouble. She hasn't done anything wrong. Not yet, anyway."

Dimitri looked surprised at my outburst, staring down at his phone that lay on the floor of the car. "We can't do nothing. We have to tell them," Dimitri replied, his voice sounding much more superior to mine. I felt like pointing out that seeing as I was the only one in the car who was an actual guardian I was the one who made the decisions, but pulling rank on him probably wasn't the best idea.

"No we don't. Look, I want to talk to Tasha and try to convince her to stop," I said. Dimitri just looked at me as if I had grown two heads. He was probably right. I was deluded if I thought Tasha would stop just because I had asked her to. But I had to try.

"For as long as I've known Tasha, she's been planning this rebellion. She's been sitting and waiting and planning. She's not going to let anything or anyone change her mind," Dimitri replied, although the torment glinting in his eyes suggested that he really wanted his statement to be wrong.

And I wanted it to be wrong to. Maybe she would listen to me. I knew how she was feeling. I understood the frustration and annoyance and anger. "I have to try," I stated simply.

"And what happens if she refuses?" Dimitri asked me carefully, his look of disapproval suggesting he wasn't fond of my plan.

I was pretty sure he wasn't going to like what my next idea was. In fact, I knew he wouldn't be impressed. "We have no evidence. Nothing but hearsay, anyway. We can't prove it."

Dimitri continued to watch me, his brown eyes unblinking. "What are you suggesting?"

I took a deep breath, ready for the onslaught of 'no, you can't do that. It's too dangerous'. A part of me wondered why exactly I was planning with him. We didn't like each other. We couldn't be in the same room without barbed comments being exchanged. And sure, most of them – in fact, all of them – came from me. But that just proved that I couldn't be in the same room with him. So why the heck was I planning on bringing down Tasha – one of the closest friends – with him? "I'm going to pretend to be part of the rebellion."

"Rose-" Dimitri warned, even before I had finished explaining.

"No, don't 'Rose-' me. You have no right to tell me what I can or can't do. And it's the only option we have. If I'm involved in the rebellion then I'll know what's happening and when it's happening. I can feed you information and try to thwart things. This way we can take control of the situation and make sure things don't get out of hand. I can try to rein Tasha in and make sure she doesn't get herself into too much trouble. "

"And what about you? What about you getting into trouble?" Dimitri asked, his hand still resting on my shoulders. I shrugged, partially to displace his hand and partially because I had no answer. What could I say other than I didn't matter? I never mattered. Everything I ever did was always for someone else. And yet people called me selfish. People said that I cared for no one other than myself. All I got was grief. No one ever thanked me. No one ever said _'Hey Rose, you've had a rough time. Why don't you take a break?'_ because no one cared for me. Like I said, I just didn't matter.

But I couldn't tell that to Dimitri. He would scoff and he would argue and he would claim that my friends needed me; that they appreciated me. But it was all a lie and I couldn't be bothered to put up with the facade. So instead I decided to put on my biggest smile. "Trouble? Me? Would I ever get myself into trouble?" I asked, my tone innocent and light, although inside I felt like moments away from crying. That said, I always felt like moments away from crying. Everything that surrounded me was bad. I must be cursed, because everything fell apart when I was around. Pillars turned to sand and mighty kingdoms fell when I was near.

Dimitri shook his head. "Rose, I'm serious. This could all back fire. Someone else could find out and tell the guardians before we get chance, and you could get arrested for being involved. You would be arrested for treason," he said in a grave, deadly serious voice.

I shrugged again. "What's the worst that could happen?" I asked jovially. My head felt like it was spinning, and although I was desperately trying to cling onto reality, sleep was calling me. And sleep really seemed like a good idea right now. I closed my eyes and sighed, my dizziness fading ever so slightly.

"They kill traitors," Dimitri replied without missing a beat. As soon as the words left his mouth, my eyes flung open.

"Oh," was all I could say as I digested this information. Instead of an onslaught of panic and instant backtracking, I felt nothing but curiosity at this titbit of information. I hadn't known that Court society could kill people. I'd never heard of this before, but that was probably because no one was stupid enough to try and start a rebellion. I suppose the news should have worried me, but it didn't. After all, I had nearly died that evening. I had diced with death plenty of times throughout my life. I constantly put my life on the line, so I wasn't really fazed that my reckless plan could get me killed. Most of my plans usually had a high percentage of death.

Plus, I had done several things in my life that could be classed as being traitorous. Although Lissa had willingly run away from the Academy with me, I knew most stuffy royals including Tatiana liked to think I had kidnapped their precious princess. I had broken into a prison and helped Victor Dashkov escape. I had had an affair with my mentor; my dhampir mentor, even though that was highly frowned upon. So pretending to be part of a rebel group wasn't anything that daunted me. Nothing really daunted me, not anymore.

"So? I just won't get caught," I replied, using my usual, devil may care attitude.

Dimitri rolled his eyes at my comment, sighing heavily. "Rose, this is a bad idea. A really bad idea. We should go to the guardians and tell them everything."

Turning to face him, I couldn't help but laugh darkly at him. I couldn't help but scowl as I took in his moral face. It made me sick just to look at him. How could he pretend to be this highly moral man when beneath the skin he was nothing but a monster? He pretended like he was superior because he always did the right thing, but how could he justify kissing me? Using me? Abusing me? "If you go to the guardians, then you're on your own. I won't back up anything you say. In fact, I might just go along and tell them that it's all a lie. I'll tell them that it's some fictitious fantasy you've created in a desperate attempt to regain some respectability. And while I'm there, I might just inform them on what really happened between us at the Academy. I might just tell them that you abused your power and that you slept with me."

My tone was menacing, and even thought the light way slowly turning to darkness, I couldn't help but notice Dimitri's face pale at my threat. Maybe I had gone too far, but then again, maybe I hadn't gone far enough. I could ruin him. I should ruin him, after everything he had done to me.

But I couldn't. My threat was just that; a threat. I would never do that to him, the man I used to love. Yes, I probably would tell the guardians that his claims were nothing but a lie, but I would never share that personal information with them. I just couldn't do that to him. But he needn't know that. If we were going to do things my way – and I was damn sure we were going to do things my way – then a little bit of itsy blackmail wouldn't hurt anyone.

Beside me, Dimitri was silent as he absorbed the full extent of my words and my hatred for him. "We're doing things my way, okay?" I asked. He nodded and then I nodded, before opening the car door. "Good, now can I please get some medical attention?" I asked bitterly, not liking the fact that I needed him to help me. I hated the fact that I had to rely on him. I hated the fact that I had to work with him; be in cohorts with him. And I especially hated the fact that I could still feel his lips pressed against mine; his lips haunting me.

* * *

**AN: Please don't yell at me too much. I know everyone loved the kiss scene last chapter, and you're probably sick of all the angst and want some good ol' lovin', but I'm trying to be realistic with this story, and I highly doubt Rose would forgive Dimitri that easily...even if he kisses amazingly...which I suspect he does. Anyway, there's going be a hell of a lot RXD moments, seeing as they're gonna have to work together to take down Tasha.**

**THANK YOU SO MUCH TO EVERYONE WHO REVIEWED LAST TIME ROUND!**

**I seriously couldn't believe the response I recieved. I might just add a load of kiss scenes to boost review numbers =D**

**Disclaimer: I DO NOT OWN VA!**

**Massive thank you to Tatiana Belikova for trawling through my crappy spelling/grammatical mistakes. **


	31. Chapter 31

As I walked through the motel lobby, I tried to ignore the curious glances I was receiving from the receptionist. It was as if he thought I wasn't aware that my face was completely ruined. Okay, maybe 'ruined' was a bit of an overreaction, but I had done some damage to myself. I had broken my wrist, fractured a couple of ribs, my lip had been bust open and I had had to have my neck stitched back together. The nurse at the hospital had tried to be helpful, but she failed miserably. Through clenched teeth I had informed her that I had '_fallen down the stairs_' but by the suspicious glares she was giving Dimitri, I don't think she believed my obvious lie. But I was in no mood to inform her that she had jumped to the entirely wrong conclusion. All I could focus on was my need for pain relief. So as soon as she had stitched me back together and handed me a bottle of pills, I was on my way once again. Dimitri hadn't been too impressed by my quick exit, but he seriously wasn't my main priority. I had to get back to Mia and Eddie before they got too suspicious about my whereabouts.

I had pointedly informed Dimitri that I would phone him as soon as I found anything out about the rebellion and that, under no circumstances, was he allowed to contact me. Yes, I was going to have to work with him to sort out this crappy situation, but that didn't mean I was overly impressed about it. I hated everything about this damned situation. I hated the fact that Tasha was intent on destroying the world, I hated the fact that I had become so caught up with everything that I had been negligent of Adrian. I especially hated the fact that Dimitri had decided to mess with my feelings again – mess with my already screwed up head – by kissing me. And worse of all, I hated the fact that the kiss had been the best thing that had happened to me for a long time.

Groaning, I stumbled into the room, Eddie and Mia jumping up with worried looks etched on their faces. "Where the hell have you been?" Eddie demanded, whilst Mia asked, "What happened?"

I shrugged and sat down on the bed. "What do you think happened? Me and the strigoi got chatting. We flirted a bit and then he took me out for a nice, romantic meal. It probably could have worked out between us, if he hadn't asked me to pay my half of the cheque. And it was our first date as well. Honestly, they're right when they say romance is dead. Quite literally in this case," I said, laughing at my own little joke. To be fair, it wasn't funny. In fact, it barely made any coherent sense. But I had scoffed a handful of painkillers, and my head was floating freely around, and I just didn't really care.

"Rose..." Eddie warned, but his threat was empty.

I sighed and looked up at him. "I got my ass beaten, dipshit. I've been to the hospital," I told him, indicating dramatically to my obvious injuries.

He bit his lip, concerned. "Did you at least kill the strigoi?"

"What do you take me for? Yes, I killed the son of a bitch." Okay, so that was another lie. But he didn't need to know that I had to be rescued by Dimitri. He didn't need to know that without Dimitri's help, I would have probably ended up dead. Or worse, I'd have been turned. I grimaced and shuddered at the thought, silently wondering if Dimitri would still hunt me down if I got turned into a strigoi, like we once promised. I shook my head, trying to displace the thought that was lodged into my brain. I couldn't waste any more time thinking about Dimitri. I wouldn't allow him to thrust his way into my head. I wouldn't allow him to get under my skin. I just wouldn't allow him to hurt me like he had hurt me before.

"How badly are you injured?" Mia asked, sitting down next to me, her bright blue eyes full of worry. Her presence by my side made me remember that I had wanted to talk to her, but I couldn't have that conversation whilst Eddie was still in the room.

"I'm just battered and bruised. Got a few broken ribs and I've busted up my wrist," I informed them. "Eddie? Will you go get me some food? I'm starved," I asked, not particularly caring that I wasn't being exactly subtle in my hint to get rid of him. He looked confused, but complied. He knew me too well. He knew that there was no point in arguing with me when I had just had my ass kicked. He knew that there was no point in arguing with me when I was hungry. And unluckily for him, I was both of those things.

As soon as the door closed, I turned to face Mia. She inched away from me, her eyes pleading with me. "Rose..." she mumbled, probably hoping that she would be able to convince me not to yell at her for being involved in Tasha's idiotic plan.

But I wasn't going to yell. I didn't have the energy to yell. Sure, I was going to try and make her realise how stupid it was getting involved with Tasha, especially seeing as I was going to try and bring Tasha down, but I wasn't going to force her. I knew how Mia was feeling, and I knew how frustrating things were at the moment. A rebellion wasn't going to help, but I could understand why she thought it was better than doing nothing.

"Mia," I said more forcefully. "I'm not going to tell you what you can and can't do; you can do whatever you want to. But just listen to what I've got to say, okay?" I asked. Thankfully, she nodded. "Tasha's plan is dangerous. There's more chance of failure than there is of success, and you've got to ask yourself if those odds are worth risking everything for. You could end up in prison, or worse, you could end up dead. I know why you think things need to change, and I completely agree with you. At the moment, everything is crap. But things might improve. Things might get better."

"You don't really believe that though. Things aren't going to get better. You know that, I know that. If we want change, we have to stand up and demand change," Mia replied, her tone forceful and full of belief in Tasha and her empty promises. I sighed and nodded. I knew that the chances of trying to convince Mia to not get involved with Tasha were pretty much low, but I had to try.

"I know," I replied, closing my eyes and taking a deep breath. I felt so bad for her. Mia had been pretty much used and abused by the royal moroi. She had been failed and she had a right to demand change. I just wished that Tasha hadn't gotten to her. Mia was my friend, and I hated the fact that she had been dragged into this mess. Sure, I was still going to do everything I could do to dissuade Tasha, but Dimitri was right; the chances of her listening to me were slim.

I also hated the next thing I had to say to her. "Can I ask you to do one thing for me, though?"

Mia looked at me cautiously, narrowing her eyes slightly. "It depends what it is."

"Finish with Eddie," I said quickly, wanting to get the words out of my mouth as soon as possible. "He loves the way things are now and it'll completely destroy him if he knew what was happening. It'll completely destroy him if he finds out that you were behind it. He's been through so much and I'm not sure how much more he can take," I told her. I hated that I was asking to her to break up with Eddie, mainly because after the shock of walking in on them making out I had quickly realised what an awesome pair they made. But they both wanted different things, and it was going to end in a chaotic mess if things weren't put to a stop right away.

"What?! Rose, I can't do that!" Mia exclaimed, her eyes wide in horror.

"Tough, because you're going to have to do it. If you really cared about Eddie, you'd do it," I informed her. She was about to answer, but at that point, Eddie walked back into the room again, holding out a brown paper bag which I guessed was fully of deep fried yuminess. "Thanks," I said, grabbing holding of the bag.

Trying to ignore the pain that crashed through by body as I slowly stood up, I turned to face him. "I need your car keys."

"What?"

"I'm going to head back to Tasha's," I informed him.

"Why?"

"Because that's where I live," I said sarcastically, my tone a bit too harsh, but I just didn't care. Seeing that his keys were in his hand, I simply snatched them from him.

"Rose, you're injured. How are you going to drive with a broken wrist?" Eddie exclaimed, trying to grab hold of his keys but I just stepped out of his reach.

I smirked, "Obviously you've never seen me drive."

Eddie paled slightly at my comment, probably remembering the fact that the reason why he had never seen me drive was because I didn't exactly have a licence. "You need to stay. Not only are you injured, but you also have to wait for the other Guardians to get here and fill in your report on what happened."

"Yeah...that just makes me want to leave now even more. Look Eddie, you can fill in my report for me. Hell, no one even needs to know I was here. You can take my kills if you want. I just want to go home. I'm not exactly feeling my best," I told him, and without waiting for his answer, I walked out of the room and out of the motel.

By the time I got back to Tasha's, I was ready to collapse from exhaustion. I was pretty sure that I had committed several traffic offences in my haste to get back, but to be honest, I didn't really care. I had to practically peel myself off of the driver's seat and drag myself into the house. All I wanted to do was crawl up in my bed, but as soon as I opened the front door, I was met with an angry looking Tasha.

"Where have you been? What have you done?" She demanded, looking frantic as she pulled her fingers through her hair.

"My job," I muttered, pushing my way through the tiny gap she had left between her body and the door.

I tried to go upstairs, but Tasha grabbed hold of my arm, her fingers sharp and digging into my flesh. "What's that supposed to mean? Why haven't you been answering my calls? Is that a car from Court? Rose, please tell me you haven't gone to Court. You bitch. If you have, I'm going to...it's not even like I've done anything wrong, not yet, anyway."

"Wait, what? What makes you that that I went to Court?" I asked, too tired to even try and keep up with her hectic trail of thought.

"Erm, I don't know. Maybe to inform the guardian of what I've been up to. And don't act so innocent. I know that's where you've been. That car is from Court," she shouted, thrusting her hand towards Eddie's car.

"Tasha, I haven't been to Court. If you had, do you think I'd have come back looking like this?" I asked her, indicating towards my dishevelled appearance. "If I had been to Court, then I would have got Lissa to heal me. Hell, if I had been to Court, I wouldn't have gotten my ass kicked. Oh, and thanks for asking if I'm alright. I'm fine. It's not like I'm half dead or anything," I yelled, my volume mirroring Tasha's.

I couldn't believe what a selfish bitch she was being. Did she really think so little of me? Did she really think I would just go and get her into trouble like that, without giving her a chance to explain herself? We were friends. I would never treat her like that. And sure, I might be in league with Dimitri to bring her down, but that was the better option. She was right; I could have gone straight to Court. But I hadn't. I was trying to stop this entire situation getting out of control and I was trying to make sure no one got into trouble. But at this moment in time, I wasn't sure why I was bothering.

"Rose, I'm sorry. But you've got to understand," Tasha tried to say, but I quickly cut her off.

"Tasha, I don't want to know at the moment. I feel like crap. I'm tired. I'm going to go grab a shower then I'm going to sleep for the next week. I'll talk to you when I'm ready to talk to you," I informed her, before pushing past her and heading up the stairs, getting as far away from her as I possibly could.

* * *

**AN: Hey guys, I just want to say a massive thank you to everyone who has reviewed this story! You guys are AWESOME and even though I am currently swamped with writing, I thought I'd take some time (ie. I was procrastinating instead of doing my coursework) and write the next chapter. Hopefully, you guys will like this chapter...it's not exactly action packed and it's lacking a certain someone, but I promise he'll be popping up a lot more in the next few chapters. Anyway, I have so much work due, so my next update will probably be in a couple of weeks, so I will see you lovely people then =]**

**Disclaimer: I DO NOT OWN VA!**

**Ps. A massive THANKYOU to Tatiana Belikova for being my lovely beta. I will get round to editing those chapters when I get some free time =]**


	32. Chapter 32

The time had come for me to face Tasha, and I was definitely not looking forward to it. Sure, she was my friend and I liked her. Hell, I even respected her. But I knew what she was like. The few months we had spent living and working together had proven that Tasha was prone to mood swings, and I didn't want to get on her bad side. I especially didn't want to get on her bad side when I had done nothing wrong to provoke her. I couldn't actually believe she thought so little of me. I wouldn't have just run off to Court to report her. That wasn't me. That wasn't my style.

Groaning, I peeled myself off of the bed and stumbled over to the mirror. I still looked like crap, and I definitely still felt like crap, but I needed to sort things out with Tasha. I either had to persuade her not to go ahead with her stupid plan, or I had to get involved myself so that I could spy on her. I didn't like either option, but it had to be done. I had a job to do, and I was going to do it, no matter what got in my way.

Pushing open my bedroom door, I stopped and listened, trying to figure out where Tasha was. The house was eerily quiet, which surprised me because all last night Tasha had been stomping around the place, probably gathering any evidence that I could use to incriminate her. Sensing that she wasn't upstairs, I headed towards the living room, limping slightly and trying my hardest not to let the pain overcome me.

When I pushed the door open, I saw Tasha sitting in the corner, her eyes wide with frenzy. I couldn't help but scoff as I took in her appearance. She looked worse than me, and that was saying something. As soon as her eyes clamped down on me, Tasha sprung up. "Rose, I'm sorry. I overreacted and I just want you to know –" she started to say, rambling like a madwoman, but I quickly interrupted her, my hand slicing through the air as I signalled for her silence.

"Sit down and shut up, Tasha," I told her bluntly, stepping further into the room so I towered over her. Tasha complied, much to my relief. I took a deep breath, before starting the speech I had practically memorised last night as I tried to ignore the agony I was suffering in a failed attempt to get some sleep. "What you're planning is dangerous. So dangerous that it could get you killed. And I know we're not exactly getting on at the moment, but I prefer you alive, not dead."

"It's worth the risk," Tasha stated simply, causing my heart to sink slightly. She looked fiercely determined, and at that moment I knew that I just couldn't get her to change her mind. I was, yet again, fighting a losing battle. In many ways, Tasha was exactly like me; stubborn. She would refuse to change her mind. She would refuse to admit defeat.

I wanted to scream and shout. I wanted to force her to agree with me. But that would be impossible. I couldn't make her change her mind. I was good, but I wasn't that good. And that meant that I had to switch to plan B. Instead of helping my friend, I had to spy on her. I had to lie to her face and try and ruin her plans. I had to ruin her.

"I know," I muttered, tearing my eyes away from hers and glaring at the carpet. My voice faltered slightly, and I hope I could convince her to let me get involved in her plans to revolt. A part of me was worried that she would refuse. After all, I had made my feelings towards her idiotic plan extremely clear. But then again, Tasha was so blinded by her ideas of a perfect future that she would need as many supported – as many followers – as possible. She needed people to stand behind her. She needed people to fight for her. And if there was one thing she knew about me, it was that I enjoyed a good fight.

"If you're going to do this, then you need to do it properly," I told her, my rehearsed speech slowly dissolving away. My brain was slowly turning into a mushy mess as I tried to take control of the situation. Somehow I had to manipulate Tasha into letting me get involved. Somehow I had to worm my way into an impossible situation. "You need supporters – a hell of a lot of them."

She nodded, her features lighting up ever so slightly as she became more animated. "I have supporters. I'm not the only one fed up, Rose. There are a lot of us who want change. There are a lot of us willing to fight for change. We know it will be hard. We know it will be dangerous and we know it could end badly. But we refuse to go down without a fight. We won't give up. I thought you of all people, Rose, would understand that."

"I understand completely." And I did. I knew what it was like to be frustrated. I knew what it was like to suffer. I knew that I would never back down from a fight for a cause that I truly believed in. I tried not to wince and curse this horrid situation. I really couldn't blame Tasha. Her heart was in the right place, no matter how twisted and warped her ideas were. She just wanted to make things better and I had to respect her vision.

But just because I respected her didn't mean I agreed with her. Sure, I was still ever so slightly torn between joining forces with her and doing the right thing, but my sense of duty was too strong. For once, I was going to do what was expected of me instead of doing what I wanted. I was going to spy on one of my closest friends. I was probably going to cause her downfall. I was going to destroy her.

Slowly, I met her eyes. I didn't want to lie straight to her face. I didn't want to hurt her. But I had to. It was my job. It was my responsibility to protect the moroi. And at this moment of time, she was a threat. Tasha was my enemy.

And I was about to cross over into enemy lines.

"It's a stupid idea," I told her once again, as if she had suddenly forgotten what my thoughts were on the whole plan. Tasha rolled her eyes and opened her mouth, about to contradict me, but I interrupted her before the words left her mouth. "That said, if you're going to see this thing through, you need all the help you can get."

Tasha eyed me carefully. "What are you getting at?"

Taking a deep breath, I summoned all the courage I had within me. "I want to help. You need as much support as possible. You need as many people as possible to fight your corner. And if there is one thing I am good at, it's fighting."

As soon as she comprehended my words, Tasha's eyes lit up brightly, a smile appearing on her face. But her joy didn't last long as uncertainty crept in. "Are you sure?" she asked quietly, as if I would suddenly realise what I had said and change my mind.

"I'm sure. My job is to protect you. And to do that, I've got to go where you go," I informed her simple, my stomach twisting as the lies fell easily from my lips. Lying to her face was one thing, but it was the ease in which I found myself doing it that got to me. I hated the fact that I could look her in the eye and state complete bullshit without batting an eyelid.

I tried to remember to remember a time when my life wasn't completely swamped with lies, but I just couldn't think of a time which didn't involve falsehoods. In between sneaking around with Dimitri and lying to protect Lissa, I had somehow lost my ability to be honest. I had somehow lost my ability to tell the truth.

Tasha's smile returned, her scars stretching upwards as she grinned at me. "I'm so glad you're onboard," she informed me, pulling me into a tight hug.

I tried to relax, but my muscles were rigid as we hugged. "Thanks," I replied, awkwardly patting her on the back before pulling away.

"Do you want me to go through some of my preliminary ideas?" Tasha asked me eagerly, suddenly excited at the thought of sharing her revolution with me.

I shook my head. "Can we go through it later? I think I'm going to head out and get some fresh air," I told her. Tasha's smile faltered slightly, but she nodded.

"Yeah, sure. Are you okay, Rose?"

"I'm fine," I told her, before gesturing down at my broken body. "I'm just not feeling too good."

Again, Tasha nodded. "Sure, go outside for a bit," she told me, and I complied, walking across the room towards the front door. But Tasha spoke again before I could escape. "Can I just ask one thing, before you go?"

I turned to face her, suddenly worried what she might ask. Maybe she had realised that I wasn't actually on her side. Maybe she had seen straight through my lies. Maybe she knew that instead of helping her, I was planning on working against her.

"What made you change your mind?" she asked, curiosity, filling her voice.

I faltered, trying to come up with an answer that was believable. But my mind was blank. I shrugged and racked my brain for possible answers. And then the light bulb switched on ostentatiously. "When I was fighting those strigoi, I realised that no sixteen year old kid should have to face that," I told her, trying to hide my surprise at coming up with a reasonable answer.

I waited patiently for Tasha's response, but she said nothing. Instead, her face was blank and thoughtful as she mulled over my answer. Slowly, she nodded, and I took that as my cue to leave.

I stepped outside, sighing in relief as the cool air hit me, causing a sense of relief to calm the furious beating of my blood. I walked for five minutes down the street, carefully checking over my shoulders to make sure Tasha wasn't following me. Even though I hadn't even started to properly spy on Tasha yet, the paranoia had already sunk in. I couldn't get caught. I wouldn't let myself get caught.

Deeming myself to be at a safe distance away from the house, I pulled out my cell and dialled the number which I hated to admit that I had memorised. I wished that I could just wipe it from my brain, but it was as if it had been imprinted there permanently.

He picked up after the first ring. "Rose, are you alright?" Dimitri asked, his silky smooth voice filtering into my ear.

"Yeah, I'm fine," I replied, rolling my eyes at his question. Why did everyone feel the need to ask me that? My answer was the same every single time. It never changed. And anyway, why did people expect me to tell the truth and reveal my real feelings? I wasn't exactly one for sharing. That wasn't me and it never would be me. "I talked to Tasha."

It was silent on the other end of the phone, and I could only imagine it was because Dimitri was patiently waiting for me to continue. But I couldn't continue. Sneaking off and speaking to him behind Tasha's back reinforced exactly what I was planning on doing. It suddenly daunted on me the amount of deceiving I would have to do to make sure no one got hurt because of Tasha's misguided dream.

"And?" Dimitri asked, gently pushing me to continue.

I shrugged, before realising that he couldn't see me. "I couldn't convince her to let things go," I admitted quietly, hating the fact that I had been faced with defeat. "She's hell-bent on seeing this revolt through to the end. On the plus side, I managed to convince her to let me get involved," I told him, my last sentence said with forced optimism.

He must have picked up on my anxiety, because the next thing he said to me was, "If anybody can do this, it's you. Seriously Rose, you're the best guardian that I know."

His voice was sincere, and a part of me actually believed he meant it. But I was tired and crabby and feeling cynical, so instead of thanking him for his kind words, I just scoffed. "Guardians are supposed to protect their charges, not spy on them," I reminded him.

Without missing a beat, he replied just as earnestly. "You're doing it for the greater good. You're doing it because you know it's the right thing to do. And I admire you for it. I know Tasha's your friend, but she needs to be stopped."

I sighed heavily, walking further down the street so I could sit down on a bench. "Just because it's the right thing to do doesn't make it easy," I admitted quietly.

"Rose, no one is forcing you to do this. We can go to the guardians if that's what you want," Dimitri told me. Even though I knew that was what he wanted to do, he didn't push the idea onto me. He was simply stating another suggestion, and for that I was glad of.

"No, we're sticking to the original plan," I said forcefully. It wasn't aimed at Dimitri though. No, it was aimed at me. I needed to convince myself to go through with it. I needed to make sure I wouldn't chicken out. Dimitri was right; it was for the greater good. Tasha was a risk. She could end up doing some serious damage, and I couldn't let that happen. I wouldn't let that happen.

"Are you sure?" Dimitri asked, mirroring Tasha's words from our earlier conversation.

"Yes."

"You can back out at any time," he informed me gently.

"I know."

"Rose, you're doing the right thing," Dimitri repeated, his tone filled with slight worry at my muted responses.

He was wrong though. It wasn't the right thing to do. The situation was so messed up – so warped – that there wasn't a right thing to do. All my options just led to further disarray and chaos. Whatever I did, someone would get hurt. And so all I could do was damage limitation.

"Look, I've got to go. I'll call you when I have some more news," I told Dimitri, knowing that I couldn't hide from Tasha any longer. There was a slight pause. "Thanks," I muttered into the phone, a part of me hoping that he wouldn't hear.

"What for?" he asked, unable to mask the surprise.

"For everything. For saving me back at the warehouse. For being nice to me when all I've been to you is a bitch," I muttered after a moment's hesitation. I was wary of where this conversation was heading. I didn't want to have any emotional link to Dimitri. I couldn't cope with having any emotional link to Dimitri. I wanted our relationship – for lack of a better word – to be nothing but professional. But I had gone and shot myself in my foot with the gratitude I had shown him/

"Rose, after everything I've put you through, it's the least I can do," Dimitri replied, his voice packed full with emotion.

I winced, not wanting to go there. I just wanted to forget. I wanted to move on. I didn't want to be plagued with memories of the hurt and the heartache. "I've got to go," I repeated, trying to end the conversation as quickly as possible. But even thought my finger hovered over the 'end call' button, I just couldn't bring myself to press it.

There was a pause before Dimitri spoke again. He was probably surprised at my sudden curtness. "Okay. Just do me one thing; keep safe," he told me, his voice lingering as I finally built up the nerve to hang up on him.

I sighed heavily, pocketing my cell and hitting my hand against my forehead in frustration. Even though today had possibly been the hardest days of my life so far – killing strigoi seemed a hell of a lot easier than what I had just been through – I knew that things were bound to get harder. Things would get tougher. And someone was, inevitably, going to get hurt.

* * *

**AN: And I'm back! Sorry for the long wait, but I am officially free...well, for five weeks at least. I have no essays to write, no books to read, no psychoanalyist theories to be freaked out by. Which means I can waste my days away writing nonstop =] So, this story is finally picking up momento, and now I'm worried that things are getting confusing. So if you have any questions, just message me =] In fact, you can message me if you don't have questions...what can I say? I like seeing my inbox full. I got a nice message from this morning, recomending me a song (Lettuce Garden by Olivia) that goes with this story. So yeah, send me songs, send me love, send me anything...Anywho, I hope you enjoyed this chapter and thank you to everyone who has reviewed so far. I love you. There's nothing else to say.**

**Disclaimer: I DO NOT OWN VA!**


	33. Chapter 33

I had known that Tasha had supporters, but as she took me through the plans for the revolution, I was shocked at the sheer number of people who were willing to risk everything for change. I tried to mask my surprise, but Tasha must have been watching me carefully for my reaction. She smiled brightly at me, as my eyes turned wide and my mouth became agape. "I told you, Rose. We're not going to fail. We're going to see this through to the end and we will be triumphant," she told me with glee. In response, all I could do was nod in her general direction. I couldn't quite comprehend how many people were backing her insane plans.

The names – most of which I didn't recognise, something which made this whole mess a little bit more bearable – were continuous. All I could do was listen in shock as Tasha reeled of an entire list of names. Most of which were non-royal Moroi who were annoyed at Tatiana and her minions for not allocating them guardians. There were some dhampirs involved as well, much to my horror. But worst of all, there were actually royal Moroi involved. There was no use trying to remember the names of everyone involved, so instead I focussed on the royals.

They were the ones who could do real damage. They were the ones who Tasha was using to spy on Tatiana. They were the ones Dimitri needed to know about. A part of me still thought it was possible that between the two of us, we could squash the revolution before it got too out of hand. Maybe Dimitri could speak to the royal moroi involved who were at Court and try to convince them to let their hatred for Tatiana go. Maybe, if we got to enough people involved, we could stop this whole saga before things got out of control. But no matter how much optimism I had, I still had to be realistic. I knew, deep down, that my optimism and wishful thinking would get us nowhere. The revolution was already happening, and the only way we could stop it would be to gather enough evidence to incriminate Tasha and her followers. It was the only way out of the myriad of mess I had yet again found myself tangled in.

I couldn't quite get my head round how deep the resentment for Tatiana ran. Sure, she was the queen bitch, but not once had the thought of killing her ever crossed my mind. I didn't like her, but I certainly didn't want her dead.

Tasha did, though. She wanted all the royal moroi who she held responsible for the mess we were in to be punished. Imprisonment wouldn't be good enough, she said. She wanted them to suffer. She wanted them to beg for mercy, beg for forgiveness. She especially wanted them dead.

Suddenly I realised that Tasha had fallen silent- the first time in three hours. She was looking at me expectantly, obviously waiting to hear my opinions; obviously waiting to hear my praise for her. But although I was willing to lie to her face, I couldn't sit there and tell her that she was amazing. I just couldn't do that. She was practically planning a mass murder. The future that she was proposing to me – a future full of peace – was going to be born out of violence and bloodshed. I couldn't understand how blinded and ignorant she had become. How could she not realise that her plan was stupid? No, stupid wasn't the right word. It was more meaningless. People were going to die on both sides of the fight, and no matter how much hatred Tasha spurted out, those deaths couldn't be justified.

"You've been busy," was all I managed to spit out. And it was true. I had stupidly believed that Tasha had only been thinking about starting a revolution. But I was wrong. She had everything sorted out. She had planned everything, and the only thing really left to do was gather everyone, do some training to make sure her followers would be capable in battle, and then attack.

Tasha's plan was pretty simple. She was going to use brute strength and violence to get what she wanted. She was going to use brutality to steal power. All hell was going to break loose and she was going to burn Court down to a mere pile of insignificant ashes.

"Well, I've wanted this for a very long time. I thought I was the only one who wanted change, but after meeting the Taros', I realised I wasn't the only one. I also realised that we had been suffering in silence for too long and if we wanted change, we had to force change," Tasha explained, gathering up her papers which listed the details of everyone involved. Whilst she had been explaining to me her plans, Tasha had kept those papers tightly in her hands, not letting me get a good look at them. This whole debacle would have been so much easier if I could just get those few pieces of measly papers and take them to Court, but Tasha hadn't let go of them once. And now she was putting them into a fire proof box – a box which not only had a lock, but also had a padlock and a combination lock to make it just a little bit harder to gain access to. Oh, and she kept it in a filing cabinet in her office, which, you guessed it, was also locked.

I tried my hardest to hide my disappointment. I was good, but I highly doubted that I would be able to find all the keys and combinations to gain access to those precious pieces of paper. I had no idea where Tasha kept them, and she barely left the house these days. In fact, she barely left her office, which meant I couldn't exactly sneak in, unless I turned into a ninja overnight. And no matter how much I wanted that to happen, I knew that yet again, it was wishful thinking.

Trying to act as nonchalant as possible, I stood up, my bones cracking ever so slightly due to the fact I had been sat still for three hours straight. All I wanted to do was run out of the room, but that would arise Tasha's suspicions, and I seriously didn't want to get on her bad side. Sure, Tatiana was a bitch, but she hadn't particularly done anything to Tasha. I hated to think what Tasha would do to me if she ever found out I was spying on her.

"Do you mind if we take a break?" I asked her, wanting to get as far away from her as possible. Yes, she was my friend, but at that moment in time, I was a bit terrified of her. She was a maniac. What sane person plotted the death of their queen? Tasha was unhinged and unstable and I was starting to get freaked out by her. I knew she had a temper and could easily fly off the handle, but she had seriously overstepped the mark. All I wanted to do was grab a shower. I felt dirty on behalf of her. I felt dirty through association with her.

"Sure thing, Rose. I know I've not shut up all day, but can you blame me? I'm so excited that this is finally happening!" she told me, clapping her hands excitably. "Anyway, I've got things to do. I'm cancelling my lease on the gym. It's just not big enough and we need a hell of a lot of space if we're going to hold a boot before the day we've all been waiting for comes," she said, rambling slightly.

I nodded, then exited the room. I ran up stairs to my bedroom, locking both the doors to my room and my en-suite. I couldn't risk Tasha barging in and overhearing the conversation I was about to have. I turned the shower on, but instead of getting in, I grabbed my phone out of my pocket. The sound of the water spurting out of the showerhead would make it impossible for Tasha, with her vampire senses – from listening in to the conversation I was going to have with Dimitri.

But before I had finished dialling his number, my phone rang, causing me to squeal out in surprise. I inwardly chastised myself for being so on edge, before looking down at my cell to see who was calling me. I half expected it to be Dimitri, but it wasn't. Instead, it was Lissa.

A small part of me wanted to ignore her call. I wasn't exactly in the mood to talk to her. I wasn't exactly in the right state of mind to deal with her. But I knew what she was like; if she couldn't get through to me, then she would probably phone Tasha instead. And although that wouldn't incriminate me, it would mean I'd have to come up with a believable answer as to why I hadn't picked up Lissa's call. I couldn't exactly tell Tasha that I ignored it because 'I was too busy spying on you to talk to my friend'.

Groaning, I answered the call, "Hey, Liss."

Lissa started to talk before I had even finished my greeting, "Rose, are you alright?"

"Yeah, why wouldn't I be?" I asked, slightly perplexed.

"Eddie told me what happened with the strigoi. You should have come back to Court. I could have healed you. Are you in pain?" she asked, her voice dripping with sincere concern.

If I was going to be honest with her, then I wouldn't tell her that I was in pain. My broken rib was currently killing me. But there was little use in divulging that sort of information with her. If I told her the true extent of my injuries then Lissa would go into full panic mode. She wouldn't stop worrying about my welfare until she had come down to Tasha's to heal me herself. And I couldn't let that happen. Lissa couldn't accidentally get involved in the revolution. I couldn't risk her getting involved. Not only that, but the way Tasha was currently acting, I wouldn't put it past her to do something dangerous, say, kidnap the last Dragomir.

So instead of telling her the truth, I lied. "Liss, I'm fine. I'm just a little bit battered and bruised. No major injuries," I informed her whilst inspecting myself in the mirror. I supposed it wasn't a complete lie. I was still standing on my own two feet, which, considering to circumstances, was quite the achievement. Yes, I couldn't use one hand. Yes, it hurt whenever I tried to bend over. And yes, half of my neck was currently hidden under a mass of bandaged because the skin was a mangled mess. But other than that, I was fine. I was always fine.

"Eddie said –" Lissa started to say, causing me to roll my eyes.

"Eddie's just miffed off because I stole his car," I told her, cutting her off. I knew exactly what she was going to say. She was going to tell me that Eddie told her I was pretty banged up. And yes, that may have been the case, but running to tell on me to Lissa? That was pretty low in my book.

"Are you sure?"

I scoffed at her. "Lissa, why would I lie about not being in pain? Let's say, hypothetically, that I was in pain. And let's say I was lying. What good would come out of it? Instead of allowing you to heal me, I would suffer for longer. It makes no sense."

Lissa was silent for a moment, obviously mulling over my answer and wondering whether or not to believe me. I prayed that she would just let it go – I was starting to get a headache – but obviously nobody cared about my prays because she began to speak again. "I know you, Rose. I know that you're stubborn. I know that you don't like to admit defeat or that you're hurt or wrong."

"So you're saying that I'm egotistical?" I asked her. I instantly regretted it though. I winced. I didn't want to start an argument with her. All I wanted was for her to get off my back and let me be. I had too much to worry about without adding Liss to the mix.

"I'm not saying that. It's just..." she started to say, but trailed off.

"It's just what?" I asked, rather impatiently.

"Nothing," she muttered, causing me to groan out loud.

"No, it's not nothing, Lissa. Obviously, you have a problem with me, so just spit it out," I demanded, sighing heavily as I glared at my own reflection.

"I don't have a problem with you. It's just, you went and hung out with Eddie and Mia and you didn't invite me," she said, quietly and sadly.

I couldn't help it. I removed the phone from my ear and stared at in disbelief. Was she being serious? How childish could she get? I mean, this was the sort of argument five year olds had, not adults. "Lissa, we went to hunt strigoi. I know I can be a bit reckless sometimes, but even I know that it's a bad idea to bring a princess along on a trip like that," I told her, trying to keep the anger out of my voice.

"I know but...you were so close to Court. You could have popped in to say hello," she muttered.

What I really wanted to say was that would've been hard seeing as had practically been a dead woman walking, but I couldn't say that. I had told her I was fine. If I suddenly changed my story then she would have demanded to know what was up with me. So instead, all I could say was "sorry."

"I know I only saw you last week, but I feel like we've barely had any time together. You're my best friend and I want you to be involved in the wedding. Maybe Christian and I could come and visit you and Tasha?" she asked, the hopefulness clear in her voice.

"NO!" I said quickly and clearly. "Lissa, things are a bit hectic at the moment and –"

"Then maybe it's a good thing that I come. I can help you out," Lissa replied, this time her voice filled with hurt due to my sudden outburst. I closed my eyes, trying to resist the urge to punch a wall through due to frustration. I just couldn't deal with Lissa's insecurities about our friendship, not at the moment. Yes, I wanted to save as much as I could, but at the moment I had bigger things to deal with. I couldn't let Lissa come over here and pretend that everything was okay. I especially couldn't let her put herself into danger.

Tasha was opportunistic. She would do anything for her cause. And if Lissa came to stay with us with a minimum amount of guardians, then who knew what would happen? I couldn't risk it. I had to keep Lissa safe at all costs. It was my job.

They come first, no matter what. It was a motto that had been drilled into my head since I was a child. And I was only starting to realise what it exactly meant. Maybe, to save Lissa, I had to hurt her. It was the only way.

Gulping in as much air as I could, I tried to build my confidence. I knew what I was about to do was going to cause Lissa a great amount of harm. I knew that I could possibly ruin our friendship forever. But that didn't matter, not when Lissa's life was possibly at risk.

"Who are we kidding?" I asked, my voice cold and harsh. "Lissa, we're not friends. We haven't been for a long time. We're just pretending, and I'm sick of it. Just leave me alone. I want nothing to do with ever again, you spoiled little bitch."

And then I hung up.

I knew every word would hurt her, because every one of those poisonous words caused my heart to rip. I hated myself for doing it. Lissa was practically my sister, and I had hurt her on purpose. Yes, I had a reason, and I hoped when the time came, she would forgive me. Because if she didn't, I wasn't sure if I could forgive myself either.

Quickly, I texted Dimitri the names of those royal moroi involved. A phone call probably would have been better, but I had already had one tough conversation. I didn't want another. I couldn't cope with another. So I took the coward's way out. After I hit the send button, I threw my phone across the room, hearing it clatter. But that didn't satisfy me. I sighed, feeling the tears threatening to fall.

I stripped and got in the shower, feeling the scolding water scorch my flesh. Slowly, the tears came, slowly cascading down my face, merging with the hot water and falling down the drain.

* * *

**AN: So this went into a completely different direction to where I was aiming, but I'm really happy as to where it ended up. Originally I wasn't going to end with the Lissa bit, but I thought, what the heck, lets just go with it, seeing as it's Christmas and all =] Anyway, I haven't got much to ramble on about (although, if you're interested...I just face planted a radiator) so thanks to everyone who is reading and reviewing.**

**I'll probably update in a couple of days, but if I don't, have an AWESOME (insert holiday of your choice here)**

**Disclaimer: I DO NOT OWN VA!**


	34. Chapter 34

Three weeks later and I was pretty convinced that Tasha was in fact borderline insane. And if she wasn't crazy already, then she was most definitely unhinged. All she did nowadays was plan for the revolution. She had emptied her bank accounts to fund the revolt. She was building a freaking army. And she did all of this whilst wearing the biggest smile on her face. It was creepy, to say the least.

Whilst Tasha was having the time of her life, I was slowly dying of boredom. There was nothing for me to do, other than spy on my former friend. And that was what Tasha Ozera was to me now. A former friend. I wanted nothing to do with her. I couldn't have anything to do with her, especially if I was going to spy on her; especially if I was going to bring her down. And I was most definitely going to bring her down. I couldn't let her win. I wouldn't let her win.

Most of my time was spent as far away from her as possible. Every time I was in the same room with her I felt dirty. My skin crawled as she explained, in glee, how she was going to destroy the world as we knew it. She laughed, carefree, as she told me how she was going to punish Tatiana with a long and painful death. It took all my might not to shudder. I had never liked Tatiana, but what Tasha had planned was just plain awful. It was sickening. If Tasha somehow did manage to go through with the revolution, if I somehow failed to stop her, then I would probably kill Tatiana myself. A quick, painless death was the only way to save her from the horrendous nightmare Tasha had in store.

And the worst thing of all? It felt like I was wasting my time. Tasha was very sparse with details. I only had a vague idea of what was actually happening. Yes, I knew who was involved, but I had no evidence, nothing to incriminate them. And I knew Tasha was looking for a base to train everybody up in New Mexico, but I had no idea where in New Mexico. All I had were a few scraps of information and nothing to connect them. I didn't even have a goddamn date for when the revolution was going to happen.

It was frustrating. It was annoying. But most of all it made me feel worthless. Not only did it seem like it was me – and I suppose Dimitri – up against everybody else, fighting a losing battle, but it also felt like the last few months had been pointless. Yes, Tasha was starting to really freak me out now, but I had thought we were friends. I had assumed that we were friends. And yet she didn't seem able to trust me with any details. I thought she'd want me there, by her side, fighting for her cause, but she barely seemed bothered if I was involved or not.

And yes, I was spying on her. I was working against her. I had even decided that we weren't friends anymore. But it hurt to think that she didn't trust me enough. It hurt to think that she didn't value our friendship as much as I used to value it. Maybe I was being hypercritical. After all, I was trying to incriminate her. I was trying to ruin her. But for a while, joining her – for real – and fighting for her had crossed my mind. I was going to throw everything away for her.

It had been a hard and painful decision to make, deciding to work against her. I tried, I really did try, to convince her to change her mind. I wanted her to change her mind and realise how stupid she was being. I wanted to save her from her own downfall. Tasha was building a big dream, but the foundations were unstable and the higher she dreamt the more likely that everything she had planned was going to crumbled right beneath her. I tried to stop her. I really did.

But what did I get in return? Nothing but hardships, as per usual. She didn't say thank you. She didn't give me access to her plans. She didn't give me anything; no details, no appreciation. Just vague comments here and there that made me even more clueless.

I sighed heavily. Instead of moping around in the comforts of my duvet, I probably should have spent my time trying to locate one of the magical keys that would open up the box of secrets Tasha was hiding. But it was useless. Every time Tasha left me alone in the house, I practically ransacked the place in an attempt to find a goddamn key, but so far, I had no luck. I found nothing.

I was glad Tasha had decided to disappear early that morning. Though I tried to keep my composure around her, I was slowly losing my mind. I had barely slept since I had returned. My nights were plagued of images of what-ifs and what-could-have-beens. I constantly thought about what would happen if I failed; what would happen if Tasha did succeed in her revolution. My dreams were crammed full of chaos and blood. My mind was constantly whirling with scenes of continuous, repetitious bloodshed and violence drenching my brain with blunt blows of destruction.

My phone buzzed, awakening me from my nightmare. Groaning, I rolled on my side, arm stretched wide as I tried to clasp my clammy fingers around the plastic. But instead of grabbing it, I somehow managed to nudge it off of the bedside cabinet, the thud reverberating with the vibrations as it hit the floor. Cursing loudly with frustration, I crawled out of my pit of wallowing and grabbed the phone.

It was a text message from Dimitri. I cursed again, wondering if I could get away with not reading it. Maybe I could claim my phone was dead. I wasn't in the mood for sneaking around and spying. I wanted a day off from all of this crap. I wanted to stay snuggled up in bed and try to forget that the world was going to shit. But I couldn't, because there was a niggling voice at the back of mind telling me I had to reply to whatever he had text me. It was my duty. It was my responsibility. I had to do it.

_"Meet me at Joe's Diner in 10 – D"_

The message was simple enough, but it still sent me into a panic, mainly because Joe's Diner was only around the corner which meant that Dimitri was in town, even though I had specifically told him that I would get in contact with him and not the other way round. I couldn't believe he would pull a stunt like this. He was risking everything by just being here. After all, Tasha could see him. Sure, Tasha was currently out of town, but how was he to know that? And me hanging out with Dimitri was sure to arise Tasha's suspicions. Not only that, but I also kinda looked liked crap, and only had 5 minutes to make myself look presentable.

I rushed into the bathroom, splashing cold water on my face before shoving my hair up into a messy bun. It wasn't that I wanted to look nice for Dimitri or anything like that, but I also didn't want to turn up in my pyjama's looking like I had spent the last four hours crawled up in bed as I did nothing but mope.

I grabbed the first set of clean clothes I could lay my hands on before quickly changing, grabbing my purse and keys and heading out. Seven and a half minutes later, I was stood outside of Joe's, checking over my shoulder every couple of seconds like the paranoid person I was, before stepping inside.

It wasn't too hard to locate Dimitri in the busy diner. Even though he was sat down in a booth at the other side of the joint, I could easily recognise his tall stature. I glowered at him before heading over. "What the hell?" I screeched at him as soon as I was close enough, glaring down at him, hands on hip.

To my surprise, Dimitri seemed to be surprised at my sudden appearance. "You're here on time," he simply stated, before gesturing that I take a seat opposite him. But instead of sitting down and complying with his wishes, I just stood there, staring down at him.

"What the hell?" I asked again, trying to keep my cool but failing miserably. The couple sitting nearest to us looked over, obviously fully aware of my anger as I glared daggers into Dimitri. "Why are you here? Did you hit your head and forget the fact that I quite clearly told you to stay away?"

Dimitri just looked at me calmly, waiting for my frustration to pass before he began to speak. "Vasilisa told me what happened between the two of you."

"Oh," was all I managed to say. Deciding it was time to sit down, I did just that. "That was three weeks ago."

"She's been very quiet for three weeks," was his reply as he stared at me, his eyes silently asking me why I had done what I had done.

I shrugged, really not wanting to open up that can of worms. All I wanted was a day to myself where I didn't have to worry about princesses or revolutions. I just wanted to focus on myself for once. But I never got what I wanted. "I did what I had to do," I stated sullenly, hoping that he would just leave it at that.

"I know. It must have been hard for you though," Dimitri said, causing my jaw to drop open. I literally had to do a double take to check whether or not I had heard him right.

"What? Aren't you going to lecture me about how I'm such a horrible person for daring to be mean to the princess?" I asked, my tone hostile as I eyed him up suspiciously. I wasn't used to him agreeing with me. I wasn't used to him being on my side.

"You did the right thing, Rose," he said, looking at me with obvious sincerity. My glare relaxed slightly, as did my stiff posture.

I sighed, knowing that there was little point trying to force a fight over it. Obviously Dimitri wasn't here to chastise me or yell at me for hurting Lissa's feelings. That said, I wasn't in the best of moods. I was tired and angry and frustrated and all I really wanted to do was hit something repeatedly in an attempt to get rid of some of the pent up stress that was stiffening up my muscles. I quickly scanning the diner to make sure no one was watching us or listening to us. "You should have called first. You shouldn't just turn up out of the blue," I muttered at him darkly.

Dimitri looked at me, his eyes scanning my face, quickly realising what a foul mood I was in. It was his time to sigh. "I know, I'm sorry. I just thought that maybe-" he said, trailing off with uncertainty, as if scared that whatever he was about to say would cause me to blow my fuse. And to be completely honest, I couldn't blame him for being wary of me. The last few times we had spoken I had practically exploded on him. That was probably why he had chosen to meet in a public place, because that way I had to keep some control.

"Maybe what?" I asked. "Just spit out whatever you have to say. Tasha's out of town at the moment and I don't know when she's going to be back. But I do know for sure that her seeing the two of us having a nice chat over coffee is going to do either of us any good, so just say what you came here to say," I told him.

Again, Dimitri sighed, running his hand through his hair. "I'm probably wrong and I'm probably over thinking things but I was wondering whether or not Tasha had told you anything. I was wondering if she had even more things planned."

"Like what?" I asked, slightly confused as to where he was going with this.

Dimitri took a deep breath, a sip of his coffee, and then started to speak again. "With you severing all ties with the princess, I just thought that maybe Tasha was planning to harm Vasilisa in some way."

My eyes widened as I slowly comprehended what Dimitri was saying. "Don't you think that if I knew Lissa was in danger, I'd warn someone?" I stated, quickly defending myself. How dare he suggest that I would put Lissa in some sort of danger? I had ended our friendship because I wanted to save her from Tasha.

"You're taking this the wrong way, Rose. I'm not having a go at you. I know that things aren't great between us and I haven't heard anything from you in three whole weeks and -" Dimitri tried to say, even going as far as to hold his hands up in a sign of peace.

In response, I just scoffed at him before interrupting. "Right, let me get this straight. You're the one suggesting that I have information that Lissa is in danger but that I haven't said anything because I have some stupid grudge against you, and I'm the one taking it the wrong way? I'm sorry, but is there a positive way to interpret that comment?" I shrieked, my voice going high pitched as I stared in disbelief at Dimitri. I couldn't believe he was accusing me of something so childish. I couldn't believe he thought that I'd put Lissa in danger just because I didn't like him.

"Rose," Dimitri said, his voice full of command. Although he wasn't speaking particularly loud, his tone was enough to shut me up. "Please just let me finish what I'm saying, before jumping to conclusions."

Unable to help myself, I opened my mouth to speak. "Fine, but let me make one thing clear. Your precious Lissa isn't in danger. I wouldn't put her in that sort of situation. I wouldn't use her to get at you. If I thought Tasha was going to hurt her, then I'd either go to Court and protect Lissa, or I'd hurt Tasha myself. Yes, you're right; things aren't great between us, but can you at least trust me to do my job?"

"Believe me, I trust you Roza," Dimitri said, causing my eyes to go wide as I recognised the name he had used to address me, but he quickly moved on, possibly not even aware of what he had just said to me. "You're the strongest guardian I know, both mentally and physically. I know you can do this. But the question is: do you trust me? Because you're going to need all the help and support you can get. Even the great Rosemarie Hathaway cannot do this on her own. I'm here to help; I'll do whatever you need me to do. But you're going to have to trust me, and I know that's a lot for me to ask. I don't deserve your trust, after everything I put you through, but if we're going to do this, then we need to come to some sort of arrangement – some sort of agreement."

All I could do was nod mutely. Words escaped me as I tried my hardest not to crumble in front of him. He thought I was strong, but obviously he didn't know me well because I was moments away from crying. I tried to convince myself that it was due to the lack of sleep, that it was due to high stress levels. But it wasn't. The truth was, Dimitri had hurt me so bad that I didn't think I could trust anyone again. Dimitri had let me down. Lissa had let me down. So had Tasha. The people I valued the most were never there when I needed them. All they ever did was make my life harder; they made my life more complicated.

But could I tell him that he had hurt me so bad that I would never trust anyone again? No, I couldn't. Because we had a job to do. We had duties and we had responsibilities and _they come first. They always come first_. So yet again, I had to bury all my emotions. I had to shove all my issues and problems to one side and focus on the job at hand.

Gulping some of the stifling air that suffocated the diner, I tried to regain some composure. "You're right, I can't trust you. Not yet, at least," I stated, trying my hardest not to feel guilty as Dimitri subtly flinched at my comment. "But we have a job to do and you're the only one who can help me. I know you'll help me. I know that you'll fight beside me. And we do need some sort of agreement. So, if I find anything out about the revolution, I'll contact you as soon as possible. And you need to give me some space; just because you don't hear from me doesn't give you an excuse to turn up out of the blue. And if you do feel the need to do some sort of magical reappearing act, give me more warning. A text message ten minutes before you want to see me doesn't cut it."

"Fine, but you have to phone me every couple of days. I need to know you're okay. I need to know you're safe," Dimitri replied, concern dripping from his chocolate filled eyes.

"No deal. Don't you think Tasha would get a little suspicious if I was on the phone every other day? I'll phone you every week," I quickly said.

Dimitri shook his head. "Twice a week," was his reply. I was about to argue, but drowsiness was creeping in. The urge to fight was slowly dispersing, so instead, I nodded in agreement, knowing full well that I would probably come to regret it.

"Fine. Do we have a deal?" I asked, extending my hand for him to shake. Dimitri nodded, before grabbing hold of my hand and shaking it firmly. I tried not to wince as I felt his flesh on mine, as I tried to ignore the electrical current passing through us. I looked up into Dimitri's eyes, wondering if he was feeling the same swirl of emotion as I was, but his eyes was blank and harsh, showing nothing but a glint of determination.

The steely determination was something I was familiar with. We were going to do this. Tasha was going to be stopped. I would make sure of that, and whether I liked it or not, I was going to do it with Dimitri right by my side.

* * *

**AN: And that is my last update...of 2012, at least. Sorry it's taken a bit longer to update...I've been suprisingly busy and then I got the flu, but hey ho, the chapter is finished at last, on the last day of the year. And to be completely honest, I'm glad 2012 is over. The last few months have been tough for me, and this story and the support I've recieved was one of the very few things that kept me going, so thank you for that. Anyway, I hope you all had an awesome holiday, and I hope you have an awesome NYE (I will be spending mine in bed with the company of a hot water bottle and several packets of tissues...goddamn flu)**

**Thank you to everyone who has reviewed! I love you...and if I knew where you guys lived, I would have sent you a slice of the chocolate torte I made...because seriously, I made way too much**

**Disclaimer: I DO NOT OWN VA!**


	35. Chapter 35

Much to my surprise and disappointment, planning a revolution involved a hell of a lot of paperwork. Seriously, it felt like most of the time I was drowning in a sea of paper. And it wasn't even interesting stuff that I was doing. I wasn't even doing anything worthwhile. Currently, I was sticking stamps to envelopes. It was such a tedious task that it wasn't even worth reporting it to Dimitri. Not that I particularly wanted to talk to him. Our little chat hadn't helped to soften the frayed edges of my nerves. I was still a complete mess, and that was mainly his fault. Sure, I could trust him at the moment, but when the time came and I needed him there, I didn't know if I could rely on him. I just didn't know any more. My entire world – everything I thought I knew – had been chaotically turned on its head and I was entirely lost. All the progress I had made since that fateful day when my entire world crumbled and heaved into a black hole seemed to disappear. I was right back to the beginning with nothing to show for all my efforts.

"You look deep in thought. Care to share?" Tasha asked lightly as she breezed into the room, causing me to jump slightly at her sudden appearance and drop the stamp I was about to stick to yet another envelope.

I shrugged, glancing quickly up at Tasha but refusing to look her in the eye. She was like two completely different people merged into one; she acted so carefree and nonchalantly and although her eyes were light and playful, there was a dangerous glint in her eyes that suggested Tasha's true nature. "Just thinking about how much things have changed these past few months," I told her, not exactly lying. Things had changed; I used to think Tasha was a good person – hell, I used to want to be Tasha – but obviously she wasn't a good person.

"And things are going to continually change until we get what we want," Tasha informed me, grabbing her car keys that had been sitting on the table next to my cup of coffee. "Are you nearly done here?" she asked, quickly changing the subject.

I looked down at the pile that was slowly dwindling. There were probably twenty more envelopes that needed to be sorted, but compared to the hundred envelopes I had started out with, those remaining few weren't going to take me long. "Yeah, I'm nearly done. Why?"

Tasha smiled brightly at me. "Leave them. We can sort them when we get back," she said, slowly walking out of the kitchen, but when she noticed I hadn't loyally followed her, she paused and turned round to face me again.

"Where are we going?" I asked, suddenly very cautious of what Tasha was planning. Sure, I was constantly on edge when I was around her, but today there was a dark glint in her eyes that I was extremely wary of.

"It's a surprise," she replied, her smile contorting the scars on her face as she beckoned for me to follow. Sighing, I got up and followed her out of the kitchen but as we moved towards the front door, I stopped short, frowning at Tasha.

Sitting at the bottom of the stairs was three suitcases. It wasn't the fact that we were obviously going away for a few days that bothered me particularly. No, it was more the fact that the smallest suitcase belonged to me. "What's that?" I asked, trying to keep the anger from bubbling over as I pointed towards the offending object.

Tasha just looked at me like I had grown three heads. "It's your suitcase. I packed for you," she stated, her tone completely nonchalant.

As soon as the words left my mouth, I realised what a bad idea it was, making a fuss over something that wasn't particularly important. But I couldn't help it. The words had left my lips before I could think twice. "You went into my room without asking me?"

I stared at Tasha, waiting for her answer. The confusion on her face suggested that she had no idea why I was so upset at her, but I couldn't trust her. For all I knew, she had found my phone; she had found my messages to Dimitri. But her face was blank and completely calm. "Yeah. What's the problem? It isn't like you've got anything to hide, have you?" she asked, her tone light. And if it wasn't for the fact that I truly knew what Tasha was capable of, I would have believed her. I would have trusted her.

But I did know what she was like. I knew exactly what she was capable of and so her question filled me with uneasiness which made me want to throw up. Swallowing heavily, I shook my head. "Nope," I managed to spit out, though my voice was purposefully quieter than usual, mainly because I was afraid that Tasha would be able to hear it quiver. "So where are we going?" I asked, quickly changing the subject as I stooped down and grabbed the three bags.

Her eyes followed my movements, silently questioning me. But she didn't voice her concerns and she didn't let on that she had uncovered my secrets and my lies. Maybe she was innocent. After all, I had no proof that she had searched my phone. I had no reason to believe she had, other than my paranoia. And maybe that was it; maybe I was just being paranoid.

"I told you, it's a secret. You are so impatient, Rose," she joked, but I was lacking my sense of humour today and couldn't see the funny side of it. I was slowly losing my grip on reality; I didn't know who to trust or who to believe in. I couldn't even trust my own instincts anymore.

Again, I sighed, shifting my weight from one foot to another. "Then we better get going," I stated, forcing a joking tone, "before I burst from excitement." And with that, we walked into the garage and got into the car, Tasha driving us to some unknown destination while I resisted the urge to check my phone, unable to shift the unnerving feeling that Tasha knew a lot more than what she was letting on.

* * *

**AN: I am so, so SORRY! I've been a horrible person to you all, forcing you to wait nearly four months for an update. I have no reason for my absence, other than the fact that I just needed a break to figure out where the heck this story was heading. And although I don't have everything figured out yet, I now know what I'm writing for the next few chapters, so at least there will be a couple more updates in the next coming weeks. I have to say a big, massive shout out to Musicalroza999, who not only has gotten me up to 400 reviews (seriously, 400!) but also managed to get me writing. It was whilst reading her awesome comments that I realised that I love writing this story. I'm also sorry that it's about half the length of a normal chapter, but it's basically a filler, and I also wanted to update as soon as possible.**

**Disclaimer: I DO NOT OWN VA!**


	36. Chapter 36

The gates of Saint Vladimir's loomed nearer and nearer as the car crawled up the long and winding driveway to the academy. All I could do was stare at my former school and wonder what the heck we were doing there. "Seriously?" I breathed, not bothering to tear my eyes away from the gothic building that proudly protruded against the grey sky. I didn't know whether I should laugh or cry. After all, the school held so many memories for me, and although some of them were good, the majority I just wanted to wipe from my mind and forget.

"Yup," Tasha said, popping the 'p' as she pulled up beside the small hut that housed the guardians on patrol, guarding the front of the school. I couldn't help it, but a twisted smile appeared on my lips as I wondered if the moroi and dhampirs actually believed that the strigoi would be polite enough to attack by using the front door. Maybe I was being cynical, but it just reinforced the fact that the moroi had no idea how to deal with the strigoi problem. They possibly couldn't have forgotten the fact that the school had been attacked a year before, and yet the only safeguard they seemed to have put in place was having two dhampirs stand at the gates.

The two dhampirs – they must have been new recruits because I didn't recognise them – walked towards the car, inspecting us as Tasha rolled down the window. "I'm Natasha Ozera," she stated, as if she needed to be introduced. Near enough everybody knew who Tasha was; she was practically famous, or infamous, depending on the viewpoint. She didn't explain what she was doing, or why she was here, but the mention of her name was enough for the guardians to open the gate for her and signal her through.

My mind was working overtime; it was obvious that the academy was expecting Tasha. I frowned, trying to work out the reason why we were here, but I didn't voice my questions. The car journey had been spent in complete silence. I wasn't sure if Tasha was aware of the thick tension that swirled around us, but if she had noticed it, she didn't say anything, which only ended up fuelling my paranoia.

Tasha started the ignition to the car and drove around to the back of the grand buildings to where the staff car park was hidden from view. When we pulled to a stop, Tasha turned to face me. "You're awfully quiet," she stated, carefully examining my face.

I shrugged. "I've just got a headache," I lied, trying to play off my insecurities. I had no idea if Tasha knew what I was up to, or if she even suspected that I was up to something. But if she wasn't aware of my treachery, then I had to get a grip of myself; I had to start pretending that everything was okay. "So are you going to tell me what we're doing here?" I asked, resorting to changing the topic.

"Patience is a virtue, Rose," Tasha laughed, opening the car door and getting out, stretching her long limbs. I followed suit, leaning against the car as I studied her carefully.

"Tasha, I just let you drag me halfway across the country without knowing where we were going or why. Please just tell me what the hell is going on," I said, trying to keep my voice level but failing miserably. I sighed and clenched my fists tightly, wanting to be anywhere but the academy. I just wanted to get away; from the crappy memories I was trying to escape, from Tasha, from my awful life.

Raising an eyebrow at me, Tasha looked unimpressed by my outburst. "Liven up, Rose. It's an adventure," she told me, grabbing her bags from the backseat. "Come on, I want to drop the bags off at the cabin before we go see Alberta."

She started to walk away, but I stood still, frozen to the spot. I couldn't move. I didn't want to move. I particularly didn't want to go to Tasha's cabin, not after what had happened last time I was there. "The cabin?" I said, my voice shaky. Tasha nodded, sighing impatiently, but she wasn't my main concern at that particular moment. "I can't."

"Why?"

Her question stumped me. I desperately tried to think of a reason why I couldn't go to the cabin. Obviously I couldn't tell her the truth, but my mind was completely blank. "Because...there's not enough room," I gushed, spitting the words out as soon as they had entered my mind.

Tasha gave me a quizzical look, but hummed in agreement. "You're right," she said, causing me to smile for the first time that day. "Are you sure you're okay, Rose? You're acting weird," she asked, her voice full of concern, but I just didn't buy it.

"I told you, I've got a headache. Other than that, I'm perfectly peachy," I said snidely, my tone sardonic as I snatched my bag from her hand. "Look, I'm going to go to the guest house and see if I can grab a room. Come find me when you need me," and without waiting for a response, I stormed off in the opposite direction.

If she hadn't already realised that I was up to something, my mood would certainly make her suspicious, but I just didn't give a damn. All I wanted was to grab some space and clear my head. Being stuck in a car for several hours with a psychopath had unnerved me, and I needed time to think. I needed time to figure out what was going on and how I was going to deal with it.

As soon as I was out of Tasha's line of sight, I stopped walking and began searching my bag for my cell. As soon as I grabbed it, I checked to see if Tasha had been snooping, but I couldn't be sure. If she had been looking at my messages, then Tasha had gone back and left my cell as she had found it. I sighed, my finger hovering over Dimitri's number. I still wasn't sure when I should call him. Was this something he'd want to know? I just didn't know.

But I was sure about one thing: I didn't particularly want him here. There were too many memories here, too many pent up feelings that were hard enough to ignore at the best of times. I was about to press call, but changed my mind and threw it into my bag instead, groaning in frustration. I was just about to start walking again, but the sound of someone calling my name caused me to jolt to a stop.

"What?" I snapped, my arms flailing in annoyance as I turned on the spot to see who wanted to bother me this time. Seriously, was it that impossible for a girl to catch a freaking break once in a blue moon? Apparently not. As soon as I turned around, I instantly regretted it. Realising who had called me, I groaned loudly in frustration, not really caring that I was being rude and obnoxious. "What do you want, Stan?" I huffed, not too impressed with the appearance of one of my former instructors.

Instead of taking the bait and reprimanding me for my tone, Stan just smirked. "It's nice to see you too, Rosemary," he said, for once his tone not smarmy. I sighed, remembering that we had sort of put our differences behind us when I graduated last summer.

"Sorry," I muttered, placing my hands into the pockets of my coat as I tried to fight the cold weather that was trying to seep into my bones. "Long journey," I explained.

Stan just smiled at me, causing me to feel uncomfortable at the fact that he was being nice. I mean, yes, we had put our pasts behind us, but we weren't friends. At least, I didn't think we were friends. I hoped we weren't friends.

"I bet you're glad to be back. Looking forward to start working?" he asked. As soon as he said the words, I frowned, not following his lead. Working? Had I applied for a new job and then totally forgotten about it? Not realising my utter confusion, Stan started to speak again. "To be honest, I was surprised when I heard that Tasha Ozera had managed to persuade Headmistress Kirova to give her a job, but I guess she's probably the only person qualified for the job."

I wasn't sure when Stan had turned into such a chatty person, and any other time I probably would have told him to shut the hell up, but I figured he might be the one to enlighten me as to what was going on. A part of me thought about asking him straight out what was happening, but I realised that probably would look strange. I was supposed to be Tasha's guardian and her friend. If I admitted that I was in the dark, then it might raise Stan's suspicions, and I just couldn't deal with anymore people snooping into my life. So instead of frowning, I just smiled politely. "That she is," I said, trying to make sure my voice didn't sound too bitter. "Anyway, when do we start?" I asked, pretending that I knew what was going on.

"Tasha starts teaching when classes start again, and you...well, you'll probably have to talk to Alberta about that," Stan informed me, looking slightly confused, but he didn't press me.

All I could do was nod. Tasha was now a teacher? When had that happened? Either I was the most unobservant, oblivious guardian there was, or Tasha just wasn't sharing information with me. I sighed, "Look, I've got to go," I told Stan, sidestepping around him. Instead of going to the guest housing like I had originally planned though, I marched back to the cabin.

My confusion and my anger were enough to overrule my anxiety about being in that room again. I couldn't really dwell on the past, when I had to deal with the present. Not bothering to knock, I shoved the door open. The sound of it clanging against the frame was oddly appealing to me. "Rose?" Tasha asked, surprised by my sudden appearance. She was about to speak again, probably asking me what I was doing, but I cut her off.

Everybody knew I had issues with my anger, myself included, so I thought I was going to make one hell of a scene. As I had stalked across campus, I had imagined myself screaming and shouting at her, my hands clenched fiercely. But as I stared at her, refusing to look at anything in the room apart from Tasha, my anger seemed to boil over, leaving me to slightly simmer. "You're going to start talking, Tasha," I told her, my voice eerily quiet.

Tasha looked surprised at my whisper, and she wasn't the only one. My voice was cold and harsh, and the quietness of it just highlighted the lack of emotion. "What do you mean?" she asked, still playing innocent.

"Hmm, let's see..." I said, my voice was sarcastic, but still quieter than normal. "How about you tell me about your sudden urge to educate?"

"Oh, you heard about that?" Tasha asked.

I laughed coldly in response. "Yeah, I did. What? Did you really think I wouldn't find out? Do you really think I'm that stupid that I wouldn't notice that you were suddenly a teacher?"

Tasha sighed heavily, walking over to the bed and sitting down. I gritted my teeth together, trying to ignore the tight grip that seemed to be tugging at my heart; it felt like long, thin fingers were erratically piercing my chest. Unable to look at her, I tore my gaze away, staring furiously at the floor. "You're right; I probably should have told you. Look, I'll explain right now," Tasha told me, her words rushing as she enlightened me as to what was going on. "There was one good thing that came out of that damned decree. It was decided that moroi students should learn how to use their magic for combat, you know, in case of emergencies. A spot came up here for someone to teach the kids how to use their elements in a fight, and I jumped at the opportunity. We both agree that moroi can no longer carry on being passive; they've got to do something and I want to teach them to fight, so I jumped at this opportunity. It's not a compulsory lesson, but I'm sure there are plenty of kids who want to learn. I'm sure there are plenty of kids that want the status quo to change –"

Heavy disgust filled me as I comprehended her words. She didn't need to finish her speech, because I knew exactly what she was going to say, and it made me literally sick. I had to gulp down air and force the bile back down my throat. "Plenty of kids for you to recruit for the revolution?" I whispered at the floor, unable to look at her.

" Yeah," Tasha said, her tone nonchalant, as if she didn't think there was anything wrong with messing with the minds of innocent children and forcing them to fight a warped war. "I thought it would be a surprise," Tasha muttered as way of an explanation, but she was going to have to do much better than that.

"Stop the 'it's a surprise' crap!" I fumed, my nails digging into the fleshy pal as I resisted the urge to hit out of her. I had never wanted to physically hurt her before, but the more she gave lame, half-assed excuses, the more I wanted to lash out. "I thought we were friends. I thought we were in this together. How do you expect me to fight with you – for you – if you keep things from me," I managed to splutter out.

"We are friends. That's why I bought you here," Tasha exclaimed, causing me to roll my eyes at her. "You've been off for weeks now. I just wanted to cheer you up. I thought a change of scenery would do you good."

My gaze felt heavy, but I managed to lift my head right up, so I could stare at her. "You thought wrong, Tasha. Why would I want to be here? The time that I spent here were some of the worst moments of my life."

"Well, I'm sorry for trying to be considerate," Tasha said, although she didn't sound too sorry to me.

I shook my head at her. "Yeah, well, I'm sorry too," I muttered, my voice barely audible. I shook my head. "I just...I just can't deal with this shit anymore." And with that, I walked out, the cool air doing nothing to calm my fury.

I walked and I walked, lost in my thoughts and my fears and my disgust. I didn't think it was possible, but Tasha had really outdone herself this time. How could somebody be that pitiless? She didn't care for anyone other than herself. I wanted nothing to do with her anymore. I didn't care if I had responsibilities. I was done with it all. I wanted out.

My frantic pace slowed, and I started to search through my bag for the cell that I had thrown in there earlier. Without thinking or hesitating, I dialled Dimitri's number. I just couldn't do this on my own anymore. Somehow I had been dragged into this crappy situation, and now I was going to drag him into it. It wasn't fair that I had to deal with the burden of all this, and he didn't. Sure, he was involved, but did he feel crap, sick, disgusted, scared like I did? I highly doubted it.

I let out a scream of impatience as the phone rang and rang. It was just my luck that the time when I really needed him, he wasn't there. But maybe I shouldn't have been surprised; after all, he had left me down repeatedly in the past. Finally his voicemail beeped to life.

'_You've reached Dimitri Belikov. Please leave a message.'_

I hadn't realised it, but tears were trickling down my face. With my free hand, I wiped my face dry, but there was nothing I could do to stop the dam of emotion from over spilling. I sighed, trying to calm myself down, but I was failing miserably. "Dimitri, please call me back as soon as you can," I sputtered, my words garbled with my tears. "I think I've screwed up majorly and...and I don't know what to do. It's just...we're at the academy and Tasha has this insane plan which I don't know what to do about. All I know is that I have to stop it. I need to stop it. I just don't know how. Things are bad. Really bad and I don't think I can do this on my own anymore. I need help..." I trailed off, gulping the fresh air. I bit my lip, unable to hang up, even though most of my message was a distorted mess that probably didn't make any sense. "I think...I really need you, Comrade."

* * *

**AN: To make up for the fact that I abandonned y'all for months on end, I thought I'd update twice in a week. Also, I have no life at the moment, which means that I have all the time to sit and write. Well, I don't actually have the time...I'm supposed to be looking for a part time job, working on uni stuff and promoting/submitting my own writing...but I'm procrastinating and writing fanfic is just so much fun than worrying what the heck I'm going to do with my life. Well, I know what I want to - I want to write - but I need to finance it somehow, and unless money starts to grow on trees, I'm screwed. Anyway, you probably don't care, or you've stopped reading once you realise that I'm just moaning on about nothing in particular...so on that note, a massize thank you to everyone who took the time to leave a review for last chapter...I probably don't deserve you're kind words because I'm an awful, negligant author. But thank you so much!**

**Disclaimer: I DO NOT OWN VA!**


	37. Chapter 37

"And what have I done to bestow the honour of you calling me during the day?" Adrian chirped happily as he answered my phone call. "I was under the impression that we could only be friends whilst you were unconscious," he joked, but I just couldn't laugh in response. After my breakdown, I had sullenly walked to the guesthouse and sorted out a room for me to stay in. The first thing I had done was collapse on the bed and scream into the pillow, hoping that would drown out my cries of anguish. My screaming fit seemed to help; the pent up anger was slowly beginning to dissolve, and my head was no longer a hazy mess. I crawled to the edge of the bed, too exhausted to get up even though I probably looked like an ungraceful mess and stretched my arm out, feeling for the phone that I dropped with a heavy thud as soon as I walked into the room. Ten minutes of blind groping paid off as I grabbed hold of it, pulling it up to my side.

Was I disappointed that Dimitri hadn't answered my call, nor had he yet phoned me back? Yeah, I was. I mean, a part of me was glad that he hadn't acknowledged my garbled, nonsensical message, because it was embarrassing. I had cried down the phone to him, and it had been pathetic. But I needed him. I really needed him.

There was one thing I did know for sure; I was way out of my depths. I couldn't deal with this alone. I needed help, I needed backup. Rose Hathaway didn't admit defeat easily, but this time I held my hands up. I was in deep shit, and I needed someone to back me up.

"Rose?" Adrian questioned, awakening me from my deep thoughts.

I blinked, startled by the sound of him voice down the phone. "Sorry, I wasn't listening," I told him honestly, trying to figure how much I should tell him. The less he knew the better. The less he knew the safer he would be.

"Are you okay?" he asked.

In a small voice, I answered him. "No," I admitted truthfully, sighing heavily as I uncurled my body and sat up. "I think I've made a massive mistake."

Adrian was silent for a moment, probably expecting me to explain, but words had abandoned me. I could do nothing but stare blankly at the opposite wall, wondering when exactly my life had turned to crap. "What's up?" he questioned, his voice gentle. A part of me wished that I had waited to talk to him in my sleep, because his calming presence would have soothed me. But I highly doubted I would be able to sleep in the state I was in.

"Everything," I muttered. Again, I paused, trying to figure out where to start. "I don't think I should have pushed Lissa away. I don't think I should've left Court. And I especially don't think I should have started guarding Tasha," I rushed, stumbling over the words. Somehow the words came rushing out in one flux motion. It was as if the floodgate was open and I couldn't stop the confession and the anxiety from spilling over into a slur of words.

"Rose, what's going on?" Adrian asked, his voice turning gravely seriously. I sighed. As I dialled his number I knew it was a bad idea. I just needed someone to talk to; someone to comfort me and tell me everything was going to be alright. I needed my best friend. I needed Adrian. But I couldn't tell him what was really behind my anguish. I couldn't place him in danger by revealing the truth to him.

"Nothing. It doesn't matter," I told him. It wasn't lying. It was omitting the truth. "I'm just having a crap day and I needed a friendly face." The last bit was the truth. No matter how bad things were, Adrian always managed to cheer me up, and I desperately needed him to use his magic and cheer me up now.

"Are you sure that's just it?" Adrian asked cautiously.

I huffed down the phone at him. "Yes Adrian, that's it," I informed him, lacing my words with attitude in hopes that would make him believe me. Was it nice that somebody actually gave a damn about me for a change? Yeah, it was. I felt like someone actually cared. But I couldn't deal with him prying. I was still emotionally raw, and I couldn't trust myself to not break down again.

I sighed, a question poised like poison on my lips, but I was too uncertain about saying them out loud. I pursed them together, wondering if I should ask Adrian. After all, that was the main reason why I had phoned him in the first place. I knew what his reaction would be. I knew exactly what he would say, but I wasn't one to shirk away from uncomfortable situations. "Hey Adrian?" I said cautiously. "You haven't happened to see Dimitri today, have you?"

"What?" he shrieked down the phone, totally overreacting to such a simple question. Again, I sighed, although this time it was due to frustration.

It was literally killing me that Dimitri hadn't answered his phone. It wasn't like I expected anything left from him, but still, he had been the one who had demanded that I kept in touch. I didn't expect him to sit around all day, waiting for my call or anything, but it had been over an hour since I had called him. A little acknowledgement would have been nice; a text, telling me he'd get back to me as soon as he could. It wasn't like I was worried or anything, more curious. After all, he hadn't exactly got many friends, nor had he got a job, so I was really at lost as to why he hadn't picked up and spoken to me.

"I tried to get in contact with him earlier, but he didn't pick up," I explained, running my free hand through my hair, wincing as my fingers got tangled with a mass of knots.

Instead of telling me that I had been a complete idiot, Adrian asked "What did you call him about?"

I frowned, trying to come up with a good enough lie. I knew phoning him was a good idea. Although it sucked that I wouldn't see him face to face, it meant that he couldn't read my aura and figure out that I was straight out lying to him. "I wanted to ask him a question..." I managed to say, although my uncertainty was probably clear for Adrian to hear.

"What question? Maybe I can help," Adrian replied helpfully. I rolled my eyes at this. I had forgotten what it was like to have a friend who was actually interested in my life. But Adrian was trying to be a little too helpful for my liking, and it took all my control not to bring it up with him.

"I don't think so. It was about...cowboys," I said lamely, trying to stifle my groan. Seriously, couldn't I have come up with something better than 'cowboys'?

"Right..." Adrian said, elongating the word and highlighting the fact that he didn't believe me. But luckily, he didn't call me out on it. "So what, you want me to go find Belikov and tell him that you desperately need him to phone you back so you can ask him a question about _cowboys_?" Adrian asked, putting extra emphasis on the last word. I could imagine him going as far as putting quotations around it.

"NO!" I practically shouted down the phone to him. "I mean, if you happen to run into him, you could just mention that I tried phoning him. You don't have to go out looking for him. And you don't need to tell him what it's about," I said, wincing at how idiotic I was sounding. "Oh, and maybe you could tell him not to listen to his voicemail..."

Silence engulfed the phone line as Adrian comprehended my words. I could just imagine him staring at his cell, wondering what the hell I was going on about. "Rose, you know I love you, right? And before you try and flatter yourself, I don't mean it in that way," he quickly added, causing me to close my mouth and swallow my protest against his words, "but you're crazy. You're probably crazier than me, and that's saying something."

"And you're point is?"

"Getting back with Belikov is a bad idea," Adrian said, sighing heavily. I opened my mouth up in surprise, trying to figure out how he had managed to come to that conclusion. I most definitely did not want to get back with Dimitri. It just wasn't going to happen. Never ever was that going to happen. No. Just no.

And I had no clue how Adrian had jumped to that conclusion. Was he even having the same conversation as I was? "Why would you think that?" I exclaimed, "I don't want to get back with him, Adrian."

"Little Dhampir, you just told me that you phoned him up to ask about 'cowboys'. And even if that was true – and believe me, you're not fooling anyone with that lame ass excuse – normal people just don't call up their exes on a whim," he explained.

"Then I guess I should hang up on you," I threatened, pointing out the hypocrisy of his point, but Adrian just laughed.

"I said 'normal people', Rose. And you're not normal, remember?"

I pouted, glad that nobody was there to witness my sulk. Realising I was being immature and stupid, I straightened up. "Look, I don't want to get back with Dimitri, but I do need to contact him. It's really important," I told him, the emotion seeping back into my throat and causing my voice to crack.

Realising the change in mood, Adrian asked "are you sure you're alright?"

I nodded, before remembering he couldn't see me. "Yeah. No. It's a long story."

Again, I thought Adrian would push me on the matter; force me to reveal what was going on. But it seemed like Adrian was going to keep on surprising me. "Is this related to the fact that you told Lissa you couldn't be friends?"

"You heard about that?"

"Yeah. Listen, Rose, I know something is up. And I know that you probably won't tell me, and although I really want to know what the hell is going on, I understand that you probably have your reasons for leaving me in the dark. But if you ever need me, I'll be there for you. All you've got to ask and I'll be by your side. Okay?"

"Yeah," I managed to say, my voice meek.

It felt like my heart was starting to thaw as I comprehended his words. The last year had been utter crap; it felt like every time I had managed to get myself up and on my own two feet, something would cause me to hurtle back down to the ground. And recently I had been struggling to get back up. I was battered and bruised and I needed a break, but as per usual, I didn't get one. I wasn't allowed one, because whoever was in control of this forsaken universe obviously had it in for me.

A part of me thought there was no hope. Tasha was out of control and there seemed to be nothing I could do to stop her. The world was whirling and whizzing and all I could do was stand and watch as it crumbled to sand. But as I listened to Adrian's warm, kind words, I realised that there was hope. I realised that even if I couldn't stop Tasha, I had to try. I had to do something.

Even though I was tired and emotionally burnt out, I couldn't give up. I had to take a stand. If I couldn't stand up on my own, then I had to find the right person to hold me up and support me. And although I didn't like to admit it – hell, I didn't like to even think about it – I knew exactly who that person was going to be.

* * *

**AN: Hello my lovely readers! So I was going to update this weekend, but I ending up rewriting this entire chapter, because the other one was rubbish. And yet, it was the same as this one: a phone conversation between Adrian and Rose. But I haven't written any conversations between them in ages, and it just didn't feel right, hence this one, which is a lot better (wow, that sounds like I'm flattering myself, but seriously, the other one was so bad that if I had hit my forehead repeatedly against my keyboard the result would have been better than the original chapter). Anyway, the next update will probably be at the end of the week, because after Thursday I have nothing to do with me life. Seriously, I'm dreading the day coming, because I will no longer have anything to look forward to and my life will lack all meaning. Why am I being so melodramatic? Because my favourite web series is ending =[ (if anyone is interested, it's The Lizzie Bennet Diaries, and if you haven't seen it, then what the hell are you doing?! Stop reading my ramblings and watch it on Youtube. NOW!) Am I overeacting to it ending? Quite possibly. But Jane Austen is one of my favourite authors, plus I'm easily addicted to videos on Youtube. Anyways...thanks for reading, reviewing (hopefully...hint hint =D) and being completely awesome!**

**Disclaimer: I DO NOT OWN VA!**


	38. Chapter 38: DPOV

**DPOV**

* * *

As I walked across Court – my pace brisk – I knew I would end up arriving for the interview early. But I just couldn't sit in that room for any longer. My legs ached and I just had to get up and go. All too soon, the Guardian Offices loomed closer and closer, until I was standing right outside of them. Before I opened the door, I reached into the pocket of my duster, grabbing my cell and checking that it was on silent. I didn't expect anyone to call me, but I didn't want to look unprofessional if my cell suddenly started to ring whilst I was talking to Hans Croft.

The only person to phone me was Rose, and I knew she did that reluctantly. I highly doubted that she would phone me today. We had spoken quickly the previous day and we weren't scheduled to talk again until later on in the week. It upset me that I had basically bullied her into keeping in contact with me. Every conversation we had was painstakingly awkward, and I knew that it was my entire fault. I had made a mistake and I had broken her. But she was recovering, even if it was a slow process, and I couldn't afford to do any more damage to her. I wouldn't let my feelings get in the way again. I just wouldn't put her through all the pain again.

Sighing, I pushed open the door, ignoring the curious and cautious glances I was receiving from the guardians milling about the room. I stared ahead, my guardian face firmly in place as I headed towards the reception desk. "Hello," I said politely as the sectary – a young dhampir girl – glanced up at me. "I have an appointment with Hans Croft at 10 o'clock. My name is – "

"I know who you are," the girl said, her tone curt as she glared at me accusingly. "You're early. Guardian Croft isn't ready to see you yet. If you'd like to take a seat, I'll call you over when it's actually time for your meeting."

I nodded and walked over to the waiting area, making sure to sit down on a seat furthest away from where the other dhampirs sat down. I was well aware that my presence made them all feel uncomfortable. On more than one occasion, people had actually gotten up and moved away from me. I couldn't really blame them though. The things I had done when I had been turned were horrible. I had been a monster. In many ways, I still was a monster, especially after everything I had put Rose through. Not only had I hurt her physically, I had hurt her emotionally. I had hurt her before I had been turned, when I had been turned and after I had been turned.

Swallowing hard, I fought the nausea that crept up my throat. Although my dreadful deeds haunted my every moment, I couldn't let them get in the way of the one chance I had to make things right. Today was the day that I was going to talk to Hans Croft about being reinstated as a Guardian. I knew that it was a long shot, and even if it did happen, I would never have any guarding duties again, but it meant that I could be of more assistance to Rose.

It wasn't fair that she had to single handedly deal with Tasha. I wished that I had succeeded in convincing her to go to the other guardians about it, but deep down I knew she had been right. They wouldn't have believed us. No matter how much people distrusted Natasha Ozera, they distrusted us more. But that didn't mean it was right that Rose had to handle the situation on her own.

I knew Tasha. I knew that she was unstable and almost capable of anything. I had to help Rose in any way I could. Yes, she was the most talented, most amazing, most strongest person I knew, but after everything she had been through – after everything I had put her through – I wasn't sure how much more she could take.

My deep thoughts kept me occupied, because the next thing I knew I was being called up. "Mr Belikov," the secretary said, practically spitting out my name in distaste, "Guardian Croft is ready to see you now. He'll be in his office, in Room 6." I nodded, thanking her for her helpfulness, but she just glanced down at her computer screen, ignoring me. Without another word, I walked down the corridor, glancing at the numbers on each and every door, before coming to a stop outside number six.

Taking a deep breath, I raised my hand and gently knocked on the door, waiting patiently for a response. A few moments passed until I heard Hans Croft say, "Come in."

Obediently, I pushed the door open. "Good Morning, sir," I greeted him as I walked into the room, trying to wipe my mind from thoughts of Rose. I had to become focussed. I had to be professional.

Did I deserve this opportunity? No, I most definitely didn't. But it was because of Rose that Hans had approached me, and I wasn't going to throw her gift back in her face. I knew it had been unintentional and I knew she probably didn't care what happened to me, but I that didn't mean I shouldn't be grateful.

In fact, I should be grovelling at her feet, begging for her forgiveness. And I would have, if I thought she would want to see me. But she didn't. She didn't want anything to do with me. She was only allowing me to help with Tasha because she had no one else. If anyone else found out about what Tasha was up to, I knew Rose would distance herself from me. She didn't want anything to do with me. She probably hated me, and she had every right to loath the sight of me. I deserved her hatred. I deserved to suffer all the pain I had put her through.

"Please, sit down," Guardian Croft said, gesturing to a seat opposite his desk. I moved across the room and sat down, waiting patiently for him to begin. "We both know why your here, so let's cut to the chase. Mr Belikov, I have to warn you that even if you are reinstated as a guardian, you will probably never have a charge again. Do you understand?"

Even though I had figured this out for myself, his words still stung me. After all, my entire life had been devoted to being a guardian; it was what I knew best. Once upon a time, it was what I was good at. And apart from the few tragedies that had occurred, it was something I had actually enjoyed doing. Since returning to Court, my days had been filled with a void space. I didn't know what to do with my time. Of course, I watched over Princess Vasilisa, but that was unofficial. I missed guarding and teaching...and I missed spending quality time with Rose. Sighing, I rubbed my hand against my chin. "I understand."

"It is because of this, that if you are reinstated as a guardian, you will have to apply for an office job: either here or at one of our embassies across the world. Duties will include manning a desk, filing and general organisation," Guardian Croft informed me.

I nodded mutely. As I comprehended his words, my heart sank a little. Of course, he had said what I had expected him to say, but it still pained me. I still felt empty. I no longer had a purpose. I had no goal. I no longer had anything to strive towards. No one trusted me. I couldn't blame them. I had been a monster. I had done some awful things. I deserved those sickened glances people shot my way when they thought I wasn't looking. I deserved all the snide remarks that filtered through the crowds towards me. I deserved it all. "I understand."

"I have to admit, it's a shame. You were one of the best," Guardian Croft smiled sadly at me, but his face quickly dropped as he realised he had spoken out of term. He coughed and cleared his throat. "That said, it doesn't change things. You're a risk. Who knows what the side effects of...well, you know. I don't want you to endanger anybody. I won't let you endanger anybody. If I have any suspicion to think that you're a danger, I will make sure decisive action is taken out on you," he told me, his voice a deadly whisper as he glared down at me.

"I understand," I repeated, grasping the true meaning of his words. If I seemed like any sort of threat, he would have me killed. Could I blame him? No. In some way, his words were a reassurance to me. I had already caused so much damage – so much pain and bloodshed – that I didn't want to cause any more.

It was at that point that my phone began to buzz in my pocket. Guardian Croft didn't seem to notice; he began talking about what stages I would have to go through before I was reinstated. Although I tried to listen to him – although I tried to focus on his words – all I could really think about was my phone. Who was calling? What did they want? Was it Rose? Was she in danger?

All I wanted to do was reach into my pocket and answer the damn thing, but I couldn't. Instead I had to sit patiently, waiting for Hans to stop blathering on about our next meeting. He would have to evaluate me on more than one occasion, to make sure that I was in the right mindset and to make sure that there wasn't some sort of evil lurking in me. In response, I umm-ed and ahh-ed. I tried to sound interested. I tried to sound like I actually cared. But I didn't. All I cared about was the fact that I had ignored the phone call. Even worse, I had ignored Rose, because I was pretty sure she had been the one to phone. She was the only one to phone and I had simply ignored her.

Guilt started to spread. It had to have been something important. She wouldn't just phone me without a reason. After all the grief I had put her through, trying to convince her to keep in contact with me, I was nothing but a hypocrite for not picking up the phone.

The next half an hour slowly ticked by. Guardian Croft must have been in a chatty mood, because he didn't seem to want to let me go. Eventually though, he stood up. He moved his hand forward, as if to shake mine, but with a second thought, he drew back, before placing his hand in his pocket. "Right then, Mr Belikov, I will schedule another meeting in the next few days."

I nodded, and with a quick 'thank you', I rushed out of the door. Under any other circumstance I would have fretted over my quick exit, but I just didn't care. All I cared about was the phone call. All I cared about was Rose. She was my only priority. I strode out of the building, my hand already tightly grasping my phone.

As soon as I was outside, I looked down at my phone. _One missed call from: Rose_. My heart dropped heavily as I dialled my voicemail. Did she think I had ignored her on purpose? I hoped not. I hoped that she thought better of me, but deep down I knew she despised me. She had told me that herself at Princess Vasilisa's engagement party. And although she had no memory of it, I knew she meant it. She had every right to loathe me.

My chest tightened as I listened to her message...as I listened to her tears fall freely as she admitted that she needed help. She needed my help. _"I think...I really need you, Comrade,"_ she had said in her message. I felt sick. Yet again, I had let her down. She had needed me and I hadn't been there. My heart beat furiously as I practically ran back to my room. I had to get to her. I had to see her. I had to be with her.

And she had called me Comrade. My heat began to flutter as I heard the all too familiar nickname. When she had first started calling me it, all those months ago back at the Academy, I didn't particularly like it. But since everything that had happened - since the awful distance had been created between us - I had dreamt about her calling me it. I knew this wasn't the time to overthink the situation, but she had called me Comrade and that had to mean something. It had to mean that things between us was improving. Only, I had managed to blow it all by not picking up. I was an awful, despicable person.

As soon as I got to my room, I got to work. With rushed movements, I threw an assortment of my belongings into a bag, before dialling Rose's number. I had to speak to her. I had to hear her voice and make sure she was okay. Only, her phone was engaged. I dialled again and again, but I just couldn't get through. I swore out loud, throwing the phone against the wall in frustration, watching it shatter into a multitude of pieces.

Again I swore. I had just destroyed the only way I could get in touch with Rose. Unable to stop myself, I curled my hand into a fist and punched the wall repeatedly. The pain didn't really bother me. All I was focused on was the fact that Rose needed me and I hadn't been there.

I grabbed my bag before heading out, walking straight past the Guardian Building towards the car park. I didn't even glance at the building. I knew by leaving Court I would be destroying any chance of ever becoming a guardian again, but I didn't care. Being a guardian wasn't my future anymore. It had only just dawned on me, but I quickly realised that it was the truth. I wasn't supposed to be a guardian. Instead, my future was comprised of trying to make things up with Rose. I didn't deserve her forgiveness after everything I had done to her; after everything I had put her through. But that didn't mean I shouldn't try and make things right between us. I hadn't been lying when I told her I cared about her, after I had helped her fight the strigoi. I stilled cared for her. I still loved her. She was my future and nothing else mattered anymore.

* * *

AN: So this took a little longer to write than expected, mainly because I suck at writing from Dimitri's perspective. I'm not too convinced that I've managed to capture his character here, but it'll have to do because I wanted to try and give you guys an insight as to what was going on in his head, especially after he received the message from Rose. Hopefully y'all enjoyed it.

In other news, I have devised a plan. A plan? you say. Yes, a plan. Here's the thing that you may or may not know about me. I'm very feckle. And I get bored easily. And I'm very restless. Which means that I cannot concentrate on one thing at once. I read about four different books on the go. I have about seven websites open on my browser. I have three fanfics that are no where near being finished, but I have to write all at them at random times. So, here's my plan. In a month I will start updating on a weekly basis. One week I will update Pillars of Sand, the next Anchors in the Sky and the week after Sticks and Stones. That way I shouldn't end up getting distracted by my other stories.

Thanks for reading (and reviewing!)

**Disclaimer: I DO NOT OWN VA!**


	39. Chapter 39

It had been a restless night. I barely slept. Dark shadows haunted my dreams. Visions of violence and blood and death plagued me. I could hear the screams of agony, the animalistic cries of anguish. Every time I closed my eyes and dozed off, vivid red blood crashed against my skull, forcing me awake. I sat up in bed, eyes wide as I gasped for breath. What made it worse though, was that these weren't nightmares. My dreams were images of a hellish future; a future that Tasha was trying to force into existence.

In the end, I stopped trying to sleep. There was no point to it; serenity seemed to be avoiding me tonight. I crawled out of bed and got dressed, before moving towards the window, staring aimlessly at the sun which filtered through the trees, warming my skin. I closed my eyes and tried to wipe my head clean. I missed moments like this; moments where I didn't have to think about anyone other than myself.

My sole moment of peace was quickly disrupted though by a quiet tapping at the door. As soon as I heard the knocking, my heart started to flutter in time as I wondered who it could be. It was too early to be Tasha, and for that I was glad. I still didn't want to deal with her. Although burying my head in the sand wasn't getting me anywhere, it was the only way I was staying calm at the moment.

Apprehensively, I made my way across the room, unsure of whether or not I should actually open the door. I had made a terrible mistake calling Dimitri like that; him being here wasn't going to change anything. In fact, it would make things worse. Tasha was bound to suspect something if he turned up out of the blue, just in time for our arrival. Plus what would I say to him? My outburst had been embarrassing. Crying down the phone to a guy who felt nothing for me wasn't exactly a high point in my pathetic life.

And yet, despite that, I still wanted to talk to him. I had to clear my head and figure out what to do, and he was the only one to help. He was a reassurance that I wasn't alone in all of this.

I needn't have panicked though, because it wasn't Dimitri at my door. Trying to ignore the fact that my heart dropped a little, I forced a smile and opened the door a little wider. "Good morning, Rose," Alberta greeted cheerfully. "I hope I didn't wake you."

I shook my head in response. Her cheerful tone helped to release some of the tension that been building up in my muscles. "No, I've been up ages. Rough night," I explained, gesturing for her to come in. She followed me in, but although I sat down on the bed, she stayed standing.

I had practically grown up under Alberta's guidance, so her mere presence was enough to make me feel instantly better. "Are you alright?" she asked.

I faltered. No, I wasn't alright. But could I really burden her with all my crap? My default answer was no, I couldn't. But I was so sick of keeping things to myself. When did I become the responsible one? When had I become the one to keep all these secrets and lies? "It's just being back here; it bringing back some bad memories," I admitted, deciding to omit my concerns over Tasha at the time being. "Anyway, I'm guessing you wanted me for something?" I said, hopefully subtly changing the subject.

"Actually yes. I wanted to give you this," Alberta replied, passing me a sheet of paper. I glanced down at it and frowned, trying to quickly read what it said. "It's a schedule," she explained, obviously taking in my confused expression. "I thought you might like to do some patrols while you're here."

I nodded. "Yeah, whatever," I muttered, although I wasn't really fussed either way. But then I looked up at Alberta and noticed her hopeful expression. Yesterday when we had arrived I hadn't seen many guardians; just the two at the gate and Stan. When I was still studying here, I couldn't walk around campus without being harassed by someone on duty. Obviously the strain on guardian numbers was having an effect at the Academy, because I guessed Alberta needed an extra pair of hands around the place. "Of course, no problem," I added.

"Thanks," Alberta replied, still standing awkwardly in the middle of the room. I wondered if she could actually stop being a guardian for a moment. She always seemed focused; she always seemed ready for action. "I understand that you don't have completely happy memories being here, but I am so glad that you decided to come."

I shrugged. "I didn't get much of a choice. Tasha practically dragged me here," I told her, biting my lip and inwardly debating if I should share my concerns about Tasha with Alberta. She always seemed to know what to do and I was in desperate need of guidance. "Actually...I'm a bit confused as to why Tasha's here. I mean, I know that she's here to teach the moroi to use their magic to fight with, but isn't that a bad idea? I mean, after last time..." I trailed off, not really wanting to remember the strigoi attack and the blood and the death and the fact that Dimitri had been taken away from mer.

"That's precisely the reason. After the attack, the royals realised that the students wanted to use their magic in a more active form, but they needed someone to govern it. They needed someone to watch over them and make sure they were being responsible for it," Alberta explained.

I frowned, chewing the inside of my cheek. "Yeah...but..." I started to argue, unsure whether I should continue. But then I remembered the anguish that I had felt last night when I was desperately trying to get some sleep. The complete isolation I seemed to be suffering from had weighed heavily down on me. I had been alone. I had no one to turn to, not even Dimitri. Sighing, I closed my eyes, trying to will the words out of my mouth. "Tasha...she has some pretty radical ideas. Aren't you worried that the students will be influenced by them?"

Alberta studied me closely. "Should I be worried?" she queried, her guardian mask in place, meaning I couldn't get a good read on the situation.

Silence surrounded the room as I tried to think of a response. I had no idea how Alberta was going to react. I had no idea if she would even believe me. I felt completely blind. I felt like I had no control over the situation. I sighed, trying to think of the right words. "Tasha's my friend. But she's been pushed to the edge. I'm not sure what she's capable of," I finally managed to say.

"Then I think that her being here is the best possible option," Alberta replied, causing me to frown in confusion.

"Huh?" I said, not following the conversation.

It was Alberta's turn to be silent as she mulled over her words. There was a glint in her eyes that she couldn't hide, and I begun to wonder if she knew more than what she was letting on. "Our numbers are low, but there are still enough guardians here to keep an eye on her," she said, but I suspected she wasn't telling me the entire story.

Her hints were enough for me though. Someone was obviously wary of Tasha. Someone – probably someone in power – thought she needed to be under observation. Maybe they knew about her plans for a rebellion? Maybe they thought I also needed to be watched over? As soon as the paranoid thought entered my head, it quickly disappeared. The schedule Alberta had given me was pretty detailed. I doubted I would be given that information if someone thought I was a threat.

A sense of relief surged through me. I wasn't alone in this. I mean, sure, I had Dimitri, but he was doing a pretty good impression of the invisible man lately. But now it seemed like Alberta knew something. I wasn't sure what, but she was obviously wary of Tasha. And then there was this mystery person who had made sure Tasha had gotten the job.

"Oh," I said, speechless. Alberta just nodded. "Is there anything else?" I asked. It probably sounded brash and rude, but she wasn't making any move, and I was suddenly wondering if she had anything else to add on the matter.

She faltered; opened her mouth and then closed it, before clearing her throat. "I just wanted to say that we're all so proud of you, Rose. You've been through so much and yet you've managed to get your head screwed on and you're focused on your guardian duties. I just hope our next lot of novices turn out like you," she told me, her voice full of warmth.

I knew she was being kind. I knew she was being sincere, but I couldn't help it. I burst out laughing. It wasn't even cheerful hysterics. It was bitter and cynic. "Right," I scoffed, "because I'm such a role model."

"You are," she argued, but I shook my head.

"No I'm not. I kidnapped the last Dragomir Princess and put her in danger numerous times. I'm solely responsible for Mason's death because I was a reckless and because I thought I was better than everyone else. I dropped out of school and went to Russia. And even though I promised Lissa I'd guard her, I let my ego get in the way and I let her down. She was my best friend and now we don't speak," I said, failing to mention that I'd also put other moroi in danger, mainly Mia, so that I could hunt strigoi, that I'd also helped Victor Dashkov to escape from prison and that I had also fallen in love with my mentor. Those weren't qualities Alberta wanted in her novices. I was far from a role model. I was nothing but a complete and utter mess.

"Rose..." she said, walking towards me and sitting next to the bed. She placed an arm around me, "you can't go round taking responsibility and blame for everything. It's not healthy, nor is it true. Everything that you do is for a reason. And although it's not always clear to the rest of us straight away, you always have the best intentions."

"Really? Because last time I checked, I had screwed up everything."

Alberta patted me on the shoulder. "There's another reason why I came to see you. You've got a visitor at the front gate," she informed me, suddenly switching subjects, causing me to frown in confusion.

"Who is it?"

"Dimitri."

* * *

AN: Dur dur durhhh! Although I guess we all saw that one coming. Anywho, I'm keeping this AN brief because I'm in desperate need of sleep and I tend to ramble on about nothing...so yeah. Any guesses who the mystery person who knows about Tasha is? (I don't think that question makes perfect grammatical sense but I'm too tired to care. My heatings broken and I've turned into an ice cube and I can't sleep...yikes, I'm rambling again.) Right...hope you lovely guys enjoyed this chapter, and I shall see (ie. write) you all in a couple of weeks, because it's the end of my second year at uni and I have SO much work to do.

Thanks to Tatiana Belikova for beta-ing and thanks to everyone who reviews

**Disclaimer: I DO NOT OWN VA!**


	40. Chapter 40

Fully aware that Alberta was closely watching my every move, I stepped over the gate that separated Saint Vladimir's and the outside world, and towards Dimitri who was also carefully watching me. I rolled my eyes; I had had one little wobble, one little burst of emotion, and now suddenly everyone was staring at me as if I might crumble to the floor in a fit of tears. And sure, I had cried a lot this past year, but seriously, who could actually blame me? My life sucked and no one could deny it.

"Hey," I said to Dimitri, suddenly feeling a bout of nervous energy ripple through my veins as I came to a stop; his tall form towering over me. Not really wanting to look at him, I glanced over my shoulder. We had quite the audience going on. Alberta was still watching, and so were the guardians on duty at the gate, even though I was pretty sure they had no idea what was going on. Or maybe they did. After all, although Dimitri and I liked to think we were being subtle when we were together at the Academy, we obviously hadn't done such a great job seeing as Alberta seemed to know what had happened between us. For all we knew, our little secret wasn't exactly a secret. "Want to go for a walk?" I asked him, indicating towards the small crowd, anxiously watching us.

"Sure," he replied, and ever the gentleman, he gestured for me to walk ahead. I nodded, mainly to reassure myself that I could absolutely deal with being on my own with Dimitri. "Sorry I didn't take your call. I was in a meeting and couldn't pick up. And then my phone...it broke. And then I had to acquire a car so I could drive over here," he said, causing me to smile broadly. Dimitri Belikov, who was usually so precise with his words – so meticulously poetic – was babbling.

"Acquire a car?" I parroted, coming to a stop and swivelling around so I could face him. When I had first set eyes on him waiting patiently on the other side of the gate, I had felt unsure. I didn't know what to say or what to do. Phoning him like that had been a mistake. All I had wanted was to hear his voice. I didn't think he would drive hundreds and hundreds of miles to see me.

I glanced up at him, mentally cursing the fact that he happened to look like a god. It wasn't fair that someone was that good-looking. It made it a hell of a lot harder to get over someone when they looked that good. In fact, it made it a hell of a lot harder to even want to try to get over someone when they looked so ... wow. Realising that I was staring – and probably drooling – I swallowed hard and placed a hand to my hip. "You mean steal?" I asked him, adding an extra dose of attitude for good measures.

He laughed; the sound surprising me. I couldn't remember the last time I had heard him laugh, let alone the last time I had made him laugh. Pride surged within me as I resisted the urge to do a victory dance. "I think the correct term is 'borrow,'" he informed me lightly, causing me to join in with the laughter. I sighed and slowed my pace so I was walking in rhythm with him.

"And here was me thinking that out of the two of us, I was the more likely candidate to commit grand theft auto," I quipped lightly. "What happened to your extremely high morals?" I asked, and suddenly the laughter stopped as I realised my faux pas. Could I be any more of an idiot? His morals had become questionable when he had been turned into a strigoi and kidnapped me. I seriously doubted that he wanted to be reminded of that. "Sorry," I said, admitting my mistake

"Don't be, Rose. You're the only one who will openly refer to what happened. It's a lot more refreshing than the hushed whispers and the nervous glances that I receive at Court," he replied. I nodded, still feeling a little bad though. It hadn't exactly been a good time for either of us, and the sooner we both forgot, the better.

We had been walking for about ten minutes now and the Academy had disappeared beneath the horizon. Our paces slowed down, until gradually we came to a stop. Dimitri turned to face me straight on, moving his hands and placing them on my shoulders. The sudden contact surprised me, and I took a step back in shock. With a look of apology clear on his face, Dimitri lowered his hands to his sides. I wanted to explain that I hadn't meant to flinch, but the words failed me. All I could do was look nervously at the ground as my face turned bright red.

Breaking the silence, Dimitri made the first move. "I know this is a stupid question, but are you alright? On the phone you sounded really upset."

I sighed. Although I knew full well that he would refer to the message, a part of me was desperately hoping that he'd just ignore it. After all, it hadn't been my best moment. "Yeah, I know. I was overreacting. I was tired and angry at Tasha. It was a blip."

"A blip?"

"Yeah. I called you on a whim and I'm sorry. I never meant for you to come all the way out here. In fact, you shouldn't be here. What if Tasha sees? She's already suspicious of me. I've been acting crazy recently and I'm pretty sure she knows something is up," I rambled, my voice getting full of emotion again.

Dimitri waited for me to catch my breath and calm down before he tried to speak to me. "Tell her I want to join the rebellion," he said simple, as if the solution was that obvious. "No matter how much you say otherwise, I know you're not coping dealing with this on your own. You need help. You need support."

I shook my head. "I can't do that, Dimitri," I told him, clenching my fists. "And I'm not going to do that. If the royals find out you're linked to Tasha and her crazy assed plan, then who knows what will happen? Who knows what they'll do? I'm not going to risk it. I'm not going to let you risk it after you've only just got your life back," I argued. I got that he was probably worried about me; after all, I wouldn't have phoned him up if I hadn't felt it necessary. But I hadn't phoned him so that he'd come to the Academy. I hadn't phoned him because I wanted him to throw everything away. I phoned him because I had simply needed to hear the soothing sound of his voice.

The road we were on was desolate. On the horizon, the sun was started to fade away, causing our shadows to stretch out across the road. I wandered aimlessly, Dimitri following me dutifully. We had been walking for a few more minutes before Dimitri gently grabbed onto my wrist, causing me to pause. I didn't flinch this time. I didn't pull away. All I did was stand still, staring at the floor.

"And what about your life, Roza? You've said it before: the royals hate you as much as they hate me. Why is it okay for you to get into trouble but not me?" he asked me gently, moving his other hand towards my face; his palm caressed me cheek as he pulled my head up, forcing me to look at him. His brown eyes were wide, reading me carefully.

"We've had this conversation before Comrade. Nothing's changed since then. You have everything to live for. I don't," I explained, sighing heavily. I didn't want him to pity me, but it was true. My entire life had been one endless mess. Catastrophe after catastrophe seemed to follow me round everywhere I went.

Dimitri shook his head. He gulped, staring intently at me; his hand absently stroking the side of my face as he gathered his thoughts. "You're wrong. You say that no one cares about you, but you're wrong. I do. I care for you. And before you try and argue with me – before you claim that I'm trying to manipulate you – I'm not. I should have told you that before. I was a coward for not saying it, but I'm telling you now; I never stopped caring."

I glanced down at the floor, unable to carry on looking at him as I comprehended his words. Although my heart surged slightly with excitement, I had to free myself of his hold on me. I placed my hand on top of his, moving it away from my face before letting go. "Dimitri," I managed to whisper, taking a step back. I didn't manage to get too far though, because he was still holding onto my wrist.

"Roza," he replied, his tone gentle, causing my heart beat to go into frenzy,

I shook my head. "Don't 'Roza' me Dimitri," I told him. It wasn't that I was mad or angry that he was using my old nickname. In fact, it made me feel slightly faint. It was because I couldn't deal with this, not now. Not when everything could go completely wrong any moment. My main focus had to be stopping Tasha. I couldn't afford to let anything get in the way of that. "Please...just don't. We need to pause this conversation before someone says something they regret or something they don't mean or something that they can't take back. I get that we need to talk. We really need to talk and sort things out and make things better. But I can't do it now. I just can't. I've got to deal with Tasha and I don't think I can do that if all I'm thinking about is you. I can't focus if all I'm doing is analysing what you mean when you tell me that you still care."

And I had an awful feeling that maybe, just maybe, I wouldn't be able to stop Tasha. Sure, things would be easier now that Dimitri was here, and that Alberta was aware what was going on, but that didn't mean things wouldn't go wrong. Anything could happen. The royals and the guardians might figure out what was going on. And if Tasha was going down, I was pretty sure she would drag me down as well, no matter how much I tried to claim my innocence. I couldn't risk Dimitri being embroiled in all that drama. I wouldn't risk it. I wasn't going to let it happen, not when things between us seemed to be getting better.

Dimitri nodded. "I understand, Rose. I do," he told me, but it was hard not to notice the hurt tone in his voice. I knew he'd get it though. Even though we seemed like completely different people, we were exactly the same. Our minds worked in the same manner and I knew he knew about my worries. He understood what I was saying. He understood me.

"We should be getting back," I noted, glancing at my phone. It was nearing half eight, and I was pretty sure Tasha would be getting up soon. Although I didn't particularly want to speak to her, I knew I would have to. Somehow I had to figure out a way to worm my way back into her good books.

We walked back in silence. Dimitri was still holding my hand and I didn't argue. Although I would probably obsess over what it meant later, it was a nice reminder that I wasn't in this alone. "What am I going to do about Tasha?" I asked. "I'm convinced she's going to try and use this situation to her advantage. You know, try and brainwash her students into joining the rebellion. Alberta told me that she wouldn't be left alone; that they'd be guardians in her lessons keeping an eye on her, but I'm still not convinced that that would stop her."

"Try not to worry, Rose. You're not dealing with this on your own anymore. I'll be there. Alberta will be there. And we will deal with things as they come," Dimitri told me, squeezing my hand in reassurance.

And I did feel reassured. The use of the word 'we' caused my mind to stop whirling and calm down. I nodded at him. "Thank you, Dimitri," I told him sincerely as we walked towards the gate. He let go of my hand, as I expected him to, but he edged closer, making sure our shoulders brushed together as we walked towards the Academy.

He smiled in response. And in that moment, his glorious smile was enough to convince me that everything could be okay. Sure, the world was still full of problems, but I actually believed that things could be better again. We could deal with Tasha. We could make sure she wasn't a threat. And maybe, just maybe, we could put everything that had happened to the two of us in the past and move on.

The way he treated me after being restored still hurt. My heart wasn't going to heal with ease. It was fragile and it needed to be handled with care. But I wasn't exactly innocent in all of this. Maybe we had both said things we hadn't meant. I had pushed him to the edge; I had forced him to talk to me even though Lissa had warned me not to. I wasn't going to pretend it would be easy, but I was starting to think it could happen. It could be a possibility. Things could be okay again.

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AN: Ahh, chapter 40: time for some quality Rose and Dimitri fluff =D It's only taken me what? 100,000 words to get to this point? And even as I was writing it, I was thinking 'hmm, am I rushing things?', but then I remembered that you guys would probably roast me on a spit if I didn't get some good ol' RxD fluff going on. So here it is. Hopefully it will make up for all the angst and drama that has taken place the last few chapters. Anyway, I know I said I wasn't goin to update for a few weeks, but when I have essays due, I have the urge to do anything but write them. And anyway, who wants to spend there time thinking about romantic period poetry when you can spend it coming up with good scenes to write? So yeah...

Thanks to everyone who has read and reviewed and been totally awesome. Seriosuly, you're lovely comments have caused my ego to grow over the last year or so =]

Here's some...I don't know...bad news?: I've been thinking that 50 chapters is a good place to finish the story. 50 is a nice, even number. And slowly but surely, we're nearing the end (although who knows? I might think of something else to write). So yeah, I guess what I'm saying that I'm hoping to finish the story in the next ten chapters...although I'm not quite sure how that will work...or if it will work. But I'd just thought I'd tell you guys what my plan is, so yeah. 50.

**Disclaimer: I DO NOT OWN VA!**


	41. Chapter 41

Tasha was furiously pacing up and down the corridor outside of my room as I walked towards my door. Noticing my presence, she turned and glared at me, but I swiftly sidestepped her and placed my key into the lock. I thought about slamming the door shut in the face as I entered the room and although that option made me smirk, I knew I had to pretend to sort things out with her. "Are you coming in or what?" I asked, not even bothering to turn around to face her as I spoke.

"Where have you been?" Tasha hissed, cautiously following me. As I slumped down onto my bed, she watched me carefully; her blue eyes were full of paranoia.

I shrugged nonchalantly. "Here and there," I answered ambiguously, knowing that it would annoy her more if I was vague with the details. She glowered down at me, obviously not amused with my antics, but I was past caring. Just because I was going to pretend to agree with her politics didn't mean I had to be polite to her. Even if I was being sincere towards her, I still had a right to be pissed after last night. What did she expect? She had basically dragged me into my worst nightmare by bringing me back to the Academy. Was she so selfish that she didn't realise how being back here, with all the memories of blood and death, would affect me?

"Rose," Tasha said, her voice cold, "where have you been?" she asked again, as if I hadn't heard her the first time. Standing there, in the middle of my room, I realised how much of a threat she could be. She wouldn't have looked so terrifying if her face had been void of all emotion, but it wasn't. Instead, she scowled with pure malice. Her eyes were shining dangerously dark; a glint of instability glaring feverishly down onto me.

Oddly though, I wasn't afraid of her. I knew she was dangerous. I knew she was a serious threat. But I wasn't scared. I had fought countless strigoi. I had faced down royals who despised me. I had nearly died on numerous occasions. Hell, I had died. But each time I won. I always won. And sure, Tasha had her own little army behind her, but I had Dimitri on my side, and we were quite the pair of bad-asses.

"If you must know, I was talking to Alberta. She wants me to take on a couple of duties. I told her I would, if that's alright by you? Or should I have asked your permission before I agreed to it?" I said to her, my tone dangerously sarcastic. I stood up and walked towards the mirror, grabbing a bobble and tying my hair into a high ponytail. At the same time, I stared at Tasha through the mirror, watching her watch me.

She smiled at me, but it was obviously fake. A muscle twitched beside her mouth, revealing how hard she must have been forcing the smile. "That's fine. Why would you think that you would have to ask me?"

Without missing a beat I turned around and stared stonily at her. "Because you've been acting like a crazy bitch recently," I informed her, seriously feeling the urge to argue with her. I was fed up with her antics. When she wasn't pretending to be some crazy warmonger, she was constantly putting me down. She was constantly making me feel crap about myself and I was sick of it. I was sick of her.

Tasha just stared blankly at me, obviously not expecting me to actually argue back. After all, I had been pretty passive these past few months. I had instantly agreed with everything she said, because when I begun guarding her, she had been the only one I could rely on. She had been one of the few people I could call a friend. But she wasn't my friend. She had been using me. She had been playing me. She had practically tried to manipulate my anger towards the royals and Dimitri and Lissa for her own agenda. But not anymore. I wasn't going to let her treat me like utter crap anymore.

"Excuse me?" she asked, trying to play innocent.

"You're crazy, Tasha. Psychotic," I yelled at her, balling my fists tightly together as I stared at her in disgust. How twisted did someone have to be for them to think it was a good idea to recruit kids to fight for them? I had done some bad things, but Tasha's plan pretty much topped anything I had ever done.

She sighed heavily. Calmness swept through her form, instantly putting me on edge. "I know," she said in hushed tones, her tense form relaxing. "And I'm sorry. I haven't been a good friend to you recently and I'm sorry. I've been acting nearly as bad as Lissa acted towards you and it's not right," she explained, stepping backwards to give me some space.

And I needed space. I needed fresh air to cool the blood furiously pumping through my veins at a hectic pace. As soon as she mentioned my friendship – or lack of friendship – with Lissa, I wanted to lash out. I wanted to hit her. How dare she bring Lissa up? How dare she badmouth my friend? This had nothing to do with Liss.

But I couldn't voice my annoyance. No matter how much I wanted to get out of this whole debacle, I couldn't. I had a duty to keep a careful watch on Tasha. I had responsibilities that I weren't going to throw away, just because I was pissed off. I swallowed heavily, forcing my pride to stay quiet. I unclenched my fists, placing my hands out as a sign of peace. "It's okay, Tasha. I think we've both just been going a little crazy recently," I told her, praying that my tone didn't sound too cynical or condescending.

In one swift movement, Tasha had stepped forward, engulfing me into a tight hug. She pressed her arms around me, compressing me as I fought the urge to shirk away from her touch. "I am so sorry, Rose," she repeated. "Please forgive me?"

She was still holding me tightly and I highly doubted she would release me from her vicelike grip until I forgave her. "There's nothing to forgive, Tasha," I told her, wrestling myself free from her hug. "We're fine," I lied, glancing away quickly so that she couldn't look me in the eye; so she couldn't see the lies I was telling.

"Good," she squealed, clapping her hands together like a child. Her sudden mood change unnerved me. She could suddenly switch personas; one minute she was cold and calculating, the next she was as nice as pie. It left me wondering if everything we had been through had just been an act. Had she ever been truthful to me? Or had she just been manipulating me from the very beginning of our friendship? "I know you disapprove of us being here, but it really is for the best, Rose. Think of the number of supporters we could get!" she said, smiling brightly.

I just nodded. Of course I hated being here. I hated the fact that she was planning on manipulating teenagers to fight her cause, but I was starting to realise that being at the Academy was the best possible place to be. I had Dimitri here. I had the support of the other guardians, even if they weren't aware of it. And it would be a hell of a lot easier to put a stop to all of this if I could catch Tasha in the act of manipulating the students. I would finally have the evidence I needed to get her locked up.

"I get that. I know that us being here is for a better cause" I said, feeling like I was repeating some sort of twisted propaganda.

Tasha eagerly agreed with my sentiments. "The royals," she spat out in disgust, managing to create distance between herself and her own kin, "are fighting a dirty battle. It's about time we do the same." She would have probably continued her rant, if it wasn't for the fact that the sudden knocking at my door interrupted her.

I felt like cursing out loud. I knew who it was; Dimitri. We had agreed to talk after he had spoken to Alberta and I had sorted things out with Tasha, but obviously our timings were off. I didn't particularly want him and Tasha to be in the same room, but it seemed like the inevitable now, because I couldn't just ignore his knocking without making Tasha suspicious.

Sighing, I bit my lip as I turned to face her, hoping that I looked convincingly confused. "There's something I need to tell you," I said to her.

"I'm all ears," Tasha replied, glancing cautiously at the door, probably wondering who it was.

I wrung my hands together, praying that I could pull this off. Tasha and I hadn't really talked about Dimitri recently, but she was aware that things between us had improved since we had started talking to each other at Court. Tasha wasn't impressed with the situation, but then again, her opinion didn't actually matter to me. That said, I had to try and pretend like I needed her; pretend that I relied on her.

"Dimitri's here," I said in a small voice, gesturing towards the door and praying that he wouldn't go all ninja on me and kick it down because I wasn't answering his frantic knocks.

Tasha's face went blank as she took in this new information. "Why?"

"He said he wanted to talk to me about something. I think he might want to get back together," I half lied. After all, I was pretty sure that was where our conversation had been heading before I had decided to pause it, and although things were still awkward and tense between us, I probably wouldn't have said no and...NO, Rose, focus. The whole reason why I had paused the conversation was so I didn't start to daydream or fantasize when I should be completely focussed on taking Tasha down.

"Do you feel the same?" Tasha asked, not bothering to beat around the bush. I was about to tell her 'no', but stopped myself before the word left my mouth. Instead, I just shrugged and walked over to the door. "Rose," Tasha warned. I wasn't sure what she was warning me against though. Maybe she still worried about my welfare; worried that my heart had been messed up after everything Dimitri had put me through. But I doubted it. I doubted Tasha was capable of feeling actual emotion. She was probably just worried about the effect his presence would have on her rebellion.

I opened the door halfway, trying to keep distance between Tasha and Dimitri. "Hey," I said, moving my feet to either side of the door, stopping it from moving, "Tasha's here," I whispered, before realising that there was no point because Tasha could obviously here me, due to the fact that she had followed me to the door and was standing right behind me.

With one quick movement, she pushed me out of the way before swinging the door open, revealing Dimitri. He quickly grabbed me, making sure I didn't stumbled too much, but Tasha somehow managed to manoeuvre her body between us. She glared up at Dimitri, frowning intently. "How dare you come here?" she shrieked, putting a finger at him. "Especially after everything you have put Rose through. Why can't you leave her alone? It's obvious she doesn't want anything to do with you, _Dimka_, so just leave her be."

And then she slammed the door in his face. All I could do was stare at her. There wasn't much that managed to make Rose Hathaway lost for words, but Tasha had managed it with her outburst. "I'm so sorry, Rose. But it needed to be said. You can do so much better than him. He's a monster. He treats you like crap. You don't need him, Rose. You have me instead."

I just gawped at her, not able to think of anything to say in response to her comment. The woman was deluded. I mean sure, she had a point about how badly Dimitri had treated me in the past, but being told that _'you have me instead'_ wasn't exactly much of a consolation prize. That was the whole point. I didn't have Tasha. I couldn't rely on someone who wanted me to fight in some twisted war. But of course, no matter how much I felt like blowing my fuse, there wasn't much I could say, apart from, "Thanks Tasha. You're the best."

The lie made me feel sick, because in all honesty, Tasha was the worst. She was worse than Victor Dashkov. She was worse than the strigoi. She was worse than what Dimitri had been when he had been turned. Things had gotten so out of control that all I felt towards Tasha was hatred. I used to admire her. I used to want to be like her. But I had misjudged her. I had been naive. And then, when I had found out about the rebellion, I pitied her. I saw her as a woman who had been pushed to the edge. I wanted to help her; I wanted to make sure she stayed out of trouble. But now, now I was determined to stop her. I was going to bring her down. I was going to completely ruin her.

* * *

**AN: You all need to thank Tatiana Belikova because I was going to be mean and not upload this chapter for two weeks (I'm swamped with essays and portfolios and stuff so I thought if I should suffer, so should you guys...because I'm a total evil genius) but she managed to persuade me to play nicely. So here it is. I know a lot of you wanted Tasha to yell at Dimitri ages ago, when she wasn't a total maniac, but I decided to do it now because writing crazy Tasha is fun. Anyways, this is going to be a brief AN because I have other things to do. So yeah. ENJOY!**

**Thanks for reading and reviewing and thanks to Tatiana Belikova for going through every chapter and pulling out my semicolons =D]**

**Disclaimer: I DO NOT OWN VA!**


	42. Chapter 42

It seemed like Tasha was uneasy about leaving me alone lately. She had practically become my shadow and it was really starting to grate on my nerves. She followed me everywhere. The only time I had to myself was when I was asleep and even then I wasn't completely alone because I had Adrian bugging my dreams, wanting to know what was going on between Dimitri and I. I knew he was only looking out for me – that he cared for me – but I couldn't stop myself from snapping at him and his continuous questions. It wasn't that I was annoyed at Adrian. I was annoyed at myself because I couldn't answer him. I had no idea what was going on between Dimitri and me. Were we friends? More than friends? I wasn't sure, because I had stopped Dimitri before we could delve into the status of our relationship. At the time I thought it would be a good idea, because I had to be completely focussed on Tasha, but now I was starting to realise that I was always going to obsess over us. After all, it was Dimitri. Once upon ago, I loved him and maybe, just maybe, I still harboured those feelings.

It didn't help that I hadn't seen Dimitri in days, due to Tasha watching me closely like a hawk. We were currently walking across the campus. I had wanted to go for a run. My muscles were tense and I had so much frustration and annoyance that needed to be released. Lately, the only way I was able to relax was when I was working out. Nothing calmed me more than repeatedly hitting a punch bag.

Of course, Tasha had insisted that she accompany me, much to my annoyance. But there was nothing I could do or say that would persuade her to leave me alone without making her suspicious. In Tasha's messed up mind, the two of us were apparently the best of friends, and I had to keep up the facade. I was so close to sorting out this whole mess that I couldn't allow myself to screw it up.

All I needed was a few minutes by myself so that I could concoct a plan to find some evidence that would incriminate Tasha. In my head, it seemed so simple. Only, I couldn't even find the time to work out what to do, let alone find the evidence against Tasha.

We rounded the corner in silence. I knew Tasha was looking down at me quizzically, but I didn't bother to meet her eyes. The sight of her sickened me. How could someone be that messed up? I knew that I wasn't that innocent and that I had done a hell of a lot of things that I regretted – running away with Lissa and breaking Victor Dashkov out of jail quickly came to mind – but I would never consider doing what Tasha was doing.

"You're quiet today," Tasha commented, stating the evidence. I nodded in agreement, but said nothing. As we walked towards the gym, Alberta came into view. I smiled, glad to see someone who wasn't borderline insane. My pace quickened as I hastened towards her. Being stuck in Tasha's company for three days straight had messed with my mind. All she had done was talk about the revolution and how great it would be. It was like she was trying to brainwash me with her ideas and all I wanted to do was scream at her to shut the hell up, but instead I nodded in agreement, subdued and unable to speak freely.

"Hey Alberta," I greeted cheerfully as I bounced up and down on my heels. Again, Tasha shot me a quizzical look; all day I had been suppressed and barely speaking. I knew I was risking Tasha getting suspicious of my sudden change in mood, but I just didn't care. I craved interaction with another human being.

"Hello Rose. You seem happy today," Alberta replied. At that moment I wished I was a moroi. Well, I wished I had the ability to compel. I really wanted her to tell me that she needed a word with me about some super secret guardian business. I needed to get away from Tasha's craziness. My wish was somewhat granted. Alberta turned away from me and looked at Tasha. "Can we talk in my office?" she asked Tasha, causing me to smile so much that the corners of my mouth began to ache.

Tasha's brow furrowed. "Can it wait? It's just...I promised Rose I'd hang out with her today," Tasha replied, as if I was the one hanging desperately onto her and not the other way round. I wanted to scream in aggravation, but instead I bit into my tongue, silencing my frustration.

"I'm sure Alberta wouldn't have asked if it wasn't important," I perked up, glancing at Alberta and silently pleading with her to agree with me. Tasha had turned into an unwanted disease and I wanted to become immune against her.

Alberta nodded. "It's about class scheduling. I need to get it sorted out before the students come back in a few days," Alberta said, using her stern guardian voice.

Tasha sighed. "Fine," she managed to sputter out, although it was obvious that she wasn't impressed with being separated from me. "Are you going to be okay?" she asked me, as if I was incapable of looking after myself for a couple of hours. And I was really hoping that it would be a couple of hours. I knew Alberta was a stickler for details and would take a lot of time sorting out the schedules, but I was really hoping that she would take as long as possible so that I didn't have to deal with Tasha.

"I'll be fine. Go and have fun," I replied chirpily, waving them off. I watched them carefully, following Tasha's movements to make sure she was really gone before I started walking again. I pivoted around, no longer feeling the need to go for a run. Instead, I headed back to Tasha's cabin. I was intent on finding some evidence that would prove what Tasha was doing. The sooner I could incriminate her, the sooner I got my freedom back and could carry on my own life.

"Rose," a voice called out and a second later a figure appeared from behind the thin line of trees that encased the Academy. I swore out loud. The students were all on holiday so I was used to walking around with nothing but silence for company. Well, that was when I didn't have Tasha trailing after me.

"God, Dimitri!" I shouted, my heart beating in frenzy. "What the hell? Don't sneak up on me like that!" I told him, pausing my stride as I tried to calm my breath. I hated to admit it, but he had made me jump. In the past, I had been the one who had tried – but ultimately failed – to sneak up on him, but it seemed like Dimitri was able to continuously surprise me.

"Sorry," he apologised graciously, before walking towards me. "What are you up to?"

"Alberta cornered Tasha," I told him, but by the slight grin that appeared on his face I guessed he already knew about that. In fact, I would willingly bet money on the fact that he was behind Tasha's disappearance. "I thought I'd do a little breaking and entering if you're interested?" I asked him, indicating him to follow me towards Tasha's cabin. Dutifully, he followed me, though neither of us spoke. It didn't matter though. It was nice being able to be in his company and not have to speak; not having to explain or clarify or make things even more confusing.

It was only after I had unlocked the door using the key I had 'borrowed' from Tasha earlier that I realised how awkward this whole situation was going to be. I had barely spent any time in Tasha's cabin since we arrived because of all the memories it held. And now I had invited Dimitri to share these memories with me. It was going to be awkward and that was putting it lightly.

Dimitri didn't comment on it though, and I realised that if he wasn't going to say anything on the matter, neither would I. Maybe it was childish to ignore the obvious elephant in the room, but burying my head in the sand was the only way I could cope with being that close to Dimitri in a place where we had been so intimate with each other.

I moved across the room, creating space between me, Dimitri and the bed. He followed me with his gaze. His guardian mask was up, but for once it didn't bother me. I knew why he was acting emotionless because I was doing the exact same thing for the exact same reason. "What are we doing?" he asked me.

I opened my mouth but closed it again, confused by his question. Did he mean what we were doing literally in Tasha's room? Or did he mean what we were doing in general? What were we doing? Pretending we were okay and ignoring our feelings? I sighed, deciding to explain why I had broken into Tasha's cabin. "I want to find some evidence against her. I just want to get this whole thing over and done with. I'm sick of it. The sooner she gets locked up, the better," I explained, breaking our gaze and looking down towards the desk.

Dimitri nodded and started to rifle through papers that had been strewn across the cabin. It amazed me that Tasha was so messy. She was planning a revolution and she just left everything in a massive pile. That said, I hadn't found anything that could solidly prove what she was up to, so maybe she was better at hiding things than I gave her credit for.

Silence swirled heavily around the room. Unlike when we had been outside I wasn't comfortable. It was tense and awkward and horrid. Unable to hold my tongue, I blurted out the first thing I could think of. I had to break the silence. "What did I say to you the night of Lissa's engagement party?" I asked Dimitri, pausing my search to look at him.

Dimitri looked up, surprised by my question. I couldn't blame him. There were so many things I could have said. Instead of trying to ease the tension, I had managed to tenfold it. "It doesn't matter," he told me, his voice still void of all emotion.

I sighed heavily, balling my hands into fists. "Yes, it does, Dimitri. I thought we were going to be more honest?" I exclaimed at him. I had no idea what was going on between the two of us, and although things seemed good between us at the moment I knew that sooner or later we would have to discuss our issues with one and other. It was the only way either of us was going to be able to move on from the past.

Dimitri just raised an eyebrow at me. He looked at me pointedly. I frowned, then realised the irony of my words. Honesty didn't really go hand in hand with rifling through my charge's belongings. "With each other, I mean," I said, clarifying my words.

"It doesn't matter," Dimitri repeated, much to my frustration. It did matter. It mattered to me and I thought that maybe he would understand. We used to be so close that he seemed to know what I was thinking, but now he was staring at me blankly. It was yet another reminder that everything had changed between us.

"It matters to me," I told him, trying to ignore the pain at the fact that I had to explain myself to him. "I know I said something awful to you," I said. Whatever I had said to him was bad. After all, I had made the decision to wear _that _dress when I had been sober. I had gone to Lissa's party intent on provoking him. I had been intent on causing him pain.

Dimitri sighed, shaking his head at me. It was obvious that he didn't want to get into it, but I refused to back down. I needed to know. How could I apologise for something I couldn't remember doing? "It was justified," he told me.

"I doubt it," I muttered. I rolled my eyes, frustrated at him and frustrated at the fact that I couldn't find anything that would incriminate Tasha. Why didn't anything go right in my life? Moping wouldn't get me anywhere though. "Just tell me what I said," I demanded, my voice harsh and full of the old Rose Hathaway attitude as I stood straight and perched my hands on my hips.

"You're not going to let this go are you?" Dimitri asked, beginning to tidy the papers he had been searching through. It was obvious that our little breaking and entering expedition had been pointless. If I didn't know what Tasha was up to, then I wouldn't have any idea of what was going on. Thinking about it though, I realised that was the entire point. I had been naively hopeful in thinking that I could find something that would prove what Tasha was up to. After all, I had tried that approach before and failed. Of course I was going to fail again.

"No," I told him, glancing quickly across the room to check that it looked the same as it did when we had entered. I nodded, happy that everything was back where we had found it. "So are you going to tell me?" I asked him, walking towards him, closing the space between us. As soon as I moved, closer to him, I knew I was heading into dangerous territory but I just didn't care.

Dimitri shook his head. "No," he said, parroting me. Again, I rolled my eyes, annoyed that he wouldn't tell me. The more he refused the more paranoid I got. I must have said something terrible if he wasn't going to share it with me. I sighed, clenching my fists so that my nails began to dig into the palms of my hands. The pain was a comfort though. It was something to focus on instead of concentrating on my growing annoyance at Dimitri.

Things were fragile between us. We had only just started to communicate properly with each other and I couldn't risk losing it all by losing my temper. Instead I gulped down some fresh air that was trickling in through the open door, trying to calm my anger. After a couple of minutes, I felt a lot calmer. "Why not?" I asked him.

"Roza," he sighed heavily, placing his hands onto my shoulders. The lack of space made my heart flutter, as well as the use of the all too familiar nickname. "You were angry. And you had every right to be angry at me, after everything I put you through...after everything I did to you. Everything you said to me was true."

I sighed, resting my head against his chest. "Maybe it was and maybe it wasn't. I'll never know if you don't tell me. And I need to know, Dimitri. I need to say sorry for what I did," I pleaded with him; my words mumbled slightly as I spoke into his shirt.

He moved his hands to my face, gently prying my head away from his chest so that he could look at me. "I know you're sorry, Roza. I forgive you. I'll always forgive you," he told me, his words laced in his wonderful Russian accent. I nodded, unable to trust myself to speak. If I spoke then I would have probably ruined the moment.

And we were most definitely having a moment. Our bodied were pressed against each other; I could practically feel the beating of his heart against mine. It felt so good, so right, being this close to him. His eyes were full of warmth and admiration and adoration. I felt so light and free. All the trouble and tension that had been haunting me the last few months seemed to disappear under his gaze. I inched closer to him, even though there seemed to be no more space between us. It was just the two of us; our bodies intertwined as one.

Standing up onto my tiptoes, I gave myself some more height so that we were nearly on the same level. There was barely any space between us. I could feel his cool, shallow breathes against my face. All I had to do was edge closer and our lips would be touching. One movement and we would be kissing. And I really wanted that. I wanted to kiss him. I wanted to taste him wanted him. I wanted to be with him. One small move and I could have had everything that I wanted.

But then, like everything in my life, it all went wrong. The spell was broken as Tasha burst in; her eyes black and full of fury. "What the hell is going on?"

* * *

**AN: I know, I know. I'm evil =] But what can I say? It's kinda my thing. Anyways, I submitted all my coursework yesterday, which means I have officially finished my second year at university! Which means I have four months off! Which means I get to spend four months writing! That said, I also have to find some sort of job, which is easier said than done, as well as the fact that I'm starting work on my own novel (and by starting, I mean I have merely 300 words written...but heyho, I have all summer to finish) **

**Hopefully you guys enjoyed this chapter. It was so much fun to write. Seriously, I love the angst and the tension, although you guys have probably realised that by now. I mean, it's been 42 chapters of bloody angst.**

**Thank you to everyone who reads and reviews and is generally awesome. I have some serious lovin' going for you guys!**

**Disclaimer: I DO NOT OWN VA!**

**ps...only eight more chapters to go!**


	43. Chapter 43

"What the hell is going on?" Tasha repeated when we neither Dimitri nor I answered her straight away. Her voice was deadly quiet – barely louder than a whisper – as she stared angrily at us. Her gaze was heavy with anger and disapproval and disgust. She was visibly shaking with fury. Spite radiated from her and seeped into every corner of the room. All I could do was stare back at her, shrugging in response. I didn't even bother to move to the side to create some space between Dimitri and me, although Dimitri's hands slipped from my face to my hand, which he held tightly. Reassurance surged from his palm into mine.

"Tasha – " Dimitri began to say, but I shook my head at him, silencing him. This whole situation concerned me and Tasha. He didn't need to get involved. I wouldn't let him get involved. Yes, Tasha was furious, but she was furious with me, not him. Her problem was solely with me and it was about time we sorted it out, because I was totally sick of her and everything she had put me through the last few months.

Reluctantly I let go of Dimitri's hand. As soon as I let go, I missed the contact with him, but although there was nothing more than I wanted other to grab back hold of him and begin our make-out session, I knew that I had to focus my entire attention on Tasha. She looked pretty pissed off at me. She was simmering with rage. Ripping my stare away from Tasha's, I turned to face Dimitri, although I wasn't comfortable with the fact that I couldn't see her. She was batshit crazy and I wouldn't have put it past her to try and set me on fire. But having Dimitri with me made me feel a hell of a lot safer. That said, I was just about to send him away so that I could deal with Tasha on my own.

"Can you leave us alone?" I asked him, praying that he wouldn't put up a fight and just go. But this was Dimitri, and of course he wasn't happy with my request. As soon as he comprehended my words one of his eyebrows shot up, silently asking me if I was insane.

He shook his head. "No, I can't Roza. I'm not happy leaving you with her," he said, pleading with me to let him stay. And a part of me wanted to let him stay. But I knew that was a bad idea. I couldn't risk Tasha dragging him into this entire mess.

"Please, Comrade," I replied, deliberately using his nickname in hopes that it would sway him into agreeing with me. He still looked uncertain though. There was obvious worry festering in his eyes. He looked dubious at the thought of leaving me alone with Tasha. I straightened myself up and stood tall, trying to show him that I could handle the situation. After all, I had killed countless strigoi. I had broken someone out of prison. I had followed him to Russia. I could deal with Tasha in all of her psychotic glory. "I'll come find you when we're finished," I promised him, trying to make out like things weren't going to hell as soon as he walked out the door.

He sighed, still frowning. Obviously, he wasn't impressed with me, but there was nothing else I could do. I just wasn't happy letting him stay, not when I knew that things between me and Tasha were going to get nasty.

"Fine," he huffed in response, lingering. He moved across the room, hesitating as he got to the door. He turned around to face us, but his glance wasn't focused on me. Instead, he was glaring furiously at Tasha. "If you hurt her then I swear to God..." Dimitri said, his silent threat slicing through the room. Unable to control my giddiness at hearing his words, my heart fluttered excitedly. After so many months of thinking that he didn't care for me – that he didn't want me or need me – it felt so good to hear him utter those words.

That didn't mean I didn't shoot him an annoyed glance though. Yes, it felt good knowing that he cared about me, and sure, there was a part of my brain that was wondering where things might have led if Tasha hadn't rudely interrupted us (after all, it was hard to forget about what happened the last time we were left alone in the cabin) but I could handle myself. I could handle Tasha, without him needing to threaten her into playing nicely with me.

Tasha just scowled, silently waiting for him to leave. His eyes lingered on me for a second, before he nodded slightly, as if convincing himself that I would be alright. And then he was gone.

The sound of the door shutting echoed loudly around the room, startling me ever so slightly. Although the air was thick with tension, I couldn't help but feel a sense of jubilation swirl inside of my chest. Whatever happened between Tasha and me was bound to be the end of this whole debacle. I was either going to persuade her to give herself up, or I was going straight to the guardians to inform them what she had been up to these last few months. This was the end and I couldn't be happier about it.

Tasha had been watching me carefully as I tried to reign myself in. It sounded overly dramatic, but this was going to be our final showdown, and I couldn't lose my focus by thinking too far ahead. I had to deal with the here and the now. I had to figure out the best way to deal with a volatile Tasha. She still looked pretty pissed off at me, but her resound silence suggested that she wasn't ready to yell at me just yet.

She sighed – her rigid form breaking as if the air she had gulped down had deflated all of her anger – before gliding gracefully across the room and sitting down on the bed. I blushed slightly, my gaze faltering slightly as I glanced down towards the threadbare carpet, unable to look at the bed. Tasha seemed ignorant of my discomfort, as she patted the free space next to her, indicating that she wanted me to sit down with her.

I shook my head, my feet firmly stuck to the floor, weighed down and refusing to move. There was no way I was going to willingly follow her orders, even if all she wanted was for me to be more comfortable. I was sick of following her around. I was sick of idolising her. How could I have been so stupid as to look up to Tasha? When I had first started guarding her, I had thought of her as being some sort of super hero. She stood up for what she believed in. She fought for what she believed it. And I had stupidly viewed her as being one of my friends.

"This is what I was trying to warn you against, Rose. He's turning you against me," Tasha pleaded, as if she had read my thoughts. Her voice wavered slightly, but I narrowed my eyes, refusing to believe the innocent act she as now putting on. Tasha wasn't innocent. She was calculating and sly. She was a liar. And I was damned if I was going to fall for her tricks again. "He's manipulating you. Why can't you see that?"

I shook my head, my eyes wide open as I stared at her in disbelief. Did she really think that would work? Did she really think that she could convince me that Dimitri was using me? I scoffed, shaking my head at her words. "No, he isn't," I argued, my voice full of confidence. I didn't doubt Dimitri in the slightest, even after everything he had put me through.

"Yes, Rose, he is. You're just blind to it because you want to believe differently. You want to believe he's changed. You want to believe that he loves you. But he doesn't. All he wants is to turn you against me, but I'm not going to let that happen. I won't let him take you away from me!" Tasha told me, her hands gesturing frantically, a manic glint shining brightly in her blue eyes. I shirked away slightly, her deranged words scaring me ever so slightly.

"I think it's best if we agree to disagree on this one, Tasha," I told her, my tone exasperated mainly because I didn't particularly want to be dragged into an argument about Dimitri and whatever motives he may or may not have. At this moment in time, he wasn't important and I wouldn't let Tasha shift the focus away from what was really going on.

Tasha seemed oblivious of this fact though, as she began to talk again, unwilling to let the subject drop. "No, Rose. I'm not going to let this go. I'm seriously worried about you. Have you forgotten about the fact that he kidnapped you and kept you hostage when he was a strigoi? Have you forgotten about the fact that Dimitri told you he didn't love you? Have you forgotten the fact that he started clinging desperately to Lissa after he was changed back? You might like to think he's changed, but he hasn't. He'll use you and hurt you and then what? Yet again I'm going to have to be the one who picks up the pieces, because that's what real friends do."

Gritting my teeth together, I kept my lips sealed. Although there was nothing more that I wanted to do that rip into her and inform her that we were far from being friends, I stayed silent. It was hard to control myself; the urge to destroy her was hard to resist, but Dimitri's many Zen lessons must have been rubbing off onto me, because I managed to steady my breathing and stay relatively calm. "I don't need your help, Tasha. I can look after myself."

She laughed at my words, the sound unnerving and unbalanced. "Really?" she scoffed, her voice a mixture of glee and malice. "Because the way I remember it, you ran away. You couldn't handle seeing him or being near him, so you ran away. It's pathetic, Rose. You're pathetic. You pretend to be some sort of hero, acting all brave and strong, but the moment some guy tells you that he doesn't want you, you end up running away like a coward."

As I comprehended her words, my blood started to beat faster, fuelling my annoyance. Anger scorched like white heat throughout my veins as I tried my hardest not to lash out. My hand itched to slap her; it itched to shut her up. "Maybe I am pathetic," I said slowly, my voice lowering to a deadly whisper as I began to pace backwards, away from Tasha. I had to create some space between us. I couldn't stand being that close to her; the urge to lash out at her was becoming so unbearable that I was finding it hard to ignore. "But at least I'm not a psychotic bitch," I hissed at her, my words fuelled with hatred and spite for my charge. A part of me couldn't actually comprehend how much I despised the woman. It was as if the malice that filled her to the core had begun to leak into me.

My vision was filled with furious red as I glared down at her, ready for the backlash caused by my words. Tasha just stared at me, her mouth slightly ajar. "What?" she asked me, her voice light and full of innocence, but I saw through her act. I knew for a fact that Tasha didn't have an innocent bone in her entire body. She was made up purely of hatred and selfishness. She was nothing but poison; destroying everything that she touched.

"Seriously? Do I have to spell it out for you?" I shrieked, staring in disbelief at my former friend. The anger and annoyance that had been pent up for so long had begun to splurge over the dam. The calmness that had lingered behind in the cabin, even after Dimitri had left, was starting to evaporate. My actions were frantic and frenzied as I gestured wildly; my words were affected by crazed frustration.

Tasha still had a blank look in her eye, causing me to scoff. "Apparently so," she muttered darkly. I rolled my eyes in response. In any other situation, I would probably commend her for playing the part of the innocent party in all of this, but this wasn't any other situation. This was serious. This was insanity which was bordering on the edge of life and death.

Sighing heavily, I turned to face her, staring her straight in the eye as I told her exactly what I thought. "Tasha, you're crazy. You're plan is crazy. Wanting a revolution is crazy!" I exclaimed, throwing my hands up in the air for extra affect. Talking to her rationally hadn't worked, and it wasn't as if I hadn't repeatedly tried to talk some sense into her, so it was time to get overly dramatic with her.

My outburst shut her up. Tasha stood glumly, silently fuming to herself. But I wasn't done yet. In fact, I had barely even started to lay into her. All the emotions that had swirled vehemently around inside of me began to spill out into the toxic atmosphere that lay thick in the room between our two fuming bodies. I was no longer in control; no longer cool and collected, but to be completely truthful, I didn't care. The only thing I was bothered about was informing Tasha what I really thought of her, because I was so sick of having to live a lie. "You are literally insane. Seriously, I don't think I've ever met someone so messed up as you are, Tasha. You're twisted and bitter and I feel nothing but disgust when I look at you. Hell, you make me feel physically sick."

"This isn't you talking, Rose. That's _him_ poisoning you. He's manipulating you. He's trying to tear us apart!" Tasha exclaimed frantically, trying to persuade me that I didn't mean the things I was saying to her, completely ignoring the hatred that coated my every word. I shook my head at her in disbelief, unable to fully comprehend how unstable and delusional she had become. Had she always been like this? Had I been so desperate and broken when I begged her to let me be her guardian that I failed to notice that I was asking for help from a psychopath?

My blood was pounding furiously, almost deafening me as the anger surged heavily through my form, completely embracing me. It was as if my blood had turned black; I was consumed by hatred. As I was silently seething, Tasha continued her tirade against Dimitri. "He's the one who should make you sick, Rose. He's the monster who preyed on you. He's the one who manipulated you; played with you; made you think he cared about you. He has always been a monster, even before he was turned into a strigoi. Everything he's ever said to you is a lie. He doesn't care about you. Why would he? You're just a pathetic little girl. You're nothing but a – "

I'm sure Tasha had plenty more to say on the matter, but I was done listening to her ugly words. I had to shut her up. All I cared about was shutting her up. I hadn't even realised what I had done until the stinging in my hand jolted me awake. I glanced up, noticing that Tasha was cradling the side of her face, the check clearly scarlet red. Obviously I had slapped her, but I couldn't remember doing it. I couldn't even remember striding across the room towards her. It was like I had been possessed by the malice I was feeling towards her. I wasn't sorry though. A part of me wished I had thought about hitting her sooner, because the room was plunged into silence, allowing me to think clearly and try and get rid of the haze that was clouding my mind.

I gulped in some air, trying to calm down the raging fire burning in the pit of my stomach. I had to calm down. I had to clear my head. The darkness caused by spirit hadn't effected me in such a long time, but a part of me was deathly afraid that it would start to make an appearance. After all, I had repressed so many emotions and feelings over these last few months that I was unsure as to what I was setting free. It was one thing to let the anger take control. It was another thing entirely if I was consumed by the darkness.

Tasha was still in shock at the fact that I had physically lashed out to her. I may have lost my cool, but this was my chance at gaining some composure. Her silence allowed me to steady my breathing and count to ten. Dimitri would have been so proud of me, I thought.

I swept my hand through my hair, trying to get rid of the built up energy frantically buzzing inside of me. As my pulse slowed down, I glanced up at Tasha, staring her straight in the eyes. "For the last time, Dimitri isn't manipulating me. You are. I'm fully aware of the fact that you've been playing me since day one. I know that you've been trying to wreck my friendship with Lissa. I know that you've tried everything to keep me away from Dimitri. And I guess I only have myself to blame. You're right; I let my emotions get the better of me. I allowed myself to be manipulated by you. I was such a wreck that it took me way too long to see you for who you actually are," I confessed, holding my hands up to reinforce my point.

"Hell, even after I found out the truth, I defended you. Dimitri wanted me to go straight to the Guardians and tell them everything I knew, but I begged him to let me talk to you. I begged him to let me convince you to give up on the revolution. I thought you were misguided, but that your heart was in the right place. But yet again, I was wrong, because you clearly don't have a heart," I said, watching Tasha watch me carefully. I bet if I listened hard enough, I could hear the clogs heaving in her mind, trying to figure out where I was going with all of this. It nearly made me laugh, the fact that my calm disposition obviously unnerved her more then when I was screaming and shouting.

"I know you think you're smarter than me. And I suppose given the fact that it took me way too long to figure you out, you might have a point. But you did forget one thing in all of this. Do you know what that is?" I asked her, cocking my head to the side, waiting patiently for Tasha to answer me. Instead, she ground her teeth together, her lips sealed as she carefully studied me. "No? Not a clue? Okay, I'll tell you, if I really have to. The thing you forgot was the fact that I, Rose Hathaway, am a badass. You mess with me and my friends and I swear to god, I will get my revenge. It might not be obvious at first, but by the time I've finished with you, you're not going to know what's hit you. I will destroy you bit by bit, piece by piece. And guess what? This," I shouted loudly, waving my arms out like a maniac, "is my revenge."

Tasha frowned, possibly not following my rant. And maybe I couldn't blame her. After all, I was being overly dramatic, even by my normal standards. "You're not the only one who can manipulate, Tasha. You're not the only one who can dupe other people into believing in you. You think that I've been a dutiful guardian all these months? You think that I've been a loyal friend? Guess what? I haven't. Instead, I've been bleeding you for information. I've been collecting names and dates; anything to do with the revolution, I've been passing it on to Dimitri, who, by the way, knows everything. And so does Alberta. But that's not the best bit, believe me. No, the best bit is the fact that I managed to persuade Mia to forget this stupid plan. I managed to turn her against you, just like you tried to turn me against Lissa. The only difference is the fact that I succeeded. And that's not the only thing I'm going to succeed in. I am going to the guardians. I am going to tell them everything you're up to. And I am going to destroy you."

I took a deep breath, slightly flush from my speech. I felt pretty proud of myself, in all honesty. I mean, I had only hit Tasha once, which basically made me a saint. I wasn't sure if anyone else would have been able to show that sort of restraint. But happiness never seemed to be around me for long. As I had been spieling off, Tasha had grown stiller and stiller; her body completely tense. I had initially thought it was through anger and frustration, but I was wrong.

She wasn't angry. She was concentrating. Her hands were glowing. Embers flickered in a silence dance, silently taunting me. My eyes went wide as I suddenly remembered that I wasn't just dealing with a psychopath. Oh no, I was dealing with a fire wielding psychopath. "Tasha," I said, trying to think of words that would dissuade her from setting me on fire, but my mind went blank. I gaped, but no words left my mouth.

"You're wrong," she hissed, glaring at me. "I'm going to be the one who destroys you," and with that, she threw the balls of fire at me, the room instantly filling with black smoke. Somehow I managed to dodge the first one; it flew over my left shoulder, landing in the net curtains behind me. I wasn't so lucky the second time. The flames hit my leg; burning me as my jeans and skin melted into one. I yelped and doubled over, frantically trying to put out the fire, but all I seemed to do was spread it. I looked up, trying to find Tasha in the shimmer of smoke, but I couldn't see anything. I couldn't do anything. My breathing was wheezy as I swallowed too much smoke. My throat felt like it was being constricted; wisps of smoke seemed to be strangling me as I struggled on the floor. The last thing I heard was the door slamming shut. And then I was engulfed in darkness.

* * *

**AN: Ooh, the drama! So this ended up being a major chapter, pivotal to the story seeing as all is revealed, which pretty much meant it was a pain to write. Seriously, I started it nearly two months ago and then I was like, 'I can't do this'. So I stopped writing, which is why I haven't updated in months (also, I went on holiday and I started working, which means I have less time than usual and the time I do have is usually spent sleeping). And then I got a review asking if I could spare an hour and write the next chapter. So I did. Which resulted in me finishing said chapter. It also means that thanks to esm398, I missed my dinner and I'm starving, which is why I'm trying (but ultimately failing) to keep this AN short and sweet. So yeah, that is my lengthy explaination as to why I haven't updated in a long time =]**

**Also...499 reviews! Granted, one of them was from me when I was just double checking some facts and ended up pushing the wrong button, so I guess that's actually 498 reviews, but still. 500 times people have stopped to comment on my story! I cannot even begin to express what that means to me =]**

**And with that, I'm off to stuff my face with biscuits.**

**Diclaimer: I DO NOT OWN VA!**


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